WWE Royal Rumble (January 2019)

Original Airdate: January 27, 2019

From Phoenix, Arizona; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Renee Young (RAW), Tom Phillips and Byron Saxton (Smackdown), with Corey Graves sitting in with both teams

Opening WWE Smackdown Women's Title Match: Asuka v Becky Lynch: I'm digging the understated set design tonight. They measure each other to start, both trying to psych the other out. Criss cross goes Becky's way, and Asuka ends up on the outside, so Becky tries a baseball slide, but misses. Well, right venue to try one. That allows Asuka to hip attack her off of the apron, but she misses her follow-up, and Becky big boots her off of the apron from there. They slug it out on the floor, resulting in Asuka sending her into the apron, barricade, AND the electronic ring skirt, so you know she's feeling pissy. Becky fires back by introducing Asuka to the barricade with a suplex, which gets her two on the way back in. Lynch with a snap suplex for two, and she starts going for the arm, but Asuka blocks the Dis-Arm-Her with a kick at the leg. Asuka with more kicks to keep Becky away from her arm, but the hip attack misses, and the champ ends up on the ropes. Becky pounds her and cranks the arm until the referee forces a break, but a dive off the middle is blocked with a kick from the champion. Asuka with her own dive off the middle in the form of a missile dropkick, and that allows her to hit the hip attack. Spinning backfist leads to a release German suplex, and Asuka throws another hip attack for two - causing Becky to pop out of her top in the process. Sadly, no instant replay of that. Asuka goes up with a missile dropkick, but Lynch dodges, and the champ wipes out. That allows Becky a pumphadle-uranage for two, but Asuka grabs the arm as she goes for a follow-up, and shifts to the Asuka-Lock when Becky tries escaping! Becky makes the ropes, and they end up fighting it out on the apron, where Asuka tries a German suplex, but gets blocked. Becky tries an exploder suplex, but that gets blocked, and Asuka finally manages to win the exchange with a muscle buster off of the apron and onto the floor! Becky beats the count in, so Asuka shines her wizard for two, and that leads to a slapfest as they stagger back to a vertical base. Both go for submissions, but both get blocked, so Asuka throws a spinkick for two. She looks for a suplex, but Becky hides in the ropes, and they end up fighting to the top rope, with Lynch winning that exchange with a exploder superplex. Becky stays on track with a flying legdrop, but Asuka dodges. She goes for the Asuka-Lock, but Lynch has it scouted, so Asuka tries for the Dis-Arm-Her instead. She gets it, but Lynch is able to counter to her own Asuka-Lock, only for Asuka to counter to a cradle for two. Becky grabs the Dis-Arm-Her, but Asuka escapes, so Lynch tries a rollup for two. Charge, but Asuka is ready with the Lock, and she gets it on this time! Becky still has it scouted though, and it looks like she's going to counter, so Asuka shifts to a reverse muta-lock, and Becky's not ready for that - tapping at 17:09. I loved the finishing sequences, with both women unable to win with their finishers, leaving Asuka to have to gut out something Becky wouldn't expect to beat her. Good stuff. *** ½

WWE Smackdown Tag Team Title Match: The Bar v Miz and Shane McMahon: The NXT tag scene is so far above and beyond what they're doing on the main roster that I've come to actively dread these matches. Sheamus starts with Shane, and McMahon spears him down right away, sending the tag champion running for the safety of the outside. Both guys decide to tag, and Miz dominates Cesaro with a series of cradles for a series of two counts, so Cesaro tries to grab a hold, but Miz shakes him off. Why are they booking the long time tag champs like jobbers tonight? Miz goes for the figure four early, but Cesaro blocks, and a double team in the corner with Sheamus is enough to give the Bar control. Well, until Shane decides to just run in and take it away from them, and then they have to work to double up on Miz again to turn the tide back in their favor. I love how pushing-fifty-and-never-a-full-time-wrestler-Shane is getting booked like he's Hulk Hogan in 1995. The Bar take Miz to the outside to work over, but Shane just kind of casually comes over and beats them both up, before hitting Sheamus with a flying clothesline on the floor. Unfortunately for him, that allows Cesaro to sneak up with a running uppercut, and he chucks McMahon into the barricade to quiet his ass down. That allows them