WWE SummerSlam 2014

From Los Angeles, California; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, John Layfield, and Jerry Lawler

Opening WWE Intercontinental Title Match: The Miz v Dolph Ziggler: Miz antagonizes him with showboating at the bell, and suckers him into a standing side-headlock, but takes a sunset flip out of the resulting criss cross, and a magistral cradle from Ziggler for two. That's enough to send the champ out to the floor to break the momentum, but Dolph follows with a lariat out there, and schoolboys him on the way back in for two. Cross corner whip, but Miz reverses, and Dolph takes a chest first bump into the corner that would make even Bret Hart groan in sympathy. It gets two, and he works a chinlock, then cracks Ziggler with a big boot when he tries escaping. Flying axehandle is blocked with a gutpunch, and he challengers unloads a pair of clotheslines to setup a stinger splash into a neckbreaker for two. Miz tries dumping him, but Dolph skins the cat, and schoolboys him again for two. Miz tries cutting him off with the Skull-Crushing Finale, but Ziggler quickly shrugs him off, and pops him with a superkick for two. Nice sequence there. Miz wisely rolls out of the ring, and decides to grab the title belt and walk, but Dolph is on him with a baseball slide. Unfortunately, Miz is ready with a low blow as they re-enter, and he slaps on a figure four, but Ziggler makes the ropes. He quickly capitalizes with the Famouser, but Miz ducks it at the last second, and hits the Skull-Crushing Finale - for two. Miz doesn't know where to go from there, and Ziggler quickly capitalizes with the Zig Zag to win the title at 7:55. Good opener. * ¾

WWE Divas Title Match: AJ Lee v Paige: Don't really get what everyone sees in Paige, sexually. I mean, she's hot in a low-rent Eva Green sorta way, but I just don't see it. I get that your English, but that's what tanning beds were invented for! Paige wants a handshake to start, so AJ obliges - then literally bites her hand. Paige bails after AJ rips one of her extensions out, and AJ follows, but ends up taking a bump into the rail for her trouble. Back in, Paige mounts her for some headbutts in a very seductive manner, and the look on Lawler's face in the background is just priceless. Some things never change. Chinlock, but AJ starts to escape, so Paige drapes her over the middle rope, and unloads a series of kneesmashes - only to get pushed out to the floor. Lee follows with a flying clothesline, and hits the shining wizard for two on the way back in. Paige responds with a superkick, and she goes for the Turner, but AJ counters into the Black Widow! Paige teases a tap out, but manages to counter into a cradle DDT to win the title at 4:57. Nothing special, but they worked hard, and it didn't overstay its welcome. ½*

Flag Match: Rusev v Jack Swagger: Winner raises his flag. Of course, both guys wave their flags before the match even starts anyway, so I'm not sure what's actually on the line here. And, in fact, Rusev attacks as Swagger waves old glory, and beats him into the corner. Swagger fights back with a quick Patriot Lock, but the match hasn't officially started, so the referee breaks it up. Yeah, that should tell you who's winning this right off the bat. Rusev sells the ankle as the bell sounds, and Swagger is right on him - charging with a clothesline in the corner, and pounding it. Rusev bails a few times, but Swagger keeps dragging him back in - giving us a blink-and-you'll-miss-it shot of Linda McMahon in the first row. Inside, Jack tries the Swagger Bomb, but Rusev blocks with his knees, and slaps on a bearhug. Swagger escapes with a belly-to-belly suplex, and a cross corner whip sets up a big boot. Swagger Bomb hits for two, but hurts his ribs as well. Rusev stupidly tries a superkick and nearly ends up in another Patriot Lock, but grabs the ropes. Swagger grabs him with a powerslam for two, but a whip into the ropes is blocked with a superkick, and he goes for the Accolade, but the ankle gives out, and Swagger counters into the Lock. The crowd gets behind it, but Rusev slugs free, and hits a loose spinheel kick. Splash, and the Accolade finishes at 8:55 - which was obvious after Swagger got the visual win before the bell. Afterwards, Rusev raises his flag, while Lana raises everyone elses. Psychologically sound match, and Rusev sold the ankle really well throughout - though, it's kind of counterproductive for him to sell that much when they're building him as this unstoppable monster. **

