HITMAN383 Rant for the NWA Crockett Cup 1988

- The HITMAN383 Rant for the NWA Crockett Cup, 1988. This is the Turner Video version, and was basically a tag team tournament for some cup and a $1,000,000. It also took place over two-nights, in two different venues. (This was originally written in 2002)

- BTW, I use this system:
***** - Excellent,
**** - Great,
*** - Good,
**- Okay,
* - Decent,
DUD – Nothing Match.

- We start with a bunch of adds for other wrestling videos. Note to Turner: you can’t dub EVERY tape “the greatest wrestling video ever!”

- Live from Greenville, South Carolina … it’s Night One!

- Your Hosts are Jim Ross & Tony Schiavone.

- First Round Match: The Boogey-Woogie Man & Wilbur vs. Dick Murdoch & Ivan Koloff: Wilbur’s some big fat guy, who looks and dresses like Hillbilly Jim, but is MUCH, MUCH fatter. Boogey backdrops Koloff, so Murdoch tags in, and goes to work. Ivan with a flying axehandle, but gets kicked in the gut, and Wilbur comes in to clothesline him. Some heel cheating turns the tide, however, and Koloff gets the pin at 2:26. Total DUD.

- First Round Match: Steve Williams & Ron Simmons (Like the original APA there) vs. The Varsity Club: Mike starts with Dr. Death, and does his jumping jacks gimmick, which gets him decked. Serves ya right. Rick Steiner tags in (and is positively SKINY), then takes a slam, and a couple football tackles. He misses a third, and gets hammered, however. Backdrop gets no sold, and Dr. Death clotheslines away. Simmons gets in, and goes to work on Mike with a side headlock. And yes, his ass was huge then too. He gets caught in the corner, however, and the collegiate athletes go to work. A big brawl breaks out, with the faces winning, but Ron was legal, and gets counted out at 3:45. Yawn. DUD.

- Second Round Match: Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson vs. Kendall Windham & The Italian Stallion: Please, save the Rocky jokes. Apparently, we’re not showing all the matches (it’s only as two-hour tape!), and that explains the skipping around. Windham dominates Blanchard at the top of the match, as I sit in awe of what a skinny boy Kendall is. He works the arm, so Anderson tags in, but gets the same. The Stallion tags in, and holds Arn for Kendall to hit, but he decides not to take the opportunity. Damn, no wonder you never got anywhere. Arn takes offense, too, and beats the life out of the Italian. Tully comes in, but gets pounded, but nails Windham with an elbow smash. Suplex, but Kendall cradles him for two, so he tags Arn, who hits the spinebuster. Kendall comes back with a slugfest, and makes the tag, allowing Stallion to hit a flying back elbow. Slam gets two, but he gets DDT’d, and pinned at 3:27. DUD, but super-fast paced.

- Second Round Match: The Road Warriors vs. The Jive Tones: I don’t really know who the Jives are, they’re just two fat black guys. (Pretty awesome team name, though) Doesn’t really matter, however, as the Road Warriors eat them for breakfast in 2:21. ½*, for some nice moves from the Warriors. (No one squash jobbers quite like The Road Warriors and The Steiner Brothers)

- Second Round Match: Larry Zbyszko & Al Perez vs. The Fantastics: The Fantastics actually take the time to go around hugging the entire front row before the match. Damn, that wouldn’t EVER, EVER get over today. (Maybe today though, now that they’ve gone back to TV-PG)  Perez works on Rodgers to start, and slams him. Tag to Larry, who powerslams him, but gets kicked in the face. Larry still tries a backdrop, but he lands on his feet, and dropkicks Bobby in. He hits a 2nd rope axehandle, and goes to the arm, so Zbyszko tags Al. He has his arm worked, too, however. They wrestle over a wristlock, which Perez wins with a German suplex, getting his two. Bobby tries to comeback with a 2nd rope bodypress, but gets backdropped, and Zbyszko hits a shoulderbreaker for two. Fulton tries to cradle him, so Perez pulls him off, prompting Rodgers to nail him, and allow Bobby to finish the spot, and get the pin, at 3:28. Decent outing. *.

