WWF Coliseum Video Collection: Smack ’Em, Whack ’Em (1993)

WWF Coliseum Video Collection: Smack ’Em, Whack ’Em (1993)

Coliseum Video compilation. The front cover of the tape features Bret Hart dropping an elbow on Shawn Michaels, and promises exclusive footage of Hart’s first WWF Title win. The back promises segments on ‘cooking for the single man’ with Yokozuna, and home improvement tips with the Bushwhackers

The theme here is that host Lord Alfred Hayes is in the process of renovating some run down house, but he has to contend with the Bushwhackers' 'help.' Three of my least favorite personalities in all of wrestling, this should be a fun one

Crush v Berzerker: A dark match from a TV taping in Erie Pennsylvania on November 23 1992, a couple of days before Survivor Series. The announcers note that what a 'nice young man' Crush is, saying he might even be 'too nice, ' and needs to 'smile less.' Where were these guys during the booking meetings in '95 and '96? Crush did take their advice, at least. Crush quickly hits a belly-to-belly suplex, and he dumps Berzerker to the outside. Back in, Crush throws a shoulderblock to send Berzerker over the top again, so Berzerker goes to the eyes upon returning, and delivers a Russian legsweep. Berzerker hammers way, but Crush largely ignores him, so Berzerker gets his attention with a big boot. Jumping shoulderblock knocks Crush to the outside, and Berzerker plants him with a piledriver for two. Kneedrop, but Crush rolls out of the way, so Berzerker tries tying him up in the ropes to beat on. That backfires when Crush starts no-selling, and it's comeback time! The announcers are all excited because Crush is showing some aggression 'at last.' The compactor finishes at 6:18. How can a dude whose finish is literally trying to squash someone’s head open be called too gentle? Decent match, actually. Nothing special, but energetic. * ¼

Back at the home improvement job, the Bushwhackers futz around like Beavis and Butthead, while teaching Hayes how to swing a sledgehammer

Earthquake v Repo Man: From another TV taping, the night after the one the previous match came from, November 24 1992 in Dayton Ohio. There's no way my childhood self would ever believe Repo was the same guy as Smash. He really did a good job of dramatically changing his entire appearance. I mean, he even looks smaller! He also did a great job of changing it up again when he showed up in WCW, though less dramatically. Earthquake throws him around to start, and hits an avalanche, but telegraphs a backdrop, and gets pounded. Repo hits a 2^nd rope flying clothesline, followed by a legdrop for two. He grabs a headvice to wear Earthquake down, but a flying clothesline fails to connect, and Earthquake hits a scoop powerslam. Elbowdrop follows, and the Earthquake Splash finishes at 4:21. I'm not even sure why they bothered sticking this on there, since not only did it suck, but both guys weren't even active in the promotion when this tape was originally released. DUD

Back at the house, the Bushwhackers get so excited about being on camera that they accidentally electrocute Lord Alfred - complete with goofy effects right out of Home Alone. Alfred's a lot more tolerable when he's barely conscious

Cooking for the Single Man, with Yokozuna! Gene Okerlund meets up with Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji at some hibachi joint, where (with the help of some editing tricks) Yoko eats a lot. I feel like that's a pretty redundant use of effects. I mean, he's 500+ pounds. I kinda feel like whatever amount he's actually eating is impressive enough. All three guys are in great form here, including Gene's lechery extending to women of all ages and race. The poor chef (who Gene calls 'Lou' the entire time, for reasons that elude us) goes through the trouble of doing all of the usual hibachi chef tricks, though no one pays attention. This segment was awesome, though it honestly made me want to hang out with Yoko and Fuji, which I'm pretty sure was not the desired result. Goofy 90s goodness here

Gorilla Monsoon and Bret Hart are hanging out at Caesars Palace (likely on the weekend of WrestleMania IX) to introduce the promised profile on the Hitman. Bret's the only guy I've ever heard consistently refer to Ladder matches as 'steel' Ladder matches, like one would a Cage match. Nothing technically wrong with it, but it just sounds odd

