WWF Superstars (March 13, 1993)

Original Airdate: March 13, 1993 (taped February 15)

 

From Long Beach, California; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, and Jerry Lawler

 

Hulk Hogan kicks us off with a promo on Money Inc, and this is actually one of his better ones from this period. A lot of the others were coming off as super tryhard, but this was like classic Hulk, and it worked well enough. And then Brutus Beefcake comes in, and he’s got a new protective facemask, like Virgil at the last WrestleMania. And Hulk is so confident in it that he claims that he literally drove a steamroller over Brutus’s face the other day, and he was perfectly fine, so there’s nothing Money Inc can throw at him that’s going to work. Based only on that terrifying expression on Beefcake’s face, I don’t know if I’d quite agree that he’s ‘perfectly fine.’

 

Papa Shango v Mark Ming: Lawler continues to tease that Jimmy Hart will turn on the Mega Maniacs, which actually makes perfect sense given his long history as a heel. Unfortunately, they didn’t go that way. Shango with his inverted shoulderbreaker at 1:58 - about forty seconds of which was likely that insanely slow three count. DUD

 

WrestleMania IX ad. I get that Hogan was the big draw, and I don’t blame them for focusing the promotional material on him, but not even a cursory mention of the WWF Champion Bret Hart?

 

The Nasty Boys v Ed Arce and White Shadow: Savage notes that the Nasty Boys are the ‘nicest guys’ he knows, as they stepped aside to give the Mega Maniacs the WrestleMania title shot (and payday), despite being the top contenders. I guess ‘nice’ is a synonym for ‘stupid’ in Macho speak? Too bad Jesse Ventura was gone by this point, he’d be having a field day with this. They also note that the Nasties will be challenging the winners of the match, which actually translated to wrestling the Headshrinkers a bunch of times, before jumping to WCW by the summer. Jerry Sags with the flying elbowdrop at 2:40, which Vince has the audacity to call a ‘swan dive’ while sitting next to Randy fucking Savage. DUD

 

Crush is still fuming about Doink not doing what Crush feels a clown should do, since apparently Crush gets to define everyone else

 

Giant Gonzalez is huge. And they’re doing a really good job of making you appreciate that, give them credit

 

Yokozuna v Casey Cleric: The announcers note that Mr. Fuji has never managed a WWF Champion before. Yeah, he really lucked out during this period by being the only Japanese guy. And even then, he ended up having to share the glory with Jim Cornette. Banzai Drop finishes at 1:53. Yoko was slowing down already by this point, and he hadn’t even won the title yet. Afterwards, Raymond Rougeau comes in to chat, noting that Cleric is not Bret Hart, as if anyone might be confused. And he thinks Yokozuna had better respect Bret Hart, which Yoko responds to by beating up Cleric again. Dude, Ray JUST SAID that he isn’t Bret Hart! Were you not listening? I also love how casually Rougeau protests Yokozuna’s attack, just kind of halfheartedly asking Fuji to stop it, while standing there like he’s in line at a pancake breakfast. DUD

 

Gene Okerlund is in the studio with the WrestleMania IX Report. The big news this week is that Razor Ramon will wrestle Bob Backlund on the show, which ended up being a waste of both guys, frankly

 

Tatanka v Al Burke: Psycho Randy Savage is pretty much already calling Tatanka the greatest Intercontinental champion of all time, which is, well, psychotic. Not that I would expect anything less from the Macho Man, he’s not exactly the most stable soul. Meanwhile, Lawler clarifies that Al Burke is no Shawn Michaels. Again, were people confused? Were we thisclose to having Casey Cleric and Al Burke headline WrestleMania XII? End of the Trail finishes at 2:02. DUD

 

Giant Gonzalez storms the ring, wanting to wrestle thirty guys, but apparently everyone is scared, so that’s not happening. Thank God, because I’d rather see that Cleric/Burke Iron Man, frankly. So, instead of thirty guys, Gonzalez will settle for Undertaker… who also doesn’t show up. So, Giant storms away to look for him. If you wanted Undertaker, why did you even bother coming out here? Why not just go looking for him right away, instead of wasting time, and giving him a warning? “What happens if Giant Gonzalez finds Undertaker before WrestleMania,” wonders Vince. Well, a negative-star match, if history is any indication

 

Lex Luger v Joey Maggs: Luger’s gimmick is perfect, but man, is he moving slowly out there. He just looks like he doesn’t give a shit at all, though to be fair, that’s fitting with the gimmick. The running forearm smash finishes at 2:01. DUD

 

The Headshrinkers are literally threatening to eat the Steiner Brothers at WrestleMania. Between this and Hogan promising to bury Money Inc in the desert, this was promising to be the most violent ‘Mania of all time. Also, I’m pretty sure Jared Leto based his performance in House of Gucci on Afa here

 

Bob Backlund is going to teach Razor Ramon a lesson, since Razor doesn’t care about people. I’ll bet he doesn’t care about the environment, either!

 

Razor Ramon notes that Backlund was world champion, which is impressive, but it’s history. Just like Bob, while Razor is the future. Who could cheer Bob over this guy? Shockingly, Bob would go on to win the WWF Title again after this, while Ramon never did

 

BUExperience: Nothing big this week, but it was okay.