WWF In Your House - A Cold Day in Hell (May 1997)

This is one I never saw live as a kid (despite being a hardcore WWF fan, I could not have cared less about an Undertaker/Austin program at the time – and no Bret and no Shawn equaled no buys from me), and while I have owned it on VHS for over ten years, this is the first time I have ever gotten around to watching it. 

From Richmond, VA your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.



Opening Match: Hunter Hearst Helmsley v Flash Funk: One of these guys went on to become more famous as 'Triple H.' I'll leave it as an exercise to the reader to guess which one. Funk controls the early going, taking HHH to the mat, and putting him on the floor with a dropkick. He follows out with a springboard bodypress, but gets spanked by Chyna (Hunter's bodyguard) when HHH hugs the referee to distract him. That's literally exactly what happened. Inside, Chyna gets a punch off when Hunter distracts the referee again for two, and, oh crap... it's gonna be one of THOSE matches. Suplex gets two, and a series of high knees puts Flash on the floor. Inside, Hunter tries a flying axehandle, but gets caught, and Flash FUNKS UP!! Backdrop! Clothesline! Legdrop! Flying bodypress! Triple H takes an impressive Flair style flip into the corner, but crotches Funk on a moonsault attempt, and hits a visually impressive side superplex off of the top, which Funk sells with a 360. Pedigree finishes at 10:05. Hmm, they actually didn't go the 'Chyna keeps saving HHH from sure doom' route that I was sure they would - and that they telegraphed. Match was all (and I mean ALL) Funk - which is only somewhat accurate, as it only kinda stunk. *.

Mankind v Rocky Maivia: Mankind plays psychological games, sitting and rocking in the corner to start, but gets caught by a dropkick when he tries to jump Maivia, and powerslammed. Rocky goes to work on the arm, but Mankind dumps him, and nails his somersault dive. Back in, a double clothesline knocks both guys out, and they spill to the floor. Rocky leaves him laying with a Rock Bottom on the ramp way, but stupidly tries to bring him back in instead of taking the count out win. It doesn't work, of course. Jesse Ventura would be having a field day with that one. He still manages a belly to belly suplex, and a shoulderbreaker, but Mankind catches him coming down on a flying bodypress with the claw for the submission victory at 8:46. Should'a went for the countout. That’s what The Rock would’ve done, anyway. Visually impressive ending aside, this was nothing, and makes it that much harder to believe these two would be headlining against each other in just a couple of years. ½*.

Gauntlet Match: Ahmed Johnson v The Nation of Domination: The concept here is that Ahmed has to defeat all three members of the Nation - in three separate matches, not a Handicap style bout. The nation is represented tonight by Savio Vega, Crush, and leader Faarooq. Crush starts out, as WWF President Gorilla Monsoon sends the hundred or so other Nation members to the back. Dear lord, I'd forgotten just how fucking huge the Nation was - no wonder Vince couldn't afford to pay Bret Hart anymore by the end of 1997. He had half of MTV, Bell Biv DeVoe, and the Wayans Brothers all on his payroll. Anyway, Crush hits a flying  clothesline for two, and grabs a nervehold (well, he did team with Yokozuna...), which goes on for the bulk of the segment. Piledriver, and the heart punch looks to finish, but Ahmed counters with a spinkick to get the pin at 5:00. This segment was horrible, wrestling wise, but did what it needed to in terms of stacking the odds even further against Ahmed, as he took a beating, and pulled the win out of nowhere. Savio Vega comes in next, but eats a backdrop right away. He gets caught in the corner, however, and Savio catches him with his impressive cross corner spinkick. Sadly, he follows it up with a long series of kicks and punches, which is pretty much up there with Crush's nervehold spot in terms of workrate. He then literally grabs a nervehold, in case someone in the audience was confused he was doing anything actually interesting. Keep 'em in line, Savio. He misses a cross corner spot, however, and Ahmed comes back with a side suplex and a powerslam. They spill outside, and Vega gets a chair, laying Ahmed out for the DQ at 7:00. Again, I get the point, but, the ends do not justify the means. Faarooq (who had been sporting an arm in a sling) is last up, but, of course, the arm is just fine. He smacks Ahmed around, but eats a spinebuster, and the Pearl River Plunge looks to finish, but Faarooq is too fresh, and kicks out. He clips Ahmed's knee, and hits the Dominator (his finisher - an inverted front powerslam), to finish Ahmed at 13:25. The ending got a bit more energetic, but my God, I’ve been to abortions that were more fun than this. ¼*.

