WWE Bragging Rights (October 2009)

Original Airdate: October 25, 2009

From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, Matt Striker, and Jerry Lawler

Okay, so this is going to be a little different. My computer decided to crash and eat the review right before I started the main event, and since there's no way I'm sitting through that undercard a second time to do play-by-play again, I'm just going to throw down some quick thoughts on each match, the rating, and then pick things back up with the main event. If I somehow manage to recover the file, I'll edit this later, but anyway, don't complain, I don't owe you money

 

Opening Match: John Morrison v Miz: I thought it was mostly okay, but it felt like they were trying too hard. I was also really annoyed with Lawler's robotic commentary here (and for this whole show). *

 

Six-Woman Tag Team Match: Michelle McCool, Beth Phoenix, and Natalya v Melina, Kelly Kelly, and Gail Kim: Not much to this one, and the finish was surprisingly abrupt. ¼*

 

World Heavyweight Title Fatal Four-Way Match: Undertaker v CM Punk v Batista v Rey Mysterio: Fun, didn't overstay its welcome, but nothing special. * ¾

 

Bragging Rights Trophy Fourteen-Man Tag Team Match: Team RAW (Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Big Show, Kofi Kingston, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger, and Mark Henry) v Team Smackdown (Chris Jericho, Kane, Matt Hardy, Finlay, R-Truth, Tyson Kidd, and David Hart Smith): Also fun, though I thought the finish didn't make any sense, with Show clobbering his own teammate for Jericho to pin, instead of just getting himself counted out in the opening moments of the match and achieving the same result. I also thought Shawn looked like a complete dork wearing both his merch shirt and a RAW shirt, and there were many jokes made at his expense. ** ¼

 

Main Event: WWE Title Anything Goes Falls Count Anywhere Iron Man Match: Randy Orton v John Cena: If Cena loses, he's forced to go to Smackdown - the ultimate punishment! One hour on the clock here. Feeling out process to start, until Cena gets him in an STF out of nowhere, and Orton quickly taps at 3:53 to avoid taking damage. Cena keeps coming with rights, but Orton fights him off with a powerslam, and adds a kneedrop. Suplex leads to a chinlock, and I'm already sick of this match, and we're less than ten minutes in. Why do they keep booking Iron Mans? Do they think we want to see them? Cena fights out of the chinlock and hits the Throwback, but Orton counters the Five Knuckle Shuffle with an RKO at 8:58. Orton knocks his challenger to the outside as we cross the ten minute mark, and Randy follows to the outside to slowly work John over. I get that they're trying to conserve energy (both in kayfabe and reality), but maybe you shouldn't work an Iron Man if you don't have the conditioning? Just a thought. Orton nails him with a monitor for two, and a shot with a microphone gets him two on the way back in. And it busts Cena open from the top of the head in a pretty nasty way. I don't think it's hardway, but it sure is a weird spot to blade to far above the hairline, so who knows. The medics come out to check the cut, but Cena brushes them off, and blitzes the champion. Well, at least someone's finally getting fired up in this thing. John tries a whip into the steps, but Randy reverses for two, and he curb stomps Cena on the steps for two. There's a dude in the crowd wearing a bWo shirt in 2009. Fucking Pennsylvania, man. Inside, Orton works the cut, but Cena blocks the RKO. John makes a comeback, hits the Shuffle, hits the Attitude Adjustment... and somehow they fall in such a position that both guys are down and we get a double pin at 16:58. I get that they were going for 'Cena is so dazed due to blood loss that he collapses after the AA,' but it came off really badly. The medics run in to attend to Cena, so Orton tries charging, but ends up hitting the corner. That allows John to muscle the champion up to the middle rope for another AA, putting John up 3-2 at 19:35.

 

Twenty minutes in, and here come the Legacy for a run in. Were they busy taking a shit, or something? They beat Cena down, and Orton ties the score at 20:54. That draws Kofi Kingston out with a chair to chase them off like he's HBK on a RAW in 1997, as both Orton and Cena stagger up to collide in a double knockout. Orton bails, but Cena is on his tail, and they brawl up the aisle. They end up over at the entrance stage, where Cena takes a bump through some lighting, and Randy pins him at 25:32. Orton grabs a chair to beat on his challenger with, leaving Cena's lump body sprawled out over where the pyro shoots out of the stage, and he heads over to the A/V section to try and literally blow John up. Well, that's creative. Unfortunately it doesn't go anywhere. Too bad he wasn't wrestling Warrior, I'm sure he would have been more successful. They fight back to ringside as we cross the halfway mark, where Orton chucks the steps at him for two. Lawler notes that it's a 'blessing' that this is the last time these two will ever face each other. Don't count your blessings before they hatch, Jerome. Or, however that saying goes. Randy with another chairshot, but Cena pops off a small package as they go back into the ring at 32:56. Orton doesn't appreciate that, and pounds on his challenger after the pin, and an elevated DDT on the floor puts Randy up again at 35:16. Inside, Orton with a kneedrop for two, as Cole notes that there's a 'long way to go' in the most defeated voice possible.

 

Forty minutes in, they fight back over to the entrance stage, and literally nothing happens. Like, literally nothing. They just kind of fight, and then Orton runs back to the ring to try and distance himself from Cena to run the clock down. I get (and appreciate) the psychology, but it's a wrestling match, not a game of tag. It's not even a tag wrestling match! Cena runs back to the ring, so Orton tries a rope-hung DDT to welcome him, but John fights him off. AA, but Orton slips free, and bails into the crowd. Cena chases for a brawl through the crowd, where Orton comes dangerously close to taking out some poor fan's nachos. Come on bro, you're making the them suffer enough, no need to starve them too! Cena dominates the brawl and covers for two as they make it back to ringside, and a smash into the steps is worth another two. Cena chucks him through a piece of the barricade, and takes advantage of the downed champion by prepping an announce table. Why not take advantage of him by covering him? Orton recovers, so Cena hits him with the steps, and stops to go back to his table preparations. He spends more time prepping a table than Mr. Carson. Cena drags Orton over to his project as we cross the Rubicon into the final ten minutes, and Randy ends up going through the table at 50:59. Big pop for the spot, though it was pretty unremarkable. Cena covers again, but only gets two, so he preps another table, this time inside the ring. He drags the champion back in to place on the table, but the flying legdrop misses, and Cena goes through it himself, with five minutes remaining. Both guys stagger up for a slugfest, won by Cena with a jumping shoulderblock. John tries a second one, but ends up clipping the referee in the process, and Orton capitalizes with the RKO. No referee, no count. Another official runs out to take over, but Cena has recovered, and kicks out at two. Orton responds by beating up the new referee, with less than two minutes left on the clock. Orton becomes possessed by the spirit of '94 Bob Backlund, and tries the punt, but Cena is ready with an STF. Randy tries to hold on to beat the clock and force overtime, but finally gives in at 60:08. That's the real time, though the 'official time' shows five seconds left on the clock. Orton should demand a recount! And so time expires, Cena is your new champion. What, no Cole Porter run in? I've seen worse, but this felt like every bit of that hour. Every bit. * ½

BUExperience: My computer literally died to try and get out of watching this. What do you think might happen to YOU?

DUD