ECW Eastern Championship Wrestling (July 27, 1993)

Original Airdate: July 27, 1993 (taped May 15)

 

From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Your Hosts are Jay Sulli, Paul E. Dangerously, and ECW Champion Don Muraco

 

We start off with highlights of Tod Gordon hosting a press conference yesterday, announcing that Stan Hansen and Abdullah the Butcher will appear at UltraClash in September, as well as announcing that JT Smith will face Dark Patriot in a Scaffold match. He also announces a ninety day suspension of Rockin' Rebel for being a dick, as well as a fine for Paul E. Dangerously for his general shenanigans. Yeah, make sure you insist on getting cash for that one, Tod. Couldn't they at least have gotten extras for this who could act like they cared? Points for calling one of the 'press members' 'Mr. Keller.' So Tod just goes on and on for nearly ten minutes, until Eddie Gilbert shows up, and everything goes off the rails

 

Eddie Gilbert is in the studio, reading the newspaper, and doing whatever it is an Eddie Gilbert does. But with a crown, because he's the king

 

Terry Funk v Canadian Wolfman: For a guy doing a 'wolfman' gimmick, this fat fuck is surprisingly hairless. And apparently we're doing a comedy match, as Funk does a bunch of teases and tricks, like slapping his fat belly, and making him run the ropes by himself after Terry stops short during a criss cross. Wolfman gets control by going to the eyes, but Funk quickly fights him off, and delivers an elbowsmash in the corner. Trio of bodyslams set up a legdrop for two, so Funk plasters him with some chops, and the spinning-toehold finishes at 3:14. Afterwards, Jimmy Snuka and Dark Patriot run in on Terry, but Road Warrior Hawk comes in with a chair to make the save. DUD

 

Back in the studio, Gilbert has apparently invented the iPad in between doing Mike Myers impressions

 

Paul E. Dangerously reports from an 'outdoor cafe' where Eddie is trying to get some random woman on the street to marry him. I get that is was a small indie promotion, but even so, they were relying way too heavily on showcasing the same guys all night. Don't get me wrong, I love Eddie Gilbert, and he's tremendously entertaining, but let's mix it up a little

 

Sir Jonathan Hotbody v Sandman: Sandman with an armdrag and a hiptoss early on, so Hotbody bails, and Paul calls Miss Peaches a 'tramp.' No need for that kind of talk. Charlie Chaplin never hurt anybody. Sandman drags him back in, but Hotbody manages to kick him in the gut, and he dumps Sandman to the outside. Hotbody dives at him from the apron, and then slaps on a sleeper on the way back in. Arm drops twice, and Sandman makes a comeback. Why is Peaches protesting? And her stupidity allows Hunter Q. Robbins III to take a cheap shot with his cane, but idiot Hotbody takes too long showboating, and Sandman reverses a cradle at 4:08. Afterwards, Rockin' Rebel and Tigra run out to tear Peaches' dress off, and the twelve year olds in the crowd are going wild for it. DUD

 

Back in the studio, Gilbert notes that Terry Funk is nothing to him, since he's wrecked other legends before. Like Jerry Lawler, who now "runs around some other organization with a Burger King crown on"

 

We gets clips of some outdoor show that somehow looks even more low rent than the ECW Arena, with a few fans sitting on the grass, and others literally sitting on the flatbed of a moving truck. I'm guessing those were the premium seats. This looked like the same level of production my friends and I used to have when we'd do backyard wrestling shows in high school. Though, we didn't have a proper ring, so they've got us there. And, of course, Eddie Gilbert is heavily featured again

 

Back in the studio, Eddie is VISIBLY UPSET. Which we know because there's a graphic that says so

 

BUExperience: This weeks show featured a total of seven minutes of actual wrestling, and came off like one of the most bush-league efforts thus far.