WWE Battleground (July 2017)

Original Airdate: July 23, 2017

From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Your Hosts are Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, and John Bradshaw Layfield

Opening WWE Smackdown Tag Team Title Match: The Usos v The New Day: The challengers are dressed like Lex Luger tonight. Jey Uso starts with Kofi Kingston, and immediately eats a dropkick for two. Over to Xavier Woods for some double team action - ending in Woods hitting a 2^nd rope flying splash for two. Blind tag to Jimmy Uso allows for a double team to put Woods down, and the champs cut the ring in half on him. Backbreaker/flying pointed elbowdrop combo does some damage, but Xavier manages to block a superplex attempt from Jey, and he dives with a flying dropkick! Tag to Kofi, and he comes springboarding in on Jimmy! Both champs end up on the outside, so Kingston dives after them, but gets caught in a tandem powerbomb! That draws Woods over for a sneak attack, but the Usos shrug him off, and take Xavier inside to work over. He fights off a double team, and tries a flying elbowdrop on Jey, but Jimmy knocks him out of the air with a superkick for two. That would have been cooler if Jey didn't roll out of the way before Woods jumped. The Usos continue to cut the ring in half on Woods, but he escapes a crab, and Kingston comes in with a flying double-stomp on Jimmy for two. Big E is somehow sweatier than any of the guys in the match! Jimmy cuts Kofi off with a superkick, and Jey comes off the top with a flying splash, but it only gets two. They go for the kill with stereo dives off of opposite corners, but Woods shoves Jey off the ropes, and hits Jimmy with a flying elbowdrop to win the title at 13:48. This was okay. **

Baron Corbin v Shinsuke Nakamura: Corbin runs his mouth at the bell, so Nakamura starts unloading kicks, and Baron ends up on the outside. He suckers Nakamura into following, then takes the high ground on the way back in, and stomps him down. Corbin badly needs a haircut. Long hair on balding guys is just the worst look in the world. Baron works a bearhug, so Nakamura counters to a triangle choke, but Corbin drills him with a big boot for two. Have I mentioned how irksome I find Nakamura yet? I've gotta work it in at least once per review of his matches, lest you think I've come around on captain overrated. Back to the outside, Baron runs him into the barricade a few times, then inside for another bearhug, but Nakamura escapes with elbows, and throws a bunch of kicks. You know, 'cause that's basically all his ass does. Nakamura with a dropkick, and a pair of knee strikes in the corner get two. Lame. I'll bet half the people reading this are assuming that I'm being sarcastic, and actually worship the ground Nakamura mugs on. Let me assure you that this is not the case. Corbin draws him into a chase and hits a clothesline for two, but Nakamura blocks a suplex, and starts throwing knees again, like he's doing a 90s Triple H impression. He charges with a big knee strike (as opposed to all of those 'small' knee strikes?), but Corbin counters with the Deep Six for two. Slugfest goes Nakamura's way with a lungblower to set up another kick, but Corbin goes low as Nakamura is going for the kill, and that's a disqualification at 12:27. Terrible ending to a less than stellar match. *

