WWE The Great American Bash (July 2007)

Original Airdate: July 22, 2007

From San Jose, California; Your Hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Joey Styles, and Tazz

Opening WWE United States Title Match: Montel Vontavious Porter v Matt Hardy: It's 2007, and Hardy is still rocking those baggy late 90s pants. I get that it's part of his established look, but that's exactly the problem with choosing ultra trendy stuff as your ring gear. It's like planned obsolescence. Same problem the Rock 'n' Roll Express ran into once the hair metal trend of the 80s died off. They feel each other out for a bit to start, and MVP ends up on the outside, with Matt diving after him with a plancha. Porter takes control in the corner on the way back in, and a snapmare gets two. He slaps on a straightjacket, but Matt counters to a double-knucklelock, and hits a suplex for two. MVP bails, so Hardy drags him back in, but gets swept off the ropes while climbing, and Porter pounds him for two. Porter with a drop-toehold and a running big boot for two, but Hardy uses a unique escape to an octopus hold: biting him! Hey, whatever works. Porter with a fireman's drop and a vertical superplex for two, but a side superplex is toppled on the way down for two, and Hardy starts mounting a comeback. 2^nd rope flying bulldog gets two, and a 2^nd rope flying legdrop is worth two. Side Effect for two, and an inside cradle gets two. Porter tries to recover with a big boot in the corner, but Matt moves, and a schoolboy is worth two! Sloppy exchange leads to Porter hitting the boot in the corner on the second try, and the Playmaker is enough to retain at 12:53. Some good stuff towards the end, but without Benoit to carry him, the overall quality of MVP's matches have fallen off a cliff since he won the title. * ½

WWE Cruiserweight Title Open Match: Chavo Guerrero v Jimmy Wang Yang v Shannon Moore v Jamie Noble v Funaki v Hornswoggle: First fall wins it. Hornswoggle isn't originally scheduled to be in the match, but he does a random run in just as the bell sounds, and since it's an open match, he's technically in. Everyone throws around high spots to start, with little rhyme or reason. Things settle down a bit with Chavo working over Yang, and he slaps on a half-crab, but Funaki breaks it up with an enzuigiri. Moore attacks him before he can capitalize, however, and hits a cross corner whip, but gets sent to the outside while attempting a charge. Funaki tries a tornado DDT on Noble, but gets countered with a northern lights suplex. Jamie continues into a cross-armbreaker, but Moore dives off the top to break it up, and Chavo hits Funaki with the gory driver for two. Chavo with a three-alarm rolling vertical suplex on Yang, but Jimmy blocks the third alarm, and hits a springboard moonsault press for two. Everyone ends up on the outside for a dog pile sequence, and inside, Noble hits Guerrero with an electric chair - while Chavo is superplexing Yang! That leaves everyone down, and Hornswoggle comes off the top with the tadpole splash on Noble at 6:59. Yep, Hornswoggle as champion. And, in fact, he'd be the last champion for nearly a decade, as they retired the title in the fall, before reactivating it just last year. Because where better to leave off than rock bottom? This was a total mess. ½*

Singapore Cane on a Pole Match: Sandman v Carlito: They actually do an extended stalemate off of the initial lockup here, followed by Sandman taking him down in a hammerlock. I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was watching a lost Flair/Steamboat match, my bad. Sandman backdrops him over the top and goes for the cane, but Carlito cuts him off, and stomps away. Carlito climbs, but Sandman cuts him off, and cross corner whips him. Carlito responds with a dropkick (barely grazing Sandman), and a vertical suplex follows. We're only a couple of minutes in, and this is already dragging like crazy. Carlito goes for the pole, but Sandman slams him off the middle rope, so Carlito corner clotheslines him. Corner dropkick hits, but a springboard backelbow doesn't, and Sandman gets the cane! He tries teeing off, but Carlito ducks, and hits the lungblower for the pin at 5:31. Wait, so all that, and no one even used the weapon once? Truly horrible booking. DUD

