WWF Superstars (August 1, 1992)

 Original Airdate: August 1, 1992 (taped June 29)

From Glens Falls, New York; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Mr. Perfect

The Nasty Boys v Ross Greenberg and Jerry Davis: We get so many jobbers that look like accountants on this show, might as well get a couple who sound like accountants for good measure. Greenberg is dressed exactly like Brutus Beefcake, though. So there's that. The poor Nasties seem blown up all of two minutes into this, so luckily they finish up 2:45, before either guy has a heart attack. DUD

Last week, WWF Champion Randy Savage and Ultimate Warrior almost kissed, but then decided to fight Ric Flair instead. They don't call him the 'kiss stealing' son of a gun for nothing

Bret Hart v Iron Mike Sharpe: Bret's WWF Intercontinental title is not on the line. It's no secret that I'm a huge Bret Hart mark, and my favorite period is probably the 1994 title run, but man, Bret as IC champ was just such a perfect fit. Helen Hart appears on split screen here, concerned about the family breaking up due to the SummerSlam match, as Bret puts Mike away with the Sharpshooter at 1:35. I'm pretty sure Bret makes a 'suck it' gesture after the match, which would be exceptionally weird, if so. DUD

Davey Boy Smith announces that he's next in line for an Intercontinental title shot. Wait, there's a line? Like an actual line? Is it first come/first served, or do you have to make an appointment? Is Tito Santana in the line? Anyway, I always found it funny that Bulldog was apparently crestfallen to have to job the title so Shawn Michaels in the fall, as if he would have ever even sniffed the belt were the show not moved to England

Speaking of Shawn Michaels, he will be joining a Beatles cover group shortly. So no more Elvis like building exit announcements? Because you can't have both. Sad

Rick Martel v Bill Pierce: Boy, the early 90s was an incredible time for bad hair, wasn't it? And I'm not just referring to Bill Pierce, look out at this crowd. Martel split screens in with pre-recorded comments, still taunting Tatanka with his feather, while cutting a promo on Shawn Michaels for SummerSlam. And I really can't blame Martel for moving on. Tatanka has made literally zero effort to even recover his feather, so why should Rick give a shit about him? Boston crab finishes at 2:21. DUD

Gene Okerlund brings Undertaker and Paul Bearer out for a platform interview, I'm hoping to discuss why Gene looks like such a raisin this week. But, no, sadly, it's about Kamala

Papa Shango v Tony Roy: More bad hair in the form of a frizzy mullet from Roy. At least Shango had the good sense to rock a shaved head, even though that wasn't especially fashionable yet. Even Bruce Willis still had hair at this point. He's a trend setting voodoo lord, no law against that. Shango with the inverted shoulderbreaker at 2:07. I still find the character interesting, though they haven't done anything with him in months, and pretty much wouldn't again. DUD 

Kamala also has a shaved head and face paint. So, two black guys on the roster, and one is a jungle savage and the other is into voodoo. Got it. And, yes, I know, Virgil, but let's not pretend anyone else remembered he existed until just now either. Though, he does have a shaved head, and his tights look like the paint on Kamala's lips

Bret Hart will not hesitate to step over his own family for glory. Sounds about right. Nor will he hesitate to make many dog related puns

SummerSlam Report with Gene. I know it's been said by myself and many others, but GOD I MISS THESE. They pretty much announce the entire lineup, and we even get a promo from Virgil, since fuck me, apparently

The Legion of Doom v Flex Armstrong and Richie Rich: Rich also has a shaved head, but no face paint, and plus he's white as fuck. But, hey, at least he's not carrying around a ventriloquist’s dummy. Could you imagine? What a weird, egg looking jobber. There's just no pleasing me, is there? If they have hair, I make fun of the hair. If they don't have hair, I compare them to chicken offspring poop. I'm just a dick, fair. And, also, yes, the other dude's name is actually Flex Armstrong. Doomsday Device finish the Road Catt at 1:38. DUD

Razor Ramon is hanging out with some old timers at their dominos game. See, he's gonna knock all the WWF superstars down like these dominos. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not how the game dominos works. Is that what Razor thinks these old guys are doing out there? Maybe he just thought they were taking a really, really long time prepping and arraigning their dominos before setting them up? Anyway, he should hang out at Domino's Pizza next time. It wouldn't make any more sense, but at least, you know, pizza

The Beverly Brothers also do not have any pizza, but they want championship belts. Glad to see months spent painting random jobbers’ chests has led to exactly where you'd expect it would: a title shot at the biggest show of the year

Money Inc has decided that they never lost the tag title, that's just fake news

BUExperience: Though having a direction for SummerSlam is a good thing, not much going on this week.