WWE Greatest Royal Rumble (April 2018)

Original Airdate: April 27, 2018

From Jeddah, Makkah, Saudi Arabia; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, and Corey Graves

Opening Match: John Cena v Triple H: Not an insignificant amount of empty floor space in the stadium. They feel each other out to start, and HHH takes control with a few corner whips, as dudes in the crowd just kind of stroll around while paying little attention to the match. HHH tries one corner whip too many, allowing Cena to start slugging at him, so Hunter goes to a sleeper to cut him off. Cena returns fire with shoulderblocks, but the side slam gets countered with an armdrag, and Hunter clotheslines him down. Kneeling facebuster gets two, but Cena looks to counter the Pedigree with the AA, leaving HHH holding onto the ropes for dear life. Cena is forced to abandon the AA, so he tries the Five Knuckle Shuffle instead, but HHH reverses for two. Pedigree, but John blocks, and corner whips Hunter over the top to the outside this time. Cena follows to ram HHH into the barricade and post, and holy crap, they've got big comfy armchairs for ringside seats here! We need that to become a thing here in the US as well, like, now. Cena tries the flying rocker dropper on the way back in, but HHH catches him with a powerbomb, and he hooks the leg for two. Both men stagger up for a slugfest, with HHH controlling, but Cena thinking fast with a drop-toehold into the STF. HHH inches towards the ropes, so Cena lets off to try and drag him away, but it backfires when Hunter immediately pops off a spinebuster for two. HHH unloads a ten-punch in the corner, but runs into the side slam, and Cena lands the Shuffle. AA only gets two, so John tries again, but gets countered to the Pedigree for two. Again, but Cena counters to the AA, so HHH counters to a sunset flip for two - only to get trapped in the STF after the kickout! Hunter counters to a crippler crossface, but Cena counters to another AA, then shifts it into a catapult into the corner. That sets up yet another AA, and that one is enough at 15:43. This one was basically two stages, with the feeling out process segueing right into the signature moves, with little sandwiched in between. They were pretty much coasting in neutral here, but both guys are such extremely competent workers that it was fine. **

WWE Cruiserweight Title Match: Cedric Alexander v Kalisto: Feeling out process to start, with Kalisto getting an edge, and dumping the champ to the outside for a somersault plancha. Kalisto with a dive on the way back in, but Cedric dodges, and dumps his challenger to the outside for a somersault tope suicida. Inside, that gets Alexander only a one count, but Kalisto is winded, so Cedric capitalizes by grounding him in a waistlock to keep the challenger's breathing short. Kalisto gets free and hits a springboard shoulderblock, followed by a rana, and a tornado DDT for two. Cedric tries cutting him off with a sitout scoop brainbuster for two, but a springboard follow-up gets blocked with a kick to the head, leaving the champ seated on the top turnbuckle. Kalisto tries bringing him down with a rana off the top, but Cedric blocks, so Kalisto shifts gears with a slingshot Spanish fly for two. Both guys stagger up for a slugfest, which Kalisto is able to dominate with a headscissors takedown, but the Salida del Sol is countered with a lungblower to retain at 10:11. Great, crisp execution throughout, but the overall match fell a little flat. ** ½

WWE RAW Tag Team Title Match: Cesaro and Sheamus v Bray Wyatt and Matt Hardy: This is for the vacant straps. Sheamus starts with Hardy, which quickly turns into a shouting match as they trade taunts. Over Bray for a shoulderblock/neckbreaker combo, but Wyatt quickly loses control once on his own, and Sheamus tags in. Sheamus' shocking whiteness must be quite the sight for this crowd. Sheamus gets pounded down for a legdrop/senton splash combo, so Cesaro runs in, but the babyfaces clean house. Dust settles on Matt hitting Sheamus with a neckbreaker for two, but the Twist of Fate gets blocked, and Cesaro sneaks in a cheap shot to turn the tide. The heels cut the ring in half on Hardy, but Sheamus gets dropped with the Side Effect, and Bray gets the hot tag - Roseanne Barr the door! The heels try the White Noise combo, as the hard camera goes badly out of focus for a while. Even their tech is sick of this match. Anyway, the faces drop Sheamus with a spike DDT to win the belts at 8:51. This was just going through the motions. ¾*

