WWE Backlash (April 2009)

 

Original Airdate: April 26, 2009

From Providence, Rhode Island; Your Hosts are Jim Ross, Michael Cole, and Jerry Lawler

Opening ECW Title Match: Jack Swagger v Christian: Jack dominates with some mat stuff at the bell, but Christian sticks and moves at him, and comes off the middle rope with a backelbow for two. The challenger grabs a side-headlock, but Jack whips him into the ropes, and shoulderblocks him down a few times, before press-dropping him over the top to the outside. Jack forces him back in to cover for two, so he pounds him with a pair of short-knees, then grabs a waistlock. Christian tries sticking and moving again, but gets dropped on his head while going up the ropes, and Swagger covers for two. Bearhug, but Christian starts to fight free, so Swagger gives him a stomachbreaker for two, and it's back to the waistlock. Corner charge misses, allowing Christian to try for a comeback, but he runs into a knee, and Jack goes for the pump-splash, but Christian manages to lift his knees to block. Well, those who live by the knees, die by the knees, I guess. That's the lesson there. So Christian starts making his comeback, and a springboard sunset flip is worth two. Swagger cuts him off with a powerslam, but Christian fights off a superplex with a tornado DDT for two. Jack cuts him off again with a belly-to-belly suplex, but Christian counters a Samoan drop by armdragging him to the outside. He looks to follow, but Swagger catches up to him on the apron for a German suplex off, but Christian blocks. Christian goes up for a dive, but Jack backdrops him off the top, and hits a flying pump-splash for two. Running powerslam, but Christian counters into a cradle for two, so Swagger gives him the Oklahoma stampede. That, of course, gets Ross all excited. Jack exposes a top turnbuckle pad, but fails to notice that Christian is doing the same thing in another corner, and ends up eating it - Christian capitalizing with the Unprettier to win the title at 11:00. This was looking like a really basic match most of the way through, but it really picked up towards the end, and Christian was working really hard throughout. ** ½

Chris Jericho v Ricky Steamboat: Well, Steamboat's definitely one of those guys where a 'less is more' approach to hair is true for. Ricky dominates with speed in the early going, dumping Jericho to the outside, and diving with a plancha. Impressive! Back in, Steamboat with a pair of armdrags to set up an armbar, but Jericho slugs free, and shoulderblocks the Dragon down. Criss cross time, but Ricky is ready with another armdrag, and it's back to the mat. Chris slugs free again, so Ricky fires off a chop. Jericho tries to dump him, but the Dragon skins the cat... only to walk right into a clothesline over the top anyway. Jericho with a springboard dropkick as Ricky gets back up to the apron, and a side suplex leads to a half-nelson as they take it back inside. Ricky fights free, and uses another armdrag, but this time Jericho shoulderblocks him down for two to avoid a second one, and Chris works a chinlock. Ricky fights to a vertical base, so Jericho shifts to a headlock instead, and he hangs on as Steamboat attempts to side suplex his way out of trouble. Chris corner whips him and tries the one-handed bulldog, but Steamboat sends him into the corner to block, and pounds him up to the top rope for a side superplex! That gets the Dragon two, and he comes on the comeback trail. Series of strikes get two, and a powerslam is worth two. Backdrop, but Chris blocks, and throws an enzuigiri for two. One-handed bulldog sets up the Lionsault, but Steamboat catches him in an electric chair! Chris manages to counter to the Walls, but Steamboat chops his way out of it, and puts on the worlds worst figure four. Like, wow. Jericho gets into the ropes, and both guys spill to the apron, where the Dragon backdrops him back inside. Steamboat goes upstairs with a flying bodypress for two, but another dive off the middle lands him in the Codebreaker! Jericho hooks the leg, but Ricky gets a foot into the ropes at two, so Chris tries a bodyslam, but Steamboat counters with the old cradle for two. That was his last hope, however, and Jericho takes him out with the Walls at 12:32. Hard to believe Steamboat was retired for fifteen years at this point, he looked really good out there. Not at the level he was at in his prime, but also not embarrassing. **

Kane v CM Punk: Kane tries to trap him in the corner in the early going, but Punk manages to out move him, and grabs a hanging armbar on the ropes. Punk dives with a flying axehandle once it's broken up, and he pounds the arm, then dropkicks Kane to the outside. Plancha, but Kane catches him in a chokeslam, so Punk strikes at the arm to escape, then dives from the apron with a clothesline. Kane beats the count back in, so Punk works an overhead wristlock, but Kane chucks him underneath the bottom rope, right into the post. Baseball slide sends Punk to the outside, and Kane takes him back in to cover for two, then works a bodyscissors. Punk throws elbows at the arm to shake him off, but misses a knee in the corner, and Kane clotheslines him for two. Backbreaker is held into a submission attempt, but no go, so he tries a chokeslam, but Punk counters with a single-arm DDT on the way down. Strikes lead to another rope-hung submission, but those are pointless, as always. Springboard flying clothesline connects, but Kane blocks a corner charge with a boot, and he goes up for a dive, but Punk crotches him. GTS, but the back gives out, and he has to re-route with a bulldog for two. Another springboard, but this time Kane slugs him out of the air for two. Sidewalk slam, but Punk counters to a fujiwara armbar - Kane powering to a vertical base and back into the sidewalk slam for two. Chokeslam, but Punk roundhouse kicks him to block, and unloads a series of strikes. He goes for the big kill shot, but Kane catches the leg, and chokeslams him at 9:25. Solid outing here. I liked how Punk kept going back to the arm to mess with Kane's strategy, though I wish it factored into the finish somehow. **

