WWE Elimination Chamber (February 2019)

Original Airdate: February 17, 2019

From Houston, Texas; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Renee Young (RAW), Tom Phillips and Byron Saxton (Smackdown), with Corey Graves sitting in with both teams

Opening WWE Women's Tag Team Title Elimination Chamber Match: The IIconics v Sasha Banks and Bayley v Carmella and Naomi v Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville v Liv Morgan and Sarah Logan: This is to crown the first champions, and Beth Phoenix sits in on commentary for the match. They're going to have to time their eliminations out really well, or else this is going to become a mess of bodies very quickly. Sasha and Bayley start with Mandy and Sonya, and Banks immediately gets dumped to the outside. Well, she was the only one who didn't have her hair up, so she kind of had that coming. She and Bayley quickly make a comeback, and Sasha hits both heels with a flying bodypress out on the platform, and they bring Sonya in to gang up on. She fights them off in short order, however, and Mandy comes back to drop Bayley with a backbreaker for two. They continue to dominate the period, but end up hitting the cage while trying something on the platform, and everyone is down as Morgan and Logan enter the match. They stomp Sasha and Bayley for a while, stupidly leaving Rose and Deville out of it until they recover, and we get a proper showdown. Rose and Morgan slugging it out is funny to me, because there was a period during the Absolution/Riott Squad days when I'd constantly get them mixed up. They all trade off, until Bayley sneaks back in and starts throwing knees, along with a side suplex for Sarah. To the top rope, but Mandy and Sonya follow for a tandem superplex, so of course Logan and Morgan hop over for the big tower of doom spot. This match is a total directionless mess thus far. The IIconics buzz in next, and try to steal an elimination by making covers on everyone still down from the tower spot. I like Peyton's new hair. I'm actually kinda pulling for them here, too. They may not be very good as wrestlers, but I enjoy their act. The IIconics dominate the rest of the period (nothing notable), until Naomi and Carmella enter, and immediately destroy them. They stack girls up in each corner for some bronco busters, so Billie Kay tries to climb up the chamber to hide, but Carmella follows, and uses a rana to send her into the cage. Naomi hits Logan with a split-legged moonsault, but Morgan breaks the count at two, so Carmella hits her with a flying bodypress. That triggers a sequence of everyone in the match trading spots until everyone is left down, and that was literally the first truly good sequence of the match, some fifteen minutes in. Next, we get Naomi beating the shit out of Mandy for a bit, but the IIconics step in, and put Naomi down with a sunset flip/somersault cradle combo at 17:08. That's a great combo! Put the belts on them, damn it! The IIconics, of course, gloat like crazy over that, leading to everyone else deciding to gang up on them. They talk their way out of it by reminding everyone that Jax and Tamina are about to buzz in, however, and everyone turns their attention to them instead... and promptly get slaughtered. Meanwhile, the IIconics go hide in one of the pods to stay out of harms way, but Nia and Tamina drag them out, and start swinging them into the fence a bunch of times. Inside, stereo Samoan drops finish my favs at 20:10. Well, they're still the champions of my heart, anyway. Morgan and Logan immediately blitz, but can't finish the job, so Rose and Deville jump in as well. That actually starts getting traction, but those annoying morons Banks and Bayley show up, and decide to fight them instead of helping with Jax and Tamina. Meanwhile, Logan and Morgan hide on top of one of the pods, and wait until they've got four bodies in shooting distance to suddenly dive off with stereo flying bodypresses. Unfortunately, it's on the platform, so they don't even score a two count out of the deal. And then Nia just kills Liv with a Samoan off the middle rope to set up a flying splash from Tamina at 24:46 anyway. Nia and Tamina chuck girls around like cuts of meat, but Jax misses a charge out on the platform, and ends up crashing through a pod. That allows everyone else to gang up on Tamina, and they dog pile her for the pin at 27:03. Hmm, I was sure we were getting Sasha/Bayley/Tamina/Nia as the final. Everyone catches a breather to build drama, and Sonya secures her hair, so shit's about to get real. Mandy's hair is now down, though, so that might negate it, I'm not sure. Sonya rolls Sasha up for two, but eats a lungblower into the Bayley-to-Belly for two, when Mandy saves. Mandy decides to climb the cage for no adequately explored reason, but Banks and Bayley follow her to the top of a pod for a superplex, but Sonya saves. That allows Mandy to knock Bayley back down to the platform for Sonya to spear, so Sasha hops down as well to beat the shit out of Deville. Mandy saves, and I guess that whole sequence up he cage had not point at all then. Mandy with a sitout double-underhook facebuster for two on Sasha, so Sonya tries a spear, but ends up hitting her partner. That allows Sasha to get Sonya in the Bank Statement, and that's enough at 32:56. Honestly, that was probably the least interesting choice to put the belts on, but I get why they went that way. This was way, way, WAY too long for what it was, as they basically had fifteen minutes worth of stuff, spaced out over a half hour. * ½