- Second Round Match: Lex Luger & Sting vs. Dick Murdoch & Ivan Koloff: The faces have the injured Magnum T.A. with them, and huge fan support. Luger starts with Koloff, and backdrops the Russian. Hip toss, and a dropkick dumps Ivan to the outside. Kick down low allows a press slam (although poorly done), and he tags the Stinger in. He goes to the arm, but gets caught in the heel corner, and worked on. Dick works an armbar on him, but gets slammed, only to still his an elbow smash. Koloff tags in, and distracts the referee, allowing Murdoch to choke Sting with the Russian chain. Nash rope-choke spot dumps Sting, allowing Dick to whack him with a chair, so Luger makes the save. Inside, Murdoch takes the Stinger splash, and he tries a figure four, so Koloff stops it. Everyone brawls now, and Dick tries to slam Sting from the apron to inside, but gets cradled along the way for the pin at 5:16. ¼* for the final spot.

- Second Round Match: The Midnight Express vs. The Sheepherders: WHAT? The Bushwhackers? Dear G-D. This is before they were a couple of goofy faces, however, and back when they were a badass tag team. I know, I can’t believe it either. The Midnights dominate to start, but some cheating gets Eaton dumped outside, and the ‘Herders go to work. Back elbow by Butch gets one, and a big brawl breaks out. Gee, in EVERY MATCH? Bobby manages to whack Butch with Jim Cornette tennis racket, and the Midnights advance at 2:49. Wow, a Bushwhackers match that avoided negative stars AND stalling all in the same night! I’m in TOTAL shock, honestly. Still, a DUD. (They had some really good matches during this period, where it becomes literally hard to believe it’s the same team that was stinking up WWF cards across the country only a year later)

- Live from Greensboro, North Carolina … it’s Night Two!

- Your Hosts are still Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone.

- Prince of Darkness Match: Kevin Sullivan vs. Jimmy Garvin: This was the ORIGINAL blindfold match, an idea someone dumbly decided should be resurrected for WrestleMania VII. The expected fare here, as they find eachother, and do stuff. Garvin dominates with knees in the corner, but loses him, and gets tackled. Nothing else of note really happens, however, until Garvin cradles him for the pin at 2:32. Total DUD, of course.

- Bunkhouse Stampede Battle Royal: This is from January 1988, and is the finals of a Dusty Rhodes brainchild, which ends with a battle royal inside a steel cage. (It’s always good to be innovative and try changing things up, but did anyone truly think a battle royal inside of a cage was a good idea? Same with that stupid ‘reverse’ battle royal TNA tried. Sometimes it’s best to just stick with the classics. They’ve been around forever for a reason)  I have no idea why we’re showing it here, however. I’m guessing its since that show was never released on video, and they wanted to atleast get the finals on some tape. (And that whole show is now available on the WWE Network, which is just another of many reasons why it’s awesome)  Anyway, it’s the typical battle royal fare, only in a cage, which makes it very strange. Ivan Koloff cuts up Dusty Rhodes’ arm, in a sick spot, and the Barbarian helps him cut off circulation to his arm. Meanwhile, Lex Luger busies himself with beating on Tully Blanchard, as the Road Warriors have trouble with the Warlord. Arn Anderson teases an over the top elimination, as Tully tries to get Ivan out the door. Both fail, so Animal gets Koloff over-the-top to get rid of him. Warlord and Animal take a double elimination, through the door, as Luger racks up Blanchard. More brawling, and the Busters try to get Luger out the door. It takes them forever, but they finally manage to do it, only to end up having to sacrifice themselves to get it done! That leaves Rhodes alone with Barbarian, and Barbie hits his top-rope headbutt. Twice. He tries to get him out the door, but no dice, as he goes to town with elbow smashes. Both men climb, and Dusty gets the job done with a big elbow smash at 14:22. Wow, that sucked. DUD … and let us never speak of this again!

- Back to Greensboro, and the tourney, now.

