WWE Royal Rumble (January 2013)

 

Original Airdate: January 27, 2013

From Phoenix, Arizona; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and John Bradshaw Layfield

Opening World Heavyweight Title Last Man Standing Match: Alberto Del Rio v Big Show: Show comes out swinging, and goes to town on the champion. Del Rio sticks and moves to get control, and bashes on Show with a chair, but he just can’t get any real traction, and Show shrugs him off again. Show dumps him to the outside, and they end up over by the entrance area, where Del Rio takes some bumps into the set. Del Rio won’t stop coming, so they brawl back to ringside, where Show throws the steps at him, but misses. Ricardo tries attacking Show to cause a diversion, and Del Rio grabs a chair, unloading on his challenger. Inside, Del Rio puts Show in a cross-armbreaker, as Ricardo ties his feet to the ropes - allowing Del Rio the win at 16:57. ¼*

WWE Tag Team Title Match: Kane and Daniel Bryan v Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow: Bryan and Rhodes start, and Cody goes to a wristlock right away. Daniel fights him off with a dropkick, and he wins a cross cross by taking Cody down for a surfboard. Tag to Sandow, so Bryan takes him down with a series of kicks, and he passes to Kane. Kane dominates for a bit, but tagging back to Bryan proves to be a mistake, and the challengers cut the ring in half on him. Kane gets the hot tag, and Roseanne Barr the door - ending in Bryan tapping Sandow out with a LeBell lock at 9:26. ½*

#1 Contender's 30-Man Royal Rumble Match: Dolph Ziggler gets #1, and Chris Jericho gets #2 (his first appearance since August), to the delight of the crowd. They trade off for a bit, without a whole lot notable, until Cody Rhodes enters at #3. He works with Ziggler to team up on Jericho, but Chris fights them both off, and puts Cody in a Liontamer. #4 is Kofi Kingston, and backs up Jericho against the heels. Santino Marella is in at #5, and no one is into his bullshit, and dump him. #6 is Drew McIntyre, looking like a doofy goofy motherfucker. #7 is Titus O’Neil, and this has been a really uninteresting Rumble thus far. Drew gets tossed, as Goldust enters at #8, and they acknowledge him as Cody’s brother. They get right into a slugfest, and the crowd is very happy to see Goldust, who is making his first appearance since November 2010. David Otunga draws #9, does nothing. #10 is Heath Slater, as we’re really kicking it into high gear here. Sheamus pulls #11, and he runs wild on everyone for a bit, and dumps Otunga. Tensai draws #12, does nothing. Brodus Clay gets lucky #13, which at least proves that he and Tensai are not the same person. For the doubters. Namely me. Cody dumps Goldust to a big chorus of boos, as Rey Mysterio hits the ring as #14. Cole is very, very excited to see him. Darren Young draws #15, but no one is too excited to see him. Clay gets ganged up on and dumped, and Kofi dumps Tensai. Ziggler tries to dump Kofi, but he lands on Tensai’s back to avoid elimination. Tensai dumps him on an announce table, but now Kofi has to get back to the ring without touching the ground. #16 is Bo Dallas, as Kofi steals a chair from JBL, and uses it as a pogo stick to get back to the ring. Awesome stuff, Kingston’s run with these crazy elimination teases was one of the best things about this era. And then Cody just dumps him anyway. Boo. #17 is Godfather, in his first WWE match since June 2002 (and last to date). And he’s got hos! Everyone in the match stops dead to watch his entrance, and then Ziggler just immediately dropkicks him over the top. Oh well, it was a fun cameo. #18 is Wade Barrett, does nothing. John Cena pulls #19, which should perk things up, at least. Everyone dives on him, but he hulks up, and dumps Slater and Rhodes quickly. He tries to take Jericho out next, but falls short, and Bo Dallas actually tries to eliminate him. Yeah. #20 is Damien Sandow, and he’s like a collage of characters, with his Rick Martel/Randy Savage gear, and 1997 Hunter Hearst Helmsley music. #21 is Daniel Bryan, as Chris puts Cena in the Walls of Jericho. Antonio Cesaro enters the fray at #22, but doesn’t make much of an impact. Great Khali draws #23, but also doesn’t make much of an impact. Useless fucking giant. #24 is Kane, and he runs wild on everyone for a bit, but doesn’t actually eliminate anyone. I do appreciate Cole’s constant stats throughout this, he’s doing a good job. #25 is Zack Ryder, and he goes after Ziggler, as Kane and Bryan get Khali out - and then Daniel dumps Kane! Cesaro knocks Bryan out, but Kane catches him, and drops him on the floor as payback. Randy Orton pulls #26, and he gives Ziggler and Dallas a double rope-hung DDT. An RKO on Ryder ahead of Randy tossing him, and Jinder Mahal comes in at #27. Cesaro tries powering Cena out, but gets reversed, and the crowd boos John pretty heartily for that one. #28 is Miz, and he brawls with Cesaro in the aisle on the way in, as Sheamus dumps Jinder. Sin Cara draws #29, but does nothing. Dallas tosses Barrett, but Wade freaks out, and pulls a Hogan ‘92 on him. Ryback is out at #30 to round out the field, and it’s goodbye time for Sandow and Cara. Miz tries to sneak up on him, but gets tossed. Jericho manages a codebreaker on him, but Cena comes over to fight, so Chris gives him a Lionsault. A codebreaker on Ziggler, but Dolph blocks the follow up, and dumps Jericho. Orton starts throwing RKOs around, but gets dumped by Ryback, leaving: Ziggler, Sheamus, Cena, and Ryback as the final four. Good field. Sheamus gets rid of Ziggler quickly, and everyone stops to look at the WrestleMania sign. Do they think we forget? Sheamus tries a Brogue kick on Cena, but Ryback dumps him before he can deliver it. They stop to pay homage to the stupid sign again, and Ryback runs wild on him for a bit, but ends up in an STF. Ryback gets out, and makes another effort to win, but Cena reverses him over the top at 55:04. This flew by quickly, but I can’t say it was particularly ‘good,’ or ‘memorable.’ It had some decent moments, but pretty few and far between. **