to go to work on Miz back in the ring for what feels like forever, until he's finally able to fight Cesaro off long enough for the tag. Shane comes in hot, and he tries a double Coast to Coast, but gets caught in a giant swing from Cesaro - super extended version! That was cool! Sharpshooter, but McMahon counter to a triangle choke, so Sheamus dives in to save. The champs hit their Samoan drop combo for two, and Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Miz causes him to hit Cesaro with it. That allows Miz to dump Sheamus to the outside, and Shane hits Cesaro with a flying shooting star press at 13:22. Wasn't a terrible match or anything, but it certainly didn't do anything for me, and the booking was annoying, with everyone basically playing supporting characters for Shane. * ¼

WWE RAW Women's Title Match: Ronda Rousey v Sasha Banks: That dude in the crowd that is dressed like Hulk Hogan is, perhaps, the best version of fan-dressed-as-wrestler I've ever seen. It really looks like him! Ronda makes her run around to start, and uses a rolling vertical suplex into the armbreaker, but Sasha is in the ropes before she can sink her teeth in. Ronda responds by violently kicking her challenger out of the ring, but she misses a swing against the post out there, and in a nice touch, the graphic disappears off of the LED board. That post is selling better than half the roster! Sasha capitalizes on the miss with a tope, and she takes Ronda in to work on the now injured arm. Banks with a kneesmash in the corner for two, but Ronda escapes a straightjacket, and she barrels into her champion for two. Sasha targets the damaged arm to cut her off, and uses a needlessly complex springboard spot to crank on it. Like, really, in what way did running the ropes, landing, and then executing the move make it more painful than just, you know, executing the move? She tries another corner kneesmash, but Ronda dodges, and grabs her for a slam, but Banks counters into a nasty looking modified bow-and-arrow. Ronda starts powering out, so Sasha turns it into the Bank Statement, but Ronda is too close to the ropes. That allows the champ to hit her Samoan slam, and she traps Sasha in a triangle choke on the ropes. To the top, but Banks crotches her up there, and brings her down with a vertical superplex for two. She uses the momentum of Ronda's kickout to crank on the arm from there, but Rousey powers to a vertical base, and slams her for two. Ronda with a series of armdrags into the armbreaker, but she's disoriented, and ends up falling out of the ring while trying to apply the hold. That allows Sasha a tope, but Rousey catches her in the armbreaker, and Banks is tapping, but it's outside of the ring, and therefore meaningless. Ronda rolls her back in to finish, and uses a series of strikes, so Sasha starts swiping at the bad arm. Ronda motors through it and uses a kick for two, but she fails to execute a gutwrench suplex, and Banks bangs on the arm again. Lungblower, but Ronda counters with a snapmare, only to have Sasha block the armbreaker yet again. Ronda stays focused with the swinging Samoan, but Banks counters to the Statement, and Sasha is nowhere near the ropes this time. She inches toward them, so Sasha turns the hold into a cradle for two, and she cranks on a fujiwara armbar. She looks to have it won, but Ronda powers into a gutwrench suplex, and the swinging Samoan slam is held into a cradle at 13:49 to retain! This was a heck of a deal here, with hard work from both, and good psychology. Ronda gutting through all the arm abuse by sheer force of will made for a great story. *** ½

#1 Contender's 30-Woman Royal Rumble Match: Beth Phoenix sits in for commentary. I really love the look of baseball stadiums for wrestling shows. The different than usual angles make for an interesting visual. Lacey Evans and Natalya start us off, and they do a stalemate sequence, with Evans blowing a stereo kip-up deal. Natalya tries to dump her, but Evans gets back in before touching the ground. She tries a powerbomb, but Natalya counters with a rana, and hits a discus clothesline, as Mandy Rose joins at #3. Mandy destroys Natalya, but fails to get her over the top, and gets drilled with a discus clothesline. Natalya beats on them both, and stacks them up for a double Sharpshooter, which is pretty ridiculous as a spot, but also kinda sexy. #4 is Liv Morgan to break up the blonde party, but she gets immediately dumped by Nattie. She decided to take that backdrop over the top bump by landing right on her ass, which is an interesting choice. Evans and Rose work together