WWE United States Title Match: Jeff Hardy v Jinder Mahal: Jeff dumps him to the outside early, and hits a very cautious version of the rail runner clothesline - clearly trying not to land in the lap of some big shot at ringside. Sunil Singh trips him up on the way back in, however, allowing Jinder to grab control. He cross corner whips Hardy, as the announcers talk about former champions, and what great company Mahal will be in if he wins the belt tonight. They do realize he's a former champion already, right? I'm certain that they do. Perhaps they just don't understand what that actually means. That wouldn't surprise me. Jinder works him over with a kneedrop and a crossface, but an attempt at a double-kneeling gutbuster is countered with a legdrop to the groin, followed by a seated dropkick for two. Jinder blocks the Twist of Fate, so Jeff goes up with the Whisper in the Wind instead, and despite missing by several feet, Mahal sells it anyway. What a guy! And for a full two count, even! That's some true dedication to a botch. Jeff with a leg-feed corkscrew kick and a slingshot dropkick in the corner, so Singh distracts him to allow Jinder to sneak up with the cobra slam, but Jeff counters with a victory cradle - reversed by Mahal for two. Hardy fires back with the Twist, however, and the Swanton Bomb finishes up at 6:06. Just a TV match. ½*

WWE Smackdown Tag Team Title Match: The Bludgeon Brothers v The Usos: Rowan starts with Jey Uso, and fights off the fast moving challenger with a dropkick early on. The champs double team in the corner, and Rowan hits a frogsplash for two, before slowing things down with a headvice. Charge in the corner misses, however, allowing the tag to Jimmy Uso, who immediately hits a pair of tope suicidas - one for each champion. Flying bodypress on Harper gets two, and an enzuigiri sets up a running hip attack in the corner. The Usos double team in the corner, and a stereo superkick sets up a flying splash from Jey for two. Tag to Jimmy for another flying splash, but Harper superkicks him off of the apron, where Rowan is ready and waiting with a clothesline. Back in, the tandem powerbomb polishes Jimmy off at 5:09. Too short to really develop into a proper match, but not poorly worked. *

WWE Intercontinental Title Ladder Match: Seth Rollins v Miz v Finn Balor v Samoa Joe: Everyone trades off in the early going, until Seth and Finn clear the ring so they can do a sequence alone. Balor tries the reverse 1916, but Seth counters with an enzuigiri, and dumps him for a tope. Rollins rushes back in to dive with a second tope on Miz before going for the ladder, but he gets into a tug-of-war with Joe - ending in Balor diving on everyone with a somersault suicida. Inside, Joe whacks Finn with chops, but a powerbomb gets blocked with a legsweep onto the ladder, followed by a quick double stomp. Balor makes the first climb of the bout, but Miz pulls him off so he can climb himself, but Seth interrupts. Miz tries to hit him with the Skull Crushing Finale, but Rollins shoves him into the ladder to block, and there goes Finn up the ladder in the meantime. You can see them trying really hard not to accidentally have any tights tugged down during the saves here, thereby preventing a possible international incident. Anyway, Joe beats everybody down with the ladder, but Finn blocks a whip into it so he can hit a sling blade, followed by a corner dropkick against the ladder. That sets up the flying double stomp, but Seth rushes up with a superplex to block - only for Joe to powerbomb them both off the top in the process. That spot was amazing the first time I saw it done, but is unbelievably played out at this point. Joe goes for the ladder, but here comes Miz with a Skull Crushing Finale to stop him, and he himself climbs. Rollins climbs the opposite side for a slugfest at the top, but Miz wins, so Balor rushes up to have a try. He does better, and nearly snags the belt, but gets pulled off just before he can. That allows Seth to climb, so Miz tips him off, and DDTs his ass instead. Miz grabs the ladder to fend off all comers, but Balor manages to pop him with an enzuigiri to set up a flying double stomp onto a ladder prone Miz. Balor climbs, but Joe pulls him off for the Coquina Clutch, only for Finn to roll through into a double stomp. He overuses that move like crazy. Balor climbs again, but Joe pulls him off for a uranage - only to have Finn tip the ladder when he climbs. Balor gives it another go, but this time Seth springboards to the top of the ladder from the other side, and simply rips the belt off at 14:43, before Balor even realizes what happened. That was actually a really cool finish, with Seth not even needing to hit Finn before grabbing the belt, but simply out moving him. Great timing to pull it off, too. Outside of that, this was just the usual treadmill of a match. **

