WWE Payback (August 2020)

 

Original Airdate: August 30, 2020

From Orlando, Florida; Your Hosts are Tom Phillips, Samoa Joe, and Byron Saxton (RAW); Michael Cole and Corey Graves (Smackdown)

Opening WWE United States Title Match: Apollo Crews v Bobby Lashley: Man, their belts are just getting uglier and uglier by the day, aren't they? Both workers, the referee, and one of the managers are all black men with shaved heads. This is probably the most uniform a match has looked since the unfortunate mullet period in the 90s. Crews knocks him to the outside and dives from the apron with a moonsault press, so MVP and Shelton Benjamin get in his face, allowing Lashley to attack. Lashley drops him across the top rope and runs him into the post before taking it inside to cover for two, and he works a chinlock. Lashley starts coming with suplexes, but misses a charge, allowing Apollo to dive off the middle with a bodypress. Standing moonsault gets two, so Lashley tries a full-nelson, but Crews is ready with a German suplex. Another suplex sets up a flying frogsplash for two, but Crews runs into a chokeslam while criss crossing, and Lashley gets the full-nelson on to win the gold at 9:25. ½*

Big E v Sheamus: Feeling out process to start, and Big E gets him out on the apron for a splash, but Sheamus dodges. Inside, Sheamus goes to work on the leg, and hey, is that the All That logo on Big E's boots? Because I really hope that it is. I'll give this match more stars if it is. Not really, but I'm not above that sort of thing. Good Burger, baby! Sheamus with a backbreaker for two, before going back to the leg with a half-crab, but a dive off the top gets caught in a suplex. Big E starts making a comeback, and a uranage is worth two. He tries the spear off of the apron, but Sheamus throws a knee to block, and hits him with a slingshot shoulderblock. Clothesline, but Big E counters with a belly-to-belly suplex. Powerbomb, but Sheamus counters with a whiplash for two, and slaps on a toehold, but Big E makes the ropes. Sheamus tries a charge, but gets backdropped over the top for his efforts, and Big E spears him off of the apron as he tries climbing back in. Back in, it's Big Ending time, but Sheamus counters to a grapevine. Big E grabs him by the beard to force a break, so Sheamus throws a quick knee as they both recover, but it only gets two. Brogue Kick, but Big E counters with a powerbomb, and the Big Ending ends it at 12:18. This show is already boring me stupid. ¾*

King Corbin v Matt Riddle: No idea what they're feuding over, but if I had to guess, probably because Corbin is jealous of Riddle's long, luxurious hippie hair. Well, aren't we all? Corbin hits him with a clothesline before the opening bell, and then stomps Matt down in the corner after the match gets officially underway. So Riddle doesn't wear shoes while he wrestles, but does wear water park wristbands? What a tool. Matt tries riding him with a sleeper, and the sounds these two are making are borderline disturbing. I'm honestly not sure if Corbin is supposed to be near orgasmic, or just badly constipated. Why can't it be both though, I guess? Corbin pounds him in the corner, and he slaps on a crossface chickenwing, but Matt gets out, and starts throwing kicks. Corbin fights him off with a backelbow for two, and he tries for a half-crab, but Matt blocks. Riddle catches him with a big roundhouse kick to knock Corbin to the outside, and Matt drags him back in to unload on. Senton splash sets up a running kneesmash for two, as the announcers list all of Corbin's accomplishments, and it's honestly shocking how many things he's won. Just shows how meaningless all the titles and accolades are these days. Corbin fights off the comeback and hits the Deep Six for two, so he tries some mounted punches, but Riddle fires back. He manages to pull out the GTS, and Riddle dives with a flying corkscrew senton splash for the pin at 10:57. Another one that just felt completely lifeless. ¾*

WWE Women's Tag Team Title Match: Bayley and Sasha Banks v Shayna Baszler and Nia Jax: Banks and Baszler start, and it's an awkward start, as they just kind of swipe at each other for a bit until Sasha tries to dive on her, but gets dropped. Tag to Bayley, but an attempt to waistlock Baszler goes badly, and Bayley takes a suplex. Baszler works a hammerlock from there, but some cheating from Sasha takes Nia out, and the distraction allows the champs to get Baszler into their corner. That turns the tide, and the champs go to work on Baszler. Jax recovers and just comes over to beat on the champs at will, and Baszler is able to make the tag. She runs wild on Bayley, and an avalanche leads to an elbowdrop for two. Why is she working like it's 1986? Cheap shot from Sasha puts Nia down again, and the champs cut the ring in half on her now. Jax catches a bodypress attempt from Bayley with a slam, but Sasha comes in to cut off a Samoan drop attempt, so Jax gives it to her instead. Legdrop for Bayley, but the champ catches the leg, and hangs on to the ankle like a bratty kid throwing a tantrum in a Walmart. And much like often likely happens in a Walmart, it results in someone who looks like Shayna Baszler beating on her. Jax takes a shot to the face from Sasha that the announcers think may be a broken nose. #JUSTICEFORBECKY. Flying elbowdrop from Bayley and a flying frogsplash from Sasha get two on Nia, so they try a tandem suplex, but Jax is too big. Tag to Baszler, and she traps both champions in a submission at the same time to win the title at 10:18. Nothing to this one, just a paint-by-number tag match. ¾*

