WWE The Horror Show at Extreme Rules (July 2020)

 

Original Airdate: July 19, 2020

From Orlando, Florida; Your Hosts are Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, and Samoa Joe (RAW); Michael Cole and Corey Graves (Smackdown)

Opening WWE Smackdown Tag Team Title Tables Match: The New Day v Shinsuke Nakamura and Cesaro: No tags here, so everyone brawls right from the get-go, with the challengers dominating. New Day manage to dump Nakamura to the outside so they can double-up on Cesaro, and a combo ends in Big E hitting a belly-to-belly suplex. They go for a table, so the challengers jump them on the outside, but Kofi Kingston fights them both off with running dropkicks into stuff (barricade for Nakamura, steps for Cesaro). Meanwhile, Big E sets a table up on the outside, and he hoists Cesaro onto his shoulders for Kofi to dive onto, but Nakamura cuts them off. That allows Cesaro to send Big E into the barricade, and he drops the steps on him for good measure. Inside, Nakamura sets up a table, and Cesaro joins him to work Kofi over. They take Kingston upstairs for a superplex through the table, but Big E runs in, shoving Cesaro over the top, and grabbing Nakamura for a powerbomb through said table, but Nakamura blocks. Meanwhile, Cesaro recovers and tries press-slamming Kofi off of the apron and through a table, but Big E spears him off of said apron to block, but missing the table. The champs put Cesaro on the table to set up a spot where Big E alley-oops Kofi over the top, but Nakamura swats him out of the air with a table to block. Baseball is back, and so is Kofi baseball, I guess. The challengers kick Big E in the head a few times to set up a suplex out of the ring and through a table, but Big E reverses Cesaro back inside. Nakamura grabs another table (Why? There's already one right there), but Kofi dives at him before he can get anywhere with it, while Big E overhead suplexes Cesaro. New Day stack a pair of tables on the outside to set up a superplex from Big E on Cesaro, which again, why? Like, what does adding an extra table do? You only need to put him through one to win the match, why waste time? And then he gets blocked anyway, and Cesaro gives him a giant swing. Kofi dives in to stop them from winning the match, and he dumps Nakamura to the outside for a plancha. Inside, he hammers Cesaro to the top rope to try a rana off and through the stacked tables on the outside, but Nakamura helps him counter that into a powerbomb through them at 10:23 to win the title. I wouldn't call this a particularly outstanding match, but it was fun, and nonstop action. It would have been better with a crowd, but a good opener regardless. ** ¾

WWE Smackdown Women's Title Match: Bayley v Nikki Cross: Bayley heels it up in the early going, like she's working a house show at the Garden in 1990. It's good work, but meant for a live crowd, not really TV. Nikki fights her off with a well executed neckbreaker for two, so Bayley bails, but Cross is on he with a tornado DDT on the floor. Cross with a flying bodypress for two on the way back inside, and she does it a second time for another two. Third time, but Bayley bails again, so Nikki dives with a bodypress off of the apron instead. She really loves that bodypress. Back in, but Bayley sends her into the apron to block, and into the social distancing barricade a few times for good measure. NOW we go back in so Bayley can cover for two, and an elbowdrop gets her another two. Bayley works a chinlock, but Nikki fights free, so Bayley pulls her to the outside to wedge between the apron and the ring skirt for some abuse. It's kind of funny that it took them so many years to finally figure out that the ring skirt can be used for something... just in time for when they switched to using the LED boards most of the time. Inside, Bayley-to-Belly gets two, so the champ takes her upstairs for a vertical superplex for two. Bayley argues the count, so Nikki schoolgirls for two, but Bayley cuts her off with a knee for two. To the outside, Bayley tries a dropkick through the buckles, but Cross blocks, and takes control as they head back inside. Nikki mounts a comeback, and hits a neckbreaker for two. Pair of side suplexes get two, so Nikki goes up top again, but Bayley brings her off with a high knee for two. The champ tries a charge, but Cross dodges, and Bayley knocks herself silly. Cross capitalizes by hitting an elevated neckbreaker on the floor, but Bayley barely sells it, and they trade clotheslines on the way back inside - Cross getting the better of the exchange for two. That prompts Sasha Banks to hop up onto the apron, and of course Nikki immediately falls for it like a moron, allowing Bayley to attack for the pin at 12:21. Terrible finish to an underwhelming match. * ½