Mike Rome introduces some local Saudi's who got WWE tryouts over the past week, bringing them out for an in-ring segment. One of them notes that they'd been waiting for the WWE to come to Saudi for 'over twenty years,' which makes me wonder if they were regularly watching Attitude Era programming back in the day, and how THAT went over with their parents. Anyway, they're interrupted by Shawn and Ariya Daivari, who comes out brazenly waiving the Iranian flag, and whoa, that's not a popular decision. They run down not only the trainees, but the country itself, and man, I hope they had a lot of security on their way out of the stadium. Of course, this all leads to them getting dropped by the local workers, to the delight of the crowd

WWE Title Match: AJ Styles v Shinsuke Nakamura: Feeling out process to start, with Styles dominating, but missing a charge in the corner, and getting his leg swept by the challenger. Nakamura with a knee across the apron, followed by a guillotine kneedrop, then back in to cover for two. Nakamura with a bootchoke in the corner, followed by another kneedrop for two. Guy loves using the knee like AJ loves using the forearm. Still not as much as Finn loves using the double stomp, though. That'll never be topped. Nakamura works a chinlock, but AJ escapes, so Nakamura throws a (you guessed it) knee. AJ fires back with a wheelbarrow facebuster, and he lands a pair of clotheslines to set up a seated forearm smash. Styles with another forearm in the corner, followed by a fireman's neckbreaker for two, as the crowd amuses themselves by waiving their hands in the air, waiving 'em like they just don't care. Style Clash, but Nakamura blocks, and hits an enzuigiri to put AJ down for more knee strikes, followed by a gourdbuster. Kinshasa, but AJ counters with a schoolboy for two, and rolls him into the Calf Crusher. Nakamura makes the ropes, so Styles tries the Phenomenal Forearm, but gets caught and placed across the top turnbuckles for a knee for two. Enzuigiri dazes the champion for a superplex, but apparently not enough, as he slips free, and Nakamura ends up crashing to the mat as well in the process. Looked like that may have been a botch. They stagger up for a slugfest, with Nakamura able to transition to a cross-armbreaker, but AJ shifts into a cradle for two, and pops off the pele kick. Phenomenal Forearm, but Nakamura dodges, and blows him low for two. Kinshasa, but AJ blocks with a dropkick, so Nakamura wisely rolls to the outside to avoid a cover. AJ follows with a spear onto the announce table, followed by a stinger splash against the barricade, and a chair shot for good measure - all that resulting in a double countout at 14:27. The WrestleMania match felt like they were trying too hard, and this one felt like they were just going through the motions. About the same result either way, though. ** ¼

Casket Match: Undertaker v Rusev: Considering 'Taker couldn't even work a real match a few weeks back at 'Mania, I don't have especially high hopes for this one. Rusev stalls at the bell, probably to try and pad out the runtime on this one as much as possible. Undertaker goes after him, but loses a scuffle on the floor, and Rusev unloads on the way in. Undertaker turns the tide and delivers the ropewalk forearm, then tosses him out of the ring onto the casket - triggering a Yokozuna-like freak out. And then the announcers even talk about Yokozuna, saying that the first casket match young Rusev ever saw was Rumble '94, and that it was a childhood favorite of his. That really serves to make Undertaker look old as fuck, doesn't it? I mean, Rusev was watching him as a kid, at a time when 'Taker was already a well established act and a former world champion, facing a guy who has now been dead for nearly two decades, and his ass is STILL around. Rumble '94 was nearly a quarter CENTURY ago! 'Taker hits the guillotine legdrop and goes for the casket, but Aiden English interferes, and Rusev rallies. That casket has nearly no depth to it at all. I'm not saying they need to bust out the old 'double deep, double wide,' but this one looks like it might have trouble closing. Rusev with a spinheel kick and a pair of elbowdrops to set up the Accolade, but he just sort of lets off, and turns his back, which proves to be a mistake. Yeah, no shit. If he'd actually studied that Rumble '94 match, the dude might have a slightly better strategy here. You really have to wonder why no one ever tried that again, considering it worked like gangbusters. I mean, how many casket matches can you think of that Undertaker ever lost? I can only think of a few offhand, and they all included outside interference. Anyway, he chokeslams Rusev, Tombstones English, and somehow fits them both in that shallow casket at 9:38. 'Taker was working like he'd be more comfortable doing the senior circuit in front of two hundred people a night in VFW halls. ½*


