WWE WrestleMania 22 (April 2006)

Original Airdate: April 2, 2006

From Chicago, Illinois; Your Hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, and Tazz

Opening World Tag Team Title Match: Big Show and Kane v Carlito and Chris Masters: Kane starts with Masters, and wins a criss cross with a dropkick before tagging out to Show. He smacks Chris around in the corner before bodyslamming him, but an eyerake allows a tag to Carlito. He tries a wristlock, but Show is so much larger than him that he can't even apply it, and gets killed. Masters tries coming into save, so Show press-slams both of them - throwing Carlito out of the ring with his. Kane punctuates it by diving onto both challengers with a flying clothesline on the floor, but a double-team turns the tide on Show as they go back in, and the challengers cut the ring in half. Tandem vertical suplex is reversed, however, and Kane gets the hot tag. If ever there was a character who was born to get 'hot tags,' it's Kane. He's a house of fire, and Roseanne Barr the door, we've got a kettle on! Flying clothesline on Chris is countered into the MasterLock, but Show saves with a big boot, and Kane finishes Carlito with a chokeslam at 6:43. Fun stuff here, with Show and Kane working especially hard for their paycheck tonight. ** ¼

Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Shelton Benjamin v Ric Flair v Rob Van Dam v Finlay v Matt Hardy v Bobby Lashley: Lashley destroys everyone to start, but ends up running into a roundhouse kick from Benjamin. Shelton grabs a ladder and goes to town on Finlay, then dives out of the ring onto RVD, Hardy, and Lashley with a springboard somersault senton off the ladder. Not wasting any time getting to the spots, I see. Flair wasn't hit, and decides to climb, but he's way out of position, and ends up getting superplexed off the ladder by Hardy. He gets legitimately injured in the process, however, and removed from the proceedings. In all fairness, this isn't really the kind of match a fifty seven year old man who made his name working technical exhibitions needs to be participating in to begin with. So, everything kinda stands still as Ric is helped to the back, until Bobby climbs for the briefcase, but Shelton brings him down with a sunsetbomb - though, with an assist from Finlay and Hardy as well. Finlay beats everyone with a ladder next, as things take a turn for the aimless. He's about to climb, when Flair hobbles back out and beats him up, but Hardy stops a climb effort. Ric beats both him and Benjamin with chops, and nearly gets the case - only for Finlay to whap him with his whappin' stick to prevent it. He goes for the case, but Lashley tips the ladder over, then kills Shelton with the Dominator for good measure. He climbs, but Van Dam saves with a missile dropkick, and Hardy punctuates it with a flying legdrop off a ladder. Matt climbs, and nearly gets it, but Finlay is on his tail, and Matt is forced to change gears - bringing Finlay down off the ladder with a Side Effect. This time it's Van Dam who punctuates it - hitting Finlay with a flying splash off a ladder (though, not a frog splash, as Finlay was out of position). He climbs, but Shelton stops it with a crazy springboard to the top of the ladder for a slugfest - the timing on that bit just incredible. Matt follows them up for a ménage a slugfest, which ends in Hardy and Benjamin taking a spill, and Rob snagging the case at 12:22. This felt kind of directionless, and a lot less exciting than most other Money in the Bank matches I've seen. ** ½

WWE United States Title Match: Chris Benoit v John Bradshaw Layfield: I always loved the way Benoit used to march into the ring with his titles, and hold it up right in his opponents face. Chris quickly takes him down and tries for the Crippler Crossface, but Bradshaw blocks. Benoit responds by trying to soften him up with a series of headbutts to the neck, but Bradshaw gets the ropes, and springs on him with a mat-based headlock. Benoit counters to an anklelock, but John escapes, so Chris chops him in the corner. Wow, Bradshaw was really starting to look more like a businessman than a wrestler at this point, wasn't he? I'm saying he looks fat, you see. Sharpshooter, but Bradshaw blocks, and they spill to the outside. John tries hiding behind Jillian Hall, but hitting a woman isn't beneath Benoit, and he keeps coming. We should have known right then. Luckily, Bradshaw is able to get a cheap shot off before that can happen, but misses a charge in the corner, and takes a three-alarm rolling German suplex. Flying headbutt, but JBL crotches him on the top turnbuckle to block, and superplexes him down for two. Three-alarm rolling vertical suplexes, but Chris blocks the third alarm - only to run into a big boot for two. Chinlock, but Chris escapes, and wins a slugfest with his own three-alarm rolling vertical suplex. Flying headbutt only gets two, so he tries another German suplex, but Bradshaw holds onto the ropes to block. Clothesline from Wall Street, but Benoit counters to the Crossface - only for Bradshaw to counter it into a cradle (with use of the ropes) to win the title at 9:47. Watchable, but nothing special at all. * ¼