- Third Round Match: The Powers of Pain vs. The Road Warriors: Barbarian goes to work on Animal to start, but gets powerslammed, causing Barbie to bail. Warlord tags in, but immediately gets clotheslined, causing him to bail out. Yawn. Barbie tags back in, and wrestles Hawk, and Hawk quickly clotheslines him over the top. He’s sick of waiting, however, and follows out, ramming him into the steps. He throws them at him, as the whole POP entourage bitches to the ref about it, until he stops them. Back in, Warlord tags in, but gets dropkicked. 2nd rope punch hits for two, and a brawl breaks out, won by the heels. Slam and a legdrop get two, and Barbarian tags in. He kicks Hawk in the head for two, then dumps him to the floor. Warlord slams him out there, and Barbarian takes the liberty of whacking his knee with a chair. Inside, a powerslam gets two, and he tags Warlord. He hooks a bearhug, which isn’t that great in context, and makes me dislike this one even more. Lazy bum. Hawk goes low to break, so Barbie tags in, and hooks his own bearhug. Great. Warlord’s back, but a heel miscommunication spot allows Hawk to make the hot tag to Animal! Dropkick! Powerslam! Diving shoulderblock! Clothesline … but that misses, and the ref gets bumped, triggering a big brawl. In the confusion, the Warriors manage to get Barbarian down, and pin him, at 8:37. Another ref comes out, however, and DQs the Warriors for the ref bump. Okay (…). Shitty match, either way. DUD. (This sounds awesome on paper, but yeah, I could totally see it sucking in practice)

- Texas Bullrope Match: The Midnight Rider vs. J. J. Dillon: The Rider is Dusty Rhodes, under a mask. At least he’s good enough not to make us look at his ugly mug. It’s SUPER obvious that its him, however, just to drive the point home for the REALLY stupid people. Dillon throws powder in his eyes to start, and chokes him with the bullrope. Then with his foot. Lots and lots of choking, in general. The Rider escapes this devastating array with an elbow smash, but gets hit down low, and choked some more. He hits a low blow to counter, again for the benefit of the dumb people, to drive home that there are no DQs. Dusty’s such a great guy, always helping us idiots. He uses the cowbell on him some, busting him open, in a pretty good blade job. He follows up with a series of elbow smashes, incase you STILL don’t know who it is, and a cowbell shot finishes at 4:19. Yawn, yawn and yawn again! DUD.

- Semi-Final Match: The Powers of Pain vs. Lex Luger & Sting: Sting starts with Warlord, which takes forever to get going. Sting screws up an early flying headscissors attempt, so Barbarian tags in. He chops away, but takes a 2nd rope bodypress for two, as we focus on the managers fighting on the floor, instead of the match. Yawn. Test of strength won by Barbie, so Sting fights up, only to get kicked back down. He fights up again, and then dropkicks him to the outside, leading to more stalling. Luger tags in, and slams Barbarian, then works the arm. Tag to Sting, who focuses on the arm, as we get a shot of some ugly woman walking around in the crowd. Okay (…). Barbie manages to powerslam Sting, and then kick him to the floor. Warlord tags in, and slams Sting, only to miss an elbow drop. Tag to Lex, who hits a quick back elbow, striking up a brawl between all four men. The faces end up winning, of course, and Lex topples Warlord off of a slam attempt for the win at 5:27. Boring match, but at least the right team went over. DUD.

- Semi-Final Match: Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson vs. The Fantastics: Finally. Blanchard starts with Rodgers, who wins a great wrestling sequence, and dropkicks him outside. In, the faces hit a double backdrop, and we end up with Tully vs. Fulton. Slam by Blanchard, and the tag to Arn, who dominates. He gets backslid, however, so he tags Blanchard before a count can happen. He dumps Bobby, and posts him, because he CAN. Inside, Tully works him over, but gets a sunsetflipped for two. He still tags the Enforcer in, however. Abdominal stretch applied (with extra leverage, of course), and Blanchard dives in with a double ax to the ribs for two. Chinlock, and a few hair slam spots, as Bobby gets aquatinted with the Ricky Morton role. Tag to Anderson, but he takes a faceslam, and tags out, as does Fulton. Rodgers dropkicks the hell out of the heels, and the faces double team to clean house. Upstairs, the rocker launcher hits Arn, but Blanchard saves at two. In the confusion, Arn snags a shoe from Dillon, and whacks Bobby for the pin at 6:57 to advance to the finals. Disappointing match, to say the least. ½*.