Eye for an Eye Match: Seth Rollins v Rey Mysterio: Yes, the only way to win is to take your opponents eye out, Kill Bill style. That is the actual stipulation to this match. Rey sneaks in from behind with a dropkick to knock Seth to the outside right away, but Rollins sends him into the steps out there when Mysterio follows. Inside, Seth hits a sling blade, and he goes for the eye in the corner, but Rey fights him off. Rey uses a headscissors to send Rollins into the post, and he grabs a pair of pliers to go for the eye, but it goes nowhere. Rollins grabs a kendo stick to try and poke the eye out, but misses his shot, and Rey uses another headscissors to set up the 619, but Rollins bails to the outside. He grabs Rey for a turnbuckle smash, but Mysterio blocks, and tries yet another headscissors takedown, but this time Seth counters with a falcon arrow on the apron. Seth tries to send him eye-first into the edge of the steps, but Rey blocks, so Rollins grabs the kendo stick again to try and poke, but Rey blocks that as well. Seth tries the leg of a chair next, but that doesn't work, so he just chokes Rey instead. Good strategy. If cartoons have taught me anything it's that if you strangle a dude, his eyes will pop out of his sockets in a very comical way. Sadly, that does not happen, so Rey uses a drop-toehold to send Seth into the corner of the announce table, but Rollins does not lose an eye. Rollins grabs some rope to tie Rey's hands to the ropes to try and get the eye that way, but Mysterio uses his feet to block, and send Seth into the post. Back in, Seth whacks him with the kendo to block an eye attempt, and wedges the stick in the corner to try and drive Rey's eye into, but Mysterio blocks. Rey dives with a flying seated senton, and a headscissors sets up a flying frogsplash. Rey charges, but gets caught and dropped, allowing Seth to try the curb stomp, but Mysterio moves and hits a tornado DDT. Seth bails, so Rey follows with a sunsetbomb into the barricade, then gives him a second one to try and knock him good and silly. Rey breaks apart a shard of the kendo stick to go for the eye, and though Seth manages to block, he's damaged. That allows Mysterio to hit the 619, and he goes for the eye via the steps, but Seth is too alive, so Rey gives him a curb stomp. Back to the eye, and he gets close this time, but Rollins fires off a mulekick to shake him off. He adds a superkick against the barricade, and with Rey loopy, Rollins hits the curb stomp on the floor. That allows him to take Mysterio back to the steps, and he 'puts his eye out' at 17:47. We, of course, don't see a thing (not even blood), as Rey just kind of covers his eye with his hand, and we're told that it's out. And Rollins vomits all over the floor, since we just couldn't get through this match without SOMETHING to gross us out, I guess. I feel like this stipulation might have worked in a different time and different place (like, say, 80s, somewhere in the South), but just does not at all fit in with the WWE's image in 2020 (or, really, ever), and thus there was no drama at all because you knew they weren't going to pay it off. The match itself wasn't poorly worked, but they had to work around the silly stipulation, which hurt it significantly. * ¾

