ECW Eastern Championship Wrestling (September 7, 1993)

Original Airdate: September 7, 1993 

Your Hosts are Jay Sulli and Eddie Gilbert in the studio

Paul E. Dangerously introduces us to Don E. Allen and Herve Renesto, who he is sending to put a hit on Stan Hansen ahead of UltraClash I. I wouldn’t count on those two to take out a dead horse, let alone Stan Hansen (who is a very-much-alive horse)

Handicap Match: Stan Hansen v Don E. Allen and Herve Renesto: Taped August 8 in Philadelphia Pennsylvania. Stan attacks them, and just totally wrecks both guys, before pinning Allen with a lariat at 1:16, and then tying Renesto to the post for additional beatings. DUD

Sulli catches up with Hansen backstage, so he can continue to shit out of his mouth

In the studio, Sulli plays with a Freddie Krueger doll. This goof ain’t got nothing on Todd Pettengill

Six-Man Tag Team Match: Salvatore Bellomo and The Super Destroyers v Freddie Krueger and The Headhunters: Taped August 7 in Philadelphia Pennsylvania. Joined in progress with the heels working Bellomo over, as the sweaty ECW fans get worked into a lather. I’m trying to imagine the smell in the ECW Arena, and I’m guessing it’s public-park-bathroom-bad. Sal manages a bodypress on one of the Headhunters for two, and he tags out - Roseanne Barr the door! The heels kind of stop selling after two seconds, and then the referee just calls for a double DQ at 2:38 shown, for whatever the hell reason. I won’t rate it, but it definitely wasn’t good.

Tod Gordon brings Sensational Sherri out, and Sal Bellomo is back to cuddle with her. That draws Hunter Q. Robbins III out to make fun of Bellomo, so Sal slaps him around, triggering a brawl. Why are the Super Destroyers attacking Sal, weren’t they just tag partners literally two minutes ago? 

Dangerously rants about JT Smith trying to pass himself as a ‘good christian’ after shoving Dark Patriot off of a damn scaffold

W*ING Junior Heavyweight Title Match: Mr. Motegi v JT Smith: Taped August 8 in Philadelphia Pennsylvania. Impressively, the Network’s closed captioning actually correctly spells out ‘W*ING.’ They’ve been very impressive captions over the years, actually. I mean, even Ahmed Johnson promos are understandable. Feeling out process to start, dominated by Motegi. Cross corner whip gets reversed on him, however, and Smith unloads in the corner. Smith with a snapmare to allow him a headscissors, but Motegi counters to a Muta-lock. Motegi shifts it to a (sloppy) surfboard, as the announcers start talking up the time limit, telegraphing the finish. Smith makes the ropes, so Motegi drags him away, and locks on a half-crab. Smith won’t give, so Motegi headbutt drops him in the groin, and locks on an STF. Smith makes the ropes again, so Motegi drags him off for another STF, but JT is in the ropes again. Criss cross allows Smith to duck a clothesline and apply a fujiwara armbar, but it goes nowhere. Smith keeps coming with a clothesline, but Motegi counters a vertical suplex with a bridging German suplex - only for time to expire at 8:26. This felt like it had potential to be a good match, but they mostly rolled around on the mat trading submissions, with little else going on. Afterwards, Dark Patriot and Shane Douglas run out to attack Smith, but Motegi saves him. *

Backstage, Sandman and Sal Bellomo prepare for their tag title shot. Meanwhile, so do Eddie Gilbert and Dark Patriot. Okay, so we’re even so far. Fair and even

ECW Tag Team Title Match: Eddie Gilbert and Dark Patriot v Sandman and Salvatore Bellomo: This is a tournament final, taped August 8 in Philadelphia Pennsylvania. Someone has a sign in the crowd saying that they want the ‘real king’ with a photo of Jerry Lawler. They’d sure change their tune on that by 1997. Big brawl to start, with Sandman and Bellomo cleaning house. Gilbert grabs a can of soda from a fan and nails Sandman with it on the way back inside, however, and the heels get control. They try a double team, but Sandman dodges, and Patriot collides with Eddie. Sandman backdrops Patriot to the heavens. Tags all around, and Sal holds Eddie in a headlock, so Dangerously lends an assist to put a stop to that. The heels go to work on Bellomo, but a double knockout spot allows Sal to recover, and tag - Roseanne Barr the door! Sulli seems to be stealing Vince McMahon’s commentary style, which is a weird choice. Gilbert nails Sandman with Paul’s cell phone during the chaos, and he covers at 8:12 to win the vacant title. And then the title would be vacated again almost immediately when Gilbert left the promotion. ½*

BUExperience: This week’s wasn’t terrible, but it’s still really challenging to follow the storylines of this promotion from show to show. Which is especially surprising, since you’d think that them taping, like, two months of shows in one or two nights would result in a coherent direction. You’d be very wrong.