#1 Contender's Fatal-Five Way Match: Charlotte Flair v Becky Lynch v Natalya v Tamina v Lana: Lana makes the mistake of swiping at Charlotte at the bell, and pays for it in the corner. Natalya saves, and tries to put Flair in the Sharpshooter, but gets blocked, as Tamina steamrolls Becky down for two. Becky and Natalya end up on the outside, so Lana teams with Tamina to stomp Charlotte down. Tamina bodyslams Flair to set up an elbowdrop from Lana (and a poorly executed one, at that), followed by a roundhouse kick for two. Lana is like the personification of an oxymoron, in that she's both gorgeous and unwatchable at the same time. They keep working Charlotte over in dull, amateurish fashion, until Becky suddenly comes back to life, and both heels take stereo suplexes to clean house - leaving Charlotte and Becky alone. They do an overly choreographed sequence (totally exposing a bridge-up spot in the process) that ends in Charlotte hitting a neckbreaker for two, but here comes Natalya to dump her out. She tries to follow up on Becky, but eats an exploder suplex. In comes Lana, but she gets suplexed again as well. That same trick does not work on Tamina, but Charlotte takes her out, and tries a Figure Four on Natalya, and gets cradled for two. Sharpshooter, but Lana breaks it up with a bulldog, and covers Flair herself for two. She throws a tantrum, allowing Becky to sneak up with the Dis-Arm-Her, but Tamina saves - only to end up in the hold herself at 8:08. Lana sneaks up, but she ends up down in the hold again, and without Tamina to save her, she's gone at 8:26. Becky is feeling good, but fails to notice Natalya sneak in with a schoolgirl at 8:40. Rapid fire elimination here. Charlotte blasts Natalya with a big boot, but the Figure Four is countered to a triangle choke, and Flair is forced to muscle out with a sitout powerbomb for two. Charlotte goes up with a flying moonsault, but Natalya lifts her knees to block, and Flair is finished at 11:24. On the long side for what it was, and anything involving Lana was atrocious. ¼*

WWE United States Title Match: AJ Styles v Kevin Owens: Owens tries to get heavy at the bell, but AJ forces some cardio, and the challenger ends up on the outside. Couldn't they have at least worn slightly different shades of blue here? Back in, Kevin tries to ground him, but AJ is ready with a headscissors, and Owens is back on the outside again. He charges in with a closed fist, but AJ blocks with a kick, and a dropkick sends Kevin back to the outside. AJ follows this time, but a stinger splash against the barricade misses, and Owens crotches him on the post out there. He hustles AJ back in for a senton bomb for two, and then grounds the champion in a chinlock. A resthold, sure, but they work in some nice little details with it. AJ escapes, so Kevin tries a senton splash, but Styles lifts his knees to block this time. He unloads, but a spinning backfist misses, and Kevin DDTs him for two. Back to the chinlock, but AJ slugs free, and this time lands the spinning backfist to put Owens down for a jumping forearm! Into the corner for another forearm, but Owens uses his weight to block a fireman's carry, and AJ has to find another angle to lift him for a wheelbarrow facebuster for two. He tries for the fireman's carry again, but Owens is just too heavy, so Styles tries the Clash, but ends up getting dropped across the top rope, and schoolboyed for two. Owens charges, but that gives AJ the momentum he needs to scoop him into the fireman's neckbreaker for two! Some great sequences here - with both guys learning from earlier exchanges and mistakes, and adjusting their approaches. AJ goes up with the springboard 450 splash, but Owens lifts his knees to block, and gets two off of it. Cannonball gets two, so Owens takes him up for a muscle buster off the top, but Styles counters with a sunset bomb - only for Owens to hold onto the post to block! AJ responds by pulling him off in a torture rack, then shifting it into a rack bomb for two! Styles goes to the top, but ends up crotched up there, and Owens climbs to try the muscle buster again, but AJ blocks this time. He tries the Phenomenal Forearm, but Owens bails to the outside, and clips AJ's leg from the apron to wipe him out! Styles hurts his arm on the landing, and Kevin is right on it with a trip to the post, followed by a single-arm DDT. Styles tries fighting him off with the pele kick, but Owens powers out of the Clash - only to bump the referee in the process! Oh no. That allows him to plant a superkick on the champion, but AJ escapes the Pop-Up Powerbomb, and takes the challenger to the mat in the Calf Crusher! Owens counters out to a crippler crossface, but AJ manages a reversal. He holds onto it as the referee recovers, but Kevin rolls it back into a pin, and gets three at 17:57. The finish didn't come off as smoothly as I think they were hoping for there, but at least it HAD a finish, unlike the Backlash match. But then, they apparently got a signal to change the winner while actually in the middle of working the match, so I'm guessing that threw a wrench into whatever they had originally planned. Really good, though weaker than the Backlash outing - and that one had points deducted for the finish. For those wondering how it works, a bad finish will lose the match points (the Backlash match was a four-star match, that lost a quarter-star for the finish), while a great finish might add points (Hart/Piper at WrestleMania VIII got over the four-star hump thanks to the finish, for example). A match like this could have used a great finish, but as is, the lackluster finish neither raises nor drops the rating. *** ½

