WCW Clash of the Champions XXXI (Version II)

Original Airdate: August 6, 1995

From Daytona Beach, Florida; Your Hosts are Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan

Opening Match: Sting and Road Warrior Hawk v Meng and Kurasawa: Big brawl to start, with the babyfaces cleaning house. The dust settles on Hawk and Kurasawa, with Kurasawa laying into him with kicks, but Hawk shrugging off those strikes, and headbutt dropping Kurasawa in the groin. Tag to Sting for an inverted atomic drop (dick psychology, folks!), and he paintbrushes Kurasawa with chops in the corner. Snap suplex gets two, and it's over to Hawk for a tandem backelbow. Hawk telegraphs a backdrop, however, allowing Kurasawa a clothesline, and the tag to Meng. That leads to both Hawk and Meng no-selling each other, so Kurasawa tags back in to try a flying axehandle. They spill to the outside, where Kurasawa drops Hawk with a nasty backdrop driver on the floor, so Sting comes over to brawl with him, but the damage is done. Back in, Kurasawa tries to cut the ring in half, but Hawk doesn't play ball with the whole concept of 'selling,' and hits Kurasawa with a fistdrop. Flying splash and a powerbomb bring in Meng to break a pin attempt, but Sting dives with a flying clothesline, and Roseanne Barr the door! Sting his Meng with a jumping DDT and the Stinger Splash, as Hawk and Kurasawa clumsily tussle around with one another. Meng gets dumped, allowing the faces to put Kurasawa away with a bearhug/flying clothesline combo at 7:24. Woof! This was basically three guys trying to have a match, while being anchored by a very numb looking Hawk. I have no idea if he was on any substances here, but he was working like he was at day two of Woodstock, and didn't look like he was on the same planet as the other three, let alone working the same match. I feel like this was bordering negative stars, but there was enough effort from the other three guys that I'll be nice. ¼* (Original rating: ¼*)

Earlier tonight, on WCW Main Event, Hulk Hogan fought off the entire Dungeon of Doom singlehandedly. But then Sting and Randy Savage ran down to make sure he doesn't get lonely

Backstage, Dirty Dick Slater is ready to get his dick dirty with the Stud Stable

Diamond Dallas Page v Alex Wright: Page toys with him a bit to start, but gets overconfident, and nearly pinned with a schoolboy. Dallas yells at the referee about that, so Wright schoolboys him again for two, then sends DDP to the outside with a pair of dropkicks. Alex dives after him with tope suicida, but Page manages to snap the youngster's arm across the top rope on the way back in, and he works the part. Wright evades him long enough for another dropkick, and a cool slingshot splash gets two. He grounds Page in an armbar, and a criss cross ends in Alex bodypressing him for two, so Page decks him to cut that shit off. Dallas with a gutwrench stomachbreaker, and a swinging neckbreaker follows for two. Dallas ropechokes him, but Wright counters a hiptoss into a backslide for two, then dodges a charge from Page in the corner. Wright mounts a comeback, delivering a high knee for two. Missile dropkick (and a beauty) is worth two, but a ten-punch is countered with a hotshot into the top turnbuckle for two. Page tries to keep it going with a German suplex, but Alex reverses for two, and a bodypress knocks DDP to the outside. Alex goes after him with another dive, but Dallas dodges this time, and rolls Wright in for the pin at 8:15. I honestly have no clue why Wright didn't become a bigger star. Yes, he still had loads to learn in terms of transitions and such, but he was so young at this point, and the potential was certainly there. ** ¼ (Original rating: **)

Backstage, Ric Flair and Arn Anderson prepare for Vader tonight. It occurs to me that, based on all the stories we've heard of Ric taking his clothes off in front of people over the years, that his robe is basically just a very fancy version of a trench coat. Everything he does, he does with style

WCW Television Title Match: Renegade v Paul Orndorff: Paul kicks at the champion as he runs into the ring, but Renegade fights him off with a clothesline, and adds a powerslam to clean house - all while still wearing the title belt. He stupidly stops to pose, however, and Paul side superplexes him off the middle rope for two. He rips off the title belt, but the official prevents him from whipping the champion with it, so Paul settles for a pointed elbowdrop instead. Yeah, that's the same. Orndorff works him over in dull fashion, until Renegade starts no-selling, and hits a slingshot bodypress to retain at 3:59. This was tedious, even at only four minutes. DUD (Original rating: DUD)