to beat Natalya down, but Evans turns on her before long, and hits them both with a double slingshot bronco buster. #5 is Mickie James, dressed in her best Tatanka costume for the occasion. She knocks everyone around, and drops Lacey with a neckbreaker, before spinkicking Natalya. She tries to take Mandy over the top with a rana (which seems like a flawed strategy), but it doesn't work anyway, so no matter. Ember Moon gets #6, and she comes in hot with a springboard splash for Mickie and Natalya, followed by a gourdbuster for Lacey. She tries dumping Mandy, but Mickie saves - which, again, is flawed strategy. Weren't you just trying to dump her a minute ago? #7 is Billie Kay, and it's weird seeing her do her thing without Peyton. Like, when it's the two of them, it's fun. When it's her alone, she seems like an insane person. She refuses to get in the ring, and stalls for time on the outside, which actually is good strategy, since these shitty modern refs don't do anything about it. In the old days, if you weren't in by the time the next entrant buzzed in, you were done. #8 draw Nikki Cross shoves her into the barricade on her way into hitting everyone else with a flying bodypress. She's such a little gremlin. Peyton Royce gets #9, and she goes right after Nikki for attacking her life partner. The IIconics double up on Nikki, as #10 draw Tamina joins, and we need some eliminations here. We're already a third of the way through the field, and we've only seen one person tossed. Tamina knocks everyone around, but meets her match with crazy Nikki, and gets dumped... though through the ropes. Cross may have mastered the crazy, but she hasn't quite grasped the finer points. Tamina hits her with a flying splash, which seems especially ridiculous considering how many bodies are in the ring. Just shove her out! Mickie gets dumped by Tamina as #11 draw Xia Li enters, and she goes at Tamina with a series of kicks. #12 is Sarah Logan, and she's another puzzle piece that seems out of place without her buddies. She tries to dump Moon, but Ember hangs on with her ankles, in a neat spot. The IIconics toss Nikki, as lucky #13 draw Charlotte Flair joins the party. No one does a stadium entrance quite like Charlotte. Everyone gangs up on her as she hits the ring, as Evans tosses both IIconics. Flair starts suplexing everything in sight, and Xia is her first official victim. #14 is Kairi Sane, as Charlotte dumps Tamina. Sane dives in with a flying bodypress on Logan (who, it occurs to me, looks like a female Mantaur tonight), and then gets into a chopfest with Charlotte. That does not go well for her. Natalya suplexes Womantaur for Sane to nail with a flying elbowdrop, and they work together to dump her from here. #15 is Maria Kanellis, who I honestly didn't realize was still with the promotion. Apparently she's on 205 Live? She stupidly mouths off to Charlotte on her way in, and gets pounded in the corner, but Lacey saves. She and Charlotte trade off, and #16 is Naomi, and that's the end of Mandy's night - complete with a pretty glorious wedgie. Rose tries to pull Naomi out with her, but she manages to handstand her way to the barricade, and she balance beams her way over to the corner for an impressive leap onto the steps - only for Mandy to rush over and sweep her to the ground before she can get back in! That was great, all of it. Charlotte dumps Evans as #17 draw Candice LeRae join us with a missile dropkick on Moon. Missile at the moon... it's like Dr. Evil is booking. Charlotte stupidly goes for a moonsault, and Natalya equally stupidly counters with a powerbomb instead of just shoving her out, as Alicia Fox comes out at #18. She should leave the dancing to Carmella. She throws dropkicks at everyone, until Maria tries to talk her way out of one, and into an alliance. They team up on Kairi, but things fall apart when Maria smashes up her fancy hat, and Fox... throws a tantrum. And she should leave those to Alexa Bliss. #19 is Kacy Catanzaro, as Fox gets rid of Maria. And holy shit, this chick is TINY. Nattie looks like Andre the Giant next to her. AJ Lee gets #20... oh wait, no, that's Zelina Vega. My bad. She gets into it with Candice, as Flair works to get Fox over the top in the corner, and Kacy and Kairi try to see who can fit into the others pocket. #21 is Ruby Riott, and she brings the eliminated members of the Squad out with her. They pull Charlotte out (under the bottom rope) for some triple teaming, and then rip Fox out for the same, as Vega hides underneath the ring. I like how both Morgan and Logan took the time to redo their hair and