ECW Eastern Championship Wrestling (May 4, 1993)

 Original Airdate: May 4, 1993 (taped April 2)

From Radnor, Pennsylvania; Your Hosts are Jay Sulli and Stevie Wonderful. Stevie Wonderful looks like such a bad idea

Terry Funk is at the Double Cross Ranch, where he's looking for Eddie Gilbert. Hot tip: maybe leave your own property if you're trying to find someone. Unless that someone lives with you, I suppose. So Terry finds a literal horse's ass, and interviews it as if it's Gilbert, with the horse farting to mimic Gilbert's voice. That's... actually pretty funny

Eddie Gilbert and Don Muraco v Glen Osbourne and JT Smith: Gilbert announced as 'from every girl's dreams' is a great touch. Gilbert starts with Smith, and quickly gets control with a turnbuckle smash, then follows up on it with a hangman's clothesline. More guys should use that version of the clothesline, it's always awesome. Over to Muraco for a swinging neckbreaker, and he uses a catapult under the bottom rope. Back to Gilbert, and a distraction allows him to chuck Smith over the top, where Don is waiting to drop him across the guardrail. Hot Stuff International continue working Smith over, but Don misses a couple of elbowdrops, and Glen gets the hot tag - Roseanne Barr the door. Glen hits Gilbert with a backdrop, and a tombstone looks to finish, but the referee is distracted with Muraco and Smith on the outside. That allows Paul E. Dangerously to run in with his cell phone (in his ECW debut) to clobber Glen with for Eddie to pin at 4:02. Afterwards, ECW Television Champion Jimmy Snuka joins them in the ring, where Paul calls this a merger of the Dangerous Alliance and Hot Stuff International, and explains that all these big stars have come to ECW from the big leagues for one reason: put Tod Gordon out of business. Nothing match, but it led to a strong angle, and Paul is a great talker who was able to get the motivations over in thirty seconds. ¼*

Hunter Q. Robbins III teaches us to spell 'no.' Apparently it's 'N''O' Good to 'K''N''O''W' 

ECW Tag Team Title Match: The Super Destroyers v Larry Winters and Tony Stetson: Destroyer 2 and Tony start, and it's nice to hear the announcers actually giving us some guidance as to which Destroyer is which this week. Earn that money! Tony uses his speed to dominate, and he works the arm. Over to Winters for more of the same, but he gets his eyes raked, and the Destroyers take control, cutting the ring in half on Larry. Wonderful is such a terrible heel commentator, like a poor man's Bobby Heenan or Jerry Lawler. If I was ever doing commentary, I'd try to steal from Jesse Ventura more than anyone else. It's much better to make intelligent, logical arguments for the heel side than trying to be funny. Nothing's worse than forced humor. Winters gets the tag off to Tony, as the announcers lose track of the Destroyers again. Yeah, well, baby steps. Tony tries a side suplex, but the Destroyer has a weapon in hand, and bashes Stetson - toppling him for the pin at 6:57. Bad match. DUD

Backstage, Salvatore Bellomo auditions for Addams Family Values

ECW Title Match: Sandman v Salvatore Bellomo: Well, at least Sandman is a fighting champion. You certainly didn't see the WWF Title defended on TV as often. Bellomo manages to take him down for a stomping early, and a headbutt gets the challenger two. Bellomo works a chinlock, but gets distracted, allowing Sandman a schoolboy for two. And then Bellomo just takes him down and tries his own pin attempt, in a weird sequence. Bellomo with more headbutts, but Sandman gets fired up, and starts making a comeback. Dropkick and a clothesline send Bellomo to the outside, where he goofs around with the fans until getting counted out at 3:54. Way to put over the prestige of the title, guys. Horrible finish to a horrible match. Well, at least they picked a theme and stuck to it. –* ½

Rockin' Rebel does a decent Shawn Michaels impression 

Rockin' Rebel v Ernesto Benifico: Rebel toys with him to start, as they hype up another set of tapings at some place called the 'ECW Arena' soon. Rebel with a vertical suplex to set up an elbowdrop, as Tigra walks around doing her taunt like some videogame. Rebel with a front-powerslam, but he refuses to score the pin, and adds a spinebuster before doing an arrogant cover at 2:18. DUD

Sulli brings ECW Commissioner Tod Gordon and Hunter Q. Robbins III out, with Gordon offering Robbins a contract for another tag title defense next week against Winters/Stetson, with the challengers willing to put their hair on the line to sweeten the pot since Robbins had stated that there would be no more rematches. Robbins jumps on it. Between this and other perplexing decisions like voluntarily putting up cash against nothing a few weeks ago, I'm starting to understand why Robbins never amounted to anything in the business 

The Suicide Blonds also want a shot at the tag title. Just offer Robbins a donut, and I'm sure he'll sign the match

Jonathan Hotbody v Tommy Cairo: This whole Suicide Blonds thing is a weird gimmick. It's like they're trying to be several different things at the same time, and that usually means none of those things will work. Tommy dominates, but a distraction but Christopher Candido allows Hotbody to knock him over the top with a high knee, and Hotbody dives off the apron with an elbowdrop on the floor. Hotbody with a sloppy superplex for two on the way back in, but Tommy blocks a flying tomahawk chop, and uses a neckbreaker. Candido distracts the referee to prevent a count, however, allowing Hotbody to recover. Bodyslam, but Tommy slips free, so Candido tries more interference - only for it to backfire this time, and Tommy to hook a rollup at 3:01. This wasn't 'good,' but at least it had an actual attempt to do high spots. Afterwards, the Blonds try to attack, but Cairo fights them off, until the locker room run out for a bench clearing brawl to close the show. ½*

BUExperience: The introduction of Paul E. Dangerously is a major occurrence, but the rest decidedly wasn’t.