WWF Monday Night RAW (September 16, 1996)

Original Airdate: September 16, 1996 (taped August 19)

From Wheeling, West Virginia; Your Hosts are Kevin Kelly, Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler

Jake Roberts v Sultan: This is Sultan's debut, though he'd made a few untelevised appearances at house shows in South Africa that took place before this aired. Jake looks more like an old middle school science teacher as he chases Lawler around ringside than he does the guy who was a big star in the late 80s. Bob Backlund sits escorts Lawler back to his position on commentary and sits in as well. Thank God it's just him, because it's too early in the day for the dulcet tones of the Iron Sheik. Sultan pounds Jake into the corner, so Roberts tries the DDT early on, but Sultan hits the deck, and bails. Roberts uses the time to threaten Lawler again, and he tries a wristlock after Sultan climbs back inside, as Backlund gives us the background on Sultan. It's as stupid as you'd think for this period. Jake keeps getting distracted by Lawler (despite Lawler just sitting quietly at his desk), and Sultan takes over with a pair of corner whips. Backdrop, but Jake counters to the DDT, only to get distracted by Lawler's non-interference again. That allows Sultan to slap on an ugly Camel Clutch, and that's it at 3:00. Oh man, this was legitimately terrible. Like, not only as a match, but as an effective way to debut a new character and his finisher. Just failure all around. -*

Owen Hart and Brian Pillman are backstage to hype up Bret Hart's appearance at this Sunday night's In Your House (where he did not actually appear), but they're interrupted by Steve Austin, who wants to clarify that HE'S the best there is/was/ever will be. Hmm, wonder if that'll ever go anywhere?

The Smoking Gunns v Bob Holly and Alex Porteau: The Gunns' WWF Tag Team Title is not on the line here. Billy Gunn starts with Holly, and gets dominated to the point where he ends up on the outside. That draws out Davey Boy Smith and Owen Hart to hang out at ringside, and Bart Gunn tags in to take Holly to school with a press-slam. Elbowdrop misses, allowing the tag to Porteau, and hello Sunny's boobs. Bart wrecks Porteau as Sunny and Jim Cornette shout at each other, and Billy hits Alex with a stinger splash between taunts down at Owen and Davey. The Gunns cut the ring in half on Porteau for what feels like an eternity, until Billy misses another stinger splash, and Holly gets the hot tag. Rana on Billy gets two, but he gets crotched on the top rope by Sunny while going for the kill, and the Gunns capitalize with the Sidewinder - only to get distracted by Owen while going for the cover. That allows Holly to roll Billy up, and he actually gets him at 5:46. You know the tag ranks are dangerously thin when not only are they building to a heel/heel match for the PPV, but they're giving a win over the tag champs to a makeshift team of JTTS guys. ½*

WWF Superstars ad, featuring a skydiver plummeting to his death because he's too distracted by an episode on his portable TV, and forgets to pull his chute. That's dark

President Gorilla Monsoon pops in from his office to refute Jim Ross' claims that Razor Ramon and Diesel are coming back to the WWF next week. Or, more accurately, to clarify that 'Scott Hall and Kevin Nash' won't be appearing, as both are 'under contract to another organization.' This angle just keeps getting weirder by the minute

Jerry Lawler brings Vader and Jim Cornette out to hype up Jim's match with Jose Lothario this Sunday at In Your House, and Cornette wants to have a public workout. I feel kind of bad for poor Vader, having to stand there and growl like a moron in support of his own manager, without even a match of his own scheduled for the PPV. Anyway, Cornette trades wristlocks with Tony Williams (an enhancement scrub), but keeps getting outmaneuvered, so Vader just beats the jobber down himself. I know, I'm shocked, too. And that's it. Like, no big finish, or run-in from Lothario, or whatever. Vader just beats him down, and that's the end of the segment

