WWE Money in the Bank (May 2019)

 

Original Airdate: May 19, 2019

From Hartford, Connecticut; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Renee Young (RAW), Tom Phillips and Byron Saxton (Smackdown), Vic Joseph, Nigel McGuinness, and Aiden English (205 Live), with Corey Graves on both the RAW and Smackdown teams

Opening Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Bayley v Carmella v Naomi v Mandy Rose v Ember Moon v Natalya v Nikki Cross v Dana Brooke: This seems like way too many people for one match. Nikki grabs a ladder first, and starts taking people out at random, until Brooke manages to dropkick it away from her. That ends in Dana pinned with a ladder in the corner for Mandy to hit with an awkward looking knee, and then Nattie shows up to start sending people flying into ladder with catapults. Mandy looks way out of her league here, like she's struggling to execute even the most basic of moves properly. And it's not like she's doing really complex high spots, she looks like she's getting confused doing simple kicks. Carmella gets hurt on the outside at some point, and she gets helped to the back, so I guess she's out. Not sure if that was a legitimate injury or not, but considering they're beating each other with metal ladder, I wouldn't be surprised. I know I probably sound like a broken record at this point, but these matches with a half dozen people in them are always the same shit with two people taking turns in the ring, while everyone else sells on the outside, and it's getting really boring. Naomi makes the first climb attempt, but Ember pulls her down, so Nikki tries, but Ember stops her as well. That leads to Dana tipping the ladder at Nikki so she can have a turn at climbing, but Mandy runs up the other side, and starts 'punching' her in the baby maker until Dana is left hanging from the case. I'm still not sure if those were supposed to be punches, or some form of sexual harassment, honestly. Everyone ends up climbing up the same ladder, so Nattie tips it over to take them all out, so Ember dives off another ladder set up on the floor - landing on Nattie with an Eclipse in the ring. Cool spot, though the camera kind of missed it. Unfortunately for Ember, she's battered too, and by the time she attempts to climb, Mandy cuts her off. So now Mandy wants to climb, but Carmella shows back up, so Rose abandons her climb, and runs up the aisle to meet her. Why? She's limping, just run up and grab the case before she makes it over to you! Rose gets her ass kicked for being such an idiot, allowing Carmella to climb, but Mandy's bestie Sonya Deville pulls her down. After taking her out, Sonya drags Mandy up the ladder on her shoulders, but Bayley runs up the other side to push them both off, and grab the case for herself at 13:51. The usual, but I appreciated Moon's Eclipse spot, and Sonya's dedication to her role. Like, even Virgil never would have carried DiBiase up a ladder like that. * ¾

WWE United States Title Match: Samoa Joe v Rey Mysterio: Rey tries to come at him with fists, but Joe easily shrugs him off, and pounds him down. Joe is in desperate need of a haircut and/or a stylist. Come on, man. You're making money now. Don't be that guy. Rey manages a rana, and a springboard seated senton puts Joe down, but Joe destroys him with a chop as Rey tries a follow-up. Powerbomb, so Rey counters with another rana at 1:39. Despite Joe's shoulder pretty clearly being off the mat. And then they even acknowledge that the shoulder was up, but they're just, like, 'yeah, but Rey is the new champion, yay!' Sometimes I don't get this era of wrestling. DUD

Cage Match: Miz v Shane McMahon: Shane immediately hustles up the cage to try and escape, but Miz is able to pull him down, and unload. He chucks Shane into the cage, but McMahon lands on it like Spiderman, and starts climbing again. Miz pulls him down and unloads with kicks, as Renee seems to have trouble grasping the concept of a cage match. I really wish we could get one show where it's 2019 Renee calling it with 1989 Jesse Ventura. Doesn't even matter what the card would be, I'd watch the shit out of that. Miz with more kicks, but he gets trapped between the ropes and the cage, allowing McMahon to return fire. Oklahoma roll gets two, so Shane starts throwing knees, and launches Miz into the cage. Shane with a spinning neckbreaker for two, so he dumps Miz into the corner to set up the Coast to Coast, but Miz dodges. That allows Miz to slap on a figure four, so Shane grabs the ropes and pulls himself to the door while in the hold, but Miz manages to keep him inside. Shane manages to drag a chair in with him, but Miz kicks it away before he can use it, and whacks him with it himself. A bunch. Miz punctuates it with the Skull Crushing Finale on the chair, but Shane is in the ropes at two. Despite the fact that the announcers just made a whole thing about how rope breaks don't count in cage matches two minutes ago. Even the crowd chants 'bullshit,' with the announcers openly acknowledging it. Miz tries another Finale off the top rope, but Shane blocks, and he tries to climb. He makes it to the top, so Miz starts whacking him in the angle with the chair, and that somehow stops him. This turns into a slugfest at the top of the cage, with Shane taking a bump back down into the ring, and Miz dives off the top rope with a (horrible looking) flying frogsplash for two. Shane responds with a triangle choke, but Miz leverages back into a cradle for two, so McMahon goes for the door. Miz cuts him off, and sends him into the cage with a catapult - only for McMahon to Spiderman up the side again. Miz chases, for a superplex off the top of the cage, but Shane's so sweaty that he slips out of his shirt, and falls to the floor at 13:08. Well, that was certainly a unique finish. **

