WWF Royal Rumble 1997 (Version II)

 

Original Airdate: January 19, 1997

From San Antonio, Texas; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler

Opening WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Hunter Hearst Helmsley v Goldust: HHH has Mr. Hughes in his corner all of a sudden. It's interesting seeing them tweak the character from week to week. Like, he's no longer leaning into that blue blooded snob bit as hard. Now he's got a bodyguard. I feel like they're just one or two more tweaks away from really finding this character. Goldust attacks him in the aisle before the bell, as Hughes just stands there and passively looks on. Well, no wonder he lost his job so quickly. Chyna would have kicked the shit out of Goldust before he even got the first shot in. So Goldust beats HHH around ringside, and inside, he takes the champion into the corner for a ten-punch. Hunter shakes him off with an inverted atomic drop, but Goldust blocks the Pedigree, and sends HHH over the top with a catapult. He follows to the outside to slam the steps down on the champ's back, while Hughes continues to just stand around. Seriously dude, do something. Your man is the champ anyway, if he gets DQ'd, fuck it. And Goldust apparently has forgotten those rules as well, since he leaves Hunter out there to take the count, while Goldust just hangs out in the ring with little concern about whether or not he makes it into the ring in time. HHH snaps his throat across the top rope as he beats the count, and he unloads in the corner, as Vince somberly announces that Adam and George got kicked out of the building. Well, at least there was some payoff to the weeks and weeks of shitty commercials we had to watch. HHH dumps his challenger to the outside, and he dives after him with a flying axehandle on the outside, as the referee chews Hughes out. Over what?! He literally hasn't done a damn thing the whole match! Maybe chew the guy who attacked before the bell and brought weapons into the match out. And right on cue, Goldust grabs the steps again, and bashes HHH in the leg, right in full view of the official. Maybe yelling at Mr. Hughes again might help? Let's try that. Inside, Goldust goes to work on the leg, and he goes for the win with a figure four (complete with ropes for leverage), but he can't put the champ away. Fun role reversal there with a Rhodes using a leveraged figure four on a disciple of Flair. HHH bails to regroup, so Goldust clips the leg on the outside, and feeds Hunter some tasty apron. Meanwhile, Hughes continues to scratch his ass. Goldust drops him leg first onto the steps, and again just hangs out in the ring oblivious to the countout rule. HHH beats it in, so Goldust tries a bodypress, but Hunter ducks, and the challenger takes a spill to the outside. I'm kinda digging how Goldust has reverted back to Dustin Rhodes style now that he's turned babyface. HHH sends him into the steps out there in a bit of retribution, and he hits a kneedrop for two on the way back in, but ends up hurting the bad leg in the process. HHH is doing a great job of selling here. Irish whip, but Goldust reverses, and he manages a jumping clothesline. This match isn't bad, but is totally the wrong kind of bout to open in front of a largely papered crowd. Goldust with a backdrop, and he goes upstairs, but HHH crotches him before he can dive. Superplex, but Goldust blocks, and he completes his dive with a flying elbowdrop - only for Hunter to roll out of the way. Hughes passes the champ the title belt, but Hunter gets distracted sexually assaulting Marlena before he can use it, and Goldust turns the tables. Cover, count, but Hughes pulls the champ out of the ring at two. Well, at least he's finally doing something. Goldust attacks, but the distraction allows Hunter to sneak up with a lariat, and the Pedigree finishes at 17:11. I remember really hating this match on my earlier viewings, but it's actually not bad at all, with good selling from HHH throughout, and no restholds. It's too long more than anything else, and as noted, not really a good choice to open in this environment, but it wasn't bad. ** (Original rating: *)

Ahmed Johnson v Faarooq: Holy shit, I'd forgotten how huge a group the Nation was during this period. Guess that makes sense. It's a 'nation,' after all. I remember being really excited at finally getting the showdown between these two back in 1997. Ahmed charges in and blitzes Faarooq before the bell, until Faarooq bails to the outside to regroup. Johnson follows to send him into the post out there, and he delivers a jumping shoulderblock on the way back in, before unloading on Faarooq with a belt. How did Ahmed not become the biggest star in the world in the 90s? I mean, I know why, but seriously, the formula of letting a heel piss him off, and then letting him obliterate said heel should have kept him in diamonds and furs for years. Back to the outside for a trip into the steps, but Faarooq uses a member of the Nation as a human shield, and he hits Ahmed in the bad kidney. He then drops Johnson kidney-first across the back of the chair, and it's back inside to work him over. He uses a reverse chinlock, but Ahmed powers into an electric chair to escape - in a really phony looking spot. Faarooq goes up with a dive, but Johnson catches him in a powerslam, and it's comeback time. Faarooq quickly cuts him off with a spinebuster, but he wastes time playing to the crowd, and Johnson just goes right back on the comeback trail. That was a really poor transition. Pearl River Plunge time, but the Nation runs in for the DQ at 8:45. This felt like it needed to be Ahmed just completely mauling Faarooq in two minutes, but I get why they didn't want to sacrifice the Faarooq character like that here, and so the match felt kind of underwhelming. ¼* (Original rating: ½*)

