WWE Fastlane (March 2019)

Original Airdate: March 10, 2019

From Cleveland, Ohio; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Renee Young (RAW), Tom Phillips and Byron Saxton (Smackdown), with Corey Graves sitting in with both teams

Opening WWE Smackdown Tag Team Title Match: The Usos v Miz and Shane McMahon: Jimmy Uso starts with Shane, and Shane is now not only a better wrestler than everyone, but apparently he's also a world class boxer, too. He destroys Jimmy before tagging Miz in, but Jimmy bails to Jey Uso to avoid more of that McMahon fire. Miz uses a springboard sunset flip for two, and he and Shane hit a bearhug/hangman's clothesline combo for two - complete with the Bret Hart taunt. Okay, I dug that. The Usos double up to turn the tide, and start working McMahon over. They cut the ring in half with quick tags, and Miz as the fired up babyface waiting for the hot tag is just... no. And speaking of which, Shane ducks a clothesline and hits a floatover DDT to allow said hot tag, and Miz comes in, well, hot. Both champs end up on the outside for Miz to dive after with a flying bodypress, and he takes it in for a DDT, but misses a charge, and gets cradled for two. The Usos manage to take control of things again from there, so Shane runs in to try and help, but gets killed with a double team. It's enough to cause the distraction Miz needs to recover, but the Skull Crushing Finale only gets him two. The Usos take control again as things settle back down, but Miz escapes a combo, and hooks a schoolboy for two. He tries a superplex from there, but gets dropped throat-first across the top rope, so Shane decides to say 'fuck it' with waiting for a tag, and goes up for the Coast to Coast. Unfortunately for him, the other Uso is waiting on the opposite corner to counter his dive with one of his own, and they end up colliding in mid-air. Pretty neat. Miz capitalizes by going up with a flying frogsplash, but he lands on the knees, and the champs retain at 14:06. A lot better than the Elimination Chamber match, that much is for sure. Afterwards, Miz looks for some love from his dad (at ringside, since this is Miz's hometown), but Shane turns on him, and delivers a beating right in front of the old man. Well, they picked the perfect place to run this angle, that much is for sure. ** ½

WWE Smackdown Women's Title Match: Asuka v Mandy Rose: Feeling out process to start, easily dominated by Asuka. She goes for the kill with an ankle lock, so Sonya Deville comes in for the distraction, and Mandy turns the tide with a knee. Rose with a hanging vertical suplex for two, and she works an octopus hold, but Asuka reverses. Mandy powers out of it with a lame slam for two, but Asuka fires back with a 2^nd rope missile dropkick, and she starts making a comeback. Running hip attack in the corner sets up a German suplex, followed by a shining wizard for two, and Asuka unloads with kicks. Another hip attack, but Mandy dodges for two, only to have Asuka block the sitout double-underhook facebuster. Sonya thinks fast by grabbing a kendo stick, but that results in Mandy tripping over the ring skirt while she's doing so, and Asuka pins her at 6:42. Really weak stuff. Mandy may be everything you want in a woman, but she leaves a lot to be desired as a wrestler. ¼*

Handicap Match: Kofi Kingston v The Bar: This is scheduled as a triple threat for the WWE Title with Daniel Bryan and Kevin Owens, but Vince McMahon makes a last minute change to mess with Kofi, and this is the result. And apparently tags aren't being enforced, because the Bar just gang up on Kofi right at the bell, and double team like crazy. They casually stomp the piss out of Kingston, and slap on a tandem crab hold, but Kofi won't quit. More abuse in the corner, then to the outside, but Kofi manages to send Sheamus into the post to buy time, and he hustles Cesaro back in for a dive, but gets distracted by Sheamus, and nailed on the way down. Bar with a powerbomb/flying clothesline combo, and Sheamus kills him with the Brogue Kick, but they don't want the pin yet. Another Brogue Kick draws the rest of New Day (barred from ringside) out, but Rusev and Shinsuke Nakamura show up to take them out. Meanwhile, Bar hit their finish, and finally put Kofi out of his misery at 5:14. This was less a match than it was an extended beat down. ¼*

