WWE Great Balls of Fire (July 2017)

Original Airdate: July 9, 2017

From Dallas, Texas; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, Corey Graves, and Booker T

Opening Match: Bray Wyatt v Seth Rollins: There are so many awesome songs that could be repurposed as wrestling show titles, but I don't feel like Great Balls of Fire is especially one of them. Feeling out process to start, with Seth in control, but Bray managing to be evasive. Rollins hits him with a baseball slide, but an attempt with a tope is blocked with a right hand, and Wyatt heads back in - only to walk into a reverse STO into the turnbuckles. Back to the outside, Seth takes a bump into the steps, then one into the barricade, all of which get two on the way back in. Wyatt works a cobra clutch for a bit, then delivers a vertical superplex for two. Bray with a DDT for two, but a senton splash misses, and Seth dropkicks him out of the ring for a tope. In for a springboard forearm smash for two (hi AJ!), and a sling blade leads to a 2^nd rope flying somersault neckbreaker for two. Another dropkick, but he walks into a clothesline, and Wyatt tries the Sister Abigail - only to get countered into the falcon arrow for two. Rollins goes up, but Bray crotches him on the top before he can dive, and brings him down with a jawbreaker for two. That looked clumsy. Uranage gets two, so Seth makes a last ditch effort at a comeback, but eats Abigail at 12:10. Just kind of a bunch of moves. Felt like they were really phoning it in here. *

Enzo Amore v Big Cass: Enzo sticks and moves at the bell, but runs into a shoulderblock, which takes the pep out of his step. Cass works an ugly crossface chickenwing, and delivers a fallaway slam - getting almost no reaction from the crowd as he plays to them. Avalanche hits, as Cass looks really unsure of himself in this role, and doesn't seem to know what to do, outside of snarl at the audience. He press-drops poor Enzo over the top to the floor, but Amore beats the count, so Cass casually blasts him with a big boot at 5:23. Enzo's pre-match promo might have been longer than the match. Cass still has a long way to go before he's ready to move up the card, that's for damn sure. DUD

WWE RAW Tag Team Title Iron Man Match: Sheamus and Cesaro v The Hardy Boyz: Thirty minutes on the clock here. Cesaro runs a quick distraction at the bell, allowing Sheamus to hit Matt Hardy with the Brogue Kick for an immediate pinfall at 0:17. Matt is able to tag out to Jeff Hardy before they can follow-up, however, and Jeff pulls out a double dropkick on the champs. Dust settles on Cesaro and Jeff, with Hardy working a chinlock. Cesaro powers free and tags, but Jeff fights off Sheamus in the heel corner, and gets the tag to Matt - Matt clotheslining the champ over the top. He follows Sheamus to the outside for some smashes into the edge of the ring, then inside with a DDT for two. Tag to Jeff for a somersault senton splash/fistdrop combo, but Sheamus escapes an armbar by dumping Hardy to the outside, where Cesaro is ready with a shoulderblock. That draws Matt over for a brawl on the floor, but it goes nowhere. Inside, the champs cut the ring in half on Jeff (in dull fashion), before finally putting him away with a White Noise/flying elbowdrop combo at 9:49.

Ten minutes in, and the champs continue to cut the ring in half on Jeff, but Sheamus misses a charge in the corner, and Matt tags in. He unloads on Cesaro with turnbuckle smashes (delivering an insane double digit barrage of them), before delivering a bulldog for two. 2^nd rope flying elbowsmash gets two, and Jeff tags back in for the Poetry in Motion to setup a Side Effect from Matt, followed by the Twist of Fate from Jeff at 12:52. Jeff stays on Cesaro with a sitout gourdbuster for two, but he walks into an uppercut, and Sheamus gets the tag. Jeff tries fighting him off with a leg-feed corkscrew kick, and manages to add a slingshot corner dropkick for two. Tag to Matt for a tandem vertical suplex for two, so Sheamus bails - Jeff responding by springboarding off of Matt with a somersault plancha onto both champions on the outside. They all brawl out there, but Cesaro is able to post Matt, thus allowing Sheamus to score a fall by countout at 16:47 - putting the champs up three-to-one. Inside, Cesaro hits Matt with a vertical suplex, and Sheamus works a chinlock.