No Holds Barred Submission Match: Vader v Ken Shamrock: That stipulation is a little redundant, wouldn't you say? This is Shamrock's pay per view wrestling debut, after refereeing Bret Hart v Steve Austin at WrestleMania 13. Feeling out process to start, most likely as they try to make sure they understand the stipulation correctly. Shamrock shoots him some kicks, so Vader potatoes him with a gut shot. Vader gets him into the corner, but it's Ken fucking Shamrock, so he maneuvers out. He tries a German suplex, but Vader dives into the ropes to avoid it - looking like he legitimately didn't want to try the spot. Another go, and Shamrock hits it, so Vader bails, looking pissed. Back in, Vader attacks him like an angry bear, so Shamrock German's him again, and Vader bails after getting clocked in the face a few times. He comes back with a few stiff shots to the head and body, but Shamrock counters a hip toss into an armlock submission, so Vader bails. Big pattern there. Inside, Shamrock kicks the shit out of him (almost literally, I think), but eats lariat, and Vader gets a reverse armbar. Ken reverses, and Vader tries to counter with what looks like a powerbomb, but drops him. Vicious looking spot follows, as Vader gets him up for a vertical suplex, and just dumps him to the floor. Inside, Vader gets an anklelock, so he takes him to the corner for some abuse. Avalanche, but the moonsault misses, and Shamrock with a powerslam. He gets a leglock, but has to break when Vader's in the ropes (what happened to 'NO HOLDS BARRED, SUBMISSION ONLY, NO DQ'?), so they slug it out. Vader wins, but gets caught in the anklelock, and we're done at 13:21. It had no flow for the first half, or so - and is like almost no other match you will ever see in the WWF/E - but is a crazy stiff 'match,' as Shamrock tries to work out this 'wrestling' thing, and feeds Vader the same bitter medicine he’d been dishing out to opponent after opponent his entire career. *** ¼.

Main Event: WWF Title Match: The Undertaker v Steve Austin: The entire Hart Foundation (Bret Hart, Owen Hart, Davey Boy Smith, Jim Neidhart and Brian Pillman) come down to ringside during the staredown, taking five front row seats. Bret is in a wheelchair, at this point, allowing Pillman the joy of swinging his crutches around at anything that moves. Austin, playing his character brilliantly, forgets about the Undertaker (and his silly WWF Title) right away, and goes right after the Harts. Jerry Lawler is brilliant on commentary, too, disgusted that Austin would assault 'the fans.' Inside, 'Taker nails him with the jumping clothesline, and the ropewalk forearm, but gets caught in a long mat based side headlock. Pre-injury Austin's style was so radically different from the Attitude-era brawler he would become - and actually for the worse in this gimmick - as brawling is much more suited to the intensity he brings in his promos and segments, and then the bell rings, and he's grabbing headlocks. Post injury, he was a ticking time bomb that always went off at the bell. Here, at the bell, the bomb just kind of fizzles, and mildly annoys various parts of your body. 'Taker posts him, and tries for the Tombstone, but gets caught in an STF, putting the crowd back to sleep. This Austin would be the equivalent of meeting Keith Richards, and him wanting to sit around and, like, watch reruns of 'King of Queens.' Sure, 'King of Queens' is okay, and everything, but in your mind, you're prepared for something else when you meet Keith Richards. Also, wouldn't it be weird if Keith Richards tried to sell you eyeglasses? Not that he necessarily would - but wouldn't it? It would... it would be unnerving. Anyway, 'Taker dumps him, and sends him to the stairs, and back inside goes to work on Austin's bad leg. 'Taker tries the ropewalk again, and since he never tries that twice, you can guess what happens. Austin can't manage the superplex off, however, and tossed, allowing 'Taker to follow up by... climbing down. Badass! Sleeper, and Austin gets the stunner for two. They slug it out, won by Austin with a lowblow, so 'Taker responds in kind. Chokeslam, and suddenly the crowd comes alive. He looks to finish, but gets caught with another stunner, and the bell rings?? What, the referee didn't even have a chance to count! What is this, a Montreal reference, before Montreal even took place?! Vince McMahon truly is an evil genius. Ah, but it seems Brian Pillman jumped the rail, and rang the bell, which distracted the referee long enough to break up the pinfall attempt. 'Taker goes for the tombstone, and after one reversal attempt, gets it for real, retaining the title at 20:08. The ending had many early shades of their future Attitude-era stuff (multiple finishers; reversed finishers), but for the most part, it was very long, slow, dull match. ½*.

BUExperience:  As mentioned before with these early In Your House shows, the real value was (and still remains) the length. At under two hours, it’s really hard to mess a show like this up, as even one good match is enough to make it watchable/save it from the junk pile, but the format also kept a lot of them from being particularly memorable. As was the case with a lot of shows during this period, the WWF had both Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels under contract (probably the two best wrestlers in North America at the time – if not the world), but only one or the other wrestled at any particular show. At this show, neither man was booked, which didn’t help matters any. Austin/Undertaker would be done again – and better, as would Mankind/Rock. Shamrock/Vader saves this from the dreaded ‘DUD’ rating, but even that match is nothing more than a curiosity, at best. I can sleep soundly knowing that my twelve year old self didn’t miss anything by passing on this show. *.