WWE RAW Women's Title Match: Asuka v Sasha Banks: They futz around for a couple of minutes, until Sasha suddenly gets the Bank Statement on, but Asuka is close to the ropes. Sasha with a cradle for two instead, and she works a double-knucklelock to force some more two counts. Asuka monkeyflips her way into a cross-armbreaker, but Banks is in the ropes, and she armdrags her to buy a breather. Again, but this time Asuka plants a boot in her face to block, and Banks bails to the apron. Asuka is on her with a running hip attack to put the challenger on the outside, but an attempt to roll her back in is met with a feint kick. Sasha tries a sunsetbomb on the floor, but Asuka blocks, and hits a shining wizard from the apron. Inside, it's time for the Asuka-Lock, but Sasha drops into the corner to block, getting her a two count. Sasha goes after the arm, working the part, as the match slows way down. It's not like the work is bad, it's that the lack of a real crowd makes it seem much slower and less impactful than it would in normal times. I mean, some of these paid stand-ins are literally just standing there slow clapping at nothing. Even the videogame crowds have more realistic reactions. They fight out to the apron, where Asuka tries a German suplex, but Sasha counters with a powerbomb into the barricade. Banks with a flying frogsplash for two on the way back in, so she locks on the Statement, but Asuka makes the ropes, and tries a bridging German suplex. It only gets two, so a fired up Asuka drops her on her head with a release version, and then unloads kicks to set up a shining wizard for two. Another German suplex leads to a running hip attack for two, but a flying dropkick misses, and Sasha hits a knee strike for two. Sasha goes up for a dive, but Asuka follows for a German superplex, but Banks lands on her feet to block. She goes up to the middle to dive with another knee, but slips off the ropes, and lands badly. That looked like a legitimate botch, but I think it was planned. Which is actually even more impressive, because she made it look very real. Anyway, it leads to a slugfest, and Asuka gets the Lock on, drawing Bayley onto the apron. Unlike earlier, Kairi Sane is there to brawl with her, but Sasha still escapes the hold. That triggers a reversal sequence ending in Asuka getting the Lock on a second time, so Bayley comes into the ring, forcing Asuka to break to avoid getting attacked. How is that not a DQ, though? Asuka goes for the mist, but ends up blinding the referee by accident, allowing Bayley to run in and bash Asuka with the title belt. The referee is still down, however, so Bayley strips him of his shirt, puts it on, and counts the pin herself at 20:00. God, how many times am I going to have to endure that stupid finish in my lifetime? I mean, has it ever once actually resulted in an official title change? So, Bayley declares Sasha the new champion, and she leaves with the belt, but of course it doesn't really count. Why is Asuka even freaking out, it's obvious that it won't stand. Otherwise, what's stopping it from happening in literally every title match? Anyway, the official result is a no contest, with Asuka retaining. The match was okay at points, but dragged a lot, and the ridiculous finish brought it down even more. A lot of the sequences felt really sloppy, too. * ½

WWE Title Extreme Rules Match: Drew McIntyre v Dolph Ziggler: The Extreme Rules stipulation only applies to Ziggler, and McIntyre can even lose the title if he's disqualified or counted out. Dolph immediately bails to the outside to try and grab a weapon, but Drew is right on top of him, and beats Ziggler around ringside for a bit. What a stupid strategy, he deserves to get wrecked. Inside, Drew suplexes him clear across the ring (that one was like a 10/10 in the Barbarian scale), but Ziggler bails before the champ can fire off the Claymore. Drew follows, but Ziggler fights him off, and grabs a chair as they head back inside. Swing, but Drew catches it, and sends him back to the outside via suplex, then again via clothesline. Time for a trip into the post, but Ziggler reverses, and grabs a table. It's killing me how similar all the matches have been tonight. I get that it's a gimmick show, but it's the same stupid spots again and again. Drew attacks while Ziggler is setting up the table, but suplexes him on the floor instead of through it, since he's afraid of the DQ. I like how he acts all upset about that, as if dropping a guy in a concrete floor is a treat for the victim, or something. Inside, Drew with a sitout powerbomb for two, so Ziggler kicks him in the balls, and brings a bunch of chairs in. Ziggler hammers him with one of the chairs for a while to get two, and the champ wisely bails before Ziggler can make another attempt at putting him away. Dolph dives after him from the apron, but Drew catches him, and sends him flying again with a suplex onto the announce table. Drew sets up another suplex to try and put him through the table, but Ziggler blocks, and hits a rocker dropper on the floor. Inside, Dolph grabs a sleeper, but the champ manages to escape, and he levels Ziggler with a lariat. Dolph bails to avoid getting put away, but Drew follows for a catapult into the social distancing barricade, and the champ hits a corner backelbow to set up an inverted whiplash. Claymore time, but Dolph hits him in the leg with a chair to block, and Zig Zags for two. Drew dumps him to the outside, but Dolph is ready with a superkick out there when the champ follows, and McIntyre ends up on a table. That allows Ziggler to dive with a flying elbowdrop to put him through the table, and Drew fights hard to beat the count in, just making it. Ziggler responds by going for a chair again, but Drew headbutts him before he can, and he sets up a double arm DDT, but Dolph counters with a rocker dropper. Zig Zag and a uranage onto a chair only get two, prompting a tantrum from Dolph. Well, if you're going to base your career on HBK cosplay, you have to hit all the marks. And speaking of HBK, Ziggler revs up the band for a superkick, but Drew counters with a Claymore at 15:23. Not a great match, but Dolph bumping around for Drew works, even if it felt like it went on for a bit too long. ** ½