Twenty minutes in, and the champs dump Matt back to the outside to try for another countout, but he's moving around too much, so Cesaro hops out to throw him into the barricade. Back in, a tandem vertical suplex is worth two, and Sheamus works a cobra clutch, but Matt escapes with the Side Effect for two. Cesaro cuts off the tag, however, and he puts Matt in the sharpshooter, but Jeff runs in to save. Tag to Jeff, and a backslide/legdrop combo leaves Cesaro perfectly cradled at 22:59. Jeff goes up with the Whisper in the Wind for two, but he gets clobbered in the corner, and the champs try the White Noise/flying elbow combo again, but Matt shoves Cesaro off the turnbuckle! That allows Jeff to blitz Sheamus, but he can't put him away. Tag to Matt with a tornado DDT for two, but Sheamus blocks the Twist of Fate, and puts Hardy on the top for a side superplex - Matt able to block, and hit a flying moonsault for two! Twist of Fate off the top is enough to finally put Sheamus away at 27:08 - tying the ball game. Tag to Jeff for the Swanton Bomb, but Cesaro pulls his partner to the floor, so Jeff reroutes with a flying bodypress onto both out there. He stays focused on Sheamus, rolling him in for stereo flying splashes from the challengers, but Cesaro saves at two! Matt apparently busted himself open on the landing there. Jeff with the Swanton on Sheamus, but Cesaro cradles him as soon as he lands - scoring the pin at 29:31! With only seconds to go, the champs start running, and they're able to run the clock out at 30:00. Pretty boring, before picking up during the home stretch. The last few minutes were tremendous - four-star level wrestling, yes - but this didn't warrant a half hour. * ¾

WWE RAW Women's Title Match: Alexa Bliss v Sasha Banks: Their outfits looks so alike that it's almost like someone was playing with a videogame Create-a-Wrestler feature, and this is what they came up with. Sasha knocks her to the outside with a dropkick early, then takes a page out of Eddie Guerrero's book with a springboard armdrag on the way in. She keeps working the arm, and suddenly Alexa's arm becomes dislocated - only for it to be a ploy, and Bliss to attack when the referee is checking her. That seems like such a waste of what could have been a really cool, almost show stopping spot, one that could have been milked for a lot more than a simple transition one minute into a nothing title defense. Sasha with a lungblower into the Bank Statement, but Bliss blocks, and bails. Banks goes after her, but ends up getting ripped off of the apron, and the challenger takes a bump to the floor. Back in, it gets Bliss two, so she adds the double-kneedrop into the standing moonsault combo for two. Bow-and-arrow, but Sasha gets a schoolgirl for two, so Alexa kills her with a vicious neckbreaker for two. Vertical suplex, but Sasha manages to reverse right into the turnbuckles, and both girls are left looking up at the lights. Sasha controls the resulting slugfest, and starts mounting her comeback. Side suplex and a shining wizard get two, so Alexa pulls off a nice sunset bomb for two. She goes up for the Twisted Bliss, but Sasha uses her knees to block, and she slaps on the Statement! Alexa is in trouble, but manages the ropes to force a break, and the champ wisely bails. Sasha goes out to whip her into the barricade, then back inside, but Bliss knows she is in trouble, and bails again. Banks chases, but this time Alexa swats her away, and gets counted out at 11:44. Bliss is improving tremendously, but this still wasn't particularly good. The finish didn't help matters any, either. * ¼

WWE Intercontinental Title Match: Miz v Dean Ambrose: Dean immediately bails to the outside to brawl with Miz's entourage, which goes well at first, but he quickly gets overwhelmed, and thumped by the champion. Miz grounds him with a chinlock, but Dean is all uppity, so Miz DDTs him for two. Miz goes to work in what I would charitably describe as 'dull fashion,' but he walks into a swinging neckbreaker, and Ambrose starts throwing clotheslines like they're going out of style. Clotheslines are like a black suit - they never go out of style! Ambrose with a superplex for two, but Miz blocks a vertical suplex, and dropkicks the challenger's knee. Miz follows up by hanging him in a tree of woe to setup a pair of corner dropkicks to the knee, but a charge once Dean is out ends in Ambrose clotheslining him. Dirty Deeds, but Miz counters to a figure four, so Dean uses the ropes to escape. Dean is selling the fuck out of that knee, good for him. Miz unloads with a flurry of kicks, but a big roundhouse misses, and Dean hustles to the top with a flying elbowsmash for two. They spill to the outside, where Dean dives off the top onto Miz and his entourage (save for Maryse), then rolls the champ back in for another flying elbowsmash - only for Miz to catch him in the Skull Crushing Finale, with Dean able to counter to the Deeds for two! Dean's moving around quite well for a dude whose knee is supposed to be beat up. Maryse pulls her man out, but Ambrose dives with a tope, so the entourage gets involved again, and Dean eats the Finale at 11:13. Nothing special, but Dean did a great job selling the knee (I'm willing to overlook all the flying around since guys gutting it out on adrenaline is a classic wrestling convention). *