WWE Universal Title Cage Match: Brock Lesnar v Roman Reigns: Do they even have a Jimmy John's in Saudi Arabia? Also, kinda surprised Paul Heyman showed up for this one. Brock wants to spar a bit in the early going, so Reigns decides to charge him with the Superman Punch right away, but Lesnar ducks, and takes him to suplex city. Four release Germans set up the F5, and Lesnar is now openly laughing with Heyman at Roman's performance thus far. Second F5, but this time Reigns is able to counter with a series of three Supermans to set up the spear, but Brock counters to the F5. Reigns manages to grab the cage and pull himself over the top to avoid the move, but Lesnar pulls him back over, and rams him into the side to knock his challenger to the mat. Brock keeps climbing, but he's moving slower than a wrestler in a videogame cage match, and Roman powerbombs him down. Now in control, Reigns tosses him into the cage a few times to set up the spear, then adds another pair for two. Considering this booking, is it any wonder that Brock climbs like he's in a videogame? Despite only getting a two count, Reigns decides to casually go for the door without so much as even adding a token stomp, but Heyman slams the door in his face, and Brock hits another F5 for two. Paul passes his champion a chair, but Reigns throws a spear for two to block a swing, and grabs the weapon himself. Reigns goes to town on Brock, and drills him with (another) Superman to set up (another) spear - only to bust through the side of the cage in the process - giving Lesnar the win since he hit the ground first at 9:05. The hell? That would be a really cute finish for, like, Honky Tonk Man, but not the freakin' Beast. This was another videogame special from these two, with the addition of more puzzling booking, and a bizarre finish. ¾*

