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Opening ECW Title Match: CM Punk v Elijah Burke: They feel each other out to start, with Punk dominating. He hits a Russian legsweep for two, then starts peppering Burke with kicks. Punk with a backbreaker for two, but he gets dropped on his head following an exchange in the corner, and Elijah takes over. Burke slaps on a bow-and-arrow, but Punk escapes, and delivers a bulldog. He's a pointed elbowdrop away from a great Bret Hart impression here. Punk with a springboard clothesline for two, so Burke bails to the outside, and he sweeps CM off the apron when the champion tries to follow. Burke rams him into the apron out there, but gives him tons of recovery time before finally rolling him in to get a two count out of it. Burke with a pair of forearms to the back of the head for two, and he slaps on a
WWE Tag Team Title Match: Montel Vontavious Porter and Matt Hardy v Deuce 'n Domino: The idea here is the classic Vince Russo trope where MVP and Hardy are tag team champions, but don't get along. Porter starts with Domino, and dominates him, all while taunting Hardy. Both tag, and Hardy dominates Deuce, while taunting Porter. MVP tags in to bulldog Deuce, but gets into an argument with Matt again, and Domino is able to tag in while that goes on. Hardy shrugs him off, and delivers a 2nd rope flying elbowsmash, before stopping to taunt his own partner again. Deuce 'n Domino are being made to look like total jokes here. Deuce manages to sneak in with a cheap shot, and the challengers take over on Hardy. They cut the ring in half, and MVP gets tired of watching him get beat up, and decides to walk out. Now a handicap match, Deuce 'n Domino still can't get the job done, so MVP decides to come back, and he gets the tag. He looks to put Deuce away, but Matt forces a tag, and finishes the job himself with the Twist of Fate at 9:19. Not surprisingly, that pretty much spelled the end for Deuce 'n Domino being taken seriously as a team. The wrestling was basically an afterthought to the angle here. ¾*
Triple H v Carlito: The DQ rule is waived for Carlito here (but not HHH), since it's not enough that HHH needs to squash the shit out of a midcarder, he needs to look like a superhero while doing it. Carlito tries to blitz him at the bell, but quickly ends up getting dumped to the outside. He decides to come back in carrying a weapon, but HHH attacks before he can grab one, and hits a backdrop. Carlito bails, and this time manages to bring a trashcan into the ring, but HHH quickly knocks it away from him, and clotheslines Carlito over the top. Hunter goes out after him, so Carlito swings a chair, but HHH ducks, and Carlito hits the post. Hunter rams him into both the barricade and the apron before bringing things back inside, where Hunter drops a pair of elbows. Backbreaker follows, and HHH grabs an abdominal stretch. Hey, if he's going to squash Carlito like a Wrestling Challenge jobber, might as well make it authentic. Hunter gets caught using the ropes, allowing Carlito to bail to the outside to try and grab a monitor, but HHH shrugs him off like Carlito is a guy attacking a grizzly bear. And not even 'a guy,' really. More like a small child attacking a grizzly bear. Carlito finally gets some traction by bashing HHH with the ring bell a couple of times, and he chokes Hunter with some electrical cable on the way back in. Carlito decides to insult him by spitting an apple in his face, but that backfires, so he blasts him with the trashcan instead. Carlito goes to town with the weapon, and side suplexes HHH onto it for two. He grabs another trashcan, but his offense quota has apparently been reached, because HHH just starts making a comeback. Kneeling facebuster gets two, so Carlito throws a handful of powder in Hunter's eyes. He grabs a chair, but HHH counters a swing with a rotating spinebuster, and the Pedigree finishes things at 10:41, as Triple H's tour of the mid-card continues. Deuce 'n Domino looked like the Mega Powers tonight compared to poor Carlito here. *
WWE Women's Title Match: Candice Michelle v Beth Phoenix: Beth powers her around to start, so Candice tries sticking and moving a bit, but runs into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Beth continues whipping her around the ring, and uses a double-chickenwing slam for two. Chinlock, but Michelle escapes, so Beth beats on her in the corner. Michelle tries a bodyscissors, but she runs into a short-backelbow, and Beth puts her in an overhead backbreaker rack. Candice escapes and hits a neckbreaker, and you can actually see people in the crowd yawning as Michelle makes her comeback. Beth shrugs her off and delivers a press-drop for two, but a Samoan drop is countered with a crucifix to retain at 7:06. This was pretty bad, with no flow, no heat, and awkward looking sequences. DUD