- NWA World Title Match: Ric Flair vs. Nikita Koloff: Wrestling sequence to start, won by Nikita, who gets him in a standing hammerlock. Flair escapes with a drop toe-hold into a front facelock, but Koloff turns that into a mat-based hammerlock. Standing armbar now, and Flair fights out, but Nikita starts no-selling his shots. He hits the 10-punch count, but gets stopped at six with an atomic drop by the champ. Kneedrop by Ric, but he misses a second attempt, so Koloff rams the knee into the post. He hooks his own figure four, which Flair is good enough to sell, but he makes the ropes. The ref then, in a weird-ass moment, kicks Flair’s hand off the ropes. WTF? He makes the ropes again, and this time the ref forces Koloff to break the hold. Okay (…). He keeps working the left knee, so Flair rakes the eyes, and chokes away. It spills to the floor, where Flair meets and greets the steel post, and then the steel rail. Back in, Ric begs off, as the blood begins to flow. 10-punch count in the corner, and the Flair flip, so Ric charges him with a series of chops. Nikita no-sells it all, and takes him down for some hammering. Biting from the Russian now, but he accidentally nails the ref in the process, which allows Flair to rake the eyes. Koloff still hits a 2nd rope clothesline for two, and then clotheslines the Nature Boy to the outside. Suplex in fails, but a clothesline doesn’t, getting him a close two. Flair is dazed, so Nikita charges, only to get backdropped over the top, causing a DQ at 8:51. WAY cheap ending, but I can see why they did it. But hey, it’s Flair. It’s 1988. OF COURSE it was decent! *.

- Final Round Match: Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson vs. Lex Luger & Sting: Tully and Luger start, and Lex quickly knocks him to the outside. He panics, and tags Anderson, who tries to outwrestle Luger. He succeeds, throwing him around with armbars, but he takes a standing side headlock. Luger follows with a double-handed choke toss, and a dropkick to knock the Enforcer to the floor. He tries to tag Tully from out there, but the ref doesn’t let it slide, but this is the same guy who kicked Flair’s hand in the last match, so whatever. Arn climbs in, and instead of tagging, he WRESTLES, which makes no sense since moments ago he WANTED a tag. He hooks Luger in a headscissors, THEN tags out, but Blanchard has no success. Sting tags in, and Tully bails out, only to run into Magnum T.A. A brawl breaks out, won by the faces, and it ends up Luger vs. Anderson. Lex hooks a mat-based hammerlock, showing more enthusiasm in that one hold than he did in all of 1998-2000 combined. Sting gets in, but misses the Stinger Splash, allowing Tully to toss him over the top, but the ref didn’t see it. He throws Sting into the rail some, and inside he hits a backbreaker for two (while hooking the tights, of course). Anderson tags in, and a criss cross allows him a spinebuster slam for a series of twos. Test of strength won by Sting, getting HIM two, so Blanchard tags himself in. He hammers Sting Morton in the corner, and hits an atomic drop. Anderson tries to stomp his face, but Sting holds the foot, and clotheslines him, in a neat sequence. He still can’t make the tag, however, so Arn makes his own, to Tully Blanchard. He gets Stinger splashed, however, and hooked in the deathlock! Tag made while in the hold, however, and Anderson DDT’s him for two. Hot tag to Luger, who cleans house, but takes an Anderson spinebuster for two. Brawl breaks out, and Arn tries a slam, but Magnum tugs the leg, and Lex topples him for … two. The finish is right around the corner, however, as Arn bitches at Magnum, and gets rolled up by Lex for the pin at 11:32. Fun match, but not a classic, or anything. ** ¾.

- Bottom Line: What do YOU think? Considering only one match was any good, and the rest was a bunch of DUD’s and parts of stars, how could I recommend seeing this? Historical value is also lacking, which might have helped the show if it had any, so definitely pass on grass … and this show. (Good luck finding it anyway)

- Strong Recommendation to Avoid.