WWE Cruiserweight Title Match: Tony Nese v Ariya Daivari: They go right into reversal sequences to start, with Nese getting the better of him, and landing a legdrop for two. Daivari manages a chincrusher to buy time, but Nese snaps his throat across the top rope to prevent a follow-up, and we get another reversal sequence. Nese ends up on the losing end of that one, and the crowd is dead silent here. Feels like a house show too, with Daivari playing to them, instead of the cameras. Daivari works him over, but runs into a kick combo from the champions, as the announcers talk about the 'legacy' of the title. It's not even three years old! Nese with a slingshot moonsault for two, but Daivari fires back with an inverted DDT for two. The execution on that was weird. It was hard to tell who was executing the move. Like, it was either an inverted DDT on Nese, or a cutter on Daivari. Only the fact that Daivari covered gave it away. Nese tries a pumphandle-slam, but Daivari blocks, and throws a kick in the corner. He takes Tony upstairs, but Nese blocks the move, so Daivari beats on him until he falls to the outside instead. Daivari follows, but Nese fights him off out there, and goes upstairs on the way back in. He preps a dive, but Daivari straightjacket slams him off for two. Short-clothesline, but Nese counters with a cradle for two, and he dumps Daivari to the outside for a dive - finally getting something out of the crowd. Back in for the flying 450 splash, but Daivari kicks out at two, and drills Tony with a superkick. That sets up a flying frogsplash, and Daivari immediately adds a short-clothesline, but it only gets two. Daivari decides to go back up, but Nese brings him down with a rana, and a running kneesmash in the corner retains at 9:22. They were working hard, but this didn't connect with the crowd at all, and it felt forced. * ½

WWE RAW Women's Title Match: Becky Lynch v Lacey Evans: Lacey looks so much like Charlotte that it's almost surprising that they didn't color her hair differently, or at least give her different gear. Becky dominates at the bell, and dumps Lacey to the outside for a nice baseball slide. Becky throws her into barricade next, so Lacey tries to run into the crowd, but Lynch drags her back into the ring. Becky corners her, but Lacey manages to slip out of trouble, and she starts working the arm. DDT batters Becky, and Lacey drags her into the corner for more arm abuse using the ring post, then uses a slingshot elbowdrop for two. Armbar, but Becky fights free, so Lacey uses a swinging neckbreaker for two. Becky responds with rights, flustering Lacey enough to miss a charge, and Lynch dives off the middle with a clothesline. Lacey goes for the big punch, but Becky dodges, and starts making a comeback. Flying dropkick sends Lacey to the outside, but Becky drags her right back in to cover for two - only to miss a dive off the top. That allows Lacey a cutter and a kick (sounds like a trendy cocktail) for two, so she starts pulling at the hair, but Becky is ready with a rollup for two. Dis-Arm-Her, but Lacey is in the ropes, and she clips the leg. Schoolgirl, but the referee is WAY out of position, and Becky is countering to the Dis-Arm-Her before he can even count at 8:39. Nothing special, but solid, and didn't overstay its welcome. * ¾

WWE Smackdown Women's Title Match: Becky Lynch v Charlotte Flair: Charlotte is all smiles as the bell rings, and she railroads Becky into the corner right away. Flair works a bootchoke there, but Becky fights her off. She tries a dive off the middle, but Flair dodges, and the challenger goes upstairs - only to get slammed off. That allows Becky a cradle for two, so Charlotte fires off the chops, but Becky returns fire with a leg-feed enzuigiri. Charlotte grabs an elevated crab, but Becky makes the ropes, and it turns into a slugfest. Becky starts getting the better of it, so Charlotte kicks the leg to slow her down, but a big boot misses. That leads to another slugfest, and Becky goes for the Dis-Arm-Her, but Flair puts her back down to block. Out to the apron for a Natural Selection, but Becky holds the ropes to block, and Flair ends up down on the outside. That didn't look good at all. Becky looks to have this won by countout, but here's Lacey to deck her while the referee counts, and Charlotte makes it back in just in time to capitalize. She goes in for the kill, but Becky is ready with a cradle for two - featuring ANOTHER terrible bit of refereeing, as the official stop his count before the kick out even happens this time. I'm almost starting to think it's intentional at this point. I mean, Mike Chioda has been doing this thirty years (back to the era of kayfabe), he knows better. Whatever, Charlotte kills her with a big boot two seconds later anyway at 6:12. Pretty weak for them, and a terrible finish all around - from the officiating, to the booking, to the execution. Like, if you're going to have Lacey cost her the match, shouldn't her interference, you know, COST HER THE MATCH?! Just pick a finish and go with it! Afterwards, Becky kicks the crap out of Lacey, so Charlotte comes over for the save, but now here's Bayley to save/cash-in on Flair. ¾*