World Heavyweight Title Triple Threat Match: Great Khali v Batista v Rey Mysterio: Both challengers try ganging up on Khali at the bell, but that goes badly. Rey gets dumped so Khali can work Batista over in dull fashion, but another attempt at a double team goes a little better than the first go-around. That teamwork ends when Rey schoolboys Batista for two, and a headscissors leads to a bulldog for two. Springboard seated senton follows, but Khali levels Mysterio with a big boot, and goes for the kill on Batista himself. Batista manages to block the nervehold, so Khali thumps him with a chop, and slaps on a headvice. Mysterio saves with a chair, which succeeds in breaking the hold, but doesn't hurt Khali much beyond that, and Rey gets clobbered. Khali goes to the outside to throw Batista into an announce table, then heads back in to finish off little Rey, so Mysterio uses his speed to evade the giant champion. That only works for so long, and Rey gets launched into the corner, then bootchoked. Short-clothesline connects, and Khali slaps on a nervehold, but Rey actually slugs free of it on his own. Khali punishes him with a big boot, and he decides to headvice him - Khali's massive hangs completely engulfing Rey's head, in a great visual. Batista saves, and Khali ends up tied in the ropes during the attack. That allows Batista to try to Batista Bomb Rey, but Mysterio counters with the 619. One for Khali as well, but Batista breaks up the cover, and Bomb's Rey onto the champion! He tosses Mysterio to the outside, and muscles Khali through a spinebuster for the pin at 8:02 - getting a huge pop in the process! This was actually not bad at all, with both challenger's keeping Khali occupied in interesting ways, and short enough not to overstay its welcome. Not a GOOD match, but better than I expected. * ½
World Tag Team Title Match: Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch v Brian Kendrick and Paul London: The challengers are dressed like what I'd imagine some knockoff Rockers team looked like in a random middle eastern wrestling organization. Cade starts with Kendrick, and dominates him with power. Brian manages to land a dropkick during a criss cross, and plants one on Murdoch as well, but runs into a thunderous shoulderblock from Lance. Tag to Trevor for a suplex, but Kendrick counters with a small package for two, and manages an armdrag ahead of a tag to
WWE Title Match: John Cena v Randy Orton: Big slugfest to start, with Cena getting the better of it, and mounting the challenger with punch after punch. John with a clothesline, and he corner whips Randy a few times until Orton bails. John follows him out for a clothesline, and back in to finish up with the STFU, but Orton manages to block. No matter, John keeps coming with more right hands, so Orton bails, and this time manages to clobber the champion when Cena comes after him. Randy with a rope-hung DDT for two on the way back in, and he works a chinlock. John powers out, and starts throwing clotheslines as he mounts a comeback. He goes ballistic on Orton in the corner, ignoring the referee's orders to stop since they're in the ropes, and he actually gets disqualified over it at 7:21. Man, no wonder they didn't put this on last, with that finish. ½*
Main Event: Undertaker v Mark Henry: Undertaker blitzes him to start, but Mark manages to block the ropewalk forearm, and deliver a vertical superplex. They're moving like they've been out there for twenty minutes already, all of two minutes in. Henry with a clothesline, but Undertaker clotheslines him back, and Mark ends up taking a spill over the top rope. Undertaker follows out for a weak brawl on the floor, but gets kicked in the balls while trying to prep an announce table, and Mark rams him into the apron a couple of times. Henry with a clothesline for two on the way back in, and a splash follows for two. Another splash gets two, and man, these are some poorly executed splashes. You wouldn't think that would be the most complex of moves. And you'd be right. Third splash, but Undertaker wisely rolls out of the way before Mark can embarrass himself again, so Henry drops him with an STO. Mark with a sloppy bodyslam, and another poorly executed splash follows. Undertaker decides that enough is enough, and starts making a comeback, hitting the ropewalk forearm this time. Chokeslam only gets two, so Undertaker tries the Last Ride, but Mark counters with a bearhug. Hey, at least it looked convincing. Apparently never having seen an Undertaker match since 2000, he then follows with a ten-punch count, but gets countered with the Last Ride at 11:27. This was like watching rookie Mark Henry from 1996, with him struggling to pull off even the most basic of moves. But at least then he was doing it on throwaway undercard matches, not a pay per view main event. –¼*
BUExperience: A more advanced society might consider this show torture.
DUD
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