I Quit Match: Jeff Hardy v Matt Hardy: The referee is armed with a microphone to check for submissions, giving me violent WrestleMania XI flashbacks. Jeff pounds him in the corner until Matt bails, but Jeff is right on him with a slingshot baseball slide, followed by a plancha. He whips Matt into the barricade set up a springboard leg lariat off of the steps, then snaps his brother's throat across the top rope as they head back inside. Jeff with a slingshot dropkick in the corner, and a trio of legdrops set up a 2^nd rope version, but Matt won't quit. I get that it's a stipulation match, but it's kinda silly to even tell the referee to ask at that point. Like, it's your brother. You've come up with him, you've seen him get dropped off ladders, and driven through tables. Do you really think four legdrops five minutes into a match are going to make him quit? Jeff goes upstairs, but Matt shoves him off, with Jeff taking a bump to the outside. Matt bashes his brother's leg into the post a few times to try and get a submission, but he won't quit, so Matt gives him a version of the ring post figure four, but it goes nowhere. Inside, Matt works a standard figure four, but Jeff won't quit. Matt keeps working the leg, but Jeff reverses a second figure four, so Matt works a half crab. Jeff still won't quit, so Matt hangs him in a tree of woe, and wrenches the neck. Jeff won't give, so Matt takes it upstairs for a superplex, but Jeff manages to block, and dive with the Whisper in the Wind. Jeff makes a bit of a comeback, and slaps on an elevated Texas cloverleaf to try for the submission, but Matt won't give. Jeff responds to the 'no' with the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb, but Matt still won't quit. It wasn't that brutal, stop acting surprised. Honestly, that Swanton looks as painful for the giver as it is for the receiver. Just grab a chair and beat the shit out of him, fool. Instead, Jeff goes up with another Swanton, but that gets nothing, so he brings a table in. Again, why work so hard? Grab a chair, unload, done. This shit makes no sense within kayfabe. Matt rolls to the outside to avoid the table, but Jeff follows for a Twist on the floor, and he forces his brother back inside. Jeff tapes his feet and hands together like some sort of cartoon villain, then ties him down on the table to hold him steady, and with Matt trapped, Jeff brings a ladder into the ring. Finally! He gives Matt one last chance to quit, but he won't, so Jeff climbs. That prompts Matt to plead with his brother for mercy, but Jeff isn't having it, so Matt quits to avoid getting put through the table at 19:07. Thankfully, Jeff puts him through the table afterwards anyway. This wasn't a bad match by any means, but it felt like the wrong match for these workers. Like, they made their names on flying around and doing crazy stunts, so here's twenty minutes of them working submission holds? The WrestleMania match was hurt by the gimmick as well, but at least that gimmick was suited them better, this was just perplexing. * ¾

Miss WrestleMania Match: Santina Marella v Beth Phoenix: This is a joke match, with Great Khali trying to kiss Santina (thinking he's a woman), but Santina saying she's in love with Jim Ross, which draws a pretty funny reaction, actually. I'd bet JR wasn't even in on the gag. And then Beth comes out to inform Khali that Santina is a man, but Khali won't believe it. You know, maybe he's just into that sort of thing, no need to shame him. But Beth does, and gets all in his face, so he bops her on the noggin, and Santina covers at 0:03. This was dumb. DUD