Hardcore Match: Edge v Mick Foley: Joey Styles sits in on commentary for this one, in a nice touch. Edge goes after him with a baseball bat at the bell, but quickly gets bulldogged, and tied in a tree of woe. Foley plays to the crowd and gets blasted with a big boot, however, and Lita passes Edge a cookie sheet to pop Mick with. You know, I think the baseball bat might have been a bit more effective, but whatever. Spear hits, but it turns out Foley is has wrapped barbed wire around himself (hidden by one of his many layers of shirt), thereby cutting into Edge's arm as he executes the move. Mick unwraps the wire and whips Edge with it, then retrieves a barbed wire bat, but Lita runs in and tackles to prevent him from using it. That leads to a cool spot where Foley gives Edge a Cactus Clothesline WHILE Lita is riding on his back, which gets two. Swinging neckbreaker on the floor gets two, but Edge counters a charge with a hiptoss into the steps. Man, Mick isn't holding back with the bumping tonight, is he? He then takes ANOTHER hard bump into the steps via a whip from Edge, and a baseball slide knocks him out of the ring. Is it any wonder that he can barely walk these days? Edge puts him onto a table, but Mick rolls off of it before anything can happens, so an annoyed Edge punishes him by slamming him headfirst into the ramp for two. He decides to pour lighter fluid over Mick next, but Foley fights him off with a piledriver for two. He grabs a chair, but Lita gets involved again, and Edge manages to double-arm DDT him onto a cookie sheet for two. That's enough to allow Edge to pick up the barbed bat, and he goes to work - busting Foley open. Bulldog onto the barbed wire only gets two, so Edge decides to up the ante by pouring out a bagful of thumbtacks. Bulldog onto them ends up getting countered with a side suplex into the pile, however, and Edge's sell of it is a thing of beauty! Mandible Claw (with barbed wire wrapped around the Socko) looks to finish, but Lita runs in again, so Mick gives it to HER instead! That'll learn her! Foley beats him with the barbed bat to draw even MORE blood in what has already been a gory contest, but Mick isn't satisfied. Nope, he decides the only way to properly finish this guy is with a good old fashioned FLAMING TABLE! He pours a bunch of lighter fluid on the table sitting out on the floor from earlier, and lights it up, but Lita hits him with the barbed bat before he can use it, and Edge capitalizes by Spearing Mick off the apron and through the flaming table for the pin at 14:37. This was, in a word, 'fuckingawesome!' They really went out and delivered with this one, leaving everything in the ring. ****

Intergender Handicap Match: Boogeyman v Booker T and Sharmell: And from that, to this. Sharmell actually starts off, but Booker quickly takes a cheap shot before Boogeyman can harm her. Man, the ventilation system in this arena is sorely lacking, isn't it? That, or there's a fire somewhere at ringside here. Booker works Boogeyman over with pedestrian punch-kick stuff, and the BookEnd gets two. Boogeyman makes his worm fuelled comeback, so Sharmell tries attacking him, and ends up eating said worms. That sends her hightailing it to the back, but even that distraction isn't enough to slow Boogeyman down - Booker eating a BoogeyBomb at 3:54. Shit match, with Booker looking especially disinterested. DUD

WWE Women's Title Match: Trish Stratus v Mickie James: That's a good look for Trish. She beats Mickie down right away - unloading on her with punches and chops. To the outside, the beating continues, but a Chick Kick against the post misses - Stratus' leg smacking into the steel. James capitalizes by ramming the leg into the post a second time, but Trish shows fire through a slugfest on the way back in, so Mickie kicks the leg out for two. She keeps hammering the part, and works a half-crab before letting off for two. Leglock, but Trish uses a swinging headscissors to escape, and starts slugging. Even with the leg slowing her down, she manages a pair of clotheslines and a spinebuster for two, but a stinger splash doesn't end well, and Mickie goes up, so Trish tries the handstand rana - only to get clobbered for two. Trish tries an inside cradle for two, so Mickie tries a rana, but Trish counters with a sitout powerbomb for two. Stratusfaction, but Mickie straight up grabs her crotch to block, and cracks her with her own Chick Kick to win the title at 8:50. Good stuff here, with heavy focus on psychology, and gung-ho commitment to selling by Trish throughout. ** ¼