Lumberjack Match: Dean Ambrose v Seth Rollins: Dean controls the opening slugfest, and beats him into the corner for some mud hole stomping. Seth tries to bail, but the lumberjacks cut him off, so Ambrose clotheslines him out anyway! Nice. Back in, Dean continues the slaughter, but walks into a savate kick, and gets dropkicked out for the heel lumberjacks to abuse. Inside, Seth unloads mounted punches, and a bodyslam sets up a kneedrop for two. Ambrose comes back with punches, but a trip to the top rope ends in him getting caught in a tree of woe, and Rollins slaps on a cobra clutch. Ambrose misses a bodypress to end up on the apron, and when Rollins tries to suplex him back in, Dean reverses - suplexing Seth onto a bunch of the lumberjacks! Great, visually impressive spot there - the lumberjacks going down like dominos. However, much like the pizza version, you can't keep Domino's down, and they try to get them back in. Dean manages to backdrop Seth into the crowd, but the lumberjacks roll Ambrose back in, so he responds with a tope onto them, then dives into the crowd after a recovering Rollins! Seth tries running, but Dean stalks him deep into the sea of fans for a beating. The lumberjacks sort of give up as they brawl up the stands, but Kane joins us to get them back on track, and half the roster heads into the crowd to drag them all back in. Another great domino spot, as the lumberjacks carry Seth back in like a crowd surfer, and Dean (who they've already gotten back in), dives onto all of them with a flying bodypress. Back in, Ambrose goes for the kill with Dirty Deeds, but Seth escapes, so Dean settles for taking his head off with a lariat for two. Nice sell job from Rollins there, and the crowd popped like mad for that spot. Kane comes in to stop him from finishing, but the lumberjacks object, and it leads to a big brawl between all of them in the ring - Seth clocking Dean with a briefcase in the chaos for the pin at 10:54. I really liked the story being told here, with Ambrose wanting to have a wild brawl, but having to fight not only Rollins, but all the lumberjacks to do so. The wrestling was limited by the gimmick, but it was super entertaining, so it balances out. ** ¼

Chris Jericho v Bray Wyatt: Wow, Jericho, really? I'm pretty sure he wrestled Bray's dad on pay per view when Wyatt was still in middle school, and WCW was still a thing. Chris attacks with chops, and a flying bodypress gets two. Back up, but Wyatt knocks him out to the floor, and follows for a running kneesmash against the steps. He props Jericho's head against the post for a running clothesline, then back in, Wyatt works a chinlock. Chris escapes with an enzuigiri, but a flying axehandle misses, and Bray hits a senton splash for two. Avalanche is blocked with a dropkick from Jericho for two, but Chris walks into a uranage before he can capitalize. Sister Abigail, but Jericho counters into a schoolboy for two, then shifts it into the Walls - Bray grabbing the ropes. Wyatt with a DDT onto the apron for two, and he goes up, but Jericho cuts him off with a rana off the top for two. Dropkick, but before Chris can leap with the springboard moonsault, Chumlee crab walks. Jericho gets disproportionately freaked out by it (for a long damn time), but quickly regroups with the Codebreaker for two. Wyatt rolls out, so Chris tries a baseball slide, but Bray sidesteps, and hits Sister Abigail against the rail. Back in, he does it again for good measure, and that's enough at 12:55. About five minutes too long for what they were going for, and quite dull, actually. I don't know who this Jericho is, but I've been watching a lot of 2000 WWF stuff lately, and there's no way that's the same guy, sorry. Well placed on the card, at least - after the crescendo that was the Lumberjack match. ¾*

Stephanie McMahon v Brie Bella: Speaking of 2000 WWF, man, Stephanie has aged. Aged well, mind you, but for someone like me who doesn't watch the current stuff as regularly (and hasn't since the end of the Attitude Era), it's quite jarring. It's, like, Jennifer Aniston. She still looks good now, but if you hadn't seen her since Friends circa 2000, it would be a bit of a shock. And speaking of shock, has it really been ELEVEN (!!) years since Stephanie's been in the ring?! I feel old. Stephanie dominates in the early going (which goes nicely with her all black leather ring gear), but walks into a pair of armdrags from Brie. Stephanie shrugs her off, but makes the mistake of mocking Daniel Bryan, and Brie paintbrushes her. She tries for the Yes Lock, but Steph grabs the ropes, and bails. Brie tries a tope, but gets swatted down like a sexy fly, and Stephanie rolls in to let the referee do his job, and count Bella out. Brie makes it in, so Stephanie punishes her with a DDT for two. Short-clothesline and a somersault necksnap get two. Bow-and-arrow, though that spot would be 100x more visually impressive with Nikki's rack. Bella escapes and hits a Thesz press, then shoves Steph into the corner for some lightning kicks that would probably have Ronda Rousey pissing herself laughing. Stephanie sells it all wonderfully, though. 2^nd rope dropkick gets Brie two, and some mounted punches draw Triple H out. His presence immediately draws Nikki Bella out - though, really, what's she gonna do? I mean, morale support is nice and all, but really? She's gonna stop Triple H? The distraction allows Stephanie to go for the Pedigree, but Brie counters into the Yes Lock, so HHH pulls the referee count. Nikki protests, but again, what's she gonna do? Brie lends an assist with a baseball slide onto HHH, but Nikki promptly turns on her after they corner Stephanie, and McMahon finishes with the Pedigree at 11:00. I get what they were going for with the turn, but Brie really should have gotten the win here. Especially with heels going over in all the big matches thus far. Not that her ring work deserved it, because kinda like with Steamboat's comeback a few years ago, Stephanie was actually better than most of the Divas division here, and totally exposed Brie in the process. ½*