WWE Greatest Royal Rumble Title 50-Man Royal Rumble Match: Ninety second intervals announced, though I'll bet they actually fall a lot closer to sixty. Daniel Bryan gets #1, and Dolph Ziggler gets #2 to kick us off. Both guys try dumping the other early, but that predictably goes nowhere. Bryan tries a charge, but eats a dropkick, and nearly gets tossed, before nearly managing to reverse Ziggler out, until #3 draw Sin Cara enters. He comes in with a springboard moonsault press on both guys, and gives Ziggler a powerbomb, then springboard bodypresses Bryan ahead of a corner dropkick. Sin with a flying somersault senton splash on Bryan, so Dolph comes over with a superkick, and Cara is done. #4 is Curtis Axel, and he dominates both guys for the period. #5 is Mark Henry, and he's making his way to the ring at about the same pace I'd move on a balance beam. He quickly dumps Curtis, as #6 draw Mike Kanellis joins the fray. Yep, Henry took so long to get down the aisle that it nearly took up the entire period. Mark does manage to clothesline Mike out the second he climbs in though, as #7 draw Hiroki Sumi makes his way in - apparently a compromise resulting from the people calling the shots for this thing wanting to see Yokozuna compete. He gets right into it with Mark, and bootleg Yoko is gone. Unfortunately for Henry, Daniel and Dolph then immediately toss him as well, as #8 draw Viktor joins the party. He comes in hot on both guys, but gets into trouble while trying to get Daniel out, and he's gone. #9 is Kofi Kingston, and the New Day is pretty damn over here. He pops both guys with a double jumping clothesline on the way in, and Dolph gets a senton splash, but Kofi fails to eliminate Bryan. Tony Nese draws #10, and gets into a cruiserweight showdown with Kofi for a bit. #11 is Dash Wilder, and he goes right for Nese, but can't get him out. He settles for a spiraling fireman's backbreaker instead, then tries cornering Bryan for an elimination, until #12 draw Hornswoggle runs in. That really, really excites the crowd, for reasons that escape me. He assists in getting Dash out, and even manages to hit Kofi with a Samoan drop to set up a dive off the top, but Dolph superkicks him to stop it, and Nese knees his little ass out. Poor bugger. Primo Colon gets lucky #13, and immediately botches a springboard in an exchange with Nese, as Daniel tornado DDTs Kingston. #14 is Xavier Woods, and he gets right to work double teaming with Kofi. Primo tries backdropping them both out, but Kofi lands on Xavier's shoulders on the apron, and we get a cool spot when Woods climbs to the top with Kingston piggybacking for a flying bodypress onto everyone else. That was great! And it segues into another fun spot, as they dance to celebrate, and Nese (the only guy not to eat the bodypress) walks over to get funky with them - only to get dumped under the guise of a dance move! Love it! Bo Dallas is #15, and goes for the New Day guys, but it doesn't go anywhere. #16 is Kurt Angle, and he unloads nearly as many German suplexes as Brock does in a night. Bye Bo. Bye Primo. Bye Dolph. Scott Dawson draws #17, and starts popping off European uppercuts like they're going out of style. Goldust gets #18, and boy, he'd better hope 1996 wasn't a popular year for WWE programming around these parts. #19 is Konnor, going after Kingston, but getting thwarted by Woods. Elias gets #20, complete with extended guitar entrance. Still got into the match quicker than Mark Henry did, though. He dumps Konnor and both New Day members right away, as #21 draw Luke Gallows drops by. Angle hits Bryan with the Olympic Slam, but gets caught up pulling down his straps and dumped by Elias, as Rhyno comes in at #22. #23 is Drew Gulak, as this thing starts to drag a bit. And we're not even half way through the field yet, heaven help us! #24 is Tucker Knight, as the parade of filler guys continues. He dumps Gulak, at least. #25 is Bobby Roode, and stupid Elias tries attacking him before he's even done climbing into the ring, which seems like flawed strategy. Bobby gets rid of Goldust, and a catapult ends Dawson's night as well. #26 is Fandango, which may also be a risky choice for this show. Chad Gable gets #27, and grabs Tucker for an electric chair, which seems like a major waste of energy for a battle royal (from a kayfabe perspective). Rey Mysterio draws #28, and a rana sends Gallows home. Headscissors sets up the 619 on Roode, but Fandango interrupts, so Rey dives off of him and onto Rhyno with a tornado DDT. Mojo Rawley is #29, and that's it for Fandango. He's immediately replaced by #30 draw Tyler Breeze though, but his dreams of avenging his partner don't work out well, and Mojo dumps him. Big E gets #31, and that's it for Tucker. Karl Anderson draws #32, as it dawns on me that we still have almost twenty guys to go before this thing can wrap up already. Apollo Crews gets #33, and looks like he nearly blows up just getting to the ring. Still fresh enough to toss Gable, though. Roderick Strong pulls #34, as this thing continues to be an exercise in proving that sometimes (often times) less is more. Not that I have an issue with Strong. He's a fine worker. It's just the ratio of stars to JTTS guys here is not exactly good. #35 is Randy Orton, to the extreme delight of this crowd. Apollo tries hitting him with a 2^nd rope twisting bodypress, but lands in the RKO, and he's gone. As are Anderson and Rawley. Randy needing to kneel down to drill Mysterio with an