WWE Royal Rumble (January 2018)

Original Airdate: January 28, 2018

From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T, Tom Phillips, and Byron Saxton

Opening WWE Title Handicap Match: AJ Styles v Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn: Owens and Zayn mess with the champ a bit to start, teasing him over who will start the match for their side. They finally settle on Owens, but AJ dominates him, so he passes right back to Zayn. He trades waistlocks with Styles, but ends up getting schoolboyed for two, and he tags back to Kevin. AJ dominates him again, but this time stands in his way to prevent another tag, so Kevin is forced to run to the outside and back in to get to his partner. That monster Styles! Forcing poor Kevin Owens to do cardio! AJ hits Zayn with a dropkick, but he tags back to Owens again, as poor AJ gets frustrated. Owens capitalizes by beating him down in the corner, and then passes over to Sami to do more of the same. Zayn with a backdrop for two, and Owens with a turnbuckle smash for two. To the outside, Kevin tosses the champion into the barricade, which gets only a one count on the way back in. You show him, AJ! Owens with a double stomp, and Sami comes in to work a chinlock. Really? Three of the best wrestlers of this era, and we're resorting to chinlocks right after tagging in, like Yokozuna? Owens with an electric facebuster for two, and he works a chinlock of his own. Cannonball, so AJ rolls out of the way, but he's got no one to tag out to, while Owens quickly passes back to Sami. Zayn tries a tornado DDT, but AJ stops that effort with a rana off the top, though he can't stop Kevin from tagging in. AJ throws a pele kick at the incoming Owens, so Kevin just passes back to Zayn, but AJ blocks the Helluva Kick. AJ with a springboard inverted DDT, but Owens tags back in, and this time both challengers decide to stay in and gang up on the champion. AJ fights them off and gets Owens in the Calf Crusher, but Zayn saves. Zayn tries the Blue Thunder Bomb, but AJ blocks, so Kevin superkicks him to allow Sami to execute the move for two. AJ fights them both off again to allow him to hit Zayn with the Phenomenal Forearm, but Owens saves at two again. He tries to drill AJ with the Pop-Up Powerbomb from there, but Styles counters with a victory cradle to retain at 15:53. Felt like it never quite kicked into high gear, but watching Styles fight a two-front war was fun. ** ¾

WWE Smackdown Tag Team Title Two-out-of-Three Falls Match: The Usos v Chad Gable and Shelton Benjamin: Jey Uso starts with Shelton, and quickly gets into trouble, allowing the challengers to try and go for the kill early, but Jey escapes. Chad tries rolling Jey up, but Jimmy Uso saves, and Gable narrowly escapes taking stereo superkicks. Dust settles on Jimmy and Chad, with Gable trying to wrestle him to the mat, but getting chopped in the corner. Jimmy with an uppercut for two, but he gets distracted by Benjamin, and Gable clips the knee. Benjamin quickly bashes it into the post to capitalize, and Shelton goes to work on the part on the inside. Chad Gable should really have a finisher that starts with the letter 'I,' so he can call it the CGI. The challengers cut the ring in half while working on Jimmy's leg, but he manages a leg-feed enzuigiri on Benjamin to allow the tag to Jey. Jey comes in hot, and dives onto Benjamin with a tope suicida on the outside, they one for Gable as well. Back in, Jey hits Chad with a flying bodypress for two, but a flying double stomp misses, and Shelton takes a shot to allow Chad a schoolboy for two. Bridging tiger suplex gets two, and Shelton turnbuckle powerbombs Jey INTO Jimmy for two. Jey takes a spill to the outside, allowing Gable to dive onto both Usos with a flying moonsault press, but he rolls the wrong Uso back in, and eats a superkick in the confusion. That allows Jey a flying splash on Chad, but it only gets two! Great near fall there! The champs go for stereo flying splashes, but Benjamin is derail that effort. Reversal sequence with Gable ends in both Usos hitting superkicks, and Jey pins him for the first fall at 12:08. Benjamin throws Jey into the post before they can follow-up, however, and the challengers beat on Jimmy on the outside as well - hitting him with a powerbomb/flying clothesline on the floor! They head in to polish off Jey, with Chad hitting a koppou kick, but Jey hooking Benjamin in a small package at 13:55, as Shelton tries to set up the powerbomb/clothesline combo again! What was the point of making this more than one fall? This built into a really fun match by the end, even if all the leg work during the heat segment went nowhere. ***