WWE RAW Tag Team Title Triple Threat Match: The Revival v Bobby Roode and Chad Gable v Aleister Black and Ricochet: First fall wins it. The champs get dumped right away, and Black/Ricochet dominate Roode and Gable from there, eventually cleaning house to take control of the ring. The dust settles on Gable and Ricochet from there, and Chad tries controlling him on the mat, but Ricochet starts flying around to put a stop to that. Gable makes a blind tag, and the Revival hit Ricochet with a brainbuster combo to give Scott Dawson two. Revival work Ricochet over in their corner, and a gutbuster combo gets them another two count, but Dash Wilder accidentally tags out to Chad. Gable pounds on Ricochet, and grabs an overhead wristlock, but Ricochet uses a chincrusher to escape. He fails to tag when Dawson forces one off of Gable, however, and Scott hits a side suplex for two. Scott works a chinlock, but Ricochet escapes, and tags are made all around - Roseanne Barr the door. Black dominates Roode as everyone else brawls on the outside, but gets nailed by Dawson before he can go for the kill, and Bobby drops him with a spinebuster. That brings Chad back in, but Black fights off a double team, and dumps them. He goes for a dive, but Revival step in, so Ricochet dumps Wilder, and takes Dawson upstairs for a rana down onto the dog pile. A bit contrived, but whatever. Ricochet takes Dawson in to finish off, but he hides in the ropes, so Ricochet decides to do a suicide dive over the ring post onto Roode instead. For whatever reason. That leads to Gable trying to steal the pin on Dawson, but he runs into a double team from the champs, and he's done at 10:49. Whole lot of nothing, followed by a whole lot of random fire car crash spots. * ½

WWE United States Title Fatal Four-Way Match: Samoa Joe v Rey Mysterio v R-Truth v Andrade: First fall wins it. Joe clears the ring right away to set up a tope onto the others, and he takes Rey and Andrade in to beat on with chops, but Truth puts a stop to it. That allows Andrade to alley-oop Rey onto Joe to get rid of them both for a while, but Andrade gets nailed by Truth for two. Rey comes back with a springboard flying headscissors onto both Truth and Andrade at the same time (cool spot), but Joe breaks up a reversal sequence by hitting both Rey and Truth with a clothesline. Joe goes for the kill on Truth, but Rey saves, only to have the 619 blocked. Joe tries a running powerslam, but Rey counters with a tornado DDT for two, but our little flying Baci gets crotched while climbing to the top. Andrade follows, but Truth pulls him onto his shoulders, and Rey dives with a flying headscissors off of Truth's shoulders. Everyone takes turns doing dives to the outside (Zelina Vega included), and Joe nearly pins Rey with a uranage while the others separate a cat fight, but it only gets two. Truth then hits Joe with a five knuckle shuffle as an 'homage' to his 'hero' John Cena, but that goes nowhere, and Joe is quickly in control again. Rey manages to hit him with the 619, but the springboard splash misses, and Joe slaps on the Coquina Clutch at 10:50. Just a bunch of high spots without any build or meaning behind them, and barely even a hint of selling. It was entertaining in a stunt show sorta way, but not my cup of tea as a wrestling match. *

WWE Women's Tag Team Title Match: Bayley and Sasha Banks v Nia Jax and Tamina: Beth Phoenix sits in on commentary here. The champs stick and move on Tamina to start, but get clobbered by Nia, and she slams Sasha onto Bayley for two. The challengers double team Bayley from there, cutting the ring in half until she can shake Tamina long enough for a tag. Banks dives in with a flying bodypress and a kneesmash for two, but a dive off the middle misses, and Tamina clobbers her. She tries a double team with Nia, but Sasha sticks and moves for a bit, before getting caught in a Samoan drop from Jax for two. Bayley's back to help turn the tide, and we get a dog pile on the outside, followed by them ganging up with dives on Nia for two. Tamina's back to save, allowing Jax to try a powerbomb on Bayley, but Bayley counters with a rana into a cradle at 7:02. ¾*

