WWF Superstars (December 29, 1996)

 

Original Airdate: December 29, 1996 (taped December 17)

From Daytona Beach, Florida; Your Hosts are Jim Ross and Jim Cornette

Honky Tonk Man is out to… remind us that he exists again. Really nothing else. He does a full entrance, says nothing of note, and leaves. I guess they brought him back in to replace Mr. Perfect as the ‘guy who claims to be the greatest Intercontinental champion and is looking for a protege,’ and then didn’t give it a bit of thought beyond that 

Goldust v Leif Cassidy: Honky sits in on commentary for this one, and he certainly did not inherit the same gene for it that his cousin Jerry did. Goldust knocks him around early, and an inverted atomic drop leads to a jumping clothesline. Into the corner for some shots, as Hunter Hearst Helmsley split screens in, making a play for Marlena. Cassidy fights Goldust off, and he takes him to the mat for an abdominal stretch. Cassidy hits a boot in the corner, allowing Goldust a clothesline, and the Curtain Call wraps this up at 3:05. They were sleepwalking through this one, and they weren’t given enough time to really get anything together anyway. DUD

Handicap Match: Steve Austin v Jason Ahrndt and Eddie Jackie: Steve hits the stunner on Eddie, but then lets off the cover at two, because he wants to finish the other guy too. Ross is so into this that he mixes the jobbers up, despite Eddie having a massive ‘EJ’ printed on his gear. And we think he’s checked out now. So Austin has his way with them, but Davey Boy Smith sneaks in behind the referees back, and clobbers him. That allows Jason to hook the leg, and yes, Jason Ahrndt holds a pinfall victory over Steve Austin at 4:30. This was a little long. DUD

Faarooq v Alex Porteau: Who is this weird ring announcer they have this week? The Nation was a great group, at least from a potential standpoint. Faarooq with the dominator at 3:32. DUD

Kevin Kelly is backstage, where there’s a commotion in the locker room - Ahrndt and Jackie both found Pillmanized 

Full Metal album ad

Shotgun Saturday Night ad

Phineas Godwinn v Stalker: Ross is in rare form here, noting that Stalker’s pants are ‘stupid looking,’ and that he should find some real wrestling tights, and stop acting like a marketing gimmick instead of a wrestler. Justin Hawk Bradshaw is out to yell at Stalker before the bell, and Phineas and Stalker measure each other, as Ross and Cornette go on a weird rant about Ted Turner. Stalker with a hammerlock slam, but Phineas reverses a short-clothesline, so Stalker goes to a standing side-headlock. Phineas escapes, and goes to a wristlock, as the announcers search for things to discuss. They’ve talked about literally anything they can think of except this match. Stalker with a pair of bodyslams, and he goes upstairs, but Phineas slams him off. A criss cross sees Stalker hook a rollup for two, and a clothesline follows, but Stalker randomly starts yelling at Henry Godwinn, and Phineas schoolboys at 4:12. This was legitimately terrible. Afterwards, Bradshaw comes out to attack both Godwinns, though Stalker doesn’t really accept his help. -¼*

Kelly brings WWF Champion Sycho Sid out to cut a promo on Shawn Michaels for the Royal Rumble. Not really much to this one, it was boilerplate 

The Starburst Fruit Twists Rewind is the finish to the handicap match from earlier

Vader v Savio Vega: Vader knocks him around to start, as Ross redirects his rage to the state of Connecticut. And right before hyping an event in Hartford for that evening, hilariously. Vader works a chinlock, and then dumps Vega to the outside for Cornette to hit with his tennis racket. Vader tries a short-clothesline on the way back in, but Savio blocks, and slugs Vader into the corner for a ten-punch. Vega with a bodyslam, so Vader goes to the eyes, but Savio keeps coming with a side suplex. A bodypress gets him two, but he runs into a bodyblock while running the ropes, as Ross calls Vader ‘stinky.’ He’s just shooting all over the place here. Vader with a pair of elbowdrops, and a slam sets up a pump-splash, but the lights die before the count can be made. Undertaker’s voice comes over the PA, and Vader gets so freaked out that he runs away - losing the match by countout at 7:11. ¼*

BUExperience: Positive: three feature matches. Negative: they were all terrible.