Backstage, it's VADER TIME... to jump to the WWF

Fall Brawl promo

Earlier tonight, on the Main Event, Colonel Robert Parker sexually assaulted Sister Sherri

Six-Person Tag Team Match: Colonel Robert Parker, Bunkhouse Buck, and Dick Slater v Sister Sherri and Harlem Heat: If the Heat win, they earn a shot at Buck and Slater's tag title. Slater and Stevie Ray start, with Stevie dominating him, but neglecting to cut the ring in half. Tags to Buck and Booker, with Booker also dominating, but also failing to cut the ring in half. Gee, no wonder they lost the tag straps. Tags to Stevie and Slater, and Dick quickly learns that headbutting Stevie is a bad idea. Stevie with a savate kick, and Booker clips Dick with the Harlem sidekick. The Heat continue to dominate the champions, but a cheap shot from Slater knocks Booker into a hotshot from Buck to turn the tide. They cut the ring in half on Booker, but that plan goes to hell as soon as they tag Parker in. The Heat let Sherri throw a flying bodypress for two, but a flying splash misses, as the announcers hype up this new 'Nitro' program. Sherri is out, but as Parker contemplates his next move on the unconscious woman, she is able to recover - kissing her way into a Thesz-press for the pin at 11:01. So, the moral of the story is, when it comes to sexual harassment, fight fire with fire, apparently? ¼* (Original rating: DUD)

Hulk Hogan apparently spent the day on the beach having kids measure his python

Gene Okerlund and Randy Savage meet up with a kid who is apparently the goodwill ambassador for MDMA

Randy Savage vignette. Which, coincidentally or not, looks like it was put together by somebody on drugs

And now, for something really special, as Hulk Hogan visits the Dungeon of Doom to confront his enemies. Yeah sure, he talks real tough on a senior citizen and a midget. Big deal. But then Giant comes out, and rips the crucifix off of Hogan's chest (see, 'cause he's Andre the Giant's 'son'), but Vader and Savage save Hulk from a beat down. If you've never seen this before, do yourself a favor and call it up on the Network. This is one of the most embarrassingly terrible segments of all time, and made even worse by insulting the legacy of one of the greatest angles ever. I remember seeing this live as a kid. We were at a summer BBQ at my aunts house, and I was sneaking away whenever I could to see what was going on, and happened to tune in right as this segment was airing. Even at ten years old, I remember feeling glad that no one else was in the room, because my family already gave me a hard enough time for watching wrestling as it was, and this was much, MUCH more embarrassing than anything they'd seen prior

Main Event: Handicap Match: Vader v Ric Flair and Arn Anderson: So, apparently the Dungeon of Doom is really, really close to the arena, then? Is it on Yelp? Do they have onion rings? Arn starts, and gets his head used as a punching bag by Vader. Clothesline sends the Enforcer over the top, but his efforts to regroup fail when Vader starts teeing off with the rights and lefts again. Vader with a short-clothesline, but Arn manages a rotating spinebuster on the big man, and there's the tag to Flair. Ric stomps him, but wastes too much time gloating, and Vader recovers with a pair of press-slams. Corner whip flips Flair to the apron, where Vader is ready with a clothesline to put the Nature Boy on the outside. Ric grabs a chair, but it's only a distraction point, allowing Anderson to sneak in and clip Vader's knee. They double team a bit, and Arn drops the big man with a DDT, then let's Flair back in to finish up with the Figure Four, but Vader makes the ropes. Flair goes up, but gets slammed off, and Vader follows with a backdrop to set up a splash for two. Vader snapmares him to set up a flying splash, so Arn runs in to break up the cover at two, and Flair is able to rake the eyes. Tag, but Vader fights them both off, and gutwrench powerbombs Anderson for the pin at 6:49. Afterwards, Flair chews Anderson out for the loss, and they tease a break up. Vader was getting some thunderous pops as a babyface. I kind of wish he'd stuck around, so we could see where that eventually was going. Especially considering what a disappointment his WWF run turned out to be. ** ¼ (Original rating: ¼*)

Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, and Sting come out to make sure that anyone who had the WrestleMania III reference go over their heads earlier is up to speed


BUExperience: This was the greatest Clash ever, you should totally watch it! Said no one, ever.