WWE Smackdown Tag Team Title Match: Miz and Shane McMahon v The Usos: It's worth noting that we're already a full HOUR into the broadcast, and only had one match, which only ran a half hour. It's really glaring to me, especially doing this show back-to-back with an In Your House from 1996. The champs take control, and go for the Coast to Coast early, but interference stops Shane from diving. McMahon shrugs that off and kills both Usos anyway, and Miz comes in to help him send them both over the top. The challengers manage to cheat to get control of Miz, and they cut the ring in half, but Shane gets the hot tag, and yay, looks like this is going to be over with relatively quickly. Shane comes in with floatover DDTs for everyone, but he gets too cocky by trying multiple Coast to Coasts, and ends up getting superkicked out of the air on the second one. Serves him right. Jey Uso nearly finishes him, but Miz makes the save, and fuck, it looks like they're building up another hot tag. Miz gets said tag, and decides to hit a springboard flying axehandle on the way it, which he then stops to mark out for. That allows Jey to recover with a Samoan drop, but he misses a charge in the corner, and Miz DDTs him for two. To the outside for a baseball slide, and Miz preps an announce table (going right for the main one - the balls on this kid), setting Shane up for the big flying elbowdrop spot. This is exactly why Shane as anything other than an occasional attraction doesn't work. His big spots are cool when you see them in big matches once every couple of years, but not every month. So that kills Jey dead, but instead of taking him in to finish, Miz goes in with Jimmy Uso instead, and ends up getting cradled at 13:52. I did not enjoy. ½*

WWE Intercontinental Title Handicap Match: Bobby Lashley and Lio Rush v Finn Balor: Not a fan of singles titles being defended in Handicap matches. Bobby starts, and pounds Finn down right away, but Balor manages to strike back, and the champ ends up on the outside to regroup with Rush. That's enough to give him the strength to pound Finn down again on the way back in, but Balor avoids him in the corner. He goes up, but Rush distracts him, and Lashley is able to take control again. Finn manages to backdrop the champion over the top, but Rush trips him up as he goes for the follow-up dive, and Bobby drives him into the barricade when Balor goes after the little guy. You know he's small when he makes Balor look big. After Bobby beats Balor down enough, Rush wants in, and he pops off some abuse in the corner before tagging back out. Lashley uses a reverse STO for two, and it's back to Rush to work an abdominal stretch. Finn hiptosses his way out of it, so Lio bails back to Bobby, and Lashley unloads in the corner. I'm so bored right now that I'm seriously contemplating just giving up on doing the rest of this show. Lashley goes for the kill, but Rush wants to finish it himself, and forces a tag against Bobby's will. And then promptly misses a flying splash, of course. Balor destroys him, so Bobby comes in without a tag, but Finn manages to dump them both to the outside for a somersault suicida. He rushes Lio back in for the running dropkick, and the flying double stomp finishes at 9:26. Nope. ¼*