WWE Women's Title Match: Candice Michelle v Melina: Melina takes her down in a hammerlock right away, and manages to hang onto it through a few escape attempts, before letting off. Candice responds with a side-headlock on the mat, but Melina counters to a headscissors, as the crowd loses patience with this. Bridging reversal sequence ends in Melina hooking a backslide for two, but Candice snapmares her to set up a somersault necksnap. Fireman's cradle for two, but Michelle runs into trouble in the corner, and Melina goes to work on the arm again. Melina working holds is laughable, mostly because she can't seem to make a decision what hold she's applying at any given time. Candice escapes a bow-and-arrow, and starts mounting a comeback, hitting a discus clothesline for two. Flying bodypress gets two, so Melina throws an elbow, and a neckbreaker gets her two. I love how she spent the whole match working the arm, and is now freaking out when her neckbreaker didn't get the job done. Sleeper, but Candice drops down to escape, and a standing bulldog finishes at 6:22. Twice as good as the Vengeance match! ½*

WWE Intercontinental Title Match: Umaga v Jeff Hardy: Jeff goes right at him with right hands, but runs into a throat thrust, and Umaga knocks him to the outside. Umaga follows to introduce Jeff to the apron, so Jeff tries a sitout jawbreaker on the way back in, but runs into a Samoan drop. Umaga adds a legdrop, and a pair of corner whips, as he plods through some offense. Nervehold is applied, and when I say 'applied,' I mean 'applied.' By which I mean, it goes on for literally minutes. Hardy finally escapes with a bodyslam, but that goes about as well for him as you'd expect. Umaga keeps plodding along, but hits knees while trying a springboard seated senton splash, and Jeff goes off the middle with a flying bodypress - only to get caught in a spinning scrapbuster for two. Umaga with a 2^nd rope flying headbutt, but Hardy rolls out of the way, and starts making a comeback. Hardy with a sunset flip, so Umaga tries a sit-down splash, but Jeff moves out of the way of that as well. Hardy with a seated dropkick for two, and he dodges the Wrecking Ball to allow the Whisper in the Wind for two. Swanton Bomb looks to finish, but only gets two. I'm not really sure how that's supposed to do any damage. He jumps off the top rope, lands on a massive dude at a weird angle with his neck, and the massive dude is supposed to be hurt? Anyway, Jeff tries the Twist of Fate next, but Umaga counters with a superkick to set up the Wrecking Ball at 11:20. Pretty dull stuff, particularly the extended nervehold in the middle. ¾*

ECW World Title Match: John Morrison v CM Punk: John really does look like the forgotten child of Jim Morrison, doesn't he? They trade off on the mat a bit to start, and Punk hits a slingshot suplex for two, and a monkeyflip sends John to the outside. Punk follows with a clothesline out there, but he gets dropped onto the steps as he tries bringing Morrison back in, and John rams him into the apron for good measure. Inside, that's all worth two, but a kick combo is nearly countered into the GTS. Morrison manages to block, and he grounds his challenger in a chinlock/bodyscissors combo, then delivers a sloppy wheelbarrow facebuster for two. Superplex, but Punk drops him off the top with a gourdbuster, and then dives down after him with a flying bodypress. Punk starts mounting a comeback, and a flapjack sets up a roundhouse kick for two. Suplex, but Morrison blocks, so Punk tries a rollup for two. Morrison reverses, but gets caught using the ropes, and CM schoolboys him for two. Enzuigiri gets two, but Morrison bails to the outside to avoid a bulldog, and he decides to take his belt and go home. Punk drags him back in, but a springboard clothesline is countered with a kick to the midsection, and John retains at 7:50. I thought the Vengeance match suffered from being thrown together at the last minute, but this one proves that theory wrong. * ¾