Casket Match: The Undertaker v Mark Henry: Um, yeah, I don't think the Streak's in any particular danger here. Henry attacks before the bell, and swats a clotheslining Undertaker down for a choke. To the floor, Undertaker tries coming back with a smash into the steps, but Mark no-sells, and delivers one of his own. Inside, Undertaker tries the ropewalk forearm, but Henry swats that down, too. He goes for the box, but Undertaker blocks, and executes el ropewalko. Reverse STO, but Henry blocks - only to miss a straddling ropechoke, and end up in the casket! Undertaker follows him in for a slugfest, which Henry controls, but he can't put him away. Inside, Mark catches him with a scrapbuster, and stupidly tries for the pin. Uh, yeah. He goes for the casket, but Undertaker blocks again, so Henry pounds him in the corner. Ten-punch count is countered with a powerbomb, of course, and Undertaker dumps him to the outside - following with a tope suicida over the casket! This match has sucked thus far, but yeah, that was pretty cool. Back in for a Tombstone, and we're finally done at 9:27. I really disliked this one, as it was plodding, directionless, and had little flow. Not to mention boring. ½*

No Holds Barred Match: Shawn Michaels v Vince McMahon: I should note that we're nearly two and a half hours into this show at this point, and have only seen one match that's really above average level thus far. The three top matches are all going to need to be really, really strong to have any hope of saving this show. Shawn assaults on the floor as Vince poses, and throws him into the announce table - choking him with some cable. Inside, Michaels breaks a framed copy of Vince's Muscle and Fitness magazine cover over his head (though, there was no glass in the frame, so he essentially tore a piece of paper over his head), but the Spirit Squad (including a young Dolph Ziggler) run in to attack. They beat Shawn down, but he manages to fight them all off (yes, all five of them) like he's doing a 1995 Hulk Hogan impression, or something. I guess he had some Hulkster juice left over from the SummerSlam feud. Vince manages to capitalize on the distraction and attack, and we see that McMahon is actually bleeding a bit from the face. I guess we can chalk that up to a paper cut from earlier. Vince takes his belt off and lays into Shawn with it, then chokes him down, but Michaels blocks a superkick attempt, and pops Vince with a diving double-ax. He grabs the belt and unloads a few shots of his own, in a bit that unintentionally exposes the business. Not that he wasn't laying into him, but as soon as Shawn drops the belt, the referee is quick to kick it out of the ring, since they're done with that spot. However, when Vince dropped it earlier, the referee did no such clearing, since Shawn still needed to have his turn with it. I know that's a minor quibble (especially since they weren't even hiding the fact that wrestling was a big, giant work by 2006), but I like when they at least make an effort to make the suspension of disbelief possible. Shawn with a bodyslam to setup a flying elbowdrop, and the Superkick looks to finish, but in runs Shane McMahon with a kendo stick to prevent it. He starts getting idea'rs, and tells Vince to pull his pants down so that Shane can shove Shawn's face into it. You know, I've had many conversations with my father that have ranged every topic imaginable, but I can't even begin to think how I would approach asking him to drop his pants in front of seventeen thousand people so that I could shove another mans face into his bare ass. I guess some people just have a better relationship with their old man than we do. Oh well. Anyway, Michaels reverses and blows Vince low, then handcuffs a butt munching Shane to the ropes on the floor, and beats him with the kendo stick. Back in, Shawn bashes Vince with a chair to draw a proper bladejob, but stops short of hitting the Superkick - he's not done with him yet! Michaels brings every piece of plunder he can find into the ring, and starts the party by hitting McMahon with a ladder and a trashcan, before climbing an even taller ladder, and putting Vince through a table with a flying elbowdrop off of it! That has to be the tallest ladder I have ever seen. Like, seriously, that's the Andre the Giant of ladders. See, 'cause it can drink a lot. Superkick finally finishes it at 18:27. This was definitely entertaining, but kind of felt like a waste of Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania. ** ½

World Heavyweight Title Triple Threat Match: Kurt Angle v Rey Mysterio v Randy Orton: First fall wins it. Cool spot to start, as Orton rips the title belt away from the official as it's being held up for all to see, and pops Angle with it to knock the champion out of the ring right away. Kind of surprised no one's thought of that before (or since). Rey tries attacking while Orton is dealing with that, but a springboard bodypress is shot out of the sky with a well placed dropkick for two! That was beautifully timed. Angle rushes back in and throws Orton around with a rolling German suplex, but Randy blocks the second alarm. As he does so, Rey rushes over to try and hit Orton with a wheelbarrow bulldog, but Kurt holds on - German suplexing them both in the process! Wow, Rey got absolutely LAUNCHED there. It gets two on Orton, and a release overhead suplex follows, but Mysterio cuts off a superplex attempt. He charges Kurt, but ends up getting alleyopped into bringing Randy down with a rana off the top – Angle quickly tossing Mysterio to the floor, and getting two off of it himself! Randy tries bailing, but Kurt vertical suplexes him for two, then goes for the Anklelock, but Rey charges in to save - Angle leveling him with a lariat for two. Reversal sequence ends in Rey shining his wizard for two, and following a with a headscissors takedown to setup the 619 - only for Kurt to counter into the Anklelock! Randy shows up with a chair to save, causing the protesting referee to miss Mysterio tapping out in the process, and getting Kurt good and pissed. Both guys eat multiple release German suplexes, and Rey takes a spill to the floor with an Olympic slam over the top! Anklelock for Orton, but Rey tackles the referee to prevent him from seeing the submission. He breaks the hold with a flying legdrop for two, but gets tossed into the post by an enraged Angle. Back to Orton for an Olympic slam, but he counters with the RKO, for two! To the top, but Angle brings him down with the pop-up overhead superplex - only for Rey to catch him with a springboard seated senton for two. Orton dumps Angle to the floor and goes after Rey with a gutwrench elevated neckbreaker for two. RKO, but Angle runs in with an Olympic slam for two, then tries one on Rey, but gets armdragged out of the ring. That allows Mysterio the freedom to hit Randy with the 619, and the West Coast Pop crowns a new champion at 9:25. That was a lot packed into a ten minute match, and I liked that they really took advantage of the match format by working a bunch of fun spots built for three, instead of simply working three separate mini-matches while each guy takes a turn playing dead on the outside. I mean, they did that TOO, but they didn't ONLY do that. *** ½

