WWF RAW is WAR (March 17, 1997)

Original Airdate: March 17, 1997  

From Syracuse, New York; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler

The Legion of Doom v Crush and Savio Vega: It's almost unnerving how quickly this has become an entirely different promotion just by changing the set design for one show. It's like suddenly even the fans are more aggressive and edgy than they were just a couple of weeks ago, and you can see it in the type and amount of signs suddenly all over the place. They brawl around ringside to start, dominated by the LOD, as Ahmed Johnson pops up on split screen to hype WrestleMania, or possibly forfeit the Intercontinental title based on that jacket. Dust settles on Hawk and Savio, and Savio tries a piledriver, but Hawk no-sells. If anyone on that team was going to try and break Hawk's piledriver no-sell streak, it really should have been Crush. Hawk with a poorly timed dropkick, and it's over to Animal to work a chinlock, as Faarooq pops in to offer his own promo on WrestleMania. Back to Hawk, but he fails to cut the ring in half, and Crush tags in, as we split screen a THIRD time to see highlights of the Nation attacking Ahmed last night at Madison Square Garden. I dig how much more lively the show is becoming, but one thing at a time, guys. Hawk gets into trouble in the corner, allowing Vega a spinheel kick, and Crush tags in to hit a belly-to-belly suplex for two. We cut to the back yet again where Ahmed is watching the match on a monitor, but Faarooq attacks him with a nightstick, as Animal gets the hot. He runs wild, and it's Doomsday Device time for Savio, but Faarooq runs in for the DQ at 9:27. The Nation do the beat down after the match, but Ahmed runs in to make the save, and he's still crazy over. Shame he never lived up to his potential, because he should have been huge. The match was nothing, but it hyped up the Street Fight for the PPV, and that's all it needed to do. ¼*

Slammy Awards ad. That is probably the least energetic I've ever heard Todd Pettengill sound. I don't like it

Hunter Hearst Helmsley v Flash Funk: Listening to Vince salivate over Chyna's muscles is kind of creepy. It's like he's finally found a Gary Strydom he can fuck, and he can't contain himself. Flash frustrates him with speed in the early going, and a clothesline sends Helmsley over the top. Funk goes after him with a baseball slide, but HHH dodges, and hits a clothesline out there. Back in, Helmsley tries a backdrop, but Funk blocks, and they criss cross - ending in HHH hitting a nasty electric chair. Hunter with a vertical suplex to set up a kneedrop for two, but Flash manages to corner whip him, and he hits a backdrop on the rebound. Funk adds a clothesline and a corner splash, then uses a bodyslam to set up a legdrop. To the top with a flying version, but Chyna breaks up the count at two, and Helmsley capitalizes on the distraction with a bridging German suplex for two. Helmsley goes up for a dive of his own, but Funk throws a superkick to block, getting two. Flash with a side suplex to set up a dive, but there's Chyna with another distraction, and HHH puts it away with the Pedigree at 5:03. Watchable. * ½

Shawn Michaels has arrived in the building

Meanwhile in New Jersey, the WWF is welcome again. How undesirable do you have to be to be unwelcome in New Jersey?

Mini Vader and Mini Mankind v Mini Goldust and Mascarita Sagrada Jr: It's over twenty years later, and I'm still not sure what the point of the these miniature versions of the guys was. None. But, on the bright side, at least it makes my play-by-play job that much easier. Shame they couldn't get Dean Malenko to come in, though. Vader and Goldust start, and Vader hammers him, as the crowd openly mocks them. Vader with a backdrop, but Goldust blocks a second one, and uses a pair of armdrags before dropkicking him to the outside. Over to Mankind, and wow, I'm actually impressed by how dedicated these guys are to this bullshit gimmick. Like, Vader and Mankind have even shaved their heads to match the hairstyles of their full sized counterparts. Mascarita with a victory roll on Mankind at 2:56. This was a weird response to WCW's cruiserweight division. ¾*

WrestleMania 13 ad

President Gorilla Monsoon confirms that tonight's Cage match main event will be for the WWF Title. They've been hyping up that decision for the whole first hour, which seems like a weird way to try and create intrigue considering it's already been announced and hyped as a title match for a while. Also, it's still so strange seeing Gorilla around the RAW is WAR set

Full Metal album ad

Kevin Kelly brings Bret Hart out to talk about the Cage match tonight, as well as the Submission match at WrestleMania. I was sure they were changing the title here, since even as a kid I couldn't buy Sid/Undertaker as the main event of a WrestleMania. Bret cuts a strong promo here, promising victory, and basically telling Undertaker he can piss off if he doesn't like that Bret's winning the title tonight. He does a great job of walking the line between confidence and cockiness here, still cutting a total babyface promo, but with a noticeable edge

WrestleMania 13 hockey jersey and denim jacket ad

Sultan v Mike Bell: WWF Intercontinental Champion Rocky Maivia joins us for guest commentary, and I think he's literally kissing babies on the way to the ring here. Even weirder is that Vince has to sort of coax him into talking, which is fucking craziness. Sultan wraps it up with the Camel Clutch in a brisk 1:00. Rocky seems at a loss for words, but Sultan gets in his face, so Tony Atlas pops out of the crowd to get between them. I like how he just keeps materializing wherever Rocky is. ¼*

Vince brings Shawn Michaels out, and Lawler is speculating that he's here to announce his retirement. Vince looks like he wants to hug him so badly here that his whole body is staging a revolution against him for not doing so. Shawn is very thankful to the fans for all the cards and letters they sent him while he was looking for his smile, but thankfully he's found it. He also dubs himself the 'world's most emotional wrestler,' which might be true in a world where Ric Flair didn't exist. Though his performance as an Italian grandmother at WrestleMania XXVIII definitely puts him in contention. And speaking of WrestleMania, Shawn will be there to do guest commentary on the main event

