Original
Airdate: January 25, 2009
From
Detroit, Michigan; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler (RAW); Jim Ross
and Tazz (Smackdown); Todd Grisham and Matt Striker (ECW)
Opening ECW Title
Match: Jack Swagger v Matt Hardy: I like how ECW matches have replaced tag
matches as the standard PPV openers for this era. That ECW belt is really ugly
and oversized. I mean, Swagger is a pretty big dude, and it looks massive on
him. The announcers keep repeating that the title can't change hands by DQ or
countout, so I'm assuming we're getting a cheap finish here. Matt dominates him
to start, and Jack ends up on the outside. Hardy follows to smash his face into
the apron, and Matt uses a clothesline as they head back inside. Again, but
Swagger bails to the outside to avoid it this time, and he regroups out there
for a bit. Back in, Swagger manages to take his challenger down in a
hammerlock, but Matt fights free, and hits a well executed corner seated
dropkick. Bulldog gets Matt two, so he goes up to the middle, but Jack shoves
him over the top before he can dive! Back in, Swagger works the arm/shoulder,
and a shoulderblock gets him two. Overhead wristlock is applied, but Matt
starts to escape, so Jack just pounds him in the corner instead. Big boot gets
him two, and he takes Matt back to the mat for more abuse to the arm and
shoulder area. Matt uses a short-clothesline to buy time, and he manages to
mount a comeback. Neckbreaker gets him two, and another bulldog is worth two. 2nd
rope elbowsmash gets two, so Matt tries the Twist of Fate, but Swagger counters
with a belly-to-belly suplex for two. Suplex, but Matt starts to reverse, so
Swagger goes to a single-arm DDT for two instead. Swagger tries a superplex as
the announcers reminisce about Ricky Steamboat winning the Intercontinental
title at WrestleMania III. Funny, I just watched that match earlier tonight.
Matt fights off the superplex with a flying moonsault for two, but Swagger sends
him shoulder-first into the post to cut off any follow-up, and a gutwrench
powerbomb retains at 10:27. Damn, with the way the announcers kept repeating
and repeating that the title can't change hands by DQ or countout, I was sure
we were in for a cheap finish, but nope. Clean as a sheet. Solid work here,
with good pacing and strong psychology. ** ½
WWE Women's Title
Match: Beth Phoenix v Melina: Beth with overpowers Melina's attempts
to grab holds in the early going, but the challenger manages a takedown into a
fujiwara armbar. Beth powers her way out of it, and an electric chair follows.
Kinda. Melina just sort of fell off of her shoulders like she was taking a
Doomsday Device. Beth works an anklelock, complete with a funny spot where she
beats on Melina with her own foot. Flexibility is a hell of a tool for a
worker. Melina fights her off, but an attempt at a bulldog is countered with a
sidewalk slam for two. Beth goes for a press-slam, but Melina fights her off
again, and starts making a comeback. Sunset flip gets her two, and a facebuster
is worth two. 2nd rope seated senton connects, and a wheelbarrow
into a sunset cradle gets the upset pin at 5:57. This was nothing of note, but
the finish felt totally out of nowhere and shocking. ¼*
World Heavyweight
Title Match: John Cena v John Bradshaw Layfield: Feeling out
process to start, and a criss cross ends in Cena planting a backelbow on him
for two. Bradshaw bails to regroup, and he manages to pound Cena into the
corner on the way back in, but a cross corner whip gets reversed, and Cena hits
the one-handed bulldog for two. Throwback gets two, so Layfield bails again,
but this time Cena chases. That allows Bradshaw to clobber him on the floor,
and Cena eats some steps out there. Inside, Bradshaw with a series of
elbowdrops for two, and a snapmare puts Cena down for a modified chinlock. Cena
escapes, so Bradshaw uses a sidewalk slam for two, and he dumps the champion to
the outside for another trip into the steps. Inside, that gets Bradshaw a two
count, but Cena blocks a superplex, and dives with a flying rocker dropper for
two. I like that spot in theory, but Cena's execution is always lacking on it.
Cena with shoulderblocks and a side suplex to set up the Five Knuckle Shuffle,
but Bradshaw escapes the FU. He tries a charge, but Cena blocks with a
drop-toehold into the STFU! Bradshaw's in trouble, so Shawn Michaels
(reluctantly in Bradshaw's corner) teases interference, and Cena lets off the
hold to go after him. That allows Bradshaw to dump the champion to the outside,
and he nails a distracted Cena with the Clothesline from Hell for two. The
announcers are calling it the 'clothesline from hell,' but I thought he was
calling it 'from Wall Street' with this gimmick. The referee gets bumped as
both guys go down, and with the official out, Shawn comes into the ring. He
teases a Superkick on Cena, but ends up choosing to plant it on JBL instead.
