HITMAN383 Rant for ECW Deep Impact (DVD)

- And now: The HITMAN383 Rant for ECW Deep Impact, DVD. (This was another I found on a trip to Vegas in 2001, and was written that September)

- BTW, I use this system:
***** - Excellent,
**** - Great,
*** - Good,
**- Okay,
* - Decent,
DUD – Nothing Match.

- Your Host is Joey Styles, of course.

- Special Features! Wrestler Bios, which is a decent section. There’s a montage of random ECW promos, which is really cool, with a bunch of fun stuff. Aside from the montage is Cactus Jack’s “anti-hardcore promo,” where he degrades the hardcore style because of it’s consequences. What’s with his arm hair, here? He’s half Robin Williams, and half smooth. (RIP, RW) Decent promo, however. In addition the “Steve-A-Mania” promo, where he comes in and spoofs Hogan all during a fight between Public Enemy and the Gangstas. Pretty funny stuff. Also is an “extreme moment” with Beulah and Fonzie where they fight, since Dreamer is hurt and RVD isn’t there. I guess it was supposed to be a mixed tag, or something. Here’s the quick review:

- Beulah vs. Bill Alfonso: He jumps her, as she checks on an injured Dreamer, but runs into a cookie sheet during a punch attempt. She dominates him, causing him to do a pretty good bladejob, and get beaten up into the crowd. Bill goes down low to turn the tide, and chokes her out. Gutwrench slam, but Beulah DDT’s him for two. Clothesline, but Bill chops her in the corner. He’s wearing a crimson mask on half a face at this point, BTW. He tries a moonsault, but gets crotched, and hung in the tree of woe. Beulah dropkicks a cookie sheet into his face, and goes up for he own moonsault, so Fonzie tries a powerbomb, but Beulah rana’s him for the pin at 5:30. ¼*.

- Okay, now on to the actual stuff.

- First Section: Title Matches.

- ECW World Title Three-Way Dance: Mikey Whipwreck vs. Steve Austin vs. The Sandman: The main feud was Sandman vs. Austin here, but Whipwreck had the belt they wanted, so we have a three-way! The pre-match video package gives you a nice idea of the feud, and is a great touch from the folks over at ECW. This is from December 1995, at (where else?), the ECW Arena. Austin and Mikey start, as Sandman hasn’t exactly arrived yet. Austin overpowers Mikey to start, showing off. He gets slapped for his arrogance, so Austin offers a handshake. Mikey takes it, and it’s actually legit! Hmm, didn’t we see that on RAW with Spike Dudley in the Mikey Whipwreck role a while back? Austin dominates with wrestling holds (such as front facelock’s, hammerlocks, that shit. Mikey makes the ropes, so Austin shakes his hand again. Whipwreck dominates with a headlock, as Sandman is become unfashionably late. Steve comes with chops and chokes, but Whipwreck tries a tights assisted sunset flip (which is what he beat Austin with weeks prior), but Steve kicks his ass. And NOW, five and a half minutes in, Sandman takes his time to make his long-ass entrance. Steve gets distracted with Sandman, and gets missile dropkicked, and clotheslined out by Mikey. Steve’s just to strong, however, and tosses him to the rail. Piledriver on the floor, as Sandman poses for pictures. He won’t get in because he hasn’t finished his beer or cigarette yet. Yeah, all the time you were backstage … what do you call that? Your warm-up for the pre-match cigarette? Austin spends his time killing Whipwreck, and doing Hulk Hogan impressions instead. He finally gets in (eight and a ½ minutes in), and we have a slugfest! That allows Mikey to rana in on Sandman, and he tries on Austin, but gets powerbombed for two. Mikey whips Steve to the ropes, but Sandman tugs down the rope, and Steve topples out. Slugfest out there, and Mikey follows with a dive onto both. He rolls both back in, and kicks their asses with punches! He tires out from that, so low blows them, and tries a springboard bodyblock, which hits mat. Everyone’s down. Mikey bodypresses Sandman for two, prompting Austin to piledrive him for his chutzpah. Stun gun (which was his finisher at this point) gets the pin to eliminate the champ at 12:33. The remaining two brawl on the floor, where Austin chairs him. He gets dumped in the crowd, however, where Sandman dominates. Why is the railing so freakin’ close to the ring to begin with?!? Sandman tries to do something with a table, but Austin outpowers him, and chairs him again. Stun gun on the rail is blocked by Jim landing purposely on his arm (which is smart in one way, dumb in another), but still gets thrown facefirst through a table on the outside. Austin chokes at him, and throws him into the rail, as this is slowing WAY down. Inside, more choking. Even the Nash-rope choke spot (lousy…) for two, and a facefirst suplex, AGAIN blocked as Sandman lands on the arm. Austin steels the Sandman’s beer (oh, that’s it!), and spits it in his own face. Woman wakes him up by dumping another beer in Sandman’s eyes (okay…), and he’s a house of fire! He gets slammed, bumping the ref, but it still gets two, as Sandman’s feet are in the ropes. Sandman avalanches Steve into the corner, and covers for the pin (and the title) at 20:04, as the ref doesn’t see Steve’s foot on the ropes. The match wasn’t really much, as it was mostly weak brawling. ¾*.

- ECW World Title Barbed Wire Match: Terry Funk vs. Sabu: From August 1997, in the ECW Arena. The wire isn’t wrapped AROUND the ropes, it IS the ropes. This is also the very famous “Born to be Wired” match. Sparring to start, and Terry takes him down with a single leg takedown. Sabu escapes with punches, so Terry returns the favor. He tries to throw him into the wire, but Sabu puts the breaks on. Funk does the same, and bails out. Back in, Sabu stomps him face, and hooks a bad version of the camel clutch. Funk with a neckbreaker (