Main Event: Wyatt Swamp Fight: Braun Strowman v Bray Wyatt: Braun's WWE Universal Title is not on the line here, and this is another attempt at cinematic wrestling. So the idea is that they're fighting at Bray's swamp, and we start with Wyatt sitting in his rocking chair out on the driveway as Braun pulls up in his truck. Strowman marches up and tells Bray that he's 'home,' but Wyatt just chuckles, and all the lights die. When they come back on, he's gone, and Strowman is left looking for him. Instead he finds some masked goons, and as he slugs it out with them, we cut to Bray in the Firefly Fun House, doing a cheerleader routine for him. Braun fights off the goons, but ends up getting knocked to the ground with a shovel, and when he looks up at his attacker, he sees himself standing there. The Braun clone knocks him out with another shovel blow to the head, and when Strowman comes to, he's chained up in a creepy shack somewhere. Though, to be fair, almost any shack out in the woods is creepy. That's not a Wyatt specific thing. Bray appears, and Strowman struggles against his chains, aching to get his hands on him. But he can't, so instead Wyatt can just pour his heart out to him instead. See, he's not Braun's enemy. Nah. Anyway, here's a veiled woman with snake to attack him. That causes Strowman to pass out, and when he comes to, he's back in the swamp, fighting the masked goons again. Another unmasked goon attacks, but Braun throws him into a fire pit, and the unnamed dude is set on fire, and runs away. The veiled woman returns, and is revealed to be Alexa Bliss - or at least an illusion of her. This is some Voldemort level fuckery right now. Her promises of being 'together forever' distract Braun, allowing Bray to attack, going for the eyes. Oh no, not again. No matter, Strowman fights him off with a chokeslam into a rowboat, which then sails away on its own volition. Braun seems to think that means the match is over, and smirks to himself as he walks away, but then the boat comes back. Maybe it's an Australian boat? So Braun goes to investigate, but the boat is empty, which apparently is really shocking to him. Of all the stuff happening here, THAT'S what's shocking to him? Bray attacks again, and this time holds Strowman under water, drowning him. Braun manages to get away and up onto a dock, and shit, his selling of being drowned is really bad. Once on the dock, Bray is there to meet him with the boat paddle, but Strowman dodges a blow. He chases Wyatt over to a gazebo, but no, there will be no tea today. Instead, Wyatt just beats him with the paddle. Somewhere, the inventor of the gazebo is rolling over in his grave. Or hers. Not sure. Don't really feel like looking it up. Anyway, Braun knocks him into the swamp again, and declares that "it's over," so I guess that's how the match ends. But then Bray pops back out of the water with the Mandible Claw, dragging Braun into the swamp as well. After a struggle (I assume, who can see anything here?), the water starts bubbling and turning red, until Wyatt reappears as the Fiend, laughing, and saying 'let me in.' And apparently THAT'S the actual end of the match, and Wyatt wins at 18:00. Say what you will about cinematic wrestling... I'm personally over it, but at least Bray's versions are interesting. They don't work as wrestling matches, and I don't need to see one every month, but these little meta short film projects are more interesting than most of the other cinematic wrestling projects they've been doing. Yeah, it’s still super dumb, completely insults the audiences intelligence, and feels like it shouldn’t be canon... but at least it was (somewhat) entertaining. And that’s something.  * ¾

BUExperience: 3/6 matches openly insult the viewers intelligence. That’s practically 2000 WCW ratios.

DUD