WWE Title Triple Threat Match: Daniel Bryan v Kevin Owens v Mustafa Ali: First fall wins. Ali is a surprise replacement for Kingston, as part of Vince McMahon's plan to screw Kofi out of the title shot. Bryan talks trash at the bell, so Owens and Ali gang up and dump him. Owens dominates Ali until Bryan returns to trade chops, but Kevin quickly dumps him again, and turns his chopping back to Ali. Charge in the corner misses, however, and Ali uses a dropkick for two. Bryan's back, but again gets immediately dumped, this time with a backdrop over the top from Ali. Fool, just hang out on the floor until they kill each other. Ali dives after him with a tope this time, so Kevin dives after Ali with a somersault senton from the apron, then cannonballs Bryan against the barricade. Neither especially connected, but whatever. Inside, that gets Kevin a two count on the champion, but Daniel fights off the follow-up, and knocks Ali off the top with a running dropkick for good measure. Nice bump into the barricade there from Ali. Bryan unloads on Owens in the corner, and takes him to the mat for some stretching, but Kevin fights him off with chops. Bryan thinks fast by turning it into a speed game to take control again, just as Ali crawls back in, but Daniel immediately dumps him. Again, what's the rush to get back in? Wait them out! Bryan with the Yes Kicks on Owens for two when Ali saves (that's a good reason to hurry back in, that I get), so Daniel punishes him with his own set of Yes Kicks, but Ali fights him off with a sitout facebuster. Ali tries to pepper him with quick offense, but Bryan lands a big clothesline to send Ali back flipping to the mat. He uses a corner dropkick next, and Owens punctuates it with a cannonball, then superkicks both guys. Ali dives onto Owens with a sleeper, so Kevin shakes him off by senton splashing Bryan with Ali on his back. He takes Daniel up for a superplex, but Bryan headbutts him off, so Ali heads up instead. Owens pulls him off, so Ali spikes him with an inverted rana, then rushes back to the top to bring Daniel down with a Spanish fly! Bryan wisely rolls to the outside before a cover is made, but Owens is still down, so Ali capitalizes with a reverse flying 450 splash - only to miss. That allows Owens a stunner, but Bryan dives in to save at two. He tries a running dropkick on Owens, but gets caught with the Pop-Up Powerbomb for two. Kevin takes him out to the apron for another powerbomb, but Daniel shakes him off with a backdrop - only to miss a knee against the post on a recovering Ali. That allows Ali a catapult under the bottom rope, and he heads up with a flying 450 splash on the apron! That gets two, so Rowan decides to step in, but he gets destroyed in a team effort from Owens and Ali. The distraction is enough to allow Daniel to nail Kevin with a dive, however, and he rolls him in to go for the kill, but Ali is on his tail. Daniel ends up taking a spill back to the outsider, so Ali dives with a flying DDT, but gets nailed by Owens with a powerbomb on the floor before he can finish. Kevin rolls him in to pin, but Rowan puts a stop to it, and tosses Kevin into the crowd, before rolling Bryan in to steal the pin. Cover, count, TWO! That was a great nearfall. Ali tries making a last ditch comeback effort with a dive, but Daniel knocks him out of the air with a kneesmash, and Owens is still nowhere to be seen - Bryan able to score the pin at 18:42. This had all the wild and crazy stuff the four-way did earlier, but they actually built towards and sold them to give the spots weight. ****