Playboy Pillow Fight: Torrie Wilson v Candice Michelle: Okay, so there's a Playboy merch covered bed setup in the ring, and both girls are wearing dresses. I'm not sure what the exact rules are here, but does it really matter anyway. So, Torrie jumps her and kicks the crap out of her, then brings her dog into the ring to lick her. She strips Candice of her dress, but a corner charge misses, and Candice slaps on the Candylicious. Snapmare onto the bed sets up a 2^nd rope elbowdrop, though when they're literally diving onto a pillow covered mattress, it doesn't really have that same effect, you know? Wilson loses her dress, but Candice misses a charge in the corner, and gets rolled up at 3:55. This would be negative stars, but that would imply that what we were watching here actually had anything to do with wrestling. DUD

Main Event: WWE Title Match: John Cena v Triple H: Feeling out process to start, as the crowd taunts Cena with various abusive chants. They get so relentless, that the announcers resort to noting that 'he's a human being, he's not an animal!' Hey, maybe next year, they can bring John's first grade teacher out to scold everybody. Cena takes control with a cross corner whip that sends HHH flying out of the ring, and he backdrops the challenger onto the ramp. Inside, HHH wins a criss cross with a high knee, and he takes John back out for a whip into the steps that get two on the way back in. HHH with a vertical suplex to setup a kneedrop for two, and a kneeling facebuster sets up a lariat for two. Looking out at this crowd, and their reactions, really underscores how wrestling audiences have changed over the years. In the old days, they cheered or booed an action. Now, they cheer a good sequence, the way you would after a gymnast nailed a particularly difficult dismount, or something. Hunter hits a neckbreaker for two, and a swinging neckbreaker also gets two. Headvice, but Cena is powering out, so HHH shifts to a sleeper instead, and the champion fades. Cena escapes and starts mounting a comeback with clotheslines and a powerslam, but the Five Knuckle Shuffle is countered with a spinebuster for two. Sleeper, but Cena counters with a side suplex, and hits the Shuffle. STF, but HHH gets the ropes. FU is blocked (taking the referee out in the process), and HHH capitalizes by blowing the champ low, and retrieving a sledgehammer. Well, you knew that would be making an appearance at some point. Shot with that is worth a dramatic two count - though, if you were buying that as the finish to WrestleMania, I've got a bridge to sell you. Pedigree, but Cena counters with a backdrop, and hits the FU for two. Okay, that was a believable near fall, at least. Cena sells the shock like someone just kicked out of a Lawler piledriver in Memphis, but who are we kidding here? It's not a WrestleMania main event unless someone's finisher gets kicked out of. Flying legdrop misses, so HHH goes for the Pedigree, but gets countered to the STF - tapping out at 22:04. A pretty disappointing effort all around, no matter how you slice it here. Bret Hart may be harsh on Triple H in the press sometimes, but you know what, he's got a point. Say what you will about the Hitman, but a Bret Hart on a big stage against a game opponent would have DELIVERED, while Triple H often falls short of the mark with his post-quad injury era masturbatory efforts. * ¼

BUExperience: A pretty disappointing, forgettable WrestleMania effort, with four hours producing a mere two matches that rank as particularly good, and nothing especially memorable. Historically, the show is notable for being the last WrestleMania before the show permanently switched to running stadiums, but other than that, I’m reaching for much else to say. In some ways, this WrestleMania reminds me of the last one that was held in this very venue – 1997’s WrestleMania 13 – in that there’s one great, bloody brawl that people still talk about today, but the rest has been largely forgotten

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