Texas Bullrope Match: Randy Orton v Dusty Rhodes: Lots of stalling to start, with Orton afraid to link up to the bullrope. Once he finally does connect, Dusty toys with him a bit, with poor Orton having to move at a quarter speed to make Rhodes' attacks look believable. Randy tries to bail, but the bullrope allows Rhodes to pull him into the post. He tries using the cowbell, but Randy dodges, so Dusty goes to old faithful: the elbowsmashes. Back in, Randy whacks him in the knee with the cowbell, and he goes to work on the leg. Chinlock, but Rhodes fights free in the corner, so Randy hammers him with rights. Rhodes' selling is comical. It's like he's too broken down to properly move when getting hit, or something. Randy whacks him with the cowbell again to put this one out of its misery at 5:40. Fittingly, this marked Dusty's final in ring performance. Or, as he'd likely put it, the 'last time he took it to the pay winduh.' DUD

World Heavyweight Title Triple Threat Match: Great Khali v Batista v Kane: Oh man, this is probably going to be terrible. Khali's so large that the Big Gold Belt looks average sized on him. The two challengers try ganging up at the bell, but Khali drills them both with a clothesline, and he bootchokes Batista in the corner. Nervehold follows, but Kane comes in to save. He tries a sleeper, but Khali is way too tall for him to make that work, and Kane ends up in a nervehold as well. Only Khali would need multiple nerveholds a minute into a match where there are TWO OTHER GUYS to lighten his load. Khali hits both with chokeslams, and all three spill to the outside, where Khali starts prepping an announce table. That allows both Kane and Batista to recover, and they manage to work together to put Khali through said table. Kane and Batista head back in, where Kane delivers a sidewalk slam for two, but runs into a bodyslam for two. Batista tries a superplex, but Kane is able to block, and he dives with a flying clothesline. Chokeslam, but Khali is back, so Kane gives it to him instead, but Batista breaks the cover, and dumps Kane to the outside. He follows to send Kane into the post out there, then heads back in to finish Khali, but runs into a big boot. Batista manages a spinebuster, but Kane breaks up the count at two, and backdrops his fellow challenger. Chokeslam only gets two, so Kane fetches a chair, but eats a spinebuster while trying to use it. Batista Bomb looks to finish, but Khali pulls him out at two, and whips Batista into the steps. Back in, Khali drops Kane with a two-handed chokeslam, and he retains at 10:02. Woof. ½*

Main Event: WWE Title Match: John Cena v Bobby Lashley: They do a dramatic battle over the initial lockup here, then into a test-of-strength, as they size each other up in the early going. Lashley dominates, but nearly runs into the STFU during a criss cross, and is forced to bail to avoid it. Back in, Bobby dominates a criss cross, but misses a charge in the corner, and John drops him with a bulldog. Bodyslam sets up an elbowdrop for two, and Cena hits a poorly executed fisherman's suplex for two. That looked more like a cross between a vertical suplex and an Olympic slam than a proper fisherman's suplex. Bobby fires back with an exploder suplex for two, and a sidewalk slam is worth two. Nice to see Lashley finally getting to cut loose, after months of that endless McMahons/Umaga feud. Hanging vertical suplex gets two, but he misses a follow-up, and John hits the Throwback. Flying rocker dropper follows for two, but Lashley cuts him off with a weird looking modified stomachbreaker, followed by a chinlock/bodyscissors combo. Cena powers out, so Lashley tries another charge, but misses again. That allows John to start mounting a comeback, but Bobby blocks the FU, and delivers a powerslam for two. Another try at a charge in the corner finally works, as does a corner clothesline. Torture rack drop connects, but Cena counters the running powerslam into an FU! That takes a lot out of the champ as well, however, and he's slow to cover - only getting a dramatic two by the time he does. Lashley recovers and tries a spear, but Cena is ready with a drop-toehold, and he's got the STFU applied! Lashley fights for the ropes to escape, and hits a spear on a worn down Cena, but it only gets two! These are totally believable nearfalls here. Lashley tries a vertical superplex, but gets countered with an FU off the middle rope at 14:51! Both guys worked hard, and were supported by strong booking here. *** ¼

BUExperience: This was the same weekend the last Harry Potter book was released. I’m surprised anyone even bothered showing up for this shit.

DUD