#1 Contender's 30-Man Royal Rumble Match: Jerry Lawler sits in on commentary for this one. Intervals are announced at ninety seconds this year. Rusev gets #1 and Finn Balor gets #2, as the announcers note that Rusev is the only Bulgarian to ever wrestle in the WWE. Is that seriously true? Rusev dominates, but an elimination attempt nearly gets reversed, and Balor plants a dropkick. #3 is Rhyno, and he gets right into it with Rusev. He's looking chubby as heck, too. #4 is Baron Corbin, and he shows some fire, but ends up taking a belly-to-belly from Rhyno. Goar, but Corbin counters with the Deep Six, and tosses Rhyno - then immediately gets tossed by Balor while he celebrates! Baron flips out and destroys both Balor and Rusev on his way out, giving Rusev an End of Days on the floor, and chokeslamming Finn out there. He even beats down #5 draw Heath Slater on the ramp for good measure! More people should do that before Slater matches. #6 is Elias, and since everyone is still down from Corbin's tantrum, he's got plenty of time to serenade us. Things grind to a halt as Elias sings a song, but he's interrupted when #7 draw Andrade Almas buzzes in. He beats up Slater on the ramp on his way to slugging it out with Elias in the ring, which he controls. Almas hits the running double-kneesmash, but the hammerlock DDT gets blocked, and Elias levels him with a lariat. #8 is Bray Wyatt, complete with full lights down entrance. I get that the entrance is a big part of his appeal, but come on. He, too, beats up poor Slater on the outside, Heath still not even making it into the ring yet. He tries the Sister Abigail on Elias, but Balor finally recovers enough to stop it, as Rusev finally starts to show signs of life again as well. Big E gets #9, complete with some sort of glitch in his entrance package. He stuffs pancakes down Slater's throat on the way in, and hits Bray with a belly-to-belly suplex, but eats a roundhouse kick from Rusev. He's alive! He's alive! #10 is supposed to be Tye Dillinger, but he gets beat down by Owens and Zayn behind the curtain, and Sami takes his place. Um, I don't think it works that way. They're really playing fast and loose with a lot of established rules here, like Slater missing his spot but still being allowed to compete, or this bullshit now. I mean, if that's legal, why not wait and beat up whoever has number thirty? Sheamus gets #11, and he decides to finally rolls Slater in, but it backfires when Heath actually dumps him! Huge pop for that! Unfortunately for Slater, he gets tossed by Wyatt as he celebrates. #12 is Xavier Woods, and he works with Big E to dominate the match, but they fail to eliminate anyone. Apollo Crews draws lucky #13, and he pops Wyatt with an enzuigiri, but runs into trouble against Rusev. Weird bit as Wyatt goes for Abigail on Balor and... kisses the top of his head? Huh? #14 is Shinsuke Nakamura, AKA my least favorite wrestler. He mugs his way to eliminating Zayn, as #15 draw Cesaro makes his way in. European uppercuts all around, but Almas saves Balor from elimination. Why? After the masterpiece he put on the night prior, I expect more from him as a worker. Kofi Kingston draws #16, and charges his way right into a gorgeous uppercut from Cesaro. That was brilliantly timed and sold. Cesaro dumps Crews, as New Day triple team Nakamura. Seriously, there are three of you, start dumping bodies until you're alone, then work together until you get rid of the rest of the field. It's not rocket surgery. #17 in Jinder Mahal, and he destroys Woods, eliminating him with the rest of New Day not even stepping in. Losers. He dumps Big E next, as #18 draw Seth Rollins joins the party. He comes in hot with a springboard flying clothesline on Wyatt, and a sling blade on Elias, but he gets clobbered by Cesaro. I'm not a fan of Seth's new pants. Seth manages to monkeyflip Cesaro out, as Jinder dumps Kofi - only for Kofi to land ON Woods to avoid both feet touching the ground! Awesome! Big E then shoves a plate of pancakes under his foot, and he and Wood alleyoop Woods back in - right over Mahal's head, with Kofi then tossing him out for good measure! Love