WWF Superstars (April 18, 1992)

Original Airdate: April 18, 1992 (taped April 8)

From Kalamazoo, Michigan; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Mr. Perfect

The Legion of Doom v Barry Hardy and Duane Gill: McMahon and Perfect wouldn't be the best commentary team for big shows, but they're great for this kind of squash heavy TV stuff, because they have a natural chemistry, and they hammer the angles hard. The Beverly Brothers pop up to cut a promo on the LOD mid-match, and basically they call them sissies, so you know shit's about to get real. Meanwhile, the Doomsday Device finishes Gill at 2:18. ¼*

Gene Okerlund is in the studio with a WWF Magazine Update. This month, read all about how Ric Flair used the state-of-the-art process known as 'scitexing' (which is basically 1992 for 'photoshopping'), to create fake photos of himself and Miss Elizabeth. This leads to highlights of Flair and Randy Savage's brawl following their title match at WrestleMania VIII, and interestingly, they show Flair's bloody face up close, despite all the internal upset over the bladejob. I thought they'd use the old pixilation over it, or something, but nope. Guess they didn't want people to think Flair was wearing the WCW title over his head, or something

Repo Man v Chris Hahn: The fans at this point seem like a good mix of actual marks, and slightly older kids who grew up on 80s WWF, who now kind of look at this stuff with a smirk. I was lucky that when I hit that age, the WWF was changing into the more adult Attitude Era. Because if 1998 looked like 1995, I'd probably have liked it ironically for a while, and then just not liked it at all anymore. Repo puts the jobber away with a catapult underneath the bottom rope at 1:53. Afterwards, Repo ties his tow hook around Hahn's neck, and drags him around the ring. I love how the referee just stands there giving him the five count. I mean, the dude is trying to murder someone with a noose, and the best you can do is count to five? Tackle the man! I'm pretty sure the Seinfeld crew did time for this kind of terrible behavior. DUD

Sean Mooney is at the Event Center, with pre-taped promos from Big Boss Man (he's proud of his uniform!) and Rick Martel (he has a bowtie!). You'd think if Boss Man was so proud of his uniform, his ass would iron it once in a while

And speaking of Boss Man, here's the first Nailz vignette. Hopefully his parole officer doesn't watch Superstars

Bret Hart v Tom Bennett: Hart's newly won WWF Intercontinental Title is not on the line. Bret's really over here. As shocking as it was to a lot of people when he suddenly won the WWF Title in October, you can't say the signs weren't there. Even if he didn't get it then, people had to know he'd be a player in 1993 regardless. I wasn't watching regularly yet at the time, so I can't say, but in hindsight, it's so obvious that this is going to be the guy. However, there's one person who certainly isn't impressed with Bret Hart, and that's Shawn Michaels - who pops up to talk trash about the new Intercontinental champion. This was originally supposed to lead to a SummerSlam match, before the show got moved to England, and the card got shuffled around. Which, for those keeping track, would mark the second time that Shawn was supposed to beat Bret for a title, but then didn't because things got shuffled around. Geez, no wonder he hated him so much later on. Hart with the Sharpshooter at 1:48. Funny moment, as Tom is screaming in pain and furiously tapping the mat from the moment the hold is applied, but the referee still repeatedly asks him if he submits. I get that the tap out alone wasn't an accepted form of submission in pro-wrestling yet in 1992, but still. Read between the lines, ref! DUD

Mountie let's us know that it time for a 'new generation' in the WWF. Well, almost time

Bushwhacker Butch notes that he recently called his mother, and the first thing she said was, "how is Luke?" Damn man, that's cold. Like not even a 'hello' first, or nothing. Luke confirms that he does love Butch's mother, but has to always remind himself that she's his aunt. Why would he constantly have to remind himself of that? Maybe it's got something to do with all the licking they promise to do. Literal licking. This was one creepy little kid with a banjo away from perfection. "The Bushwhackers may have problems keeping family straight," deadpans Sean Mooney

