WWF at Oakland–Alameda County Coliseum Arena (March 4, 1994)

Original Airdate: March 4, 1994

From Oakland, California 

Opening Match: The Bushwhackers v The Heavenly Bodies: All kinds of playing to the crowd in the early going, until the Bushwhackers start biting ass, and the Bodies bail. Inside, the babyfaces deliver stereo atomic drops to knock them into one another, and the Bodies bail again. I seriously have no idea how the Bushwhackers carved out such a long career doing these ridiculous comedy matches. Even as a kid, when I ate up everything the WWF served with glee, they were instant channel changers. Dusty settles on Luke and Jimmy Del Ray, and it’s more comedy. The comedy eventually backfires, and the Bodies work over Luke, until Jimmy misses a turnbuckle splash, and Butch gets the tag - Roseanne Barr the door! Battering ram finishes Del Ray at 11:44. No. DUD

Mixed Tag Team Match: Bam Bam Bigelow and Luna Vachon v Doink the Clown and Dink: Dink trips Bigelow up to start, and the heels bail to regroup/wipe the egg off of their faces. Inside, Dink challenges Bam Bam to slug it out, but the referee won’t allow it, and makes Luna come in instead. Not sure if that’s especially merciful to the little guy. Luna boots him down in short order, but an elbowdrop misses, and Dink hits her with a few axehandles. He goes to the top for a dive, but that misses, and tags are made all around. Bigelow shoulderblocks the clown a few times, and a leg-feed enzuigiri finds the mark. Corner whip works, but the charge in doesn’t, and Doink delivers a facebuster. Clothesline sends Bam Bam over the top, and he’s ready with a drop-toehold into an STF when Bigelow charges back inside. Luna rakes the eyes to save, but Bigelow misses a headbutt drop anyway, and Doink throws a pair of shoulderblocks. Third one, but Bigelow sidesteps, and the clown goes crashing to the outside. Bam Bam follows to smash him into the guardrail out there, so Dink gets in his face, challenging him to put ‘em up again. Bam Bam dives at him, but misses, so Luna comes in to lunge, but Dink dodges her as well. That allows Doink to recover with a slingshot sunset flip for two, and a DDT follows. No cover, however, as Doink realizes that Dink got knocked off of the apron while Bigelow was running the ropes, and he goes out to check on him. Medical attention is called, and Dink is actually carried out. All this allows Bigelow plenty of recovery time, and he nails the distracted Doink with a clothesline. Tag to Luna, but Doink shrugs her off, since it’s still 1994, and men wouldn’t sell for women. Back to Bam Bam to drill Doink with a headbutt, and a pair of headbutt drops follow. Snapmare sets up a chinlock, and I’m starting to wonder if Dink was really injured. I’m leaning towards it being part of the show, but it seems like a great length to go to set up a heat segment. Bigelow with a slam for two, but the referee gets bumped on a bodyslam, and there’s no one to count when Bam Bam hits a headbutt drop. Luna comes in to count the pin herself, but that’s obviously not a thing, and then Dink decides to run back out. He manages to headbutt Bigelow downstairs, and Doink is ready with a schoolboy at 13:25. I liked the booking here, with the match both starting and ending with Bigelow getting tripped up by Dink. This was basically just a longer version of the WrestleMania match, with some additional story points like the Dink injury. Kind of weird that they’d book two comedy matches in a row, but this one was certainly much better than the first. Not necessarily for the comedy aspect, but just as a match in general. **

WWF Tag Team Title Match: The Quebecers v 1-2-3 Kid and Jim Powers: Powers is subbing for Marty Jannetty, who left the promotion about a month prior to this. I get it if it was short notice, but they really couldn’t find a better substitution than Jim Powers with weeks of time to figure it out? Jacques and Kid start, but Jacques stalls, so Powers comes in to help kid pinball him. That draws Pierre in, but Powers is ready with a backdrop, and the challengers clean house. Dust settles on Jacques and Jim, and Powers grabs a standing side-headlock. Jacques whips him into the ropes for a criss cross, and tries a monkeyflip, but Powers stomps him to block, and Jacques retreats. Tag to Pierre, and the champ hammers him into the corner, pounding away. Cross corner whip works, but a corner splash doesn’t, and Jim tags out. Kid dives in with a flying axehandle, and hooks a quick takedown, before passing to Powers. The challengers take turns working Pierre’s arm with quick tags in and out, and Kid nails him with a spinheel kick for two. That’s enough to inspire Jacques to take a cheap shot, and the heels cut the ring in half on Kid. Kid ducks a double team to allow the hot tag to Powers, and Roseanne Barr the door! Jim runs wild, but misses a dropkick on Pierre. That allows the champs a Boston crab/2nd rope legdrop combo, and Kid is too much of a goody goody to save, allowing them the pin at 11:20. A really fun tag match, with Kid bumping and selling like a maniac throughout the heat segment, and the crowd into it. The Quebecers were a really terrific team that sadly left right when the division was nearing its nadir, and could have used them most. ** ½ 