it, love it, love it! Unfortunately for Kingston, he heats a hammerlock DDT from Almas, and Almas is smart enough to throw him out on the OTHER side of the ring to avoid any pancake related counters. #19 is Matt Hardy, and he joins forces with Wyatt to get rid of Rusev, before they inevitably start fighting each other - all the way to a double elimination. John Cena draws #20, and there's so much neon green that I'm surprised Michael Bay isn't directing. Funny bit, as he slides in looking all tough, but gets immediately stomped down by everyone. Ha! It's Cena though, so he fights them all off, and tosses Elias. Hurricane draws #21, which gives us a showdown between the 'two superheroes,' which Cena wins. Duh. Cute though. Aiden English gets #22, and goes right for Rollins, superkicking him IN THE BALLS! The announcers actually discuss the possibility of English winning like it's a thing that could happen on the planet that we inhabit. #23 is Adam Cole, for whatever reason. I get letting Almas in, since he's the NXT Champion, but why does Cole get preference over the rest of the NXT roster? In a nice touch, he's got his ribs taped up, still selling the match from TakeOver the night before. #24 is last years winner, Randy Orton. RKO for Almas, and he's done. #25 is Titus O'Neil, and he goes right for Cena, as Orton snaps Balor's throat across the bottom rope with a catapult. Miz is #26, and Rollins eats a neckbreaker from him, while Cena gets a DDT. That grounds them both so Miz can alternate on them with yes-kicks, and Cena eats a Skull Crushing Finale, but Miz turns right into a superkick from Seth to end the flurry. #27 is Rey Mysterio, and he comes in hot on Miz with a headscissors takedown, then tosses Cole before hitting Miz again with a springboard seated senton! 619 follows, as #28 draw Roman Reigns joins the fray. Not a lot of brotherly love for the Big Dog here in Philly. And he doesn't help his case by coming in and destroying everyone, while the announcers run down his Rumble accomplishments like he's the greatest of all time. He tosses Crews, but fails to get Miz out when the Miztourage interferes. Miz tries to capitalize with a sneak attack, but Seth saves with a curb stomp, and he works with Roman to tandem powerbomb Miz out - only for Reigns to immediately turn and dump Seth! Fun sequence! Goldust gets #29, and he hits Orton with an inverted atomic drop right away, then one for Cena as well. Dolph Ziggler gets #30 to round out the field, which is kind of a disappointing use of the big spot. They should have had Kevin Owens steal the spot, or something. He comes in hot, eliminating Goldust, and hitting Nakamura with the Zig Zag. Superkick, but Nakamura counters with an exploder suplex onto the apron, and Balor punctuates it with a forearm to get rid of Dolph. Everyone settles down as they size up the remaining field of six, before settling into a big brawl all around! Rey hits Reigns with the 619, as Orton hits Nakamura with the RKO, but Cena blocks one, and Roman capitalizes by tossing Randy! That leads to Rey hitting both John and Roman with a double 619, but Balor dumps him as soon as he's done - leaving the final four as Finn Balor, Shinsuke Nakamura, John Cena, and Roman Reigns! The new blood stare down the old guard before settling into another slugfest, with Cena and Reigns winning. That leads to their own stare down, but Nakamura and Balor interrupt with flurries of fists, and then turn that fury on one another! Nakamura gets the better of it, but both get steamrolled with clotheslines from Cena and Reigns. More slugging, with Cena controlling, but running into a Samoan drop. Reigns goes for the Superman Punch, but Cena counters with a side suplex to set up the Five Knuckle Shuffle - only for Balor to interrupt with a sling blade! He passes one out to Nakamura and one to Reigns as well, and hits Nakamura with a double stomp - only to get tossed by Cena as he lands it! With Finn gone, Cena and Reigns decide to team up on Nakamura, but that falls apart rather quickly, and John delivers the Shuffle. AA, but Reigns counters with the Superman. Spear, but Cena counters with the AA - only to get tossed out by Nakamura! Crowd digs that! Roman hits Nakamura with the Superman, but ends up caught in a hanging triangle choke while trying to dump him. Reigns powers out with a powerbomb, and hits the spear, but gets kicked in the