WWF Superstars (April 25, 1992)

Original Airdate: April 25, 1992 (taped April 8)

From Kalamazoo, Michigan; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Mr. Perfect

Ric Flair v Ron Cumberledge: Perfect is busy with this, leaving Vince to do the opening and call the match on his own, and it's terrible. I'm generally pretty forgiving of his commentary, but without anyone to play off of, it's brutal. Funny bit before the bell, with Flair giving the poor ring attendant grief, and making him climb onto the apron to take his robe, instead of just passing it down to him. That's right, punk! Just wait until Razor Ramon debuts to teach these kids some respect. Meanwhile, Vince is still all worked up about the whole scitexing scandal from next week, probably so he can entertain himself by saying words that sound vaguely sexual on a Saturday morning show. Figure Four finishes at 1:57. DUD

Gene Okerlund is in the studio with Update, featuring highlights of WrestleMania weekend. Man, the extracurricular stuff used to be much MUCH lower key back then, compared to the kind of stuff you see at Axxess

Davey Boy Smith v Kevin Kruger: Perfect finally makes it to the commentary booth, thank goodness. Bulldog is generally over here, though nowhere near the level where you'd think 'boy, I bet he picks up the Intercontinental title soon,' or anything. That show moving to England basically propped up his whole career for a few years. I mean, it got him the Intercontinental title (in an era where that meant a lot), and that translated into a main event level run in WCW the next year. I can't imagine that WCW would have pushed him as hard if he spent the year feuding with Repo Man and Mountie. Running Powerslam finishes at 1:34. DUD

Catch WBF Bodystars! Perhaps the most homoerotic thing the WWE has ever produced! And that covers a lot of ground

The Beverly Brothers v Mike Freedom and Eric Collins: The Beverly's pop in with a promo on their own match, since the Legion of Doom aren't gonna call THEMSELVES sissies, are they? The sacrifices these guys make. This is such an easy squash for the Brothers that Genius hangs out on the apron the whole time, and even climbs into the ring before the pin is finished being counted at 1:37. I don't care for the Beverly's as a major team, but I appreciated the energy they brought to squashing these two geeks. Afterwards, they paint up one of the jobbers to look like Hawk, and write LOS (Legion of Sissies) on his chest in crayon. I get that this show was mainly meant to appeal to kids, but that's about as lame as it gets. ½*

The Legion of Doom respond, clarifying that they are not sissies. I dunno, the Beverly's had paint and crayons to prove it and everything. Also, Hawk is mad because the Beverly's get pedicures, which seems like a really random thing for a grown man to be upset about, but I guess the dude took cuticles very seriously

Repo Man seems to be having a tough time understanding his job requirements. Like, I don't think he gets that he doesn't actually get to KEEP the stuff he repossess. But, I guess that's something he'll have to learn on the job

Crush is hanging out backstage, thinking about his mom telling him to wear a napkin when he was a kid, and then crushing a carton of milk in response, since he hates manners. And milk, apparently

Shawn Michaels v George Anderson: Some kid in the front row keeps telling Shawn that he's going down. And he's, like, really sure of it, so maybe this George Anderson guy was a big local star? Or, maybe the kid was just dumb? It’s ambiguous! Funny bit, as Shawn puts his earrings in Sensational Sherri's bra for safe keeping, and then she crawls around on all fours to mess to George when Michaels dumps him to the outside. Teardrop Suplex finishes at 1:27. Shawn and Sherri were such a fun pairing. DUD

WBF apparently had their own magazine and everything, and you can even buy it on newsstands. No. Really. Please stop laughing

Kerry Von Erich has trouble... speaking... more than... four syllables at a time

The Nasty Boys do their impression of Travis Bickle doing an impression of a fish

Sgt. Slaughter v Brooklyn Brawler: Does this count as a star/star match? I mean, Brawler has a gimmick, and once worked WrestleMania, so that's gotta mean something. Plus, he was managed by Bobby Heenan at one point, and Bobby doesn't manage jobbers. Unfortunately, Slaughter puts him away with cobra clutch at 1:48 while I'm still pondering it. ¼*

Gene Okerlund brings Sid Justice and Harvey Wippleman out for a podium interview to build the planned feud with Ultimate Warrior that never went anywhere because Sid left the promotion within days of this segment airing, not to return until 1995. And then he disappeared again, not to return until they needed a last minute replacement for... Ultimate Warrior. Booking Sid/Warrior is a ballsy move, frankly. Better make sure you've got CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE in big, bold letters on there, and you might as well book Buddy Landel as the guest referee, while you're at it

The Natural Disasters v Kent Carlson and Tom Stone: These are well fed jobbers, so at least it's something of a fair fight. Earthquake's 'karate' kicks are hilariously bad. Like, seriously dude, there are a lot of things a guy with your look and size can believably do, but jumping and kicking at the same time is just not one of them. Also unimpressed, WWF Tag Team Champions Money Inc, who pop in with a promo. Earthquake Splash/Tidal Wave combo finishes at 2:27. See, now THAT'S what you can believably do. Squash people with your fat. Stick to that. DUD

Skinner is ready for action, and also to sell Shawn Michaels a hat, by the looks of things. Well, at least now we finally know where he got that thing, and how Skinner earned after his career wrapped up

Meanwhile, Tatanka seems to think if he stretches each word out by an extra syllable or two, he can convince us that his promo actually has substance

Undertaker v Berzerker: Fuji steals the urn before the bell, allowing Berzerker to attack Undertaker with his shield. He beats on him with that for a bit, but Undertaker won't stay down, so Berzerker straight up tries to stab him to death with his sword. Luckily, that misses, and they spill to the outside, where Berzerker keeps beating him 'down.' 'Down,' because Undertaker won't actually stay down. Finally, Berzerker manages to achieve that by pulling up the mats and hitting a piledriver on the exposed concrete, but Undertaker sits up from THAT as well, and stalks Berzerker to the back. And we're done without the match ever officially starting. Fun angle, though

Skinner isn't scared of facing Ultimate Warrior next week. Your eyes tell a different story though, bro. And speaking of crazy eyes, here's Warrior to respond

BUExperience: Nothing even resembling a good match or major angle, but you couldn’t ask for a better background noise show than this