WWE RAW Women's Title Match: Ronda Rousey v Ruby Riott: When alliteration EXPLODES! Charlotte Flair is at ringside for this, looking like she got dressed in 2004. Ruby tries a few quick strikes to take control early, but Ronda just totally shrugs her off, and sends her to the outside in short order. Ruby stalls out there, before coming back in to give it one more go, but Rousey destroys her with the cross-armbreaker at 1:43. Just a total squash. Afterwards, Charlotte comes in to stare the champ down, and you know, I'm really digging Rousey's new gear. That's a good look for her. And speaking of looking good, just as they're staring each other down, Becky Lynch appears in the crowd, on crutches. She gets to the ring as fast as she can, and we have a three-way stare down, until Lynch starts unloading on Flair with a crutch. She beats the piss out of her as Ronda just stands there and watches, totally unmoved. Once that's over, Rousey arms herself with the other crutch to take her turn beating Charlotte, but Becky attacks them both before she can. She delivers a pretty wild beating on both women (drawing hardway blood on both counts) until officials are able to step in and remove her, and if this shit doesn't go on last at WrestleMania, they don't know what the fuck they're doing. DUD

No Disqualification Match: Braun Strowman v Baron Corbin: Baron tries going at him at the bell, but that ends badly, so he grabs a kendo stick instead. Did Charlotte shit one out on her way out of the ring, or something? He uses the weapon to take control, but a whip into the corner gets reversed, and Braun snaps the stick in half. Corbin bails, so Strowman chases after him for a shoulderblock into the barricade, and Renee Young is actively cheering him on at ringside, in a funny background bit. I don't know why the sight of her enthusiastically applauding him made me laugh, but there it is. Corbin chucks an office chair halfway across ringside at him (in perhaps the most impressive thing to happen all night), but that misses, so he just beats him with the steps instead. Ah, life's simple pleasures. Inside, Corbin takes it even more basic by working Strowman over with punches, but Braun avalanches him in the corner, and uses a big boot. He goes out to get a table, and maybe that's why Renee likes him so much - he provides his own furniture instead of messing with theirs. Braun leans the table up in the corner and running powerslams Corbin through it, but Drew McIntyre and Bobby Lashley show up with chairs before he can cover - looking like Baron's own personal Tokka and Rahzar. Why did they wait until now? It's no DQ. Come out right at the start. So they cut Strowman down to size, and stack up a pair of tables for a triple-team powerbomb through to give Corbin the win at 10:48. ¾*