Undertaker v Vader: Vader tries a sneak attack, but crashes into the turnbuckles, and Undertaker unloads on him. Vader fires back with a clothesline, but Undertaker no-sells him, so Vader shoulderblocks him down. More no-selling, so Vader bails to the outside to try and regroup. Undertaker dives after him with an axehandle from the apron, but Vader snaps his throat across the top rope as they head back inside. Backdrop, but Undertaker counters with a rocker dropper, and delivers a bodyslam. Legdrop gets two, but an attempt at the ropewalk forearm goes badly when Undertaker gets crotched on the top rope. Vader adds a second low blow for good measure, as we split screen to Todd Pettengill out in the crowd with some woman who follows Shawn Michaels from town to town. Was Todd just walking around the crowd asking random people, or something? But, hey, more interesting than this match is. Vader unloads in the corner and hits an avalanche, then dives off the middle with a bodyblock for two. Chinlock, but Undertaker slugs free, and uses a side suplex to buy time. Elbowdrop, but Vader dodges that one, and drops one of his own, right to the groin. He dives off the middle again, but Undertaker catches him in a powerslam this time. He tries a backdrop, but Vader counters with a powerbomb for two - Undertaker largely no-selling it. He makes his comeback, as Paul Bearer shows up in the aisle to watch. That distracts Undertaker ahead of a Tombstone attempt, and he goes after Paul on the outside, but that allows Vader recovery time. Undertaker has to abandon Bearer to prevent an attack from, you know, his opponent, but a dive against the guardrail misses when Paul pulls Vader out of harms way. He bashes Undertaker with the urn for good measure, and the Vaderbomb finishes at 13:21. I'm honestly surprised they didn't just do a countout or DQ there. For those keeping track, Vader scored televised pinfall victories over Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, and Undertaker all within a six month period. This one was pretty crap, but it seemed like they were trying, so points for that. ¾* (Original rating: ½*)

Six-Man Tag Team Match: Fuerza Guerrera, Heavy Metal and Jerry Estrada v Hector Garza, Canek, and Perro Aguayo: One of the WWF's many ill-advised responses to WCW's dominance was to introduce a group of imports from Mexico's AAA wrestling group, in an attempt to compete with the Cruiserweight division, and add an international presence. Unfortunately, there was not a Rey Mysterio or Eddie Guerrero in the bunch, and it failed to catch on - finally being dropped after boring audiences (including twelve year old me, who would always change the channel to Nitro when these guys came on) for months. Everybody works 'Lucha style' to start - which is code for 'lots of cartwheels and rolls.' I have a hard time following, because I have no idea who these guys are, and the commentators aren't making it especially clear. They go on for a while without anybody busting out anything particularly notable (especially for a 'cruiserweight match'), until Heavy Metal gets pinned by Perro Aguayo after a botched flying double stomp at 10:56. As noted, the introduction of AAA into the WWF was a reactionary move, though their booking on this show made more sense, as many of the locals were familiar with AAA wrestling, and they would have had some appeal. Match was certainly well paced, but didn't come off well. If anything, it made WCW look that much better for having 'all the good ones.' I didn't actually bother rewatching this one, so I'm just copying and pasting my original rating. ½*

