WWF Slammy Awards (March 30, 1996)

 

Original Airdate: March 30, 1996

From Anaheim, California; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler, with Todd Pettengill as the emcee 

Todd opens the show with a musical number about the various nominated superstars, like Billy Crystal at the Oscars. Laugh if you want, but I haven’t seen this since 1996, and I still remember a lot of the lyrics, so I guess it was effective 

Hillbilly Jim and Godwinns are out to present Best Buns, and the nominees are: Goldust, Sunny, Yokozuna, Shawn Michaels, and Razor Ramon. Well, I think we can guess who nominated Shawn. Sunny wins, duh

Ted DiBiase and Steve Austin are out to present Best Slammin’ Jammin’ Entrance, and the nominees are: Diesel, Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Undertaker, and Goldust, with Michaels taking the prize. That feels right, he had some great theatrical entrances during this period. And he promises to top it all tomorrow night at WrestleMania. Mission accomplished, I’d say

Vince hypes the Hotline, where we can call in to vote for an interactive Slammy for who is Hall of Fame Bound: Bob Backlund, Undertaker, Yokozuna, Diesel, or Bret Hart. Well, literally all of them made it in, so I hope no one wasted their money on this

Bob Backlund is out to present Put a Fork in Him, He’s Done (best finisher), and the nominees are: Bret Hart’s Sharpshooter, Undertaker’s Tombstone, Diesel’s Jackknife, Ahmed Johnson’s Pearl River Plunge, and Yokozuna’s Banzai Drop. I’m surprised Shawn didn’t get nominated here. Bret wins, and uses the opportunity to thank his dad, and hype the Iron Man match

Todd introduces the Tell Me A Lie music video, which is nominated for Best Music Video tonight. This was one of the most effective pieces they ever did

Jim Cornette and Clarence Mason are out to present Crime of the Century, with nominees: 1-2-3 Kid fast counting Razor Ramon, Sycho Sid turning on Shawn Michaels, Vader attacking Gorilla Monsoon, Diesel turning heel after losing the title at Survivor Series, and Owen Hart taking credit for giving Shawn a concussion with the enzuigiri. Vader wins, which feels right, it was a great segment, and pretty shocking for the time period

WrestleMania XII ad

Todd introduces an ad for Pacific Blue (a new show on USA Network), and brings cast members Jim Davidson, Darlene Vogel, and Paula Trickey out to present New Sensation, with nominees: Isaac Yankem, the Bodydonnas, Savio Vega, and Goldust. Yes, Steve Austin and Triple H didn’t even get nominated. Ahmed Johnson wins, which made sense at the time, but in hindsight, eh

Billionaire Ted is out to present I’m Talking and I Can’t Shut Up (biggest mouth) with nominees: Dok Hendrix, Brother Love, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, and Jim Cornette, with Lawler winning it. Well, fair

Mr. TV Trivia and Fatale (no idea) are out to present Best Threads, with nominees: Ted DiBiase, Goldust, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Shawn Michaels, and Mr. Perfect, with Shawn winning. Thus far, these have been perfectly booked. Shawn brings his costume designer up with him, and gives her the award

Mr. TV Trivia and Fatale stay with us to present Blue Light Special (worst dresser) with nominees: Jim Cornette, Harvey Wippleman, Henry Godwinn, Brother Love, and Dok Hendrix, with Cornette winning - complete with Hendrix giving him a very enthusiastic standing ovation

They push the Hall of Fame Slammy Hotline again

Goldust, who Pettengill notes “has seen the movie ‘The Birdcage’ sixteen times” is out next, and why shouldn’t he, it’s an amazing movie. He and Marlena are here to present WWF's Greatest Hit, with nominees: Jeff Jarrett smashing a guitar over Ahmed Johnson's head, Diesel throwing Bret through a table, Yokozuna delivering a double Banzai drop on a couple of jobbers, HHH pushing a referee into a trash can shot from Duke Droese, and Undertaker pulling Diesel under the ring at In Your House. Goldust refuses to read the winner, leaving Todd to present it to Undertaker

Todd introduces another Best Music Video nominee, You Start the Fire. Another good one