WWF Intercontinental Title Tournament Semifinal Match: Owen Hart v Marc Mero: Pat Patterson sits in for commentary, looking like a dead ringer for Hugh Hefner tonight. Feeling out process to start, with Mero dominating as he works the cast-covered wrist, but he runs into a spinheel kick during a criss cross. That allows Owen to stomp the groin and hit a butterfly suplex for two, and he works a chinlock from there, as Monsoon pops up again on split screen to call Jim Ross and liar again. Couldn't they get this shit in during one of the crap matches, like that Smoking Gunns one from earlier? Why take away from an actual good match? Mero escapes the hold and uses a sunset cradle for two, so Hart throws a dropkick to cut him off, and uses a somersault cradle for two. Back to the chinlock, but Mero fights free again, so Owen drops him with a neckbreaker. To the top with a missile dropkick for two, and he grounds Marc in another chinlock. Great use of restholds though, as they're really short, and make logical sense in how they're worked/distributed. Mero side suplexes his way out, so Owen dumps him to the outside to cut off another comeback attempt, but Sable helps her man beat the count back in. Hart immediately covers for two, and unloads in the corner, but misses a charge. That allows Mero an inverted atomic drop, quickly followed by a backdrop. Dropkick sends Owen to the outside, so Marc dives after him with a somersault suicida, and a slingshot splash gets two on the way back in. Criss cross leads to a double knockout spot, so Owen pops off his cast to bash Mero over the head with for a dramatic two count. Hart argues the count, but that backfires when Mero gets his hands on the cast, and he whacks Owen for the pin at 7:29. Good match, simple and well worked. Sign in the crowd asks as to 'Take a Walk on the Wildsid,' which I'm assuming is a prediction of the brackets for the tournament final, and not simply a spacing error. You gotta outline that shit first, son. ** ¾

The WWF's tour of South Africa includes the wrestlers going on safari, and Bret Hart appeared for what they're teasing might be his last WWF match. And speaking of Bret, cameras caught up with him at the hotel, and he pointblank calls Brian Pillman a liar, saying that he won't be at In Your House in any capacity. They're in such a weird place, where they're running nonstop bait-and-switch angles, and then openly TELLING YOU that they're bait-and-switch angles before the show they're pushing happens. It's just so weird and dissimilar to how these things are usually done. You'd think it would be kind of refreshing, but it's actually more insulting than just misleading us, somehow

LiveWire ad. I think this may be the first instance of an e-mail address being shown (or even referenced) on WWF TV

WWF Intercontinental Title Tournament Semifinal Match: Sycho Sid v Faarooq: Sunny is dressed like she has back-to-back auditions for Friends and a Tupac video lined up. Unfortunately for her, I think the closest she'll come is being friends with X-Pac. They measure each other to start, with Faarooq actually dominating, but Sid no-sells a powerslam, and we've got a slugfest! Sid drops him with a big boot, and unloads some of the worst worked punches in the history of ever in the corner. I do like that he throws them like he's pitching a baseball, though. Fitting. Faarooq returns fire with a side suplex and a legdrop for two, and a forearm to the back to the head gets two. Chinlock, as Ahmed Johnson (still at home recuperating) pops up on split screen, threatening to light Faarooq on fire. Geez. Sid slugs free, so Faarooq bodyslams him, and dives off the top with a flying bodypress - only to get caught in a powerslam for two. Criss cross ends in a double knockout spot, as they're working like they're deep into this thing, despite only being at the four minute mark. Faarooq tries another chinlock, but Sid escapes, and he's selling the effects of it harder than I think he's ever sold anything in his entire career. I've seen this dude sell less for Hulk Hogan in the main event of WrestleMania than he is for a Faarooq chinlock tonight. Faarooq is able to hammer him down to set up a 2^nd rope headbutt drop, but Sid counters the Dominator with a chokeslam. That draws Sunny up to distract the referee, and Faarooq grabs a chair to whack Sid with a couple of times for two. Sid gets hold of the chair and returns fire, but he doesn't have the benefit of a hot manager to distract the referee with her boobies, and that's a DQ at 7:55. I get that they didn't want to job Sid, but was that really the best they could come up with? Doesn't do much for Faarooq, either. * ¼

Undertaker is off somewhere, and he's got beef with Goldust, so it's final curtain time for him at In Your House

We get a rundown of the card for the PPV (complete with that creepy Mankind skull graphic), and man, it does not look impressive on paper. Like at all. Well, one exception

And, finally, we close with Mankind giving us a look at his torn of ear as a preview for the brutality that will be unleashed at In Your House

BUExperience: It’s a testament to the WWF’s marketing efforts that I not only religiously watched this shit as a kid, but actually thought it was better than what WCW was doing on Nitro. Or, maybe I was just a stupid kid. That’s a possibility, too.

Monday Night Wars Rating Chart

	9/16/96
Show	RAW	Nitro
Rating	2.1	3.7
Total Wins	17	29
Win Streak		12
Better Show (as of 9/9)	11	33