brain while trying to toss him, and Nakamura is going to WrestleMania at 65:25! I may not like him, but at least it wasn't Reigns again. I liked the way the bookers teased the crowd with the possibility of Reigns winning again (after the disaster that was his win in this same city back in 2015), before ultimately giving them what they actually wanted with Nakamura. The closing argument with the final four guys took a little too long to make its point, but this was still the best Rumble in a long time, and maybe one of the best ever, actually! Unfortunately, there's still two matches, and a second full length Rumble still to come, which is a lot of burn out to deal with following a match like this. *** ¾

WWE RAW Tag Team Title Match: Seth Rollins and Jason Jordan v Cesaro and Sheamus: Poor Jordan didn't even get a Rumble spot. Seth starts with Cesaro, which seems like bad strategy on the part of the champions, given that Jason is totally fresh, and Seth did over twenty minutes in the Rumble. Even still, Rollins dominates, and hits a dropkick that sends Cesaro scurrying to tag. Sheamus hits him with a kneelift, so Rollins throws a bodypress, but ends up in the wrong corner, and double teamed. Tandem superkick gets the challengers two, but Seth fights Sheamus off with an enzuigiri, and Jordan nearly gets the tag - only for Cesaro to pull him off the apron! Rollins responds by hitting both challengers with a tope, but he gets tossed into the barricade out there by Sheamus. Back in, Sheamus delivers a flying clothesline for two, as the challengers cut the ring in half. As predicted, sitting through a full Rumble match has burned the crowd out big time, and knowing there's still another one still to come probably isn't helping. The challengers work Rollins over, as Jordan is still down on the outside following a trip to the post when Cesaro cut off the tag earlier. WWE is in a weird place right now where stuff is either barely sold in an effort to quickly move from one big sequence to another, or oversold past the degree of believability. Like, why are we supposed to believe that a single shot into the post has put Jordan out for ten minutes, while guys getting dropped with powerbombs and superplexes only takes them ten seconds to recover from? Seth makes a comeback on Cesaro, but still has no one to tag out to, and gets pounded down by Sheamus again. Seth manages to knock both guys off the ropes to set up a double flying frogsplash, and Jordan has finally recovered from the single move he's taken the entire match enough to tag. But he's still too woozy, apparently, and tags right back to Seth. Just walk out, take a loss, and live to defend another day! Idiots! Of course, they don't do that at all though, and Seth gets killed at 12:47. This was fine, but everyone was burned out, and it didn't connect. *

WWE Universal Title Triple Threat Match: Brock Lesnar v Kane v Braun Strowman: First fall wins it. Strowman beats both guys down to start, but nearly runs into an F5 before Kane saves by chokeslamming the champion. He tries one on Strowman next, so Brock comes in with a chair to stop that effort, but ends up getting casually tossed over the top by Strowman before he can do too much damage. Strowman hops out to toss Brock into the barricade, then beats on him with the steps for good measure. Braun brings a pair of tables into the ring, but decides to simply chokeslam Kane before using them. Brock breaks up the pin at two, and gives Strowman a pair of German suplexes, but gets front-powerslammed through a table for two - Kane saving. Strowman tries to powerslam Kane through a corner mounted table, but ends up getting shoved through it himself, and Kane chokeslams him for two - Lesnar saving. Kane takes an F5 for two, Strowman saving. He takes Brock out for another toss into the barricade, but an attempt to use the announce table for something backfires when Lesnar puts him through it with an F5. Brock then tips a second announce table over on Strowman, and (kinda) puts Kane through a third one with another F5. 'Kinda' because it only broke a while after Kane actually landed on it. Brock acts all shocked when Strowman pulls himself out of the pile of rubble, but honestly, that whole sequence was so tame. Unless Brock has been wrestling Jason Jordan every night, he shouldn't be at all shocked. Braun takes the champ inside for a pair of running powerslams, but Kane is back with a chair to stop a pin from happening. Unfortunately for Kane, Brock hits an F5 on a chair to retain at 10:57. They were going for the total chaotic nature of the SummerSlam main event. They failed. Total paint-by-numbers brawl. ½*