uppercut is funny as hell. #36 is Heath Slater, and he nearly gets Elias out, but the crooner hangs on. Shit, Bryan is still in there, the longevity record has got to be in sight at this point. Rey (the current holder) should be trying desperately to get him out at all costs. I feel like the old school bookers would have remembered and included that. #37 is Babatunde, who is apparently from NXT, though this is the first time I've seen him. He's a big 'un. Bryan tries chopping him down like a redwood, but it goes nowhere. Baron Corbin draws #38, and that's it for Roode and Strong. Titus O'Neil pulls #39, and basically uses the ramp as a giant slip and slide, in one of the all time great pratfalls in history. Not even limited to 'wrestling history,' either. Lucky he didn't crash right into the pole holding the ring up though, because that would have been a serious injury. #40 is Dan Matha (also apparently from NXT), as the announcers busy themselves making fun of Titus through multiple replays. #41 is Braun Strowman, and you've gotta believe all those NXT geeks are about to go flying. And, yep, both Babatunde and Matha gone in seconds. Big E tries to stop him with the Big Ending, but gets blocked, and tossed. Slater gets pressed out as well, so everyone left decides to gang up on Braun to avoid the same fate. #42 is Tye Dillinger, and he jumps right onto the 'get Braun out' bandwagon. Try as they might, he fights them all off, and tosses Crews and Dillinger in the process. Orton throws a dropkick to set up a 619 from Mysterio, into an RKO. They have a good thing going, but turn on each other, and both end up getting dumped, as does Corbin. Curt Hawkins draws #43, but he wants no part of Braun. His hesitation costs him dearly, however, as Strowman chases his up the aisle, forces him into the ring, and dumps his cowardly ass. Braun's on an all time run here, it's just a shame it's being wasted on this instead of the real Rumble. #44 is Bobby Lashley, to little reaction. I'm kinda surprised since this crowd has been going nuts for most of the guys who were big in that 2005-2008 period. And Lashley was certainly that. Maybe it's that stupid headband? He tosses Elias, anyway. The timing on these periods is way, way off. Like, it's either well under a minute, or otherwise several minutes. I don't think one has actually been even close to the announced ninety seconds. Great Khali gets #45, but gets almost immediately dumped by Strowman and Lashley. We get a close-up of Daniel Bryan down in the corner in the aftermath, and holy shit, his body is absolutely sickeningly beat up. He looks like he's been doing a broadway in a fatal four-way with Flair, Steamboat, and Benoit every night for a week. #46 is Kevin Owens, and he hits everyone with Cannonballs. Cute bit, but a little too convenient that everyone would be down in a corner, perfectly set up for him. Bryan takes a Pop-Up Powerbomb, but manages to avoid elimination until #47 draw Shane McMahon gets Kevin's attention. Well, you knew we were going to get SOME McMahon on this show. He teams up with Daniel to work over Owens, until #48 draw Shelton Benjamin makes his way in. Owens tries to rally everyone together to handle Braun, as #49 draw Big Cass comes down to join the effort. They manage to get the big guy down for Shane to hit with the Coast-to-Coast, but all that serves to do is knock him out to the floor under the bottom rope. Not great strategy, guys. And, finally, Chris Jericho rounds out the enormous field at #50. He goes right for Owens, hitting a Lionsault, then nailing Cass with a springboard dropkick. Codebreaker allows him to get rid of Shelton, and he puts Owens in the Walls, but Cass breaks it up. Considering Jericho has spent more overall time in Rumble matches than anyone else in history (by a wide margin), you'd think he'd be a little better at strategy. Shane tries going Coast-to-Coast on Owens, but Braun shoves him off the top and through the announce table to eliminate him. Strowman is good and pissed now, and comes growling at Lashley, on his way to tossing him. And Owens. Final four are Daniel Bryan, Braun Strowman, Big Cass, and Chris Jericho, but Jericho is gone before we even have time to take a proper headcount. Bryan tries to take a stand against Strowman, and quite nearly gets the monster out all by himself, but Cass blasts him with a big boot, and tosses Daniel! All these guys are morons. Bryan does get the consolation prize of setting a new longevity record in the process, though. Cass stands around gloating about tossing Bryan like an idiot, before realizing, holy shit, I'm alone with Braun. He makes a solid effort, but come on, we all know how this is ending. And, indeed, Strowman knocks him out to win at 77:06 - setting a record for the most eliminations in a single Rumble in the process. This thing featured some cute spots, but was too long, and featured too many filler guys overall. All sorts of records set here, with the individual longevity record going to Bryan, the elimination record going to Strowman, and the Rumble itself running longer than any previous version, as well as having the widest field. ** ¼

BUExperience: It’s interesting as a historical curiosity, but as an actual five hour wrestling show, it doesn’t work at all. And, honestly, if this is going to be a semi-regular thing for the next ten years, it doesn’t even really rank as much of a historical curiosity.

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