Davey Boy Smith v Vader: Full size Vader, to be clear. Davey's WWF European title is not on the line here, but I love how Owen always 'helps' him hold it up during their entrances. Hart was one of the very best at getting even the smallest little character details over. Camp Cornette explodes here, and poor Jim can't even get a cut of the purse money. Vader knocks him around to start, but Davey straight up no-sells a short-clothesline, and puts the big man down with a jumping shoulderblock. Clothesline and a hanging vertical suplex follow, and another clothesline sends Vader over the top. Pretty good babyface reaction for Bulldog here, he probably could have done well with a turn if they followed through before abandoning it for the Hart Foundation angle. But then, that was much better anyway. Inside, Bulldog uses a bodypress for two, but a crucifix gets countered with a Samoan drop, as the fans amuse themselves with anti-WCW signs. Which is kind of ironic, given that this was a main event for them just a few years prior. But then, all the WWF main eventers are main eventing in WCW, so maybe that anti-WCW sign is actually an anti-WWF one? I just blew your mind, didn't I? Vader with a splash for two, but a dive off the middle gets caught with a powerslam, and Bulldog makes a comeback. Bodyslam and the Running Powerslam look to finish, but Mankind steps in, giving Davey the DQ win at 7:46. That draws Owen in as well, and we have a brawl to hype up WrestleMania, with the champs able to clean house. *

Slammy Awards ad

Billy Gunn v Aaron Ferguson: Ken Shamrock sits in on commentary for this one. I'm honestly not sure what Gunn's direction is even supposed to be at this point. Like, they did the injury angle back in December, and then he just came back a while later like nothing happened, still looking like one half of the Smoking Gunns, but not feuding with Bart, or anyone else for that matter. And then he randomly became Honky Tonk Man's protégée (in one of the worst reveals in wrestling history). The team with Road Dogg really saved this guy's career. Gunn with a cross-armbreaker at 1:58. Really weak squash here, as Billy was suddenly trying to work like a shooter to taunt Shamrock, and that is not a good look for him. Afterwards, Gunn challenges Shamrock to get into the ring, with Ken obliging, and destroying him. This built to nothing, but it put Shamrock over without having to sacrifice an actual star, so good deal. DUD

Steve Austin is backstage, and he's not afraid of Ken Shamrock because he went after Gunn following a 'brutal match,' and if he tries anything with Stone Cold, he'll get his lights punched out. Funny how Billy acting like a big shot makes him look like a loser, but you actually buy it when Austin says it, even though obviously he's not some submission master either

WWF Champion Sycho Sid clarifies that he's not a 'complete idiot.' Okay, but at least 90%, right?

WWF Title Cage Match: Sycho Sid v Bret Hart: I miss when they used to set up the cage by hand. I know it took too much time, but I always thought it was a great way to build anticipation. Bret hammers him into the corner to start, pounding the champion to a horizontal base, and bootchoking him. Sid gets to his feet and returns fire, as we see Steve Austin watching on a monitor backstage. Bret fights Sid off with a snapmare to set up a pointed elbowdrop, but Sid blocks an escape attempt, and unloads on his challenger on the ropes. Sid rams him into the cage a few times, and makes a climb attempt, but he's moving like he's walking to the toilet to take a piss at 3am, and Bret is able to cut him off. Bret dives off the top rope with a fist, and he throws a headbutt to the lower back. Hart climbs, but Sid slams him off the top to stop the effort, and he goes for the door, but Bret dives onto the ankle. Austin joins us to force the door shut to prevent a potential Sid escape, and Stone Cold stands guard at ringside, even after the attempt has been neutralized. Sid hits Bret with the Powerbomb, and he makes a climb attempt, but Austin goes to the top to slug it out with him to buy Bret time. I love how Steve was openly cheering on Sid hitting the Powerbomb (since it hurts Bret), but is still totally onboard with making sure Hart wins the title. Bret gets to the top as well, leading to the weird visual of Hart and Austin working together, and that draws Undertaker out to defend his claim. He keeps Bret from escaping, and gets rid of Austin, but Hart still manages to stay in control of the contest by superplexing Sid. Meanwhile, Austin hits Undertaker with a chair to keep him out of it, and Bret goes for the door, but Undertaker slams it into his face as the officials escort Austin away. Meanwhile, Sid is able to climb, and he escapes at 10:00. Not a great match, but the chaos worked well, and did a good job giving WrestleMania the final push. Afterwards, Vince heads in to talk to the Hitman, and Bret, after months of being pushed and pushed and pushed, finally snaps. He shoves McMahon down, and cuts a hard edged promo, screaming curse words, and generally flipping the fuck out like he's in Montreal. Apparently he didn't realize they were on-air at that point, but thank God they were, because it's probably the best promo of his entire career. Or, at least the most famous. I always thought Bret was an underrated promo in general. He wasn't over the top and flashy like Hulk Hogan or Randy Savage, but he always came from what felt like a real place. This was an amazing way to build up to the official heel turn at WrestleMania, as he couldn't be any closer to the line if he tried, but at the same time, you couldn't really deny that he was right. This all leads to a big brawl between Hart/Austin and Sid/Undertaker, as Shawn Michaels shows up to watch, though without getting involved. * ¼

BUExperience: I can’t believe I’m saying it, but this actually made me want to watch WrestleMania 13 again. And that’s something I truly thought I’d never feel again.

Monday Night Wars Rating Chart

	3/10/97
Show	RAW	Nitro
Rating	2.4	3.6
Total Wins	17	54
Win Streak		37
Better Show (as of 3/10)	26	42