Main Event: #1 Contender's 30-Woman Royal Rumble Match: Stephanie McMahon joins the commentary team for this one, and Maria Menounos acts as the guest ring announcer, while Smackdown Women's Champion Charlotte and RAW Women's Champion Alexa Bliss sit at ringside. Ninety second intervals announced, like the men’s match. Sasha Banks gets #1 and Becky Lynch gets #2, with the announcers noting that she drew the same number as her trainer, Finn Balor. Sasha is dressed as Wonder Woman tonight, which doesn't really work with the purple hair. They trade off on the mat, until #3 draw Sarah Logan joins the party. Hey, Skinner had a daughter? The elimination attempts look really awkward here, since the girls are much shorter than the guys for the most part, which makes it a lot more difficult to do teases. And speaking of 'teases,' Mandy Rose is #4. She goes for Sasha, and basically has to full on dead lift her over her head to even come close to clearing the top rope. There's a reason they used to do through the rope eliminations in women's battle royals. #5 is Lita, and she doesn't really do much other than pop the crowd with her entrance. She does manage to eliminate Mandy, but I think that qualifies under 'not much.' #6 is Kairi Sane, and she comes in hot on everyone. I feel bad for Alexa and Charlotte having to hold those bulky title belts on their shoulders the whole time while sitting at ringside. Sane hits Banks with her flying elbowdrop, then gives one to Becky as well, as #7 draw Tamina joins the fray. Superkicks all around, but Lita derails the train with a DDT, and she starts dropping everyone herself. Lita goes up for a flying moonsault on both Sasha and Becky, and it looks like a bowl of children's cereal getting tossed into the air as Becky and Banks' hair goes flying. Lita dumps Tamina, but gets dumped herself moments later, as Dana Brooke enters as #8. She hits Sasha with a handspring backelbow, and gets to dump Sane - which seems insane. What a waste. #9 is Torrie Wilson, and she still looks pretty damn good! That Al Wilson was no slouch in the gene department, I guess. She gets rid of Dana, as #10 draw Sonya Deville enters. She blitzes poor Sasha in the corner, absolutely going to town on her until Becky saves. That nearly costs Becky an elimination, but she manages to hang on. Torrie isn't as lucky, however. #11 is Liv Morgan, which spells more abuse for Sasha. Who'd she piss off? She's basically playing Ric Flair in 1992 tonight, with everyone gunning for her. Did Paige slip them all a few bucks? #12 is Molly Holly, sporting a boyish haircut. I do not enjoy. She tosses girl Skinner, and hits Banks with a flying somersault senton. Lana draws lucky #13, but gets immediately pounced on by Morgan and Deville. #14 is Michelle McCool, looking like she could be Charlotte's sister. That's it for Sonya and Liv. Bye Molly. See ya Lana. Clearly her husband taught her a thing or two about clearing deadwood. #15 is Ruby Riot, and she too nearly falls victim to the McCool express, but manages to hang on. Vickie Guerrero draws #16, and the crowd is, like, what? She comes down with a microphone in hand, and cuts a promo, which unites the other four women in tossing her. She came in wearing heels, how well could she possibly expect to do? Carmella gets #18, but showboats in front of Vickie, and gets beat up before she makes it into the ring. She and Slater should form a support group. #18 is Natalya, but she doesn't make it into the ring either, as she makes fun of a recovering Carmella, and gets beat up on the floor. Kelly Kelly is #19, looking a lot better than she did on her recent Table for 3 appearance. She hits McCool with a headscissors, allowing Natalya to dump her. Naomi gets #20, and man, it feels like we're just flying through this. Ass attacks commence, but Becky fights her off in the corner, and hits a 2^nd rope flying dropkick. Lynch starts hitting exploder suplexes on anything that moves, but gets tossed by Ruby. Story of Finn Balor's life. Jacqueline gets #21, and appears to be more forehead than woman now. #22 is Nia Jax, and it's a shame there's not more deadwood in there for her