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Opening WWE Title Match: Randy Orton v Triple H: Orton was awarded the vacant title moments before this, following a legit injury to John Cena, and this is an impromptu match. Orton tries a sneak attack, but HHH fights him off, so Randy bails before he gets into trouble. He decides to take the belt and walk, but HHH puts a stop to that one. He tries a vertical suplex, but Orton counters with the inverted headlock backbreaker for two, and he unloads with some mounted punches. Powerslam gets two, and Randy does a version of the old Garvin stomp to set up a kneedrop for two. This has been really aimless thus far. Orton with a chinlock, but Hunter escapes with a lariat, and follows with a pair of corner clotheslines. Corner whip sets up a forearm smash to the back of the head for two, and Hunter adds a vertical superplex for two. Rotating spinebuster gets two, so Orton bails, and suckers Hunter into the rope-hung DDT for two. RKO, but HHH counters to the Pedigree - only to have Orton counters with a backdrop. That sets up a kneedrop, but HHH rolls out of the way, and capitalizes with a figure four. Orton has the ropes, and manages to dump Hunter to the outside, but HHH snaps his throat across the top rope on the way back in, and schoolboys Orton for the gold at 11:10. This felt like a really sleepy house show match, with both guys painting by numbers with little enthusiasm, before kicking it up a notch in the final stretch. ½*
Six-Man Tag Team Match: Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, and Mr. Kennedy v Jeff Hardy, Brian Kendrick, and Paul London: Hardy teaming with these bootleg Rockers amuses me. Cade and Kendrick start, and Brian uses his speed to hit a quick bodypress for two. Over to London for a slingshot sunset flip for two, but Lance powers out of a headlock, and passes to Murdoch. Paul dominates him with armdrags, and hits a dropkick for two. Tag to Hardy for Poetry in Motion for two, but Trevor blocks a sitout jawbreaker, and Kennedy gets the tag. He puts the boots to el Jeff, but misses a charge, and Brian gets the tag. He jumps Kennedy, but knocks him right into a tag to Cade. No matter, Kendrick comes in hot on him, but Murdoch lifts up the ropes as Brian is running them, and he takes a spill to the outside. Back in, that gets Cade two, and the heels triple team Brian, cutting the ring in half. Kendrick manages to hit Cade with a 2nd rope flying DDT to buy enough time for the tag to Hardy, and he destroys Murdoch, but Cade breaks up the count at two following the Swanton Bomb. That brings
ECW Title Match: CM Punk v Big Daddy V: Punk charges right at him, but that ends badly, and the champion ends up on the outside. He regroups, and tries charging again, but it again ends badly - this time Big Daddy managing to take him down before CM bails. Big Daddy controls him in a front-facelock, but Punk escapes, and throws an enzuigiri. Big Daddy tries an avalanche, but Punk sidesteps, and throws a missile dropkick - only for Matt Striker (Big Daddy's manager) to run in and attack Punk for a quick DQ at all of 1:36. I guess he didn't want to see this match either. DUD
WWE Title Match: Triple H v Umaga: Umaga is HHH's originally scheduled opponent for tonight, so now it's a title bout. HHH with that awful spinner belt looks, well, awful. Umaga smacks him around to start, so HHH tries a DDT, but it gets no-sold. He manages to dodge a charging Umaga to send the challenger over the top, but a trip into the steps out there also gets no-sold, and Umaga returns the favor. Back in, Umaga throws a superkick, but a 2nd rope flying headbutt misses, and Hunter delivers a kneeling facebuster. Pedigree, but Umaga counters with a backdrop, so HHH uses a rotating spinebuster instead. Back to the Pedigree, but Umaga counters with a Samoan drop this time, and they spill to the outside for a weak brawl. Back in again, Umaga grabs a bearhug, and a swinging scrapbuster gets him two. Headbutt drop hits, but HHH dodges the Wrecking Ball, then sidesteps a stinger splash as well to set up the Pedigree at 6:34. We all roll our eyes at how bitter Bret Hart comes off in his assessment of Triple H, but you know, the man has a point. If Bret was working three matches in one night, you could damn well guarantee they'd all be interestingly unique, and you'd never get the feeling like he was saving it all up for the last one. ¾*
Rey Mysterio v Finlay: Finlay drills him with a European uppercut to start, so Rey starts moving around, and hits a dropkick to the leg. Snapmare sets up a slingshot seated dropkick, followed by a slingshot splash for two. A bunch of kicks put Finlay on the apron, and Rey tries to sunset bomb him off, but Finlay blocks, and sends Mysterio into the post. Back in, Finlay works the shoulder with a fujiwara armbar, and a short-clothesline gets him two. Finlay with a pair of elbowdrops for two, and he keeps on the shoulder with a hammerlock. Rey uses a snapmare to escape, and a springboard bodypress gets him two. Springboard seated senton follows, and another seated dropkick is worth two. Reversal sequence ends in Rey dropkicking him to set up the 619, but Finlay counters with a clothesline for two, and adds a shoulderbreaker for two. He grabs the whappin' stick, but Rey knocks it away from him, and sends Finlay to the outside with a headscissors. He tries the 619 as Finlay climbs back in, but misses, and ends up using a flying legdrop instead. That ends up knocking Finlay cold, and they do an angle where the referee makes an 'x' with his arms (code for a legit injury), and Finlay gets stretchered out. The official result is a no contest at 9:00, though it quite clearly seems like a win for Rey. Mysterio's overacting here is just terrible, and a dead give away that this is all a work. And then suddenly Finlay pops off the stretcher and attacks Mysterio, in case you still weren't sure. The match wasn't bad at all, but I really detested the finish. **