WWF Intercontinental Title Ladder Match: Bret Hart v Shawn Michaels: From Portland Maine on July 21 1992, as a dark match during a TV taping. This is historically significant for being the first Ladder match run in the WWF, and was originally supposed to a part of SummerSlam '92, before the show got moved from Washington DC to London. Interestingly, this is the version from the old 'Smack 'Em, Whack 'Em' Coliseum Video (with the corresponding graphic and everything), and I wish they'd upload those full videos onto the Network already. I'd probably take a sick day, honestly. Feeling out process to start, with Shawn trying to be slick, but eating a pair of clotheslines and a backdrop early on. Cross corner whip and an uppercut are both nicely sold, but Michaels clips the knee when Hart tries to head out for the ladder, as the commentators (Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes) make cracks about Sensational Sherri's weight. Boy, that would not fly today. Shawn hammers him for a bit before dragging the ladder down the aisle, but Bret punches him at ringside before he can bring it in. Hart whips him into the post, and takes the challenger in for a headbutt to setup a pointed elbowdrop. Bret retrieves the ladder, but Sherri gets involved, allowing Shawn to steal it away. He starts to climb, but Hart pulls him off in time. Bret climbs, so Shawn swipes at the leg again, and the Hitman falls off. Michaels drives the ladder into Hart's midsection a few times, then cross corner whips him into it, but Hart hooks the ankle to prevent a climb. Shawn stomps him and ascends, but Bret tips the ladder over to cut that off, and it falls on top of HBK in the process! Bret climbs, but Shawn bashes his head into the upper rungs to knock him off, and then rams his skull into it a few more times in the corner for good measure. Michaels with a corner whip, but a charge hits boot, and Bret nails him with a 2^nd rope flying clothesline. Hart keeps coming with a catapult into the ladder, and a backbreaker follows. The Hitman climbs, but Shawn is able to drag him down, and we have a double knockout spot. Both guys end up climbing, but an altercation at the top of the ladder results in it tipping over. Slugfest ends in Sherri tripping the champion on the ropes, allowing Shawn to throw a superkick, and hit the Teardrop Suplex! That's enough to allow him to climb, and he quite nearly gets the belt when Bret dropkicks the ladder - knocking Michaels off, and out of the ring! With Shawn down on the floor, Bret is able to climb, and retain at 13:46. Good enough for the time period, though it doesn't really hold up at all today. Hell, when I saw it for the first time in 1994 (after I had already seen WrestleMania X), it felt like it didn't hold up. But then, this was essentially a dark match tacked on at a TV taping - I'd bet they'd have kicked this up a notch had they done it on pay per view as originally envisioned. Still interesting as a historical oddity, though. ** ½

Back at Caesars, Monsoon (who's dressed like he should be in a rap video) has Hart blushing by continually telling him that he's going to go down in history as one of the all time greats. Blushing, but you can also tell he can't hear it enough. Hart's promos are really rough compared to some of the top guys that came before him, though I never had a hard time buying him in that role when I was a kid

WWF Title Match: Bret Hart v Kamala: TV taping dark match from October 28 1992 in Louisville Kentucky. Bret may not be considered much of a draw in the grand scheme of things, but when you watch the crowd reactions to him, and look at how much of his merchandise is filling the stands, it's hard to believe he wasn't bigger than he was. I guess a lot of that was simply the state of the business as a whole at the time, but still. Bret frustrates Kamala by making the challenger chase him around, but an attempt at a takedown goes badly when Kamala runs him into the corner. Bret manages to dodge an avalanche, however, and he starts working the arm. Kamala calls for a test-of-strength, which leads to a long internal debate from Hart before he ultimately accepts – and dodges Kamala's attempt at a cheap shot. Hitman unloads with shoulderblocks, but can't get Kamala off of his feet, and Bret runs into a chop when he tries one shoulderblock too many. Kamala beats on him with tomahawk chops, and grabs a bearhug. Bret escapes, so Kamala superkicks him down, and grabs a nervehold. But not the standard Yokozuna-style one that looks like a shoulder massage. No, one that looks like a titty twister. Bret thankfully escapes that one pretty quickly, and hits a Russian legsweep for two. Ten-punch count and a 2^nd rope flying clothesline get two, followed by a monkeyflip to set up a 2^nd rope pointed elbowdrop. Sharpshooter, so Kamala's managers get involved, but it backfires, and Hart schoolboys to retain at 8:50. Really basic stuff. ½*

Back in Vegas, Hart talks about his mindset on the night when he was given the shot at Ric Flair's title, and notes that he sprained his ankle in the match, as well as dislocated his finger. I half expect him to add that Flair is overrated because Bret never injured any wrestler in his whole career, but it doesn't happen. Kind of weird that they shot this whole thing chronicling his first title win on the same weekend he lost the belt