Randy Orton v Keith Lee: I found Lee to be completely unimpressive during his NXT run, but hopefully he fits in better on the main roster. It seems like some of the screens in the crowd repeat. Man, even when fans don't have to get off their couch to attend they can't sellout a building anymore? Lee uses power to dominate Orton in the opening moments, so Randy bails to regroup. Is Orton, like, okay? He looks really gaunt lately. Back in, Randy cracks Lee with some chops, but that just serves to fire the newcomer up, and Randy pays the price. The veteran manages to dodge a charge in the corner, however, and Lee spills to the outside. Orton follows to side suplex him onto the announce table, but Lee beats the count back inside, so Orton punishes him with the Garvin stomp for two. Chinlock, but Keith fights free, and uses a shoulderblock to send Randy flying out of the ring. Nice sell there. Lee follows to the outside to give him some payback via a side suplex onto the announce table, but Randy grabs him with the rope-hung DDT on the way back inside. RKO, but Lee counters with a sitout powerbomb at 6:40. Orton wasn't making much effort here, and it came off like a TV level contest. ½*

Seth Rollins and Murphy v Rey Mysterio and Dominik Mysterio: It's a good thing Rey didn't name his son Rey as well, because it could get really confusing, with the WWE's avoidance of 'juniors' and all. Good thinking back in 1997, Rey. That's probably why Prince Iaukea kept beating you, but it paid off in the long run. Rey is supposed to start, but Dom pushes past him, eager to get his hands on Rollins. He kicks Seth's ass, and uses a springboard flying armdrag to put a frustrated Rollins on the outside. Seth passes to Murphy on the way back in, but Dom dominates him as well, moving quickly. Tag to dad sets up a Russian legsweep/seated dropkick combo for two, and Murphy is quick to tag out. Rey is right on him, but gets overwhelmed fighting both heels at once, and ends up getting clobbered on the outside. The heels cut the ring in half on Rey, but he manages to get away pretty quickly, and makes the tag to Dom. Dom dives with a flying bodypress at both guys, but Seth catches him in a falcon arrow for two, and they go to work on their new victim. Dom dodges dives from both guys on the outside to get the tag off to dad, and Rey comes in hot. Flying moonsault press on Rollins gets two, but the 619 misses, allowing Seth to go for the bucklebomb, but Rey counters with a rana. That brings Murphy in, but here comes Dom with a tornado DDT to cut him off, and Roseanne Barr the door! Rey tries a wheelbarrow bulldog on Seth, but gets countered with a wheelbarrow facebuster, and Dom has to rush in to make the save at two. That earns him a trip into the barricade from the heels, and Rey gets one as well, since they're free anyway. Seth's trash talk game needs serious work. Like, this dude was tight with Eddie Guerrero, and you think your weak ass taunts are gonna rattle him? Heel miscommunication allows Rey to set Murphy up for a 619 from Dom, and the kid adds a flying frogsplash at 15:57. This felt way too long for such a boring effort. *

Main Event: WWE Universal Title Triple Threat Match: Bray Wyatt v Braun Strowman v Roman Reigns: First fall wins. Strowman attacks Bray during the entrances, before Reigns even comes out. And the dumbass referee rings the bell, so I guess fuck you, Roman. Strowman with a front-powerslam for two right away, but Wyatt blocks an avalanche attempt, and delivers Sister Abigail for two. Roman knows this isn't elimination style, right? Does he just think Wyatt's entrance is just Undertaker long now, or something? Do they not have monitors in Gorilla anymore? They spill to the outside, where Wyatt puts him through a table with a uranage, and we see Alexa Bliss watching on a monitor backstage. Maybe she can let Roman know what's going on? Because this is a title match, you know. Those are important still, right? Braun chucks an office chair at him (wheels first, ouch), and at least this is a more entertaining brawl than that bullshit at SummerSlam. Strowman grabs the big mallet, but Bray hits him in the gut before he can use it, and sends the challenger into the barricade. Wyatt nails him with the big mallet, and he's making noises even more disturbing than Corbin earlier, but at least it fits his gimmick. Braun eats steps, as the announcers say stupid things, like reminding us who Alexa Bliss is. Do they really think there's a bunch of casuals flipping channels who might not be aware? They brawl over to the entrance, where Wyatt tries Abigail on the stage, but Strowman blocks, and shoulderblocks him off of the stage. Is Roman taking a shit? Probably not, because they'd probably mic him up first, if the rest of this show has been any indication. Back to the ring, Braun goes upstairs, but Bray brings him off with a vertical superplex - causing the ring to collapse on the impact. That spot is always fun. So now, with both guys down and the ring in shambles, Roman makes his entrance. Complete with music and everything, since sure. He covers Bray, but only gets two. Covers Braun, only gets two. He looks so confused. I know it's been a while bud, but two means you didn't win. He beats on Strowman with a chair for two, then looks to do the same to Wyatt, but Bray blocks with the Mandible Claw. Roman shakes him off with a kick down low, and the poor guy takes a nasty spill out of the ring after doing so. Looked like he was trying to instinctually fall into the ropes, forgetting the ring had collapsed. He dusts himself off and hits Strowman with a spear, however, and that's enough at 12:40. Hey, it’s over. *

BUExperience: Not sure what this was payback for, but I’m certainly sorry for whatever I did to deserve it.

DUD