WWF March to WrestleMania X (March 13, 1994)

Original Airdate: March 13, 1994 (taped February 21 – 23)

From Poughkeepsie, New York and Loch Sheldrake, New York; Your Hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Stan Lane (Poughkeepsie); Vince McMahon and Johnny Polo (Loch Sheldrake). I guess they wanted to tape at the town on the rotation with the most difficult name to spell, and it was a draw, so they booked both

Lex Luger v Jimmy Del Ray: From Loch Sheldrake. I think I went to high school basketball games that had better attendance than this card did. And yet, this is one of my favorite periods in all of wrestling. Go figure. In hindsight though, marketing a character known as the 'gigolo' (complete with that perverted dance) as part of a product aimed mostly at children is a fucking weird call. No wonder attendance was in the toilet. I had no idea what a 'gigolo' was at age nine. I thought it might have something to do with tennis, honestly. I mean, Jim Cornette carried that racket around, and I thought that symbol on the Heavily Bodies' tights was a flaming tennis ball. See, because they could hit it so fast that the ball caught fire. Shut up, it was 1994, NBA Jam Tournament Edition skewed my understanding of the likelihood balls catching fire in sports. Luger uses his power advantage to dominate in the early going, with Del Ray bouncing all over the place to sell for him. Big charge misses, however, and Lex takes a spill to the outside, where Tom Prichard is waiting to abuse him. Back in, Del Ray capitalizes with a series of kneedrops to the lower back, and he adds some forearm blows to the part. Into the corner for some more cheating with the aid of Prichard, and man, this building is so small that even the banners they have up look comically oversized. And it's not charmingly small, like the Manhattan Center, it's just dinky. The Bodies work Luger over with loads of cheating, but Jimmy misses the flying moonsault, and Lex makes his comeback. Powerslam sets up the torture rack, and Del Ray is done ray at 8:32. This was a very Southern style match. Afterwards, Cornette tries to sneak up on Lex with the tennis racket, but Lex turns the tables, and Cornette leaves the ring with his ass feeling like that tennis ball on the Bodies' tights. That leads to WWF Champion Yokozuna coming out to defend Jim's tushy honor, but the officials block his path, and we're left with them doing a stare down instead. *

Bam Bam Bigelow v Ben Jordan: From Poughkeepsie. Both of these tapings are so half-assed. Like, at least cover over the Monday Night RAW banners, you lazy fucks. At least this venue looks half-way respectable. Still really, really small, but nearly as embarrassing as the other one. Nikolai Volkoff is sitting in the crowd for this one. I remember thinking he was ancient looking at the time, like my grandfather, or something. Hard to believe he wasn't even fifty yet at this point. Bigelow with a hotshot at 3:35, in a lazy finish to a lazy squash. DUD

Alundra Blayze video. This was like one of those soft-core things they used to show on the Playboy Channel back in the day

WrestleMania X ad

Backstage, Tatanka is on the warpath, and ready for Yokozuna. It's weird seeing a dude cut a crazy, over the top promo without a proper set. Like, he's just in a hallway, in full gear, ranting and raving. Just looks weird

Razor Ramon v Tony DeVito: From Poughkeepsie, and Razor's WWF Intercontinental Title is not on the line here. DeVito looks like such a scrub. Like, even Danny DeVito looks more imposing. The announcers talk about this crazy 'ladder match' concept, that we're going to be seeing at WrestleMania. In an era when we have two pay per views per year dedicated to the concept, it's almost hard to believe there used to be a time when ladder matches weren't commonplace. Ramon with the Razor's Edge at 4:04. This felt really slow and boring. DUD

Johnny Polo brings Owen Hart out for an in-ring interview to hype the match with brother Bret Hart at WrestleMania. Nothing especially notable, but Owen doing his bitter crybaby little brother routine is always fun

Little Richard is coming to WrestleMania X in search of 'all the wild men.' Too bad he didn't want a tryout, we could have gotten Wildman Little Richard two years early

Earthquake v Executioner: From Poughkeepsie. I remember going to my very first live event in 1994 (a house show) that featured the Executioner on it, and thinking that it was some cool new wrestler I'd be seeing on TV soon. Gimmicks meant you were a somebody back then, after all. Just like how I'd think WCW had higher level wrestlers when I'd catch Saturday Night, because even the jobbers had gimmicks sometimes (like the Gambler). Earthquake with the Earthquake Splash at 2:01. And that little quickie was actually four times as long as his WrestleMania match would be. DUD

WrestleMania X Report, with Todd Pettengill. I like how they're hyping up a special magazine on the history of the first nine WrestleMania's, and the cover doesn't even feature a photo of Hulk Hogan. You know, the guy who was involved in the main event of literally every one of those shows. They mostly focus on the celebrity involvement with this segment, but that's fine, since the rest of this show is being used to hype the actual matches anyway. I love how Todd hypes Rhonda Shear by noting that she used to date Larry King, as if that makes any difference. Like, oh, I didn't give half a shit about her involvement before, but Larry used to stick it in her ass, so now I'm supposed to care? He also worries he might 'lose self control' around Jennie Garth, so no wonder she didn't seem too excited about being there

Johnny Polo is backstage with Bret Hart. It's hilarious watching Hart just stand there while Polo endlessly flaps his gums, patiently waiting for his turn to talk