Main Event: WWE Title Match: CM Punk v Rock: If the Shield interferes, Punk loses the title here. Slugfest to start, won by Punk, surprisingly. Punk with a cross corner whip, but Rock rebounds out with a clothesline, and he tosses Punk over the top. Rock follows for a smash into an announce table, so Paul Heyman attacks, allowing Punk to recover, and clothesline the challenger down. Punk drops Rock front-first across the barricade, and he takes him inside for a bodyscissors. Rock escapes, and looks for a comeback, but Punk throws a leg lariat to cut him off. Punk puts the boots to the challenger in the corner, and Heyman is ready to throw his two cents in. Punk lands badly on his knee, allowing Rock to zero in on the part, and he works it for a bit, until Punk is able to dump him. Inside, Rock manages to go for the knee again to turn it back in his favor, so Punk tries the GTS, but Rock counters to the sharpshooter. Punk manages to block, and goes to the anaconda vice, but Rock gets free. Uranage, but Punk counters to a crucifix - only for Rock to counter to the sharpshooter! Rock gets it realized this time, but Punk makes the ropes, and they end up on the outside. Rock with a short-clothesline on the floor, and they end up going through an announce table. Rock recovers first, and delivers a uranage on the floor, and he gets Punk into the ring to cover for two. Punk fights off a recovering Rock with a roundhouse kick, but Rock powers through, and makes a full throated comeback. He sets up the People’s elbow, but the lights die before he can deliver it, and (supposedly) Shield show up and put Rock through a table, though we don’t actually see it. And neither does the referee. Punk hooks the leg, and he retains at 21:23. Unfortunately for him, his celebration is cut short, when Vince McMahon shows up. He decides to strip Punk of the title anyway, but Rock cuts him off, demanding to keep going. Vince agrees, but Rock is battered, and Punk destroys him in the corner. Punk with a short-clothesline to set up a flying elbowdrop for two, but Rock fights him off, and lands the People’s elbow at 26:38. This was okay, but the finish was a little overbooked for my taste. Even if it made sense. *

BUExperience: With only four total matches, and the Rumble itself being pretty mediocre, this is a weak show. The main event was memorable (‘memorable,’ not ‘good’), but not enough to make this show worth your time.

DUD