WWE Saturday Night's Main Event XXXV (August 2007)

Original Airdate: August 18, 2007 (taped August 13)

From New York, New York; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, Jim Ross, and John Bradshaw Layfield

Backstage, Vince McMahon and Jonathan Coachman kick off the show by discussing Vince's bastard children. What are the odds that Vince saw a black man, noticed he was bald, assumed he was Montel Williams, and immediately started talking about paternity tests?

Great Khali and Finlay v Batista and Kane: Finlay starts with Kane, and Kane hits a sidewalk slam for two right away. Over to Batista for a backelbow for two, and a muscle buster follows, so Finlay bails. Kane goes after him on the outside, but Khali gets involved, and back in the ring, Khali works Kane's taped up ribs with a clawhold. Kane slugs free, so Khali puts him down with a big boot, and Finlay tags back in. He stupidly goes after Batista on the apron instead of going right for Kane, and that allows Kane to recover, and tag. What a dumbass. Batista comes in hot on Finlay, and a spinning scrapbuster gets two. That draws Hornswoggle in, and Roseanne Barr the door! Khali ends up tied in the ropes, so Batista and Kane use Hornswoggle as a battering ram for a bit, until Khali gets free. He tries to chokeslam them both, but gets countered with a tandem slam, and Batista spears Finlay, then kills him with the Batista Bomb at 8:25. Junk. ¼*

Backstage, Vince is still confusing poor Coach with Montel, but we quickly realize that he may be less of a racist than simply high as a kite

Backstage, MVP hangs out with Evander Holyfield. Hopefully Vince doesn't wander in, because Holyfield also happens to be both bald and black

Coach and Vince come out to discuss Vince's bastard children in an in-ring segment, since we haven't seen enough of these guys already tonight. I mean, seriously, we're less than twenty minutes into this show, and this is already the third segment relating to Vince's paternity bullshit. I wasn't really actively watching at the time, was this really such a big hot angle that it needed the same sort of show long coverage that Steve Austin's big Attitude Era stuff used to get? And speaking of Austin, he's revealed as potentially being Vince's kid, and takes that implication about as well as you'd imagine. The most surprising thing about this whole segment was seeing Austin in a regular t-shirt, as opposed to wearing his own merchandise. I guess that Austin kid just doesn't know how to reach for the brass ring

John Cena v Carlito: Cena is the WWE Champion here, but this is non-title. John tackles him down and unloads with mounted punches at the bell, then whips Carlito into the ropes for a backelbow. Turnbuckle smashes follow, and a clothesline sends Carlito to the outside, where he stalls to stifle the blitz. Cena goes after him, but ends up taking a spill on the outside, and Carlito takes over on the way back in. John kind of shrugs him off with the Throwback in short order, and a flying rocker dropper follows to set up the STFU at 5:37. This was basically a squash, with Cena not really giving Carlito much to work with. But then we see the real reason for this match, as Randy Orton (Cena's challenger at SummerSlam) comes out to jump him with an RKO onto a chair. ¼*

Backstage, Randy Orton is loud and clear

Boxing Match: Matt Hardy v Evander Holyfield: Two minute rounds here. They actually dig Michael Buffer out of the mothballs for this one, in a nice touch. I get that it's all a show, and that everyone knows that, but of all the guys on the roster, they want us to buy that MATT HARDY could hang with a legit four-time world heavyweight champion?
ROUND ONE: Holyfield completely dominates the round, knocking Matt around the ring without so much as breaking a sweat. Hardy goes down in the corner, but beats the count, so Holyfield starts getting a little more aggressive, and puts him down again with a combo. Matt beats the count at seven, but he's likely a feather touch away from being finished off, but he's saved by the bell
ROUND TWO: In typical WWE excess, we get FOUR ring girls holding up the round numbers. And Holyfield is so invested in this fight that he spends the time between rounds checking out their asses. As the round starts, MVP (in Holyfield's corner) demands he finish Hardy off, but gets a little too pushy with the ex-champ, and Holyfield knocks his ass out - the referee ruling the fight a no contest at all of 2:44. Was this promoted by Vince McMahon or PT Barnum? Sue me, this was actually pretty enjoyable. Not as a match, but as a segment on the variety show that SNME is. ¼*

John Morrison and Big Daddy V v CM Punk and Boogeyman: Tazz replaces Bradshaw on commentary for this one. As much as I always thought Big Daddy's pajama style gear was goofy, seeing him in what I can only assume is an oversized version of one of Margot Robbie's swimsuits is decidedly much worse. Morrison and Punk start, and they feel each other out. CM hits a leg lariat for two, and a clothesline sends John over the top rope. Over to Boogeyman to hit Morrison with a backdrop, but he gets distracted by Matt Striker, and Big Daddy gets the tag. Daddy whips Boogeyman around, and delivers a Samoan drop, but misses an avalanche. Luckily for him, he misses it in his own home corner, and tags right out to Morrison. Unfortunately for them, John isn't quick enough to stop Boogeyman from tagging as well, and Punk comes in hot. The ring is completely covered in worms here, which is pretty disgusting. Punk hooks Morrison in a small package for the pin at 6:40 - the other two guys not even bothering to come in for a proper brawl. ¼*


BUExperience: The best part of this episode was a boxing match featuring the less interesting Hardy brother. Any questions?