WWF Monday Night RAW (January 13, 1997)

Original Airdate: January 13, 1997 (taped December 30, 1996)

From Albany, New York; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Honky Tonk Man

Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Jerry Lawler v Goldust and Marc Mero: Oh God help us, we're in for a long night with this commentary duo. Goldust charges in to give us a brawl right away, with the babyfaces cleaning house. Dust settles on Mero and Lawler to start, and Marc hits a backdrop right away. You know, Mero and Goldust as a team actually makes good sense. Both got over playing gay characters who weren't actually gay. Both were championed by Dusty Rhodes early in their careers. Both landed wives way out of their leagues. Both had Intercontinental title runs in 1996. It just works. So Mero dominates a stall-happy Lawler, until HHH finally tags in, but Mero gives him a backdrop as well, and it's back to Lawler. He's met with Goldust this time, but Goldust wants Helmsley, and so we get more stalling. We're some five minutes into this one, and still firmly in first gear here. Goldust manages to fight off an attempted double team, but HHH runs away on the outside before Goldust can properly get his hands on him. Marc tags in to headlock Jerry, but HHH takes a cheap shot from the apron, and the heels finally get control of the contest. They work Mero over, but Lawler misses a fistdrop, and Goldust gets the tag. HHH refuses Jerry's hand to tag in, allowing Goldust to destroy him, but he falls prey to another cheap shot from the heels. Tag back to Mero, and he unloads on Lawler, but HHH is at least willing to tag in this time. The heels cut the ring in half on Mero again, and what the fuck? Why do we need two heat segments on the same guy? Just get to the damn point already, there's nothing about this match that's particularly engaging. Goldust finally gets the hot tag while HHH is legal so this thing can thankfully get to the point, and he unloads on Hunter. He gets HHH tied up in the ropes and blatantly chokes the life out of him, and that draws a DQ at 12:23. Total house show stuff here, and it felt like it dragged on forever with very little direction. Afterwards, Goldust attacks Mero as well, so maybe we'll put a pin in that whole Gay Dusty Intercontinental Hotties team. DUD

WWF Champion Sycho Sid is inside the empty Alamodome, getting all fired up for the Royal Rumble. Sid could be goofy, but he could cut a great go-home promo when he needed to

Shawn Michaels is hanging out in a bar in San Antonio, looking like he'd love to put a gun in his mouth as he forces a smile onto his face while cuddling up with some eager fans

Over the weekend on Shotgun Saturday Night, Marc Mero had a little bit of a tiff with Sable, and when Rocky Maivia stuck his nose in, the two men came to blows. Also, holy shit, they were running shows in a fucking SPORTS BAR? Why aren't these on the Network?

Davey Boy Smith v Rocky Maivia: Bret Hart is out to do guest commentary, selling an injury he sustained at the hands of Steve Austin yesterday on Superstars. Despite that being taped weeks before this show was, and that Hart already wrestled Vader earlier on this taping. But it works, since if you were in the crowd, you'd just assume he got hurt during the Vader match. Anyway, he immediately puts Rocky over as someone with more potential than anyone he's ever seen coming into the WWF. Well, he ain't wrong. Feeling out process to start, as Bret complains about the lack of rules and structure in the WWF as of late. I'm not sure whether or not they'd actually decided on the heel turn yet at this point, but you can sure see the seeds being planted regardless, as well as for the Hart Foundation angle. Bulldog works a headlock, but a criss cross ends badly when Rocky puts him down with a hiptoss, then out with a dropkick. Davey regroups with Clarence Mason on the outside, but he ends up in a wristlock once back inside, so Owen Hart joins us at ringside. Davey manages to dump Maivia to the outside as Owen stops over to get in Bret's face, apparently worried that the Hitman will interfere in the contest. With Owen standing guard, Bulldog puts the boots to Rocky, but Maivia manages a slingshot sunset flip for two, so Bulldog cuts him off with a clothesline. Chinlock, but Rocky fights free, and uses a bodypress for two. Bulldog cuts him off with a hanging vertical suplex, however, and he adds a legdrop for two. Back to the chinlock, but Rocky escapes again, and they collide for a double knockout on the criss cross. Maivia makes a comeback as they recover, but a big clothesline sends both guys crashing over the top, and Davey chucks him into the steps out there. Cue Steve Austin to attack Bulldog on the outside, but Bret can't make the save since Owen is guarding him. Also 'cause he can barely walk, but whatever. So Rocky rolls in first, and Bulldog is counted out at 10:13. Austin was basically the Flesh Guy from the nightmare episode of Louie during this period, and he was just such an incredible heel that it took me a really long time to start cheering him even long after his official turn. ¾*

The Nation of Domination is about unity. Though Clarence Mason is still about that side hustle though, since he's managing Bulldog and Owen at the same time

Undertaker v Crush: Crush's look worked both as a babyface and his initial heel run, but this look was a total miss, and makes him look like just another guy. Undertaker attacks during the entrances, and feeds Crush a helping of steps. Inside, Undertaker fights off some stomping with a DDT, and a bodyslam sets up a legdrop. Cross corner whip rebounds Crush into a clothesline, but Faarooq shakes the ropes to crotch Undertaker during a ropewalk forearm attempt. Crush tries to capitalize, but Undertaker backdrops him over the top, since Crush is so useless that he can't even get THAT done. Undertaker pulls him up to the apron, but Crush drops his weight to snap 'Taker's throat across the top rope, and that's finally enough to give him an advantage. For about two seconds, though, as he misses a charge, and Undertaker clotheslines him down. Backdrop, but Crush counters with a piledriver, and this match is pretty sad so far. Like, Crush was a pretty decent worker only a few years before this, and here he is having trouble even running the ropes right. To the outside, Crush halfheartedly drops him across the guardrail, as Vader shows up to watch from the aisle. Inside, Crush pounds on him in slow and dull fashion, and then slows it down even further with a chinlock. 2^nd rope fistdrop misses, allowing Undertaker to make his comeback, but Crush counters the Tombstone with a belly-to-belly suplex. Heart Punch time, but Undertaker counters with a poorly executed chokeslam, so the Nation just runs in for the DQ at 9:28. Vader joins in as well, and it's beat down time, until Ahmed Johnson runs in with a 2x4. Unfortunately for Ahmed, this week the Nation gets the better of him, and he ends up taking a beating as well to end the episode. Terrible match, but at least they're working to build matches for the Rumble. DUD

BUExperience: This was pretty bad. Unless you’ve got some sort of bad finish fetish. In which case, this is the one for you.

Monday Night Wars Rating Chart

	1/13/97
Show	RAW	Nitro
Rating	2.3	3.4
Total Wins	17	46
Win Streak		29
Better Show (as of 1/6)	21	39