WWF Title Match: Ric Flair v Bret Hart: TV taping dark match in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada on October 12 1992. Feeling out process to start. Howard Finkel in the background, just casually sipping on a cup of coffee while holding the title belt in his lap, is my new favorite thing. Flair manages a cross corner whip, but Bret reverses a vertical suplex for two, then hits his own cross corner whip to setup a backdrop! Ric bails, but ends up in an armbar once coming back inside, which Bret hangs onto for a while. Ric eventually takes a cheap shot in the corner to escape, and he smacks Bret with a chop before tossing him over the top - only for the Hitman to come back at him with a slingshot sunset flip, forcing Flair to think fast with a block. Bret tries again, and this time tugs Flair's tights down to force him into the cradle for two, then adds a backdrop, followed by a pair of clotheslines to send the champ to the outside. Inside, Hart delivers a headbutt for two, so Flair goes to the eyes, and hits a kneebreaker. Into the corner, Flair unloads with chops, and a snapmare sets up a kneedrop, but Hart dodges! He capitalizes by trying a figure four, but Flair is quick to block. Headlock, but Hart escapes with his own kneebreaker, and he drops a series of elbows to the leg to setup a leglock. Having suitably worn Ric down, Bret shifts to the figure four, and he gets it on this time! Ric gets the ropes, so Bret drags him away and tries another elbowdrop to the knee, but this time Flair dodges. Nice timing on that exchange. Hiptoss, but Bret counters to a backslide for two, so Flair throws a closed fist to try and cut him off, but Bret gets a sleeper on anyway! Flair escapes with a side suplex, and he hooks an inside cradle for two. Butterfly suplex gets two, and a kneedrop connects, but it aggravates the champion's leg as well. Corner whip sets up a chop for two, with Ric holding on for multiple pin attempts. He argues the count, allowing Bret to schoolboy him for two, but Ric cuts him off again with a kneebreaker into his own Figure Four! Bret manages to reverse, but Ric is in the ropes right away, and that's a break. Flair keeps hammering the leg, and he goes back to the Figure Four, but this time Hart counters with a small package for two! That leads to a slugfest in the corner, and Bret is able to control with a cross corner whip, but he hits boot on the follow-up charge. Flair goes to the top rope, but Hart manages to recover to slam him off, and another cross corner whip sets up another backdrop. Hart adds a pointed elbowdrop for two, and a Russian legsweep is worth two. Backbreaker sets up a 2^nd rope pointed elbowdrop for two, and a nice vertical suplex is worth two, leaving Flair begging off! He suckers Hart into the corner for some chops, but Bret pulls down the straps, and starts slugging at the champion! He muscles Flair up to the top for a vertical superplex, which rattles the Nature Boy enough for Hart to apply the Sharpshooter for the title at 26:29! I can totally see why both guys would be disappointed with this one. It's certainly not 'bad,' but well below what you would expect. And given the participants, and given the time period, and the length of time they were given, anything less than, like, four-and-one-half-stars, would be considered a disappointment. It's a weird kind of match, where it's not quite a 'Flair match,' and not quite a 'Hart match,' but some weird hybrid that seemed to take the weak points of both of their 'standard' match styles, and magnify them. It was more of a Flair match than a Hart one, however, which is another issue, as Bret doesn’t really plug into that formula very well. ***

Monsoon and Hart wrap up back in Vegas, where Bret promises to always be a fighting champion. As long as 'always' only extends to the end of the weekend, I guess

Back at the construction project, Lord Alfred has recovered from his electrocution just in time to help the Bushwhackers do some plumbing work. Amazingly, he only ends up covered in water. That must have took a lot of restraint, considering the people responsible for this video. Though, if Howard Finkel was hosting, you can bet he'd end up covered in shit

Undertaker v Razor Ramon: TV taping dark match from Beaumont Texas on January 4 1993. Man, these two had a lot of dark matches that ended up on Coliseum tapes during this period, didn't they? Razor tries to stall on the outside, but Undertaker is on his tail. Problem is, it's early 90s Undertaker, and a toddler could outrun him. That allows Ramon to get the high ground, and he hammers away on Undertaker. Unfortunately for him, it all gets no-sold, and Undertaker chokes him in the corner. Ropewalk forearm hits, but an elbowdrop misses, allowing Razor to clothesline his dead ass over the top. Ramon tries to drag him back in, but gets his throat snapped across the top rope in the process, and Undertaker short-clotheslines him. Charge in the corner misses, however, allowing Ramon a 2^nd rope flying bulldog, but Undertaker no-sells. Razor responds with a knee to send 'Taker to the floor, where the Bad Guy nails him with a chair, and whips him into the steps. Undertaker still won't stay down, so Razor tries a bodyslam on the way back in, but 'Taker sits right up. Clothesline gets the same reaction. As does a sidewalk slam, so Ramon tries a series of six elbowdrops to keep him down. Probably would have helped if any of them connected. More like armpit drops. Anyway, it doesn't work regardless, so Razor bashes him with the urn, and that finally gets some traction. He stupidly wastes time covering, however, and Undertaker makes the comeback. Chokeslam hits, so Razor bails out, and decides to walk away for a countout loss at 7:30. Really not much here beyond basic house show action. ¾*

Back at the house, everything is more of a wreck than when we started, but the Bushwhackers have at least managed to get the TV hooked up so Lord Alfred can watch Coliseum Videos and eat popcorn. I really wouldn't touch any food those two handled, Alfie

BUExperience: A really good one. The Bushwhacker stuff was dumb, and there are a couple of stinkers in the ring, but it also features two hugely historically significant matches, and I’m a sucker for that Cooking for the Single Man segment. A great addition to your Coliseum collection.