Charlotte Flair v Becky Lynch: If Lynch wins, she's added back into the RAW Women's Title match at WrestleMania. Becky hobbles out on a crutch, so it's going to be an uphill battle for her. Charlotte taunts her with some shoving at the bell, but Becky won't back off, and unloads a fiery flurry of fists on the ropes. Flair shrugs her off, and fights her into the corner, between bouts of trash talk. Lynch still won't back down, so Charlotte takes a swipe at the knee to put her down, but Becky STILL won't stop fighting back. Flair wrenches her knee on the ropes, but gets popped with the other knee in the process, and Lynch dives off the middle with a Thesz-press. Unfortunately, the bad leg prevents her from capitalizing, and Flair locks her down in a half-crab. Becky keeps kicking, so Charlotte turns it into an elevated half-crab to really put the hurt on, but Lynch manages to escape. Becky dumps her to the outside to buy time, but she has no follow-up, and Flair starts bashing her leg into the apron. Flair with a corkscrew legwhip, and she works the leg in the corner, with Becky fighting hard to stay vertical. Ronda may be the Piper cosplayer, but Becky's working like him tonight. Flair clips the leg to put her down, but an attempt at a vertical suplex is countered with a small package for two. Flair shrugs that off and uses another suplex, but Becky bails before a cover can be made, so Flair follows to chuck her leg-first into the barricade. Back in for the moonsault, but Becky shoves her off the middle rope, and Flair takes a bump down into the barricade. She beats the count, but she's rattled, and Lynch manages to slap on the Dis-Arm-Her! Charlotte counters to the Figure Eight, but here comes Ronda Rousey - attacking Becky for the DQ to ensure she's in the WrestleMania match at 8:10. Not great pure wrestling, but good storytelling made this feel like the first truly engaging match of the night. *

Main Event: Six-Man Tag Team Match: Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins, and Dean Ambrose v Baron Corbin, Bobby Lashley, and Drew McIntyre: I'm really happy to see that Roman recovered, and is back - even if I'm not especially a fan of his as a worker. The heels dominate Rollins to start, but Seth fights Baron off with a reverse STO into the buckles, and tags Dean in for some double teaming. Dean can't keep control once he's alone, though, and Drew gets the tag. He hammers, but runs into trouble in the Shield corner, and Roman tags in to hit the jumping clothesline for two. Drew bails to regroup with his boys on the outside, but runs into a double team from Roman and Seth as he comes back in, and they wishbone him. A well placed kick puts Seth down, however, and it's over to Bobby - who drives Rollins into the barricade out on the floor. Back in, they cut the ring in half on Rollins. And, like, it's not bad, but at three hours and twenty minutes into the show, my patience is really short for heat segments. Anyway, he shakes them off long enough to tag Dean, and he comes in hot, cleaning house. He dives off the top after Drew on the outside, but runs into trouble trying to fight a three-front war, and Roman has to rush in to save him from getting pinned. The heels get rid of Roman and Rollins, allowing Drew to bash Dean with a running big boot - but it knocks him to the outside, preventing a pin. Dean beats the count, so Drew start wailing on him with mounted punches, and the heels work him over. Dean manages to fight Drew off with a rebound clothesline to allow the tag to Roman, and he comes in hot on all three heels. Baron eats a Drive-By for two when Drew saves, so Seth hits him with a dive, but Bobby saves, and Roseanne Barr the door. Seth and Dean hit Bobby and Drew with stereo topes, as Roman clotheslines Baron over the top to set up his own dive - only for Corbin to slide back in with the Deep Six for two. That turns into an extended slugfest, and Roman tries to end it with a Samoan drop, but gets shoved into the corner for two. Baron with a uranage for two, as the other four brawl through the crowd to keep themselves busy. To the top, Baron tries a superplex, but Roman fights him off with a sitout powerbomb for two, as Seth hits Bobby and Drew with a flying bodypress from off of a rail out in the crowd. Roman with the Superman Punch for two, and really, Corbin should not be getting this much defense in one-on-one with Reigns. Dude should be squashing him like a bug here. A distraction from the others allows Baron to hit Reigns with the End of Days for two, and the heels take him to the outside for a triple powerbomb through an announce table, but Seth and Dean stop them. Drew ends up eating a triple powerbomb through an announce table instead, and with Bobby down as well, the Shield surround Baron. They triple team him for a bit, before finishing with a triple powerbomb at 24:53. It wasn't necessarily a bad match, but it was really long for what it was, especially after 3+ hours of wrestling. *

BUExperience: I’m thinking ‘no,’ okay?

DUD