Rob Perth (Vice President of programming at USA Network) is out to present Minds Behind the Mayhem (manager of the year), with nominees: Paul Bearer, Sunny, Mr. Fuji, Ted DiBiase, and Jim Cornette. Fuji, in 1996? Sunny gets it

Free For All ad

Vince hits the stage to present a Lifetime Achievement Award to Freddie Blassie. Deserving, though fans my age barely knew who Freddie was in 1996. He was on Dick Van Dyke? Vince is legitimately emotional here, and he obviously had a lot of love for Freddie, considering they put him into the Hall of Fame just two years earlier, and now singling him out for this

Mankind ad, ahead of his debut on RAW

The Bushwhackers are out to present Most Embarrassing Moment, with nominees: Jerry Lawler kissing his own foot, Ted DiBiase getting slopped by Henry Godwinn, Skip losing to Barry Horowitz, 1-2-3 Kid in a diaper, and HHH going into the hog pen. Lawler wins this one, and being the consummate professional that he is, does a perfect pratfall while climbing the steps onto the stage

Todd presents another Music Video nominee: Sunny. I don’t even remember this one. It’s not ‘I Know You Want Me’

Buddy Rose Blow Away Diet ‘ad.’ This is a weird thing to resurrect in 1996. Not that it isn’t funny, but very random, considering he hadn’t appeared in the WWF since 1991

Hunter Hearst Helmsley is out to present Squared Circle Shocker, and he's already talking about his balls, like it's 1998. That felt out of place. The nominees: Shawn Michaels collapsing on RAW, Goldust's debut, Barry Horowitz winning a match, 1-2-3 Kid turning on Razor Ramon, and Bob Backlund running for President of the United States. Shawn ‘wins,’ but Owen Hart steals the award, since he caused it to happen. Owen, of course, is in all his glory accepting a Slammy

Mr. Perfect is out to present Master of Mat Mechanics, with nominees: Shawn Michaels, Davey Boy Smith, Bret Hart, Owen Hart, and 1-2-3 Kid. Shawn wins, so I imagine Bret and Owen split the vote? Perfect takes credit for teaching Michaels everything, with McMahon putting Perfect over as a ‘mentor,’ which is I think the first and only time any of that got referenced. Shawn gives the award to Jose Lothario, but not before making a joke about fucking Sunny on the side (with Sunny motioning for him to keep quiet, but not denying it)

More Hotline pressure

Dok Hendrix is out to present Best Music Video, with nominees: Bret Hart’s ‘You Start the Fire,’ Ultimate Warrior’s theme, Shawn Michaels’ ‘Tell Me a Lie,’ Sunny’s ‘Sunny,’ and Jeff Jarrett’s ‘With My Baby Tonight.’ Bret wins, and while I liked his, this was either Shawn or Jarrett's to lose. I think they should have nominated the Superstars theme, too. Warrior’s wasn’t even a music video! And they didn’t play nearly half of the nominees! Bret uses the time to dispel the rumors that he’s contemplating retirement 

Ross presents Match of the Year, with nominees: Bam Bam Bigelow v Lawrence Taylor at WrestleMania XI, Howard Finkel v Harvey Wippleman on RAW (in a joke entry), Henry Godwinn v HHH at In Your House (in what should be a joke entry), Diesel v Bret Hart at Survivor Series, and Shawn Michaels v Razor Ramon at SummerSlam. The Ladder match wins, and that’s a fair call. Shawn accepts as the winner, and, you know, because Razor is suspended. Shawn’s been on the stage so many times that we might need to change his name to ‘Dirk Diggler’

Gorilla Monsoon is out to present the Hall of Fame Bound Slammy that people have been voting for on the Hotline, and Bret wins it. Well, he was the first of that group to get in

Roddy Piper is out to present the final award, Leader of the New Generation, with nominees: Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, Undertaker, Diesel, and Razor Ramon. Considering two out of the five, and the presenter, would all be in WCW before the year is out, this one is especially funny. Thankfully, Michaels wins it

BUExperience: This was a little long, but honestly a lot of fun. It felt a little lopsided though, with Bret and Shawn basically hogging the entire show.