Flag Match: John Cena v Rusev: Rusev immediately tries climbing for the flag (before even making contact), but gets pulled down into a headlock. What did he honestly expect there? Cena pounds him a bit, then tries climbing, but Rusev brings him down with an electric chair. His current hair/beard style makes Rusev look more like Fidel Castro's long lost sibling than the pride of Bulgaria. Rusev with a vertical suplex, followed by a short-clothesline, and an avalanche. He climbs (hey, at least now it's plausible that he'd actually have a chance), but Cena stops him, and starts a slugfest - one Rusev finishes with a DDT. He has little follow-up, however, and Cena slams him down to set up the Five Knuckle Shuffle. AA, but Rusev counters with a spinebuster, and he dumps John to the outside. He climbs, but Cena climbs up from the outside of the buckles, and slugs Rusev down to the canvas. Cena dives with a flying seated senton, but gets caught in a powerbomb (sorta), and Rusev climbs again - this time managing to snag the flag. Normally, that would be the win, but this time they want them to run the flag up to stands placed on the entrance stage. Which makes Rusev's attempt to rush up the pole right at the bell all the more ridiculous. He's not Usain Bolt! John knocks the flag away from him with a dropkick, so Rusev tries an avalanche, but misses - bouncing right into an AA. Cena climbs, but Rusev recovers with a powerbomb - only for John to counter it down into an STF! Rusev is openly tapping, but it means nothing here, and Cena hangs on to try and wear him out. John retrieves the flag, but Rusev kicks it away from him before he can get out of the ring. You know, if they're going to put the stand at the entrance area, they really should position both flags on the side of the ring opposite the entrance, because Cena has a huge unfair advantage here. Rusev carries his flag out of the ring, but John comes off the apron with a flying axehandle to knock it away, and he carries Old Glory up the aisle. Rusev stops him about half way home, however, and John takes a trip into the steps. And then, the steps take a trip into John. Rusev takes his flag up the aisle, but Cena hooks his ankle to block, and shoves him into one of the massive screens at the entrance area. He springboards off of one of the stands with a bodypress, but Rusev catches him in a fallaway slam on the stage! He sets up a pair of tables to slam Cena through, but John shoves him down the ramp to block, and he hustles, loyalties, and respects his way to the flag! John gets it in hand, but Rusev is able to knock him down before he can reach the stand! John is left crawling up the aisle with the flag, but Rusev is on his tail, and he whacks Cena with the flag holder to set up an Accolade on the stage! Great, almost over the top selling from Cena there. Rusev lets off and goes for his flag, and actually makes it up onto the stand, but wastes time waving it around, and Cena blocks him. He tries an AA off the stand, but Rusev blocks, and tries for another Accolade, but John powers up to a vertical base, and puts Viktor Krum through the tables with the AA - then plants the flag for the win at 21:07. I don't care what the record books say, Rusev is going home with Lana - he's the real winner tonight, as far as I'm concerned. The match was completely predictable at every turn, but still a serviceable brawl. ***

Sami Zayn v Mike Kanellis: Man, Maria got old looking. Makes me want to cry. Sami destroys him in the early going, and a clothesline sends Mike over the top, but Maria moves him out of harms way to prevent a dive, and Mike is able to blast Zayn as he hops out after him. She may be aging, but that ass is still on point. Inside, Mike works Sami over in the corner, all while stopping to blow kisses at Maria between moves. Or, well, 'moves.' It's been all punches thus far. Mike with a big boot for two, and a bow-and-arrow follows, but Sami escapes, and starts mounting his comeback. Backdrop hits, and he launches Mike over the top to take another try at the somersault tope suicida - Maria not getting involved this time. Zayn with a flying bodypress for two on the way back in, but Mike blocks the blue thunder bomb, so Sami reroutes with a tornado DDT. Exploder suplex into the turnbuckles, so Maria hops in to save by blocking the turnbuckles, but Mike blows his shot at a sneak attack, and takes the move anyway. During the Attitude Era, he'd have just done it anyway, with her standing there. Helluva Kick finishes at 7:15. Total filler, but at least we got to see the whole match, instead of watching Roman Reigns' super terrific ambulance adventures. ¾*