WWE Smackdown Women's Title Match: Charlotte Flair v Bayley: Bayley cleans house on Lacey before the bell, but gets dropped by Charlotte. Flair goes for the kill before the match even officially starts, but misses a charge in the corner, and she's in trouble as the bell sounds. In fact, she's not even vertical. Bayley don't care, and it's flying elbow time at 0:21. Not a great match, but a great way to cap off this whole segment, and the crowd was going nuts for this. DUD

Roman Reigns v Elias: Roman attacks in the aisle, spear on the way into the ring, and done at a brisk 0:09. Okay then. DUD

WWE Universal Title Match: Seth Rollins v AJ Styles: These two dress so much alike that it's almost like watching two former tag team partners fight. Feeling out process to start, with both guys measuring each other. Seth gets control first, and whips AJ hard into the buckles, then adds a kneedrop for two. Styles tries turning it into a slugfest in the corner, but Seth is too quick for him, so AJ throws a dropkick to stop him in his tracks. Styles is able to follow up with a backbreaker, so Seth turns it into a slugfest this time, and ends it with a sloppy hiptoss. I love how they hit these complex high spots flawlessly, but a hiptoss trips them up. Rollins with a reverse STO into the buckles, and he takes Styles out onto the apron for a suplex, but AJ counters to a piledriver. Seth blocks, so AJ hits him with a kneesmash instead, and then snaps his throat across the top rope. That one backfires when Rollins rebounds with a tope - in one of those weird bits of physics that only exists in wrestling. Seth with a second tope, and he hustles AJ back in to unload on with rights, ahead of a sling blade. Springboard flying clothesline gets two, so Seth tries for a piledriver, but AJ anchors himself to block. That leads to a reversal sequence ending in Styles hitting a fireman's neckbreaker, but Rollins blocks the Clash, and we have another reversal sequence - this one ending in Rollins hitting the bucklebomb. He adds a flying frogsplash for two, but an attempt at a superplex gets blocked, and we have another reversal sequence. AJ manages a helicopter rack bomb for two, but the Phenomenal Forearm gets blocked, and Styles ends up crotched on the top turnbuckle. Seth follows him up for an inverted superplex into an inverted falcon arrow, but that shit somehow only gets two. It kind of kills all credibility when insane stuff like that isn't the end. Not only of the match, but the guy should be on the shelf for a few weeks. I mean, we're getting to (and perhaps have exceeded) the point where they can't possibly top their own stuff, and the finishes are going to get increasingly anticlimactic. Reversal sequence sees AJ hook the Calf Crusher, but Seth escapes, so Styles uses a springboard inverted DDT for two. He goes in for the kill, but Rollins is ready with a superkick, and both guys take a breather. They stagger up for a slugfest, with both guys throwing big strikes to try to end it. That leads to Seth trying the curb stomp, but Styles CATCHES him in the Clash... for two. That was a great spot, and the crowd totally bought it as the finish. If AJ goes over here, it probably should have been. Phenomenal Forearm, but Seth catches him in the ripcord, and adds a superkick. Curb stomp punctuates the sequence, and Rollins retains at 19:51. And, yep, that did feel totally anticlimactic compared to some of the earlier stuff. In fact, I even typed 'for two,' fully expecting a kick out there. Really hard work, lots of complex spots, but also felt totally forgettable. *** ½