And then gives one to Cena as well, thus leaving both guys looking up at the
lights again. Realizing what he has to do, Shawn drapes Bradshaw's body over
Cena's on the way out, though he takes no joy in it. The referee is still out,
so another one runs out to make the count, but Cena shoots a shoulder up at
two. Bradshaw tries the Clothesline from Hell as they stagger back to a
vertical base, but Cena counters it into the FU at 15:30. This was a fun sports
entertainment style match, with good drama, and excellent crowd response
throughout. ** ¾
WWE Title No
Disqualification Match: Jeff Hardy v Edge: Jeff charges at the bell,
blitzing Edge in the corner, and putting the boots to his challenger. Jeff with
a jumping clothesline, and he whips Edge into the ropes for more, but the
challenger bails to the outside to break the momentum. Hardy responds by
grabbing a chair, but Edge steals the high ground, and knocks it away from him.
Edge pounds him into the corner, but Jeff is slippery, and uses a snapmare to
set up a seated dropkick for two. Edge ends up back on the outside, where Hardy
hits him with a slingshot baseball slide, before diving off the apron with a
clothesline on the floor. Jeff tries a springboard on the way back in, but a
distraction from Chavo Guerrero (in Edge's corner) slows him down, and Edge is
able to capitalize by big booting him off of the apron. Edge with a baseball
slide, and he whips the champion into the barricade, before introducing him to
the announce table. Edge with an elbowdrop for two on the way back in, and a
cross corner whip sets up a corner spear. Another spear, but this time Jeff
counters with a sunset flip for two, so Edge cuts him off with a clothesline
for two. He grounds Hardy in a waistlock, but Jeff gets to a vertical base, and
throws a leg-feed corkscrew kick to shake the challenger off. Jeff goes
upstairs with a flying bodypress, but Edge is ready with a dropkick to knock
him out of the air, and he hooks the leg for two. He decides to bring a pair of
chairs into play, but Jeff spears him off of the apron as he's bringing them
into the ring, and then dives with a plancha. Jeff adds a Twist of Fate on the
apron, and he preps an announce table (nearly taking out a fan in the process,
though fan's husband seemed to like it), but interference from Chavo prevents
him from using it on Edge. Jeff stops to kick the shit out of Guerrero, and Chavo
ends up going through the table in Edge's place - Hardy diving off a ladder to
drive him through it. He slipped on the dive and sent the ladder flying, almost
hurting that same fan again. So with Chavo out of commission, Jeff rolls Edge
in, and dives with a flying bodypress for two. Irish whip, but Edge reverses,
and he pops him with a big boot to buy time. Edge uses the time to expose a top
turnbuckle, but Hardy blocks a smash into it, and dives with the Whisper in the
Wind for two. Have I mentioned how stupid all the Hardy's signature spot move
names are lately? Because I need to. Twist, but Edge counters with the Impaler
for two. Dive off the middle, but Hardy blocks, and cradles for two. Sitout
gourdbuster sets up the Swanton Bomb, but Edge is moving, so Jeff abandons it.
He tries the slingshot dropkick in the corner, but Edge drops him across the
exposed buckle to block, and hooks the leg for two. Spear, but Jeff counters
with the Twist, and it's Swanton time. Cover, count, but Vickie Guerrero pulls
the referee out at two! That draws Matt Hardy out to put a stop to her, and he
sets up a conchairto with his brother - only to turn on him with the chair!
Yeah, saw it coming a mile away, but it still worked. Edge seems confused, but
he's too smart to look a gift horse in the mouth, and covers Jeff at 19:24.
This took a little while to get going, but got good once it did, though the
overbooking at the end was a bit much. ** ¼
Main Event: #1
Contender's 30-Man Royal Rumble Match: Ninety second intervals this year, and
we get Rey Mysterio and John Morrison to kick things off. John tries to push
him around to start, but Rey fires back with kicks, and he sticks and moves.
Wheelbarrow bulldog, but Morrison dumps him over the top to block, and Rey is
barely able to hold on to avoid elimination. He dives back in with a
springboard flying bodypress, and a headscissors dazes John enough for an
elimination attempt, but Morrison manages to hang on. Carlito draws #3, and
attacks both battered guys, dropping Rey with a DDT, but nearly getting dumped
by John when he takes too long celebrating. He dives with a double-springboard
flying moonsault press on Morrison, but Rey hits the deck to avoid an
elimination attempt, and here comes Montel Vontavious Porter at #4. Carlito's
pants make him look like a cross between Sabu and a Fruit Roll-Up. Great Khali
draws #5, and everyone is understandably nervous. He dominates, but doesn't
actually eliminate anyone, though. #6 is Vladimir Kozlov, and he actually gets
to dump Khali with relative ease. I'm surprise they wasted that on him. He
tosses MVP and Carlito as well, but Rey sticks and moves at him as Triple H
enters at #7. And, of course, Hunter dumps him in short order. Ahh, so there's
why he got to look really strong. #8 is Randy Orton, and HHH is so distracted
by his entrance that he stops a double elimination attempt on Mysterio and
Morrison just to watch Randy's entrance. Wow, lucky for Rey and John that
big-bad HHH had to watch an entrance. Orton drops Hunter with the inverted
headlock backbreaker, as Rey hits Morrison with the 619, and JTG comes in at #9
(after winning a coin toss with Shad in the aisle). He gets his ass kicked by
HHH, though. Ted DiBiase draws #10, and it's really annoying that they don't
let these guys use 'junior' on their names. It's one thing if senior wasn't a
part of WWE (like with Mysterio), but the Million Dollar Man was one of their
most beloved and long running characters. Chris Jericho draws #11, and he
trades off with HHH. Chris with the short tights will never look right to me.