Ambulance Match: Roman Reigns v Braun Strowman: Roman goes toe-to-toe with the big man at the bell, but ends up getting clobbered while trying a shoulderblock. Strowman delivers a pair of avalanches, then sends Roman to the outside for a trip into the post, but Reigns reverses! He has no follow-up though, and Braun returns the favor, then adds a whip into the steps as a bonus. He beats on Roman with the steps, but an attempt to charge the post with them ends in Strowman wiping out the LED panel! You monster! Now a quarter of the WWE Universe in the building won't have a unique visual experience when looking at the ring post! Inside, Reigns tries to spear him, but eats a front-powerslam, and Braun tries carrying him over to the ambulance. Hey, the LED panel is back up! Thank goodness, I was really starting to get worried. Reigns gets away from him, and delivers a Samoan drop in the ring, then adds the Drive-By. He starts working Strowman's arm by setting it against the post for a few chairshots, but luckily the LED survives intact. I was sweating there, not gonna lie. Strowman starts no-selling chair shots, and they brawl up the aisle, where Braun tries a powerbomb on the stage, but Reigns escapes. He slugs away, but Strowman shrugs him off by whipping him off of the stage into the side of the ambulance (in a nice bump), but he can't get the Big Dog inside. Reigns hits the Superman Punch to stagger Braun into the ambulance, but Strowman fights him off before he can get the doors closed. Reigns throws another Superman, but now he's got deadweight to deal with, and can't get him in. Strowman hits back with a backboard, then tosses Reigns back onto the stage - only for a charge to miss, with Braun crashing right into one of the giant LED walls. He's at it again! He tries a slam, but Reigns counters by shoving him into the wall again - Strowman busting through it this time! Nooooooo! Even Hitler wasn't this big of an asshole! The match then grinds to a halt as Reigns starts grieving for the poor LED wall, and by the time he tries to pull Strowman over to the ambulance, the big man shoves his ass off the stage to block. He staggers after Roman, but Reigns is ready, blasting him with a piece of lighting! No electronic is safe! Spear, but Strowman sidesteps, and Reigns flies into the ambulance - Braun shutting the door for the win at 16:37. Afterwards, Reigns flips out, and pops out of the ambulance, attacking Strowman. He slams his body with the door a bunch of times to get him in, then tosses the driver, and commandeers the vehicle! Where was this fire five minutes ago when, you know, it would have counted? Once driving backstage, Reigns decides to crashing the ambulance into a production truck - with WWEs cameras luckily stationed all over this garage area to capture the accident in several angles. And, not even like as replays. We got several angles live! Shit like that makes what would otherwise be an interesting spot, and just renders it goofy, and phony. I didn't love the match, but it was fairly engaging for the most part, and Reigns took some nice bumps. **

Heath Slater v Curt Hawkins: This is presented in split screen, as the EMTs attempt to save Strowman in the back. Feeling out process to start, with Slater controlling, but getting clobbered after missing a leapfrog in the corner. Hawkins works a chinlock, but eats a leg lariat, as we abandon the split screen, and just watch what's going on backstage instead. And, in fact, we don't even see the finish - though we do hear the ring announcer announcing Slater as the winner at 2:20. This match was like a cow’s opinion. It’s moo. DUD

Main Event: WWE Universal Title Match: Brock Lesnar v Samoa Joe: I'm not expecting all that much here, given that there's less than ten minutes left on the Network's status bar before the ring intros are even done. Joe attacks before the bell, and knocks Brock right to the outside for a quick uranage through an announce table! Unfortunately for him, the bell has yet to officially ring yet, and so Lesnar takes his time out there. Once in, the bell sounds, and we're officially underway! Joe continues to blitz the champion with an enzuigiri, and he fires off a series of knee strikes. Lesnar responds in kind, but actually loses that exchange, and gets hammered with jabs in the corner. Joe takes him down in a waistlock, but Brock easily powers to a vertical base, and he unloads in the corner. Joe fires back with a headbutt, and he slaps on the Coquina Clutch, but Brock drops him into the turnbuckles to escape, then delivers a release German suplex. Another two connect, but a third is blocked with a mulekick, and Joe delivers another uranage for two. Clutch looks like it might get the job done, but Brock manages to escape with a sidewalk slam, and poor Lesnar looks like his heart is about five seconds away from exploding. Joe tries the Clutch again, but this time Brock counters with a trio of release Germans. F5, so Joe counters to the Clutch, but Brock escapes into the F5 to retain at 6:25. Too short to really go anywhere - this felt more like the last few minutes of a much longer match than a fully expressed idea. A little half baked, but okay. * ¼

BUExperience: They may have called this one Great Balls of Fire, but they're not fooling anyone. Their product is ice cold right now, and no amount of Jerry Lee Lewis references is going to change that. Many modern WWE shows suffer from being forgettable, if totally solid, but this one was actually actively boring.

DUD