WWE Title Match: Kofi Kingston v Kevin Owens: Slugfest right off the bat, won by Owens. That allows him to corner Kingston for some abuse, but Kofi charges at him with a clothesline, and Kevin ends up on the outside for a breather. Kingston chases after him with a springboard tomahawk chop off of the steps, and Kevin takes a trip into the barricade. Kofi goes up with a flying axehandle on the floor before finally rolling his challenger back inside, but a cross corner whip gets reversed, and Owens is ready for Kingston's attempt at a springboard with a superkick. Owens goes to work on the back, and Kofi ends up down on the outside, so Kevin dives with a frogsplash off of the apron. That gets him two on the way back in, and the challenger goes back to work on the back. He tries a catapult into the corner, but Kofi lands on the ropes, and dives back at him. Kingston adds a backdrop into the buckles, and peppers Owens with strikes to put him down for a legdrop - only for Kevin to catch him in a Boston crab. Kofi makes the ropes, so Kevin takes him out to the apron for a powerbomb, but Kingston manages to turn it into a slugfest. He puts Owens down for a double stomp on the apron, but a dive off the top lands on a superkick, and Owens quickly rolls him into cover for two. Pop-Up Powerbomb, but Kofi leapfrogs over him, and a reversal sequence ends in the champion delivering the SOS for two. Trouble in Paradise, but Kevin catches him in another Boston crab to block, leaving Kingston scrambling for the ropes to save himself again. Superkick, but Kingston catches the leg, and sweeps him down for mounted punches to block. Rana, but Kevin counters with a sitout powerbomb for two. He goes for a stunner, but Kofi is ready with Trouble, and Owens falls out of the ring. Kingston drags him back in to finish, but Owens is ready with a sloppy stunner for two. That looked terrible, and I think it was on Kofi. Again, love how they can do crazy complex spots without breaking a sweat, but mess up the basics. Owens decides to steal Kofi's shoes to prevent any more flying around, but an attempt at a flying somersault senton splash hits knees, and Kingston lands Trouble at 14:58 - shoeless, and all! The Universal Title match was flashier, but this was more grounded in reality, and I liked it better in a lot of ways. I'm also really digging Kofi's vibe as champion, and I hope they stick with him for a while, because he's a lot more interesting than most of the guys who are usually in the title picture. ***

Main Event: Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Randy Orton v Finn Balor v Baron Corbin v Drew McIntyre v Ricochet v Andrade v Ali: Sami Zayn is also supposed to be in this, but Braun Strowman took him out earlier in the night, so we're one short. That's okay, seven people is MORE than enough for a match, frankly. Half of them are gonna spend the bulk of it down on the outside for extended period anyway. Orton's not an old man at all of 39, but he certainly doesn't look like a kid out there anymore with this crew. Balor and Ricochet clear the ring, but instead of facing off, they decide to team up for stereo dives. Orton cuts that off by pulling Balor out for a slam on an announce table, so Ricochet tries to dive on him himself, but gets dropped on the table as well. With everyone else down, Randy grabs a ladder first, but takes his sweet ass time setting it up, and Andrade springboard flying dropkicks it over. You'd think, as the veteran, he'd know better than to dawdle there. It just looks so unrealistic. A bunch more ladders make it into the ring right away, getting propped up in various locations, while guys trade dives. Ricochet ends up alone in the ring, but Ali is hot on his tail, and they fight over the climb. Both end up slugging it out at the top after some fun reversals, but Baron and Drew put a stop to it before either can win. That ends in both guys taking bumps into ladders, but here's Orton to drop Corbin with a DDT before anyone else can climb. RKO, but Corbin shoves him into a boot from Drew, so Balor comes in to try his hand at the pair. He lands a sling blade on Baron, and a running dropkick sends Drew into a ladder. Finn beats them both with ladders before making a climb attempt, but Andrade uses another ladder as a weapon to knock him off. Andrade climbs, but Balor hustles up the other side to slug it out at the top - ending in Andrade sunset bombing him off, and onto another ladder that's planked between the one they're climbing and the middle rope. That doesn't seem healthy. Pointless from a kayfabe perspective too, since it did as much damage to Andrade as Balor. Ali takes advantage by coming in and climbing, but takes too long positioning the ladder just right, and Balor knocks Ali into a tree of woe on the ladder. Andrade climbs a second ladder, but stupidly positions himself right beside Ali's ladder, and Ali does a sit-up, then sliced breads him off. Meanwhile, McIntyre planks a ladder between the apron and an announce table, but an attempt to press-slam Ali onto it ends badly. Corbin chokeslams Ali through a table instead, and then heads in to pull Finn off of a ladder for a chokeslam onto another. He adds a Deep Six on the floor for Ricochet, but gets drilled with a kick from Drew out there before he can capitalize. Meanwhile, Balor is climbing again, but Drew stops him, and sandwiches him between a pair of ladders. He adds a suplex onto a ladder, but much like the sunset bomb spot, it isn't pleasant for the guy delivering the move either. Drew adds an inverted whiplash for Andrade onto Balor, but Ricochet dives at him before he can climb. Poor Finn is just taking the worst of the bumps tonight. Ricochet climbs, but Drew hooks his ankle to stop it, and he chucks him over the top, and through the planked ladder he failed to use on Ali earlier. Drew climbs, but Randy pulls him off in an RKO, so Baron dumps him. Corbin climbs, but Ali climbs over and past him, so Baron tries a powerbomb, but Ali counters with a rana. Ali climbs again, and he's got it won, when suddenly Brock Lesnar's music hits. Despite already having his hands on the case, Ali freezes like an idiot, and just stays there until Brock makes it down, and tips the ladder. And then he decides to join the match (on a whim, apparently), and he grabs the case for himself at 19:02. As a wrestling match, no. As a car crash, mostly yes. Bad finish regardless, though. ***

BUExperience: Literally hours of garbage, followed by one hour of good stuff. That does not a good show make.

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