WWF Superstars (April 3, 1993)

Original Airdate: April 3, 1993

From Las Vegas, Nevada; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, and Jerry Lawler. The guys are in front of the fountains at Caesars Palace to open the show

Mr. Perfect v Duane Gill: From Fayetteville, North Carolina on March 7 1993. With the usual commentators off in Vegas, Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan handle commentary duties for the matches. And they’re in full hard-sell mode. Remember, you’ll see Bobby Heenan in a toga! Also, there might be matches, but who cares, togas! I honestly didn’t think the theme of the show was bad (just the opposite, thought it was wonderful), I just don’t get why they hyped it up so much in advance. Like, the togas were welcome, but why are we talking about them for literally months leading up to the show, as if it’s a selling point? And the main selling point by the way they go on about it. Perfectplex finishes at 2:52. ¼*

Out in Vegas, Lex Luger joins our hosts to cut a (pretty shitty) promo on Mr. Perfect. He looked like he was embarrassed to be seen there in his gear, or something. That’s why he could never be a top guy, he always looked like he was uncomfortable in his own skin. Compare that to Savage and Lawler, who are just owning it

From March to WrestleMania IX (aired March 28 (taped March 7) in Fayetteville North Carolina, Gene Okerlund brings Hulk Hogan, Brutus Beefcake, and Jimmy Hart out for a podium interview. Nothing notable here (just a standard hype interview for the match with Money Inc at WrestleMania), though I think this may be the first appearance of Hogan's weight belt that would become a fixture in his matches later on. So, there's that. Beefcake looked so out of his league with Hogan. I mean, I know they headlined SummerSlam together less than four years before this, but even then he felt like the weak end, and that was back before he was sidelined for several years by an injury (thus killing all of his momentum). What's especially perplexing is that Randy Savage was RIGHT THERE! It's not like he was otherwise engaged, the dude was literally sitting around during WrestleMania IX. I know the story is that Vince didn't have confidence in him as a top guy anymore, but given the state of the business, you'd think trying a Mega Powers reunion would be a slam dunk. I mean, at least try it! Honestly, Hogan and Savage as tag champs for the summer would have been fun, and might have even extended Hogan's shelf life with the fans for a while

WrestleMania IX ad

Bam Bam Bigelow v Glen Ruth: From Fayetteville, North Carolina on March 7 1993. The ring announcer sounds super sleepy this week, for whatever reason. Ruth looks like such a nice kid at this point, Headbanger Thrasher was really a crazy transformation for him. The announcers get into a weird conversation about towns in New Jersey, as Bigelow finishes with a flying headbutt drop at 1:26. ¼*

Vince and Jerry are hanging around at the pools (the casino’s ‘magnets’ have dragged Savage to the slots), and they happen on WWF Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels sunbathing. He also cuts a sleepy promo on Tatanka, complete with a horrible camera angle that shoots right up his very loose robe. It’s a full-on taint shot, and no one needs a taint shot

Tatanka v Barry Hardy: From Fayetteville, North Carolina on March 7 1993. We’re getting quality jobbers up and down this week. “Two wrestlers in the ring, and four different colors of hair,” notes Heenan. The announcers hype up not only the WrestleMania Hotline, but also the WrestleMania Bonus Hotline, in case parents were feeling super generous that weekend. Or super stupid, whichever. End of the Trail finishes at 3:13. DUD

Razor Ramon is ready to carve Bob Backlund up

Randy Savage returns, after doing some shopping. Considering his reputation as a legendary cheapskate, those ‘magnets’ must really be something. Maybe the same manufacturer as the type Borat was looking for at the HUMMER dealership

Doink the Clown v Dale Wolfe: From Fayetteville, North Carolina on March 7 1993. It just hit me that Gorilla and Bobby were just on Mania earlier the same morning interviewing Bret Hart in Vegas. Are we supposed to believe that they flew from Vegas to Fayetteville and back just to call these Doink matches? This is a pretty serious breach of kayfabe, and I hope someone got fired over it. Stump puller finishes at 0:56. Doink has really weird gear (including an odd wig) this week. He’s super, super menacing, and a much better version of this character than the babyface version we saw later. I’d bet that Matt Borne would have been able to do a good babyface version, though. DUD

Vince, Jerry, and Randy are in the casino, where Giant Gonzalez catches up with them to grunt about Undertaker. He’s terrible, but you can’t blame them for trying with this guy. Just look at him! If he had even a shred of actual wrestling ability, he would have been a huge star

Giant Gonzalez v Virgil: From North Charleston South Carolina on March 8 1993. Virgil tries speeding around him, but gets suckered into a test-of-strength in the corner. Even while climbing to the top rope for leverage, Giant still wins that one, and he works Virgil over with very slow punch-kick stuff. Virgil tries making a comeback, but gets clobbered with a clothesline, and a chokeslam finishes at 2:55. Virgil was trying, but there was no carrying Giant. Not even a Bret Hart or a Shawn Michaels could have gotten something out of him. ¼*

The Steiner Brothers v George South and Rikki Nelson: From Fayetteville, North Carolina on March 7 1993. Gorilla is going full hard-sell now, listing off all the people who will be in togas, and clarifying that the only way you can find out how those people look in togas is to order the pay per view. The flying bulldog combo finishes at 2:04. ¼*

Mr. Perfect isn’t impressed by Lex LOSER. Was DDP writing his promos for him?

WWF Champion Bret Hart stops by, still reeling from the contract signing, but now Yokozuna has tipped his hand, and the Hitman is ready for him. Savage cutting an impassioned promo about how Bret is the real champion and how everyone respects him felt like his way of trying to make Hart feel better about having to job the title, and it was actually quite moving. And you can see in Hart’s eyes that he appreciated the kind words from his friend there

BUExperience: Some good last minute pushes, but the focus on the theme over the actual matches was super annoying