makeup between appearances. Fox gets eliminated thanks to the Squad, as does Candice. Tip to Zelina: if you're trying to cheat, maybe stop peeking out from underneath the skirt every five seconds. Just a thought. Dana Brooke is #22, and she bounces Kacy's head off the mat with a sitout powerbomb, before getting assaulted by the Squad. Much like the bullshit with people refusing to get into the ring, this shit would not fly in the classic Rumble era. Do either of them even HAVE a manager's license?!?! Io Shirai is #23, and she loves that mask like Mr. Burns loves that vest. She fights off a triple team from the Squad on her way in, and teases a double elimination with Ruby that ultimately goes nowhere. Rhea Ripley gets #24, and she freakin' DRILLS bitches on her way into the ring. Yeah, baby! Brooke tosses Kacy, but she manages to land in such a way that her feet don't touch, and she does a handstand over to the post, then wraps her legs around it to pull herself back in. That was awesome! Unfortunately for her, her dive at Ripley gets caught, and she gets launched out for real. A valiant effort though. #25 is Sonya Deville, and she nearly gets lost in her own hoodie. Happens to the best of us. Her hair's up girls, watch out! I love Charlotte, but one thing she doesn't have that her dad did, is he could go coast to coast in a Rumble, and you never forgot he was still in there. He had presence. She just kind of blends into the background. And speaking of presence, Vega is still peeking out from underneath the ring, when suddenly she goes running out - getting chased by Hornswoggle! Ha! That gets her tossed by Ripley, as Alexa Bliss enters at #26. I've missed her. She gets rid of Sonya, so I guess pigtails are a better fighting position than simply hair up. You learn something every day. #27 is Bayley, and I'm already sick of her before she even gets into the ring. She gets rid of Ruby though, which I like. But then she tosses Rhea, which I don't like. So, I'm back to being indifferent, which is my usual setting for Bayley anyway. Lana draws #28, but she's on a bad leg as a result of an injury during the pre-show, and collapses on her way down the aisle. Well, that's a shame. #19 is Nia Jax, and she stops to beat on Lana's ankle on her way, just to be a dick. Clit? Not sure, whatever. #30 is Carmella, and I've got to say, I'm not feeling her with the dark hair. So, I guess we're only getting twenty nine women in this ye... oh, wait a minute! Here's Becky Lynch! And she wants Lana's spot! And since the officiating for these things couldn't get any worse at this point, they're just kinda, like, 'okay.' Well, that's nice. Lana crying as Becky steps over her is pretty hilarious. Lynch comes in and gets right into a stare down with Nia, which turns into Becky unloading on her. Charlotte steps in and tries to dump her, but Lynch hangs on. Nia tries to dump her, but Lynch hangs on. After the booking of some of these Rumbles in recent years, you can see why the crowd would be freaking out right there. Alexa dumps Ember to end her night of bumping for everyone, but Bliss gets caught in a bronco buster from Carmella, and they get into some hair pulling. Carmella and Bayley get rid of Alexa, and they team up to put Nia down, but Charlotte suplexes Bayley. One for Carmella, but Carm slips free, and she goes to the top with a flying bodypress - only for Flair to roll through into a backbreaker. Charlotte goes up for a moonsault, but Carmella knocks her into a seated position on the top rope to set up a handstand rana, though Flair blocks, and Carmella's done. That leaves us with Charlotte Flair, Bayley, Becky Lynch, and Nia Jax as our final four. Good field. Bayley is first to go, which is appropriate. Nia squishes them both in the corner with a double avalanche from there, but Charlotte avoids elimination, and starts throwing big boots to shake Jax off. She tries to power her out, but she can barely lift Jax, and so that goes nowhere. Another go gets her over the top and to the apron, but she can't get Jax anywhere from there, so Lynch sneaks over, and sweeps the leg to send Nia crashing to the floor. And we're down to the nitty gritty, as Randy Savage used to say with his batshit insane commentary, but as Becky is climbing back in to get down to business, Nia gets some revenge by shoving her into the barricade! Becky hurts her knee in the process, and she is selling the FUCK out of it. Excellent! She musters the strength to hobble in, but she's barely able to stand, and Charlotte wastes no time clipping her. Flair tears and pounds at the leg, so Lynch