#1 Contender's 30-Man Royal Rumble Match: Ninety second intervals this year. Crush and Ahmed Johnson start us off, and Crush pounds him, but Johnson makes an Ultimate Warrior-like comeback. 'Razor Ramon' draws #3, and considering how much paper there was in this building, I wouldn't be surprised if a good percentage of the crowd thought he was the real deal. Ahmed quickly dumps him, regardless. But then Faarooq shows up, and Ahmed throws himself over the top to chase, leaving Crush alone in the ring, despite not having eliminated anyone. Why would you jump over the top? Like, go through the ropes, and if the referee's don't consider it a forfeit, you can come back at the end of the match. I mean, hell, many other have done just that for a variety of reasons. Of course, those didn't happen until after this, so maybe Ahmed just needed a precedent to feel comfortable. Though, if we're talking precedents, Ahmed probably thought he couldn't eliminate himself. Or, maybe I need to stop analyzing the motivations of fucking Ahmed Johnson. Whichever. Phineas Godwinn gets #4, and slugs it out with Crush for a while. Steve Austin is #5, which should hopefully spice this thing up a bit. I've seen my share of Rumble matches, and this one is off to one of the worst starts ever. Crush holds Phineas for Steve to hit, but of course it backfires, and Godwinn dumps Crush. That earns him a Stunner from Stone Cold, however, and Steve eliminates him to get himself an empty ring. Well, at least he earned it. Bart Gunn draws #6, and hits Austin with a rocker dropper, followed by elbowdrops. He misses a charge, but botches his elimination, and Austin has to hit him a second time to get it done. Well, no wonder Vince had no confidence in this cowboy. Steve relaxes on the top rope as he waits for the next entrant, complete with the famous shot of him 'checking is watch.' That #7 entrant is Jake Roberts, complete with Austin mocking his religion. Well, that worked really well for him last time. And Jake is wearing some of his classic gear tonight, as opposed to the terrible shit he wore for all of 1996. He dominates Austin for the period, and here comes Davey Boy Smith at #8. Steve manages to eliminate Roberts just as Bulldog hits the ring, and Davey stomps a mud hole in the corner. Hope Steve was taking notes. This match started off really poorly, but it's picked up nicely since Austin came in. Bulldog with the Running Powerslam, and Pierroth joins us as #9. This goof actually puts Bulldog in a chinlock. In a fucking battle royal. That's so stupid that Bulldog and Austin put their differences aside just to kick this losers ass. Sultan draws #10, but he's so ineffective that he can't even successfully get chinlock boy out. And this loser gimmick challenged for the promotions secondary title at WrestleMania! #11 is Mil Mascaras, so get your chinlocks ready! Mascaras is built like an action figure. Hunter Hearst Helmsley draws #12, and goes after Bulldog, but Mascaras saves. Do they not have battle royals in Mexico? Owen Hart gets lucky #13, and he accidentally assists Austin in eliminating Bulldog. Or was it an accident? #14 is Goldust, and he wants HHH! Meanwhile, Mascaras actually tries to eliminate Owen, which is cute. Try a chinlock, pal. Cibernetico draws #15, and he goes after Mil. Whole lot of nothing going on here. #16 is Marc Mero, as Mil dumps Cibernetico and Pierroth, then dives after them with a flying bodypress to eliminate himself. Does no one actually want to stay in this match? I know this was a rough period, but it's still the main event of WrestleMania on the line, guys. Let's act accordingly. Also, technically Mil went through the ropes and climbed to the top... does that really count as an elimination? Goldust dumps Helmsley to get some revenge for earlier, as Latin Lover enters at #17. I love how Owen is the only guy willing to really acknowledge and sell for these guys. Owen dumps Goldust as Faarooq joins as at #18, backdropping Lover out. Unfortunately for him, Ahmed Johnson is back with a plank of wood, and he beats Faarooq over the top to further that feud. Meanwhile, Austin dumps Hart and Mero, as Savio Vega joins as at #19. He tackles Steve down for some mounted punches, and a catapult into the corner leads to a spinheel kick. The goof tries a rollup, but gets dropped with a hotshot, and he's done for the night. Austin motioning for the next guy while still down on the mat is a great bit of character work. Jesse James draws #20, but Austin wrecks him, and ends his night quickly. Steve catches a breather in the corner, but that comes to an abrupt end when Bret Hart enters at #21. Another classic reaction from Austin there. They have a big slugfest at center ring, won by Hart, and the Hitman delivers an inverted atomic drop to set up a clothesline. Hart with a cross corner whip to set up another clothesline, and he slaps on the Sharpshooter at center ring. He holds Steve in that as Jerry Lawler leaves the commentary position to enter as #22. Bret immediately eliminates him, however, complete with the classic 'takes a king/to know a king' bit. This may be one of the worst Rumbles, but it's got some of the best bits in it. With Lawler gone, Bret goes back to working Steve over with his comeback routine, as 'Diesel' joins the party at #23. He's actually looking more like Kevin Nash than usual tonight. Not that it matters, but it's something. He dominates the field, as I spot Shawn Michaels' parents at ringside. You'd never see the resemblance then, but with the benefit of seeing Shawn as an older man these days, you can see that he really does look like his father. Terry Funk draws #24, and trades off with Austin, as Bret fights off Diesel. #25 is Rocky Maivia, as Funk gives Hart a really ugly piledriver. Rocky goes after Austin, then Diesel. Could be some potential in both of those matchups someday, I'd say. Seriously though, looking at Glenn Jacobs working through this dead end loser gimmick, would you ever guess that he'd be WWF Champion within eighteen months? I mean, sure, it was a quickie reign, but still. Mankind draws #26, and he goes right for Funk, duh. And speaking of 'Funks,' Flash Funk is #27. I'm surprised Vince would allow two Funks in there at the same time like that. He runs a tight ship. Perhaps he should rename one of them 'gammy?' Vader gets #28, and they're doing a good job of loading up the ring with believable winners, at least. Though, a good portion of this field are more believable in hindsight than they necessarily were in 1997. Henry Godwinn draws #29, though he's not believable as a winner in 1997, or any other year in recorded history. And, finally, Undertaker joins us at #30 to round out the field, and he goes right after both Vader and Mankind. Clearly he learned nothing from World War II. Flash tries a bodypress on Vader, but gets caught, and dumped with a fallaway slam for a cool elimination. They're taking their sweet ass time to get to the point here. Like, enough plodding around, everyone is in, let the bodies hit the floor. Undertaker dumps Godwinn to get us on the right track, though they're still acting like they've got all the time in the world out there. Mankind puts Rocky in the Mandible Claw and dumps him out. Well, he'd get his revenge a couple of years later. Terry and Mankind eliminate each other, but the brawl continues on the floor, causing the officials to miss Bret chucking Austin out. Big pop for that, too. So that leaves Bret Hart, 'Diesel,' Vader, and Undertaker as the final four, but the referee didn't see Austin get tossed, allowing Steve to sneak back in and dump Vader and Undertaker as Bret dumps Diesel. And then before Hart knows what happened, Steve sneaks up and dumps him as well at 50:29. Oh man, I was so pissed off about that decision back in 1997. Austin was such a perfect heel. Pretty terrible Rumble, despite some cute and memorable moments peppered in. * ¼ (Original rating: ** ¾)