WWE Women's Title Match: Candice Michelle v Beth Phoenix: Candice fights off the initial blitz with a clumsy looking bridging cradle for two, so Beth starts pounding her in the corner, but Michelle fires back with some weak looking kicks. Her offense is unbelievable. As in, not believable. Michelle with a dropkick for two, but Beth catches her in a slam when she tries a 2nd rope flying bodypress, and grounds the champion in a cobra clutch. Michelle kicks off the ropes into a cradle for two, but Beth keeps the hold applied through it. Michelle escapes, and mounts a comeback with more unbelievable offense, hitting a flying bodypress for two, and a sunset flip for two. Beth cuts her off with a backbreaker to set up a muscle buster, and we have a new champion at 4:36. Beth crying after winning the belt comes off as silly here. Not because she's displaying emotion, but because she's displaying emotion after beating perhaps the worst champion in the history of the lineage. ¼*
World Heavyweight Title Punjabi Prison Match: Batista v Great Khali: This is actually a brilliant strategy to keep the crowd from shitting on Khali main events: make it impossible for them to see what's happening! No wonder they revived this for Jinder! Sadly, the home audience still CAN see what's going on, so I'm not spared having to sit through this. And you know it's probably getting twenty minutes, too. They don't waste that structure on five minute matches. Batista blitzes him in the early going, but gets pounded down, and Khali works him over in his usual dull fashion. He goes for the first door, but Batista hooks his ankle to keep him in, and it shuts after the minute long window. Khali keeps coming with a big boot, but Batista dodges a legdrop, and delivers a spear. He goes for door number two, but Khali manages to keep him in. He chokes the champion with a piece of rope, then finds a leather strap, and starts whipping Batista with it. He goes for door three, but Batista stops him with a spinebuster. He tries for the door, but Khali latches onto his ankle, and it shuts before Batista can get away from him. Batista gets hold of the strap and returns the favor with it, and despite door four still in play, he decides to climb. Khali pulls him down and applies a headvice as he calls for the fourth door to be opened, but Batista pops him with a low blow before he can escape. Batista crawls for the door, and nearly makes it out, when Khali drops the door onto him, and starts slamming it on him like Joe Pesci in Raging Bull. Now with all the doors shut, I would say Batista has a distinct advantage, since Khali can barely walk around the ring in general, so I'd imagine climbing a fifteen foot wall is going to be something of a challenge. But, bless him, he does just that! Khali makes it out of the first cage, but now he's tasked with having to climb a second, even larger wall if he wants to win. He sets out to do just that, as Batista gets over the interior cage. To save time, he dives from the top of the interior cage to the top of the exterior one, and it's a foot race to the ground - Batista able to out move him to retain at 14:50! The match was total shit, but they built some nice drama for the finish. What’s scary is, of the three Punjabi Prison matches I’ve seen, this is the best one at a whopping ½*
Main Event: WWE Title Last Man Standing Match: Triple H v Randy Orton: Originally, Orton was supposed to be challenging Cena in a Last Man Standing match on this show, so Vince McMahon decides to schedule this rematch from earlier, since they'd already advertised a Last Man Standing match, and all. Orton goes right after the ribs from earlier, and HHH ends up on the outside following a series of shots to the part. Orton stalks after him, but nearly takes a Pedigree on the ramp before managing to sweep the champion down to block. Orton drops him across the barricade with a side suplex, but HHH beats the count to his feet, so Randy whips him into the steps next. Hunter beats the count again, so they head back in, where Randy plants a nice standing dropkick on him. Hunter beats the count and fires back with a kneeling facebuster, but Randy cuts him off with the inverted headlock backbreaker. Hunter beats the count, so Orton throws some uppercuts, and grabs some electrical cable to choke the champion with some. The referee intervenes once HHH looks to be out cold, but Hunter manages to recover in time to beat the count. Orton responds by dumping him to the outside, and he bashes the champion with a CRT monitor to set up an RKO through an announce table, but HHH blocks - Randy crashing through the table. Remember back in the 90s, when the tables looked like actual tables, as opposed to glorified puzzle pieces? Orton beats the count, so HHH drops him with a spinebuster on the floor, but Randy beats the count again, so HHH charges him with the ring steps. Orton beats the count anyway, so HHH grabs a chair as they head back in, but Randy knocks it away from him, and drops Hunter onto the steel with a DDT. That leaves both men taking the count, but Randy is up first, and ready to stomp the champion in the corner as he recovers too. HHH beats the count anyway, so Orton drops him with an RKO onto the chair, drawing blood. Hunter beats the count, and defiantly tells Orton to 'suck it,' but then collapses. He manages to fight up ahead of the count, so Orton tries running at him with the punt, but HHH catches the leg - biting at the calf. Hunter with a short-leg clothesline, and he dumps Randy to the outside for a trip into the barricade, then the steps. I never really thought about this before, but when we're at the end of a pay per view, why do the announce teams from the other brands still sit around at their positions at ringside? Is Bill Watts in charge of broadcasting now? Pedigree on the floor, but Orton counters with a catapult into the post. HHH beats the count, and decides to sandwich Randy's head between the steps and a chair to draw blood, but Orton beats the count. Hunter decides to finish him off with a Pedigree on the announce table, but gets countered with the RKO, and Orton is the champion again at 20:25. I found this to be very tedious. It was better than their first match, but that's not saying much. * ¼
BUExperience: The wrestling is pretty much shit throughout, but the show long angle with the WWE Title was more engaging than the usual sleepwalking going on on pay per view during this period. I still can’t recommend this show in any way, but it isn’t unnoticed.
DUD
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