throws a leg-feed enzuigiri to buy time, and she tosses Flair over the top to the apron. Charlotte swipes at the leg to get herself back in, and she drops Lynch with an exploder. Time to finish, but Becky ducks the big charge, and Charlotte goes over the top at 71:25! Hell yeah! You know this is a different era for women's wrestling when not only is there a stadium full of people chanting for a women's wrestler, but the only viable main event of WrestleMania is a women's match. Fuck yeah! This Rumble kind of overstayed its welcome, and was kind of repetitive, but it had a chunks of goodness baked into it, and the right woman won. By the way, we're now at the two hour forty minute mark of this show, which would be where most Rumble cards were finishing up, but we've still got two title matches and a SECOND full Rumble still to come. Which is kind of a shame, because I'd call this a good show if it ended here, but I'm sure I'm going to be more than burned out by the time we get to the actual end. ** ¾

WWE Title Match: Daniel Bryan v AJ Styles: AJ looks like he's auditioning to be in a Doublemint ad here. Feeling out process to start, and I feel like an asshole for thinking this, but I'm actually hoping a match of this caliber doesn't get too much time tonight. I'm just feeling really burned out after the Rumble match, and there's still another one to come. AJ dominates the early going in a way that practically screams that Bryan is retaining, but he gets dumped to the outside while trying something in the corner, and Daniel follows to send him arm-first into the post out there. Back inside, Bryan works the part, but AJ manages to avoid getting trapped in a cross-armbreaker, and he gets into the ropes to block another attempt. Daniel keeps hammering him, so Styles throws a dropkick, and uses a stinger splash to set up a pumphandle-backbreaker. An interesting suplex-neckbreaker gets two, but Bryan counters a powerbomb to a cradle - triggering a pinfall reversal sequence that Styles wins with a corkscrew legwhip. The challenger adds a second one to slow Bryan down, but a charge in the corner ends badly, and Daniel drills him with a corner dropkick. Again, but AJ gets out of the corner before it can happen, and that triggers a reversal sequence that ends in Daniel hitting a dragon suplex for two. Bryan takes him up for a rana off the top, so Styles tries countering to a Clash off the middle, but Daniel knocks him to the outside to block. Tope, but AJ sidesteps, and he drills Daniel with a kick from the apron. Sliced bread off of the barricade follows, but the springboard 450 splash hits knees on the way back in, and Daniel slaps on the Yes-Lock. Nice added touch as he cranks on AJ's bloody nose in the process. Styles counters to the Calf Crusher, but Daniel's in the ropes, and he whacks his challenger with a leg-feed enzuigiri. Yes-Kicks follow, so AJ tries for the Crusher again, but Daniel rolls back into another kick for two. They fight to the top, where AJ tries a superplex, but ends up getting crotched. That allows Bryan to try a side superplex, but Styles back flips onto his feet for the landing, and he abdominal slams the champion down for the Crusher! Bryan nears the ropes, so AJ turns it into a cradle for two, but a fight over a backslide ends in a stalemate. AJ fires first with a brainbuster for two, but Bryan knocks him off the ropes as he tries the Phenomenal Forearm. Styles recovers and wants to give it another go, but he's too slow, and Daniel kicks him out of the sky. Styles buys time with a pele kick, as Rowan suddenly shows up at ringside while they slug it out. AJ targets the leg, so Bryan uses a leg-feed enzuigiri, but ends up nailing the referee by accident! That allows Rowan to slide in and attack AJ, and Bryan hooks the leg at 24:31. Boy, it's sure lucky that Rowan showed up just when he did, isn't it? The match was generally fine before the finish, but, like the TLC match before it, I didn't find myself getting invested in it at all. ** ¾