WWE Title Six-Man Tag Team Match: Triple H, Batista, and Shane McMahon v Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, and Ted DiBiase: If Orton's team wins, regardless of how they win, Orton gets the title. Big brawl to start, with HHH and Orton spilling right to the outside, as Batista and Shane keep the rest of the Legacy from interfering. HHH beats Randy backstage, and while Hunter returns, Orton is nowhere to be seen. The referee doesn't care, and tells them to pick a guy to start the match, and Cody is that poor sap. Batista wrecks him for a while, and he tags Shane for a backbreaker/2^nd rope elbow combo. Over to HHH to stomp the shit out of Cody, and a pair of corner whips rattle the ring. Backdrop, but Rhodes manages to block, allowing a tag to Ted... who promptly runs into a clothesline. Tag to Shane sets up a bearhug/hangman's clothesline combo, and I'm really digging them busting out these classic tag finishers here. Batista tags in, but Ted evades long enough to pass back to Cody, who walks right in to a hanging vertical suplex. Cody goes to the eyes, which is finally enough to allow his team to get some abuse in, and he and Ted double up on the Animal in their corner. Batista fights them off and sets up the Batista Bomb on Ted, but DiBiase manages to bail before he can hit it. Batista chases into the aisle, and there Orton for a sneak attack, sending him into the post. Inside, the Legacy go to work on Batista, including Orton absolutely DRILLING him with a rope-hung DDT for two. Great reaction from HHH on that one, too. They continue to cut the ring in half, but Randy catches a headbutt to the gut during a criss cross (complete with awesome Big-Lebowski-bowling-ball-to-the-stomach like selling from Orton), allowing a hot tag to Shane. He hits Cody with a neckbreaker for two, and he adds the flying elbowdrop, but the Legacy pull him to the outside to break up the pin attempt, and McMahon eats steps. The heels go to work on their new victim for what feels like forever, until Shane manages to escape Ted's Million Dollar Dream with a DDT, and get the hot tag off to HHH. Hunter unloads on Orton, and a rotating spinebuster gets two. Pedigree, but Cody pops in with a DDT to block, and Roseanne Barr the door, we've got a kettle on! Orton tries the RKO, but HHH counters to the Pedigree, only to let off when he sees Batista is getting ready to use a chair on the outside, which might trigger a DQ. That allows Orton to recover with an RKO, but it only gets two. But then the punt immediately puts it away for real at 23:49. While the heat segments were generally well paced, they also felt like they dragged on for too long with too much punch/kick type stuff, especially the second one on McMahon. This probably would have been a really hot fifteen minute match, but they overstayed their welcome. ** ½

Main Event: World Heavyweight Title Last Man Standing Match: John Cena v Edge: They size each other up some to start, and Edge gets control, beating John down with a bunch of clotheslines. Somehow he beats the count up after that devastating onslaught, so I see we're going with the same booking fallacy as the I Quit match earlier. Spinheel kick puts Cena down for a six count, and come on, just attack! Do you really think four clotheslines and a spinheel kick are finishing JOHN CENA off? Edge with a flapjack and a sleeper, which at least makes more sense as a move to put a match like this away with. But, of course, it doesn't, and Cena makes a comeback. Edge manages to block the Five Knuckle Shuffle and slap on a sharpshooter, but Cena beats the count once released, so Edge dropkicks him off of the apron. He looks like he's gonna cry when John starts beating the count, but maybe, I dunno, DO MORE STUFF TO HIM? What in your history makes you believe this level of abuse would be enough to take this guy out? Edge tries a spear against the steps, but misses, and knocks himself silly. John tries a whip into the steps, but Edge reverses, so John brings the steps into the ring, but Edge reverses that as well. He sandwiches Cena between the steps and the turnbuckles for a dropkick, but John beats the count, so Edge tries clotheslining him over the top, but Cena is ready with a backdrop to block. Edge beats the count up, so Cena chucks the steps out of the ring right at his head, and at least now that's a believable knockout attempt. I buy that more than a clothesline, for instance. Edge still beats the count, so Cena takes it back inside, but Edge meets him with a right hand, triggering a slugfest. That leaves both guys looking up at the lights, and a reversal sequence when they get up ends in Edge countering the Attitude Adjustment with a side suplex. That allows Edge to try his own version of the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Cena counters to the STF - Edge tapping, but it doesn't mean anything in this context. Cena wrenches it on for a bit before releasing to try for the ten count, but Edge beats it up. AA, but Edge counters with a spear, and both guys are taking the count again. Edge is up first, and climbs to the top, but Cena brings him off with an AA off the middle! That's worth a nine count, and Edge immediately collapses after beating it. John responds with a flying rocker dropper attempt, but Edge is ready with a spear to block, and both men are down again. Both get vertical, but John is so battered that he falls out of the ring, and Edge is on his tail to prep the announce table. He pulls Cena onto it, but John fights him into an AA, but instead of dropping Edge onto the table, he chucks him into the crowd instead - taking out a bunch of fans in the process! I'm sure they were plants, but that spot was awesome regardless, especially when you have no idea what's coming. Edge beats the count, so Cena chases him into the crowd, ending up out on the concourse. For once, they don't have the area cordoned off, giving this a bit more realism. They brawl back into the arena, where Cena bulldogs Edge off of a platform, onto some A/V equipment. Edge beats the count, so they brawl over to the entrance set, where the challenger delivers a DDT on the stage. Cena beats the count, so Edge grabs a chair, and beats on the champ with that for a bit. Well, at least now he's got a strategy I can respect. Cena still beats the count, and grabs a shocked Edge for the AA, but Big Show shows up, and chokeslams John through a giant spotlight that's part of the set. That was a pretty awesome stunt, complete with a giant explosion to sell it. And that shit is enough at 28:25. I dunno, this didn't work for me. I just had a really hard time buying the internal logic of the match, and it killed the drama. If you can buy that one of these guys might actually be finished off by a clothesline at the three minute mark, then maybe it'll work better for you. And good for you. **

BUExperience: It’s not terrible, but I wouldn’t bother.

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