Main Event: WWE Title Elimination Chamber Match: Daniel Bryan v AJ Styles v Randy Orton v Samoa Joe v Jeff Hardy v Kofi Kingston: Literally twenty minutes of filler and entrances between bells here. Bryan's eco-friendly title belt is a great character thing, though as a belt mark, I'm not a fan. Bryan and Joe start, and Bryan immediately bails out to the platform to stall. That may work in a regular match, but there are no countouts in this situation, so I don't think Daniel's thought this one through. He finally comes back in and tries to cut Joe down with strike, but Joe just kind of laughs at him, and takes his little ass down in a kneebar. Daniel forces it into the corner and tries chops, but Joe does the Hulk Hogan no-sell, and he chases Bryan out to the platform to beat on with his own set of chops. Powerbomb gets two on the way back in, and Joe shifts the kick out into a Boston crab, then down into a crippler crossface. He tries turning it into a crucifix cradle, but Daniel reverses for two, and manages to clip the leg to slow the challenger down. Back out to the platform, Bryan manages to send Joe into a pod for a one count, but an attempt to trade chops goes badly. Joe's attempt at an avalanche goes equally badly, though, and Bryan throws kicks in the corner until Kingston joins the party. He dives in with a springboard flying axehandle on Bryan, and a flying frogsplash on Joe gets two. Daniel recovers in the meantime, and drops Kofi front-first across the top rope to set up a flying kneesmash for two, but here comes Joe with the chops again. Poor Daniel's chest is bright red already. He decides to go hide out on top of a pod for a while, leaving Kofi to eat at Joe's chop house for a bit, until Kingston decides to follow Bryan up to the top of the pod. Daniel evades him by climbing horizontally across the chamber, but ends up taking a spill, and Kofi drops with a suicide dive onto both guys for two. That was a hell of a dive, in terms of risk. I mean, it was just a complete freefall. Kingston hits Bryan with a jumping backelbow for two, and Joe punctuates it with a senton splash, before turning his attention back to Kingston with a suplex for two. Bryan escapes to the platform, but Joe is on his tail with another flurry of chops, until AJ enters. I honestly wouldn't have minded just doing Bryan/Joe/Kingston for the rest of the match, because they had a nice little groove going, and adding more guys is just going to mess with it. Styles runs wild on everyone for a bit, so Bryan tries hiding up the side of the chamber, but AJ springboards after him with a forearm to knock the champ back down onto the platform. That was a neat spot, though they telegraphed it heavily. AJ goes for the Clash on Kofi, but gets blocked, and has to settle for a fireman's neckbreaker instead. Joe backdrops AJ to stop his flurry, and puts Kofi in the Coquina Clutch, but Kingston pushes off the buckles to turn it into a cradle for two. Joe keeps it hooked, but Kofi drops down with a jawbreaker to escape, and AJ dives in with a Phenomenal Forearm on Joe at 14:36. The one time I'd actually been enjoying Joe in forever, and he's the first man out. Jeff Hardy's in to replace him, and he goes at AJ with an inverted atomic drop into a legdrop to the groin into a seated dropkick for two. Sitout chincrusher follows, so Bryan tries to step in, but eats a corkscrew kick. Twist of Fate for AJ, but Styles manages to counter with the pele kick, as Daniel abuses Kofi out on the platform. AJ and Jeff fight to the top turnbuckle, and both end up taking a pretty nasty spill down to the platform, with Styles definitely getting the worst of it. Jeff adds a Swanton Bomb off of a pod, but immediately eats a running knee from Bryan as soon as he lands, and that's it for Hardy at 17:58. Bryan hooks AJ in a tree of woe for some abuse, then takes Kofi up to the top rope on the same buckle for a superplex - only for AJ to do a sit-up, and German suplex them both down! That was cool, but a tad contrived. And that's where we stand as Orton enters the match, and he's looking super confident as he surveys the field of bodies. He casually dominates, but Bryan counters an RKO attempt into a backslide for two, and that wakes the Viper up. He drops Bryan across the top rope to get rid of him for a bit, but that allows Kofi to sneak up with an attack to end his dominance. AJ tries to take control with a Phenomenal Forearm on Kofi, but Orton catches him in an RKO on the way down at 22:22. Cool spot, though they didn't quite nail the execution. They're doing a good job of keeping the field small here, which is great. Kofi sneaks up on Orton with a cradle for two, and he heads to the top for a dive, but Randy crotches him. He wisely checks on Bryan's position before focusing on Kingston with a rope-hung DDT, but Daniel comes back to life with an attack, forcing Randy to fight him off with a belly-to-belly suplex. That allows Kingston to recover with the Trouble in Paradise, and Orton is done at 24:06. Bryan and Kingston stagger up for a slugfest, with Kofi dominating, but he misses Paradise. That allows Bryan to sweep the leg to set up some Yes Kicks, but Kingston blocks the big finale, and hooks the SOS for two. The crowd is really buying into Kingston here. Like, big time. Stinger splash, but Daniel dodges, and throws a series of kicks in the corner to set up four cross corner dropkicks. He tries a fifth, but Kingston is able to charge him down for two, so Bryan bails to the platform before the challenger can finish him off. That brings a pissed off Kingston after him, and Daniel eats several helpings of steel. Well, it is vegan friendly. Kingston gets reversed into a pod, however, and Daniel capitalizes with the running kneesmash for two. I'm really sick of dudes (and dudettes) overselling the shock of someone kicking out of a signature move. It was one thing when they only did those bits in the main event of WrestleMania once a year, but it happens in almost every match these days, and it's stupid. Bryan tries to put him away by simply stomping on his head a bunch of time, but Kingston kicks out at two, and hits Paradise for two. Bryan reverses the cover for two, and take Kingston down for a version of the Yes Lock, but Kofi makes the ropes. Daniel goes up, but Kofi crotches him there, so Bryan hikes up to the top of a pod to avoid a superplex. Kingston follows, and starts bashing Daniel's head into the plastic corner wall a bunch of times to soften him up, but he can't manage a superplex from up there. Bryan bails back to the top rope, but Kingston shoves him down to the mat, and dives off the pod with a flying splash - nobody home. That allows Bryan to charge with the running kneesmash, and we're done at 36:36. This was really good, and honestly almost enough to save this horrible excuse for a PPV, but not quite. Still absolutely worth checking out on its own, though. *** ¾

BUExperience: Really bad. But, at least it was really bad in around three hours, as opposed to around four.

DUD