Mike Knox draws #12, and for a second I thought we had a young Braun Strowman
coming in. They should bring him back to do a twin brother angle. I mean, they
shouldn't... but they should. Miz draws lucky #13, and he's the complete
opposite of Jericho with his gear, and probably would never have been regarded
seriously if he didn't abandon that look. We get a sequence where Orton starts
hitting a bunch of guys with RKOs, until HHH comes over to Pedigree him to end
it, and he dumps Morrison and Miz at the same time to properly cap off his
orgasm. Finlay draws #14. Cody Rhodes is #15, and with all three Legacy guys
now inside, the ganging commences. Even back then Cody with a thorn in HHH's
side. #16 is Undertaker, complete with lights-off entrance. The entire match
stops as everyone prepares themselves for Undertaker, and he goes in blazing.
JTG is the first to go, since racism. Probably Rey next. Goldust draws #17, and
he goes after DiBiase, so Cody comes over for the save. That earns him a near
elimination at the hands of his golden brother, but Cody holds on, and Orton
drops Goldust with an RKO. He tells Cody to finish the job, and shakes his
hands after he dumps Goldust. #18 is CM Punk, looking like a total tool. So,
you know, like CM Punk. He actually gets to fight off a Pedigree with a GTS,
though. Man, Jericho, Rhodes, Punk - think HHH ever looks back at this match
like Flyora at the end of Come and See? Mark Henry draws #19, and stands on
Punk. Well, it's about time somebody took a stand on him. Shelton Benjamin
draws #20, and there are two black guys in there now, is Undertaker sleeping on
the job? #21 is William Regal, and this ring needs some clearing out, stat. At
a glance, we've got about eleven guys in there. And then Undertaker dumps Mark
Henry, and goes after Shelton, so I guess he finally woke up. He's also busted
open, likely hardway, since it isn't part of the storyline of the match at all.
Kofi Kingston draws #22, and hopefully that'll at least lead to some interesting
sequences with Rey. Though, probably not, since the ring is so over packed that
it wouldn't really be possible. Oh, and Undertaker dumps Shelton. Kane is #23,
and he teams up with Undertaker to tandem chokeslam DiBiase. That's rude. Punk
dumps Regal out as #24 draw R-Truth hits the ring. Paging Undertaker! #25 is
Rob Van Dam, making his first WWE appearance since December 2007. It would be a
one-off, though, and he wouldn't be back regularly until 2013. Brian Kendrick
draws #26, and he dumps Kofi right away. HE BELONGS TO THE DARK LORD! HHH
immediately dumps Brian as punishment, hopefully before Undertaker noticed what
he had done. #27 is Dolph Ziggler, and he somehow looks even sillier than he
does now. Is that tinsel on his tights? Not even manly fringe like Randy Savage
or Ultimate Warrior, but full-on fucking tinsel! Luckily, Kane dumps him
immediately. You just earned my vote, Mr. Mayor. Santino Marella is #28, but immediately
gets dumped by Kane as well. He goes after HHH next, as Jim Duggan joins the
fray at #29. And even UNDERTAKER sells for him! Big Show rounds out the field
at #30, and hopefully that means some bodies are set to hit the floor. It's
weird seeing Undertaker, Kane, and HHH all in there, but not clearing deadwood.
And then Show nearly gets tossed by Duggan, somehow, before gently tossing him.
Show dumps a bunch of guys to finally start clearing the ring some, as Jericho
hits Undertaker with the Codebreaker, but misses a charge to go over the top.
Show, Kane, and Undertaker clear most of the deadwood out, until Legacy team up
to dump Kane, and the three of them unite to face off with Undertaker, Show,
and HHH. And then Show just attacks HHH like an idiot, allowing the Legacy crew
to triple team Undertaker. None of the guys in the ring make a particularly
interesting winner. We end up with Triple H, Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase, and Cody
Rhodes as our final four, and it's a weird visual, since all four guys have the
same gear/colors. 1992 must be spinning in it's grave. Legacy gang up on HHH,
but Hunter's Hunter, so bye Ted! Bye Cody! And then Orton sneaks up and dumps
HHH at 58:37. This one suffered from having an over packed ring most of the way
through, but I kind of liked it since it was different than the 'guy comes in,
runs wild, fades into the background' stuff we see so often. It's worth noting
that Orton was little more than a cipher for his entire near fifty minute run,
though. ** ½
**
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