Yokozuna and Bastion Booger v Men on a Mission: Sadly, we don’t have Gorilla on commentary to wonder if the ring has been reinforced for this one. Even more sadly, we don’t have Art Donovan, either. Mabel actually looks bigger than Yokozuna here, so is it any wonder that he got a massive heel push the following year? Yokozuna and Mo start, and there’s literally minutes of stalling going on. First contact doesn’t come until over three minutes in, and Mo immediately takes it into gear… with a side-headlock. Yokozuna fights him off, but misses an elbowdrop, and Mo works the arm. Over to Mabel to pound the arm as well, so Yokozuna tries tagging out, but Booger isn’t having it. That allows MOM to continue to take turns working the arm, until Yoko gets sick of selling, and just pounds Mo down. Avalanche misses, allowing Mo to drop him with a clothesline. Shoulderblock, but it’s like running into a brick wall, and both guys go down. Yokozuna reaches for the tag, but Booger isn’t playing ball, leaving the big man to have to put Mo away himself with a belly-to-belly suplex at 7:36. This was brutally bad, with three minutes of non-action, followed by four minutes of… the same, really. Putting Yokozuna in tag matches wasn’t a bad idea, but not against these guys, and not with that guy as his partner. DUD

The Smoking Gunns v Samu and Tonga Kid: ‘Kid?’ Dude’s pushing thirty! Kid is subbing for an injured Fatu (who was hurt at the hands of Mabel, since the big guy’s injury quota was coming due, I guess), but since Kid and Fatu are twins, I’m guessing the majority of the crowd didn’t even notice. I’m surprised they didn’t just pass Kid off as Fatu, actually. Bart Gunn starts with Kid, and Kid is quick to complain of a hairpull. For a long while. Criss cross ends in Bart hiptossing him, and a bodyslam follows. Dropkick connects, and a backelbow knocks Kid out of the ring. Kid responds by… complaining of a hairpull again. Tags all around, and Samu unloads on Billy Gunn with chops, but takes a backslide for two during a pinfall reversal sequence, and Gunn dropkicks him out of the ring. Back in, Billy grabs a wristlock, then passes to Bart for a flying axehandle. He works a wristlock, but Samu forces a criss cross, and Kid pulls down the top rope to send Bart crashing out of the ring. Kid sends him into the post out there, and inside, the heels cut the ring in half. Bart fights off a double team to allow the hot tag to Billy, and Roseanne Barr the door! Billy throws, literally, four backelbows in a row, since he has zero imagination, I guess. Or, maybe, such a great imagination that he thought he was a videogame. He goes for the kill on Samu with a flying axehandle, so Kid distracts him, allowing Samu to block the dive with a superkick at 12:41. The wrestling was competent enough, the heat segment just dragged on too long here. ¾*

Main Event: Bret Hart and Lex Luger v Irwin R Schyster and Owen Hart: This really should have been Bret and Lex against Owen and Yokozuna. Luger starts with IRS, and knocks him around. Irwin manages a turnbuckle smash, but Lex fights back with a clothesline for two, and he passes to Bret. Hart tries grabbing a wristlock, but Schyster pulls away, and Bret begs him to tag Owen in. Tag is made, and a lockup goes to a stalemate. Second one ends in Bret hooking a takedown into a waistlock, but Owen reverses, and Bret needs the ropes to escape. Bret with another waistlock, so Owen dumps him to the outside, and the Hitman regroups out there for a bit. Back in, they continue trading holds, and the work is flawless. Bret tries a tilt-a-whirl, but Owen blocks, and punches him in the head. Bret responds with a rollup for two, and he grounds his little brother in a side-headlock. Owen wrestles to a vertical base and forces a criss cross, but Bret reverses a hiptoss, and armdrags him into an armbar. Owen reverses, but Bret fights to a vertical base, and schoolboys for two. Owen wisely tags out to Irwin, and Schyster is quick to rake the eyes, but Bret pulls off a bodypress for two. Bodyslam gets him two, and he passes to Lex to nail Schyster with an axehandle. Lex takes him down in an armbar, but Schyster fights to a vertical base, and Owen throws a cheap shot to allow IRS to knock Luger to the outside with a knee. Owen is right on him with a bodyslam on the floor, and he drops him across the rail before rolling him back inside. IRS is ready with an abdominal stretch, and Owen adds additional leverage from the apron, of course. They work Lex over, until he fights off a double team, and gets the tag off to Bret - Roseanne Barr the door. Bret hooks a small package on Schyster for two, and a backbreaker sets up the Sharpshooter, but Owen saves with Irwin’s briefcase. That allows Schyster to cover for a dramatic two, but Bret is able to tag out, and Lex schoolboys IRS at 14:18. Bret/Owen is always good, and adding Luger and IRS into the mix wasn’t unwelcome. ** ½ 

BUExperience:  Boy, I sure hope you like tag team wrestling! This was a pretty pointless house show, with all tag matches, and not much in the way of strong wrestling. I did dig the weird pairings though, giving us all kinds of stuff you wouldn’t necessarily ever see on the TV shows.

DUD