WWF Mania (April 3, 1993)

Original Airdate: April 3, 1993

Your Host is Todd Pettengill in the studio

We start with a retrospective covering the first eight WrestleManias, mostly focusing on the sizes of the crowds

Bam Bam Bigelow v Joey Maggs: From Wrestling Challenge on March 28 1993 (taped March 9) in Augusta Georgia. Sean Mooney is seemingly very, very offended by Bam Bam’s skull tattoos. I get that he’s a pro-wrestler, but what in the world was he thinking? I mean, there’s a whole life he has to love after he’s done in the sport - not to mention all the real world life he had to live while working as a wrestler. Bigelow with a flying headbutt drop at 3:11. This felt lengthy. ¼*

Sean Mooney is in the studio with the WrestleMania IX Report. It’s hard sell time, kids. There’ll be togas! Togas, guys! 

Todd is all confused about how to get to WrestleMania since they’re changing the clocks, and he can’t find his ticket. One of those things feels like a much bigger problem than the other

Out in Las Vegas, Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan catch up with WWF Champion Bret Hart. Gorilla in a t-shirt that’s two sizes too small is not a good look

Todd is reading a magazine covering the history of WrestleMania, which somehow leads to him doing impressions of the Brady Bunch while talking about Andre the Giant. I’d love to live inside that man’s brain some day

Career v $15,000 Bodyslam Challenge Match: Andre the Giant v Big John Studd: From WrestleMania, March 31 1985 in New York City. First one to bodyslam the other wins. Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan provide commentary for this one instead of the original track. Studd attacks at the bell, and pummels him with forearms in the corner, but Andre shakes him off with a headbutt, so Studd bails. Back in, Andre unloads in the corner, and grabs a bearhug that goes on for what feels like forever. Seriously, it's a six minute match, and three of those minutes are this bearhug. Studd escapes, so Andre grabs a standing side-headlock instead, which goes nowhere. Headbutts stagger Studd, and Andre adds a bunch of kicks, then executes the bodyslam out of nowhere at 5:53. I always hated this match as a kid, and while I can appreciate what they were going for from an angle standpoint now, it's still a terrible match. -*

Todd is so excited about WrestleMania that he’s trying to bodyslam random production guys. Someone limit that guy’s sugar intake. He ends up getting sat on by the guy. Same thing used to happen to Hulk Hogan on the first try. He should try again later, possibly after cupping his hand to his ear first

Lex Luger v Kevin Neal: From Superstars, March 27 1993 (taped March 8) in North Charleston South Carolina. We get Sean Mooney and Lord Alfred Hayes taping over the original commentary for this one, for whatever weird reason. They didn’t usually do that unless the match was really dated, like the Andre one. Mr. Perfect split screens in with a nothing promo on Lex, and Luger finishes Neal with a running forearm smash at 1:43. DUD

WrestleMania IX ad

From March to WrestleMania IX (aired March 28 (taped March 7) in Fayetteville North Carolina, Gene Okerlund brings Hulk Hogan, Brutus Beefcake, and Jimmy Hart out for a podium interview. Nothing notable here (just a standard hype interview for the match with Money Inc at WrestleMania), though I think this may be the first appearance of Hogan's weight belt that would become a fixture in his matches later on. So, there's that. Beefcake looked so out of his league with Hogan. I mean, I know they headlined SummerSlam together less than four years before this, but even then he felt like the weak end, and that was back before he was sidelined for several years by an injury (thus killing all of his momentum). What's especially perplexing is that Randy Savage was RIGHT THERE! It's not like he was otherwise engaged, the dude was literally sitting around during WrestleMania IX. I know the story is that Vince didn't have confidence in him as a top guy anymore, but given the state of the business, you'd think trying a Mega Powers reunion would be a slam dunk. I mean, at least try it! Honestly, Hogan and Savage as tag champs for the summer would have been fun, and might have even extended Hogan's shelf life with the fans for a while

Todd tanks the WrestleMania buyrate in the southern markets

Mixed Six-Man Tag Team Match: Tiger Jackson and The Bushwhackers v Little Louie and The Beverly Brothers: From March to WrestleMania IX. Luke starts with Blake Beverly, and it turns into a comedy match right away, as the 'Whackers start biting some Beverly butt, and the midgets get in on the 'fun' for a brawl. The dust settles on the midgets, and they get right into more comedy with a sequence that features Jackson going for the cover, but getting pressed off by Louie - and into the referee's arms. The Bushwhackers play 3 Stooges with Blake next (including the mixed midget staple where one guys gets held in an armbar, and the midgets run across his chest), until, finally, the Beverly's cheat, and cut the ring in half on Luke. Unfortunately, in a comedy match, it's more 'cut the cheese on Luke,' and a big brawl breaks out - Jackson pinning Louie with a flying bodypress in the chaos at 9:57. This is the kind of match that would be hilarious to watch over drinks with a few friends who don't really like wrestling late some night, but that's a pretty narrow window of appeal, really. DUD

Todd tanks the WrestleMania buyrate in the mini-me markets

Out in Vegas, Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, and Jerry Lawler catch up with Giant Gonzaelz, who doesn’t like Todd. After Todd’s last two segments, who can really blame him

Todd tanks the WrestleMania buyrate with the music buying public

BUExperience: I generally love Mania, and Todd hyping stuff is usually more fun than it should be, so you’d think this would be an automatic thumbs up episode. You’d be wrong.