Main Event: WWE Title Punjabi Prison Match: Jinder Mahal v Randy Orton: I've only seen one of these matches before, and it was a negative star affair, so my expectations are not high. And neither is visibility, as the double cage with a myriad of bamboo sticks going in every imaginable angle makes seeing what's happening difficult with HD cameras and zoom angles, let alone from the stands. Maybe it's a strategy? Like, if a match sucks, but no one sees it, did it actually suck? They fight over an escape from the inside cage right away (there are two cage structures surrounding the ring (both made of bamboo), one like a standard cage, and one like a topless Hell in a Cell. The object is to escape both structures to win), but it goes nowhere. Jinder hits him with a single-arm DDT, and starts working the arm, as we get all sorts of awkward camera angles as they try to shoot around the structure. The crazy shaky camera stuff is really unnecessary and dizzying in such an overloaded visual setting. After working a high impact armbar for a while, Mahal goes for the second door, but Orton hits him with a fallaway slam, and it ends up closing without an escape. Jinder climbs instead, but ends up crotched on the top rope, and Randy bounces him off of the cage a few times. Rope-hung DDT, but Mahal blocks, and stinger splashes Orton against the cage. Randy returns fire with a pair of vertical suplexes into the side of the cage, and I feel at this point I need to stop and clarify that none of this is exciting in the least, in case the description might incorrectly make it sound so. Like, we're ten minutes into this thing, and it's going nowhere. Orton asks for the third door to be opened, but Jinder goes after the arm again to stop him. That leads to both guys resting on their knees and staring at each other from across the ring for an extended period of time, before Randy comes back to life with a powerslam, and the rope-hung DDT. RKO, but Jinder counters with a high knee. He goes for the cobra slam, but Randy blocks, so the Singh Brothers pop out from underneath the ring, and pull their man out of the first cage. He's pretty battered, so he can't climb the second, and by the time he starts, Orton is heading up the first. He makes it out quickly, and meets Mahal at the top of the outside cage - knocking him off. He tries to finish his climb out, but the Singh's pull him down, and put the boots to him. They whip him into a big boot from Jinder, and the champ makes a climb, but Orton fights the Brothers off, and Orton pulls him down. He gets caught up with the Brothers again, allowing Jinder to find a kendo stick. He does some damage, but Orton blocks the cobra, and uses the stick himself. He climbs, but one of the Singh's slips out of the cage (through the bars - perks of being a cruiserweight!), and climbs up the opposite side to fight Randy up there. They slug it out, but Orton gets the best of it, and Singh takes a fall through one of the announce tables! His sacrifice allows Mahal to recover enough to follow to the top of the cage as well (Why follow Orton, instead of just slipping out on the other side, while he was busy with Singh? What's the point of even having henchmen?), and they end up back on the floor. Orton hits a DDT out there, as they replay the table bump a million times to try and trick us into thinking this match is in any way interesting. Randy brings a chair into play next, but as he makes a climb attempt, suddenly Great Khali (well, as ‘suddenly’ as Khali moves) comes out, and cuts him off! I may not care for him as a worker, but at least he makes a more formidable henchman for Jinder than the fucking Singh Brothers. And so, with Khali holding Orton in a choke, Jinder climbs out to retain at 27:39. This was really underwhelming, with almost no big bumps (save for one notable exception), and way too long. ¼*

BUExperience: It’s been less than a week since this aired, and I’ll bet most people who watched have already forgotten it. You know what would make it even easier to forget about this show? Never seeing it to begin with. Which is what you should do.

DUD