WWF Superstars (May 9, 1992)

Original Airdate: May 9, 1992 (taped April 29)

From Syracuse, New York; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Mr. Perfect

Bret Hart v Von Krus: Bret's Intercontinental title is not on the line here. It's the Mother's Day episode this week, which of course gives Perfect a chance to get in some abuse on Helen Hart. He pioneered what Jerry Lawler would later make an art form. Meanwhile, Shawn Michaels pops up on split screen to remind Bret that he's coming for the title, as Hart polishes Von Krus off at a brisk 0:58. DUD

Over the weekend on Wrestling Challenge, the referee got bumped during a Davey Boy Smith/Repo Man match, resulting in Repo beating Davey with his towing hook, and then trying to straight up murder him by fashioning a noose with the rope, and hanging him. For those keeping score, that's now the second attempted murder we've seen in the mere four episodes we've covered of this Saturday morning show thus far

Kamala v Sonny Blaze: This is Kamala's return for his first televised WWF match since 1987, though he taped a couple one day before this that would air later in May. The announcers openly wonder whether Kamala might be Idi Amin, which is a weird fucking thing to say. Kamala with a splash for the pin at 0:48, complete with the bit where he 'can't figure out how pinfalls work.' Yeah. What's especially stupid about that one (besides, you know, everything) is that he actually has the guy on his back, then rolls him over onto his stomach before hitting the splash, and then gets all confused. Well, easy money for Sonny though, since half of his job was basically just slowly rolling over tonight. There are worse ways to earn a buck. DUD

Tito Santana v Bob Bradley: Perfect reads a letter from 'the convict' (Nailz) telling Big Boss Man that he's out of prison, and coming for Boss Man. Well, nice of him to put it in writing. We may hit THREE attempted murders before the hour is out. Tito with the forearm at 1:30. Vince enthusiastically notes that Tito is 'unquestionably a superstar.' Consider me questioning. DUD

Mountie is hot to trot

High Energy still don't have matching outfits, and poor fucking Frankie looks miserable having to deal with their bullshit. Like, either calm the fuck down, or put the poor thing on a perch. They're both lucky he didn't claw their eyes out

The Legion of Doom v Terry Davis and Mark Kay: The LOD wish us a Happy Mother's Day before the match, which makes me glad I'm not a parent, frankly. Meanwhile, the Beverly Brothers pop up on split screen, still trying to get 'Legion of Sissies' over as an insult. Spoiler: it didn't work. Doomsday Device finishes at 1:43. Love the energy of their squashes. ¼*

WWF Tag Team Champions Money Inc remind us that they are, in fact, the tag team champions

Undertaker promises to bury the most VICIOUS of the Viking warriors: Berzerker. The way he hit 'vicious' there makes me think it was a dig at Sid, but who knows

Crush v Kato: This is Crush's debut/return (depending on how you want to look at it), though he'd been working house shows since February. And the mullet is EPIC! Like, top ten of all time in the sport, easy. Crush manhandles Kato, as Perfect hypes up a WWF edition of Family Feud. I used to always hope to catch those when watching reruns on school breaks, but never did. Could probably find it in two seconds on YouTube these days, but the 90s were a much simpler time. A time when a large man could grow a mullet, talk about a lifelong obsession with crushing things, and become a star. Those were the days, Arch. And then fucking Meathead had to ruin it with his workrate and shit. Crush with a spinebuster at 1:51. DUD

Papa Shango has a case of the giggles as he curses Ultimate Warrior

Gene Okerlund brings Rick Martel out for a podium interview. In a rare production gaffe, the announcers talk over Gene's intro. Anyway, Martel gloats about stealing Tatanka's feathers, though on the scale of evil laughs, he's several steps below Papa Shango, and I can't take him seriously

Ric Flair v Sgt. Slaughter: Slaughter also wishes us a Happy Mother's Day before the match, which is at least slightly less disturbing than LOD doing so. Slaughter knocks him around in the early going, as Mountie shows up at ringside. Perfect is also at ringside to stand in Flair's corner, leaving us with no one to reign Vince in, and the commentary is crazy over the top right away. Slaughter with a few press-slams, so Flair starts firing off chops, and Sarge takes his usual over the top cross corner bump. Man, he really didn't hold back with those, did he? Did he ever end up seriously hurting himself taking that one, I wonder? Back in, Slaughter uses a backdrop and a clothesline for two, so Perfect tries a distraction, but Flair gets clotheslined over the top anyway. Slaughter follows to send Ric into the steps out there, as Mountie sets up his brand new shock stick on the outside. Slaughter vertical suplexes Flair in from the apron, and a cross corner whip allows Ric to take his OWN over the top bump. Back in, Slaughter unloads in the corner, but misses a charge, as Vince just spits every crazy thing he can think of out of his mouth. Flair goes up, but Slaughter slams him off for two, so Ric goes to the eyes. He tries a catapult into the corner, but they mess is up, and Ric has to turn it into a Boston crab instead to save face. That was embarrassing. Looked to be Slaughter's fault. Flair corner whips him again, but Slaughter doesn't go all the way over the top, so Mountie gives him a hand with the shock stick. That allows Flair to cover, and we're done at 6:09. As a kid, I probably would have thought Sarge tough here, but watching with a more trained eye now, it's incredibly obvious that Flair carried this whole thing on his back, with Slaughter's end limited to just trying to hit his marks. The Network recently added a match between these two from 1985 to the Hidden Gems section, and I'm curious how that compares. Will have to give it a look sometime. *

The Nasty Boys v Bill Pierce and Brian Brieger: Vince is still flying solo on commentary as the match starts, and he seems on the verge of losing his mind about the shock stick before Perfect shows up to reign him in. Thank God too, because he seemed to be moments away from going so far over the top that he loses his voice in the process. Anyway, the Nasties finish with a flying elbowdrop at 2:01. DUD

The Bushwhackers are busy whacking and licking. Nice that they have an outlet for that

Berzerker is still carrying around that sword. You know, the one he attempted to kill Undertaker with a few weeks ago. Shouldn't that thing be in a police evidence room somewhere?

Next week, Ultimate Warrior faces an unspecified Nasty Boys. The Boys promise to make sure that his return will be the 'shortest in WWF history.' Well, not far off. Meanwhile, Warrior figures he can break Papa Shango's curse by beating an unspecified Nasty Boy. I don't know jack shit about voodoo, but that plan seems flawed

BUExperience: Not the best episode this week, as the feature match is weak, and the big angle features two lower level guys who I don’t even remember feuding.