Bret Hart v Crush: From Loch Sheldrake. They size each other up in the early going, with Bret doing his usual brilliant job of getting the little nuances of everything over. The more I watch of his work from this period, the more I really appreciate what an absolute genius he was in the ring. Crush goads him into a test-of-strength, but Bret wrestles to an advantage in the knucklelock, and Crush is forced to use the ropes to escape. He bails to the outside, and both of these guys are selling the absolute hell out of that test-of-strength spot, even a minute after it's over. Crush charges back in, but Bret dodges him, and uses a hangman's clothesline to take him down for one. Hart dives onto his back with a sleeper, so Crush snapmares him off, only to miss a fistdrop. That allows Bret to knock him to the outside with a running backelbow, but Crush blocks a rollup on the way back in, and blasts the Hitman with a superkick. Now firmly in control, Crush works the back, and uses a backbreaker for two. Cross-armbreaker grounds the Hitman, but Bret wrestles it into a cradle for two, so Crush corner whips him, and works a bearhug. He dumps him to the outside for Mr. Fuji to abuse, but the referee intervenes before the manager can, so Crush whips Bret into the steps instead for two. Backbreaker gets two, and a tilt-a-whirl version is worth two. Crush argues the count, allowing Bret to sneak up with a schoolboy for two, but Crush cuts off the comeback with a headbutt. Corner whip follows, but a charge hits boot, and Hart dives off the middle rope with a bulldog for two. Rollup gets two, and a Russian legsweep follows, but Bret takes a bad landing, and the cover is delayed. Hart guts out a 2^nd rope pointed elbowdrop, but again bumps his head on the landing, and is slow to recover. Both guys stagger up, and Hart manages to corner him for a ten-punch, but Crush fights him off with an inverted atomic drop. Crush adds another backbreaker (that, like, four of those fuckers now) to set up a dive off the top, but Bret moves, and it's Sharpshooter time! He goes for the hold, so Fuji hops up onto the apron to distract him, and Bret takes the bait. That allows Crush to sneak up, but he accidentally nails Fuji, and Hart hooks a small package - only for Owen Hart to slide in and roll it over, giving Crush the pin at 14:37. Very effective match, as Bret made Crush look dangerous ahead of his match with Randy Savage for the big show, and it added more heat to the Hart brothers' match as well. I'm surprised we didn't get Bret/Crush for the title on TV after WrestleMania, honestly, as this set them up for it perfectly. **

Rhonda Shear is coming to WrestleMania, and she's looking for 'that stud' Lex Luger. BUT WHAT WILL LARRY KING THINK?!? Clearly, this is Vince's own petty way of figuratively sticking it to Ted Turner by letting his big star literally stick it to Ted's newsman's old flame on pay per view. This may have been the shot that sparked the Monday Night Wars, I dunno

The Quebecers v Mike Bell and PJ Walker: From Poughkeepsie. The WWF Tag Team Title is not on the line here. The Quebecers attack before the bell, but actually get fought off, and dumped to the outside by the enhancement guys. Well there's something you don't see everyday. The Quebecers were so much fun during their all too short run. It's a shame they never could recapture that magic any of the times they came back later, whether in the WWF or in WCW. But, it was fun while it lasted. Captain Lou Albano shows up during the match to observe (as part of the angle that culminated in him managing the Headshrinkers), but he doesn't seem to like these guys. They have a manager anyway, mind your business. And speaking of which, whoever remembered not to send Johnny Polo out with them here (since he's supposed to be at the other location) deserves a prize. The Quebecers put Walker away with a Boston crab/2^nd rope flying legdrop combo at 4:09. Love their tandem moves. ¼*

Randy Savage is barred from the building tonight (or, bulding(s), I guess), but Vince caught up with him earlier today. Seeing Savage look McMahon in the eye and talk about how he can't wait to wrestle at WrestleMania to 'get his dignity back' almost sent chills down my spine. And then he follows it up by talking about how he'd like to wrestle Lex Luger and Bret Hart, but 'somebody shattered my dreams.' And, yeah, he's talking about Crush, but man. This thing was intense, and passionate, and rambling, and everything else you want out of a great Randy Savage promo. It may be his last truly great promo, in fact. Certainly his last in the WWF. I'm surprised I've never seen it before, because it's absolutely fantastic. He really went all out to get this angle over, from cradle to grave. Even as a kid, it felt like the level of intensity he was bringing to the table with this was so much more realistic than the stuff most of the rest of the roster was doing

Yokozuna v Tatanka: From Loch Sheldrake, where Yoko's WWF Title is not on the line. A distraction from Mr. Fuji allows Yoko to attack from behind, and Tatanka ends up on his ass in short order. He tries fighting back with some tomahawk chops, but Yoko dodges a dropkick - only for Tatanka to then dodge a splash. He goes up with a flying bodypress for two, and he tries to take control with an armbar, but Yoko whips him into the ropes, and wins a criss cross with a knee. Yoko's nipples were surprisingly small for such a big dude. He works a nervehold (we're almost three minutes in, what do you expect?), until Tatanka starts to fight free, so Yoko dumps him to the outside. He uses the time to undo one of the top turnbuckle pads, and Tatanka takes a bodyslam on the way back in, on his way to getting trapped in another nervehold. Well, this certainly IS a preview of WrestleMania X! Tatanka fights free, but runs into a clothesline as they criss cross. That allows Yoko to go for the exposed buckle, but Tatanka reverses, and we get a dramatic two count out of it. Tatanka starts making a comeback, and a flying tomahawk chop puts Yoko down again for two, but he stupidly tries the End of the Trail, and eats a belly-to-belly suplex instead. Well, he has no one to blame there but himself. I mean, come on! Even Hulk Hogan wouldn't have tried that shit. Banzai Drop finishes at 10:18. This was, like, 35% nervehold. ¼*

WrestleMania X ad. What was their weird fascination with likening WrestleMania to award shows during the mid-90s? It's the Oscars! It's the Grammys! Like, huh?

Men on a Mission wrap up (or, rap up) with the WrestleMania rap

BUExperience: Nothing incredible, but a fun little hype show, featuring a must-see forgotten gem of a Randy Savage interview.