Randy Orton v Roman Reigns: I'm not expecting much here, so anything over one-star will be gravy. Reigns goes right at him, and corners him for a ten punch, then clotheslines Randy over the top for a beating on the floor, but a whip into the steps gets reversed. Inside, Orton gets two off of it, and slaps on a chinlock. Reigns escapes, and goes to the top, but Orton crotches him, and hits a superplex for two. Back to the chinlock. Yeah, I don't think we'll be getting any sweet, sweet gravy in this one, sorry kids. Roman reverses, but Orton side suplexes his back out, and goes for another chinlock. Reigns drops him like a Samoan to escape, and they stagger up for a Reigns-won slugfest. Roman with a running clothesline, and a corner version sets up his running dropkick from the floor. He pulls Randy out there for a shot into the rail, but David Arquette (one of the many celebs around ringside) distracts him, and Orton reverses. Um, okay. He adds a shot into the post, and inside gets two off of it. To the top, but Reigns brings him down with a Samoan superdrop for two. Superman Punch (neat spot; too much setup), but Orton blocks the spear with a crisp powerslam for two. Rope-hung DDT sets up the RKO, but Reigns counters into a spear - blocked again by Orton with the RKO for a dramatic two count. Randy decides enough is enough, and goes for the punt, but now Roman is able to successfully block with the spear, and that's enough at 16:12. No gravy, kids. Really dull match, with a lot of manufactured drama, and too much downtime between moves. ¾*

Main Event: WWE World Heavyweight Title Match: John Cena v Brock Lesnar: Make or break time for me. Cena shows no fear as he tries spearing his challenger in the corner, but a scuffle on the mat doesn't go well for him, and Brock quickly hits the F5 for two. That would have actually been a cool finish, but not appropriate for the main event of SummerSlam, of course. John is ALL fucked up after that, though, and Brock toys with him - hitting a release German suplex, and not even bothering to cover and/or rush to follow-up. He lets John struggle to his feet for another one, and again has no interest in following - instead letting Cena struggle to his feet without any help, and snap suplexing him. Cena tries surprising him by railroading him into the corner, but Brock shrugs him off, and methodically pounds him for a bit before hitting FOUR release German suplexes in a row! And I'm not talking about a rolling version. I'm talking about him hitting one, then picking him up for another, and another, and another. Sure, there were some Royal Rumble 2003 flashbacks there, but it came off better because it wasn't that Brock was out of ammo, and hitting desperation suplexes, but rather, doing it to make a point, and punish him for kicking out of the F5 earlier. Yeah, so, Cena is dead now, and Brock decides to put him out of his misery with a cover, but John kicks out at two. Big mistake, John boy. Brock pounds on him some more to set up yet another release German, and John barely knows where he is. Well, dummy, should have stayed down before. Lesnar with another German. Okay, we get the point. There are other suplexes, too, you know? Another, but now Cena surprises him with a few elbows, so Brock decides to stop playing and hit the F5, but John counters into the FU for two. Brock gets up and laughs in his face, and Cena doesn't know what to do. He tries charging, but that gets him spinebustered, and Lesnar mounts him with punches on the canvas. He backs off to let the referee check for a submission, but Cena won't quit. Brock responds with a four-alarm rolling-German suplex, and no cover, since he wants Cena to give up. He won't, of course, so Lesnar rings the alarm three more times! Poor Cena, this is just brutal! The referee checks, but John won't quit. Brock advances for more punishment, but Cena instinctively sweeps him in the STF, so Lesnar decides to stop pussyfooting around, and hits another F5 for the title at 16:04. And that, as they say, is that. Not a great match by any means, but much like the Lumberjack match earlier, what it lacked in workrate it made up for in entertainment. Plus, this nicely sets up a rematch down the line (likely an I Quit match), and makes Lesnar look like an absolute monster. I mean, when do you ever see anyone casually squashing John Cena? Let alone in the main event of a major pay per view? ** ½

BUExperience: I get this show as part of my Network subscription, so I got my monies worth before I even pressed ‘play,’ but if I’d actually ordered this on pay per view old school style, I certainly wouldn’t have been satisfied with it. Nothing terrible, but too many heels going over, and nothing cracking three stars doesn’t make for a very good SummerSlam. It was a very entertaining show at points, but outside of the main event, I doubt anyone will remember this card in twenty years the way we remember SummerSlams from the early 1990s

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