to clear. She makes do with Jackie and Kelly, then brutally press-drops Ruby across the top turnbuckle before dumping her as well. Ouch! Naomi's next, but she actually lands on the three girls Jax just dumped, and manages to get onto the barricade to avoid touching the ground. Nice! #23 is Ember Moon, complete with title belt, and still selling the arm from TakeOver. She comes in with a flurry of kicks on Nia, as Naomi uses the barricade as a balance beam to get over to a rolling office chair at ringside, which she uses to slide her way back to the ring without touching the ground! Awesome! Unfortunately for her, her plan to dive at Jax with a flying bodypress gets caught, and she's gone. 'A' for effort, though. #24 is Beth Phoenix, leading to a big power showdown with Nia. Give them credit, after several years of atrocious Rumble booking, whoever put the two matches together tonight did a great job, and they've even managed to power through the crowd fatigue. Beth and Natalya reunite as they gang up on Jax, but after a tearful reunion, Nattie turns on her, and dumps her out. #25 is Asuka, and you better believe there's going to be a showdown with Moon coming. And here it is! Ember manages to hit the Eclipse, but the bad arm gets her in trouble on the apron, and Asuka dumps her. Mickie James draws #26, and comes in with a flying seated senton on Asuka, then neckbreakers for Banks and Natalya. #27 is Nikki Bella, and she eats a bronco buster from Carmella, but still manages to eliminate her. Brie Bella draws #28, and helps save her sister from a beat down from the other gals. Big ass 'yes' chant for that one, which Nikki tries to piggyback off of. The Bella's work together to control the match, as #29 draw Bayley joins the par-tay. And, finally, Trish Stratus gets #30 to round out the field, also still looking good. See, now that was a good use of the number thirty spot. She hits both Bella's with a double Stratusfaction, and Bayley gets the handstand rana. That leads to a showdown with Mickie, and the crowd is all about that shit! Trish tries the handstand rana on her as well, but James blocks, so Trish Chick Kicks her out! Unfortunately for her, she gets walloped by Nia, so everyone decides to work together to swarm the big Jax - a team effort enough to get Nia over the top for elimination! Bayley is gone via Sasha, as Trish tries the Chick Kick on Natalya, but gets countered with a Sharpshooter! Trish escapes, and another Kick gets rid of Nattie. Sasha wants next with the Hall of Famer, leading to Trish pounding her, and mocking Banks' taunt! Ha! Unfortunately for her, a Stratusfaction attempt gets her dumped over the top to end a fun run. That leaves Sasha Banks, Asuka, Nikki Bella, and Brie Bella as the final four, and Asuka is quick to mock Banks as well. Everyone gangs up on Asuka, but Sasha stupidly trusts the Bella's, and gets dumped for being an idiot. The Bella's at least get the psychology here, working together instead of turning on each other after two minutes. New Day could have owned their match if they weren't morons. The Bella's go to work, and Nikki hits the fireman's cutter. Feeling confident, she turns on and dumps Brie so she can get the win, but ends up eating a missile dropkick from Asuka before she can get her out. Both girls end up going over the top to the apron, and whoever drops first loses - Asuka able to sweep the leg for the win at 59:00! Wow, two crowd pleasing winners? Are we sure this is really a WWE show? And then afterwards, as Asuka poses in the ring with Bliss and Flair, Ronda Rousey shows up to make her surprise debut. Pointy Pointerson smiles and points her way down to the ring to smile and point, then leaves. While smiling and pointing. I honestly wasn't sure they could pull this off, but it ended up being a lot of fun, thanks to some great booking, and lots of fun cameos to pad out the field. I'm glad we finally got a women's version. *** ½   

BUExperience: A tale of two shows here. The first half is really good, but it starts going down fast following the men’s Rumble match, though the women’s Rumble is enough to get the nose up again before it crashes into the mountain. Too much of a good thing. There’s enough strong wrestling to go around, but two Rumble matches is a lot to stomach on one show, and it’s not an easy watch in a single sitting. 


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