Crush vignette. He's a man who likes to crush things! And when he was a boy, he also liked to crush things! They're making no connection to the previous version of the character with Demolition, despite having the same name. As a kid, I always thought it was the same character in kayfabe when I rented stuff like SummerSlam '90 on VHS, and saw him with the team. But I guess not

Berzerker v Mark Roberts: Berzerker's such a goof ball, that he gets his own pop in promo (on Undertaker) while he's doing the squash. He also keeps stopping to chat/make faces at Mr. Fuji between moves. Berzerker honestly seems less like an actual wrestler than like a Will Ferrell parody of a wrestler. Berzerker with a slam at 1:55. DUD

WWF Fan Club ad. Even as a kid, I remember thinking it sounded like a waste of money

Gene Okerlund brings a bunch of kids with Ultimate Warrior face paint on out to the podium, ahead of introducing the Warrior himself, hot on the heels of his return at WrestleMania. Warrior seems more interested in building a fort out of the kids than talking wrestling, though

Rick Martel v Red Tyler: Martel's super oversized 'Yes I am a Model' button is a thing of beauty. He made a great midcard heel throughout his run, but I'm kind of surprised they never made a go of it with him as a babyface single, especially around the mid-90s. But then, their roster was overloaded with babyfaces during that period anyway, so it's not really all that surprising. I mean, look at, like, 1995. That roster didn't need another babyface floating around. Martel with the Boston Crab at 1:44. DUD

Catch WrestleMania VIII, this Thursday on Coliseum Video! Thursday? Doesn’t stuff usually come out on Tuesdays? Or was the scheduling different, back in 1992? This is the kind of useless information that will keep me up tonight

Speaking of WrestleMania, before the event, a bunch of heels goofed around at a benefit rally for a children's hospital. I never got why they always used to send heels for this stuff. There was also a lookalike contest, with a quality Paul Bearer and Big Boss Man. And a version of Hulk Hogan that looked more like TL Hopper. The winners got the pleasure of being licked by the Bushwhackers. Considering what we heard earlier, I'd think twice before I let either of those guys tongue me

Kerry Von Erich v Warren Bianchi: This must be a quality jobber, because he's already complaining of hair pulling before the bell even rings! Vince notes that Kerry's body is so impressive, that we may see him in the WBF. That almost sounds like a threat. Kerry with the discus punch at 1:49 - nearly falling on his ass while executing it. Von Erich looked horrible here, like a zombie. But then, the poor guy was going through a divorce, and was less than a year away from committing suicide at this point, so I imagine his personal life was intruding on his work life more than a little bit at this point. Poor guy. DUD

Speaking of the WBF, catch Body Stars, Saturday mornings on USA! Vince's over the top copy on these promos is insane

Money Inc v Jim Powers and Buck Zumhofe: Money Inc's WWF Tag Team Title is not on the line here. Ted DiBiase looks to be in a great mood tonight. Not in a great mood: the Natural Disasters, who got screwed out of the tag belts at WrestleMania, and pop in to cut a promo. It's worth noting that guys were still using the word 'belt' pretty liberally in those days. Either Vince didn't realize he doesn't like that word yet, or he just didn't give as much of a shit. DiBiase finishes Buck with the Million Dollar Dream at 1:28. DUD

Owen Hart is sick of people trying to ground the Rocket! Guys like Shawn Michaels, they can't ground the Rocket! Yeah, we'll see about that in 1998, kid. Owen, despite having a reputation as being a great guy in real life, comes off incredibly phony cutting a babyface promo. Even the smile seems forced. He was a much better heel

Papa Shango is voodoo! When WWF Superstars go to sleep at night, they won't dream of nice things, they'll dream of Papa Shango! Well, that would certainly keep me up at night. Interestingly, years later, a lot of wrestlers probably went to sleep dreaming of a visit from this guy as well

Undertaker is ready for Berzerker next week. So ready, that he's going to try anal, apparently. Berzerker is also ready. As long as the thing he's getting ready for isn't an eye exam

BUExperience: There’s nothing here in terms of big or good matches, but that doesn’t stop it from being fun. It’s an interesting combination of stuff that both feels fast paced and laid back at the same time, with lots going on, but nothing really happening.