WWE Universal Title Match: Brock Lesnar v Finn Balor: Brock doesn't even do the jump onto the apron as part of his entrance anymore? He's just getting lazier by the day. Balor attacks from behind at the bell, and unloads a frenzy of offense to dizzy the champion, but gets caught in a release overhead suplex, and ends up on the outside. Well, it was a good blitz while it lasted. Enjoy Suplex City, kid. Brock follows him out, and Finn gets to bump around like a human pinball as Lesnar just tosses him to-and-fro. He goes for a slam on an announce table, but Balor is able to shove him into it to block (right into the corner, ouch), and Brock is staggered. Finn tries to take advantage of that on the way back in, but Lesnar chucks him into the corner, and then across the ring with a release overhead suplex. Man, Finn's working like he's in a competition with Curt Hennig to see who can oversell stuff the hardest. While Brock appears to be in a contest with Shane McMahon to see who can turn redder. Brock with another overhead suplex, but Lesnar's banged up dick won't allow him to execute a German suplex. He tries for the F5 instead, but Balor counters with a DDT for two on the way down, and he starts stomping the injured groin. Double stomp sends Brock bailing for the outside, but Balor is on him with a baseball slide, and a wild somersault suicida! Finn gives him a second one for good measure, and then a third - it's suicida city! Back in, Balor hits a seated corner dropkick to set up the flying double stomp, but it only gets two. And, even worse, Brock traps him in the kimura as part of his kickout, and that's it for Balor at 8:37. Short and sweet. *** ¼

Main Event: #1 Contender's 30-Man Royal Rumble Match: Jerry Lawler and John Bradshaw Layfield sit in for commentary here. Elias gets #1 and Jeff Jarrett gets #2, in a very unexpected surprise. I like how he's combining the gear from 1995 with the slapnuts sunglasses. Anyway, they decide to do a duet, but Elias turns on him, and pounds Double J down. He goes to toss Jeff out, but Jarrett is able to fight him off with fists, so Elias grabs the guitar, and breaks it over his back, on his way to tossing Jarrett out. Just in time for #3 draw Shinsuke Nakamura, and he pops Elias with a kick on the way in, and pounds him into the corner. Charge ends badly, so Elias does a neat ropewalk armdrag (from one corner to the other), but can't get Nakamura over the top. #4 is Kurt Angle, and both guys take a trip to suplex city. He tries to dump Elias, but that goes nowhere, and here comes Big E at #5. He suplexes Nakamura around ahead of a splash, but he fails to get him over the top, and ends up eating an Olympic Slam from Kurt. Nakamura thanks Angle for the assist by dumping him, which just goes to show why you should never save a guy in a battle royal. #6 is Johnny Gargano, fresh off of working what may be the match of the year the night before. He hits Elias with a slingshot dropkick on the way in, and lands an awkward DDT on Big E. Good. I don't want this dude to catch Vince's eye and end up on the main roster any time soon. Jinder Mahal gets #7, and he comes in hot on everyone, but gets dumped by Gargano in short order. The Singh Brothers come in to try and exact revenge, so the others put aside their differences to kill them off, before all ganging up on Nakamura. Samoa Joe is #8, and Gargano immediately looks like a complete moron by trying a dive at him, but aiming nowhere near him. Like I said, I selfishly hope this dude NEVER gets called up, because I can already feel the fucking up. #9 is Curt Hawkins, as Joe tosses Big E. Curt climbs in, sees everyone busy fighting, and then runs right back out to ringside. I kinda dig the combo Bret Hart/Owen Hart gear he has on here. He gets beat up by Joe, so he decides to hide underneath the ring, since the road agents have absolutely no imagination. It's one thing to repeat bits on different nights, but back-to-back? Seth Rollins gets #10, and I'm not feeling that new color combination. He dumps Elias, anyway. #11 is Titus O'Neil, and of course, they do a callback to his slide underneath the ring from the Greatest Royal Rumble. That leads to his chasing Hawkins out from underneath the ring, but misses a charge, and that's the end for Titus. And for Hawkins, who gets dumped by Joe while celebrating. #12 is Kofi Kingston, so expect the bookers to repeat some of Naomi or Kacy's spots from earlier any moment. Mustafa Ali gets lucky #13, and he gets to toss Nakamura, before trading off with Gargano. #14 is Dean Ambrose, and he goes right for Rollins. He makes a detour to dump Kofi, but Kingston keeps his legs on the apron, and logrolls over to the steps to save himself. That's great, but his feet totally touched the ground while he was doing the tease. Ambrose dumps Gargano for real, as #15 draw No Way Jose comes out - complete with entourage. He gets immediately dumped by Joe, but just keeps on dancing anyway. It's easy money, though. #16 is Drew McIntyre, but he gets caught up in Jose's dance party on his way down, so he just beats them all up as a warm-up. Hey, at least that isn't a repeat of something from the women's match. Xavier