Main Event: WWF Title Match: Sycho Sid v Shawn Michaels: Sid is coming off of a car accident, and Shawn is recovering from the flu, so this should be interesting. I wonder if he really had the flu, or if it was drug related. Sid knocks him around to start, but a criss cross goes badly for him when Shawn dives with a bodypress, and the challenger kicks him out of the ring. Looked like he was trying for the Superkick there, but they miscommunicated, and he just ended up kicking him in the chest instead. And at least Shawn, even ill, is on the man and mindful of the damn count. Sid tries a press-slam on the floor, but Shawn rakes the eyes to block, and he rolls the champion inside. Michaels dives with a flying bodypress on the way back in, but Sid catches him in a powerslam to block, and he works a camel clutch. Shawn's parents don't seem too concerned though, distracted by something going on in the crowd. At least Helen Hart knew her role. Shawn fights out of the hold, but a cross corner whip gets reversed, and Michaels flips out to the floor on the impact. Sid follows to the outside to bash Michaels into the post a few times, and then back inside to cover for two. He works a modified chinlock from there, but Shawn escapes, so Sid clobbers him with a clothesline for two. Sid's got very little sense of urgency here. Pair of cross corner whips lead to a bearhug, but Shawn uses an inverted atomic drop to escape, and he starts diving at the champion with forearms off the middle. He goes to the well once too often, however, and gets trapped in the bearhug again. Sid holds it into a pin attempt for two, and a legdrop is worth two. Chinlock again, but Shawn slugs free, and manages a bodyslam. Jumping forearm sets up the flying elbowdrop, and it's Superkick time, but Sid blocks. Clothesline, but Shawn ducks, so Sid backdrops him over the top instead. He follows for a Powerbomb out on the floor to kill Michaels off for good, and beats up on Jose Lothario for good measure, but the referee saves them. Shawn's selling of a powerbomb on the floor was kind of weak here. Like, he didn't pop right up, but he didn't exactly work hard to get it over as a brutal move either, which is surprising given that I've seen him sell clotheslines like he's been shot. Inside, Sid chokeslams him for two, and they stop to have an extended spot calling session in the corner. Sid then goes after Lothario again for no real reason, allowing Shawn to grab a TV camera, and bash the champion over the head with it for a dramatic two count. Superkick then finishes for real at 13:49. This was nowhere near the level of the Survivor Series match, instead closer to a house show level effort than a proper pay per view bout, but it wasn't bad. Of course, Sid was coming off of a car accident earlier in the week, and Michaels was supposedly (I say 'supposedly' since his issues with substance abuse during this period are well documented) recovering from the flu, so it's understandable. But at least the crowd finally woke up for this one, wildly cheering for Shawn instead of sitting on their hands the way they were for most of the evening. It also should be noted that half-dead Shawn still got a better PPV match out of Sid than Bret did. * ¾ (Original rating: ½*)

BUExperience: You know it’s a bad show when they draw their largest crowd in years, and then never speak of it again.

DUD