Woods draws #17, just as Drew is dumping Kofi, so Woods is able to catch him, and get Kingston over to the steps to save. That was a great bit. And then, equally great, is Drew's annoyed reaction, followed by him dumping both New Day guys out as they get inside. Loved it! #18 is Pete Dunne, and he's another guy I have no interest in ever seeing on the main roster. Just let him hang out and have four-star matches in England, and I'm good. I mean, sure, his kids will probably starve, but I'LL be good. #19 is Andrade, who apparently lost 'Almas' on his way up from NXT. Apollo Crews gets #20, and he charges in with a nice dropkick on Ali. Great conditioning there, going from flat on his stomach to a dropkick in basically a single motion. Aleister Black gets the #21 spot, and him they can bring up whenever, I don't care, his kids can go to college. He dumps Dean, and here comes Shelton Benjamin at #22. I like how the announcers shout out 'from Smackdown Live,' like he lives there. Shelton and Ali work together to get Joe out, and #23 is Baron Corbin. I like how dudes come out in full entrance gear, and have to strip down on their way to the ring. Just come out ready to go, assholes. He dumps Apollo out, and gets some cardio in with Seth. #24 is Jeff Hardy, wearing a shirt that kinda has to be seen to be believed. I hope he gets tossed fast just so I don't have to look at it for long. Corbin tosses Black and McIntyre tosses Dunne as Rey Mysterio enters at #25. That's it. He doesn't really do anything. #26 is Bobby Lashley, and he suplexes Rollins across the ring right away, but misses a charge, and goes over the top. He flips out about it, and pulls Seth to the outside for a beating, including putting Rollins through a table before officials are able to intervene. Michael Cole's look of utter shock is pretty funny. Braun Strowman draws #27, and that's it for Corbin. And Benjamin. You'd think these idiots would gang up on him, but they just keep going at him one by one, like, well, idiots. #28 is Dolph Ziggler, as Drew tosses Hardy out. Drew is ready for Dolph, but an altercation with Braun results in Ziggler superkicking him out. Strowman's beard needs a trim in the worst possible way. Randy Orton draws #29, and he tries an RKO on Braun, but gets countered to a front-powerslam. Meanwhile, Andrade and Ali are fighting over a superplex on the top rope, so Braun electric chairs them both down, but misses a charge at Orton, and takes a spill to the outside through the ropes. R-Truth rounds out the field at #30, but gets jumped by Nia Jax on his way down the aisle, and she steals his spot. Um, what? I mean, at least Becky got permission. Nia just walked in and took it. No way that stands if she actually pulls off a win. I mean, if that's the case, why would anyone come out at their assigned number? Just come out at the end and enter when you're ready. She dumps Ali, but eats a superkick from Dolph, and a 619 from Rey. RKO from Orton, as everyone puts their shit aside to gang up on her in a kinda disturbing way. It's like, 'hey, I hate you, but there's a mouthy woman we need to put in her place before we fight.' They dump her, then dump each other, and it's down to Seth Rollins, Andrade, Braun Strowman, and Dolph Ziggler as the final four. Not a great field. And, of those four, both Seth and Braun are still selling shit on the outside. Andrade and Ziggler slug it out, but Braun slides back in and kills them both with a double clothesline to put a stop to that. He goes to the outside to drag a still downed Rollins in, but Seth slips out of his grasp, and Ziggler is able to hit the big guy with a superkick. Everyone takes turns hitting Braun with signature moves, but an effort to get him out results in Andrade getting dumped. Well, you knew he was going to be first. Braun then dumps the other two, but Seth lands on the apron to save himself, and a superkick nearly gets rid of Strowman, but he hangs on. He comes back and looks to dump Seth, but Rollins hangs on with a guillotine choke, and both guys end up over the top, on the apron. Strowman gets the better of it, but Seth shoves him into the post, and hits a curb stomp on the apron for the win at 57:29! Good finish to a pretty low key Rumble in terms of suspense or excitement. ** ¼

BUExperience: Given how long this show was, I kind of wish they split the men’s and women’s matches into two separate PPVs. The women’s one would have been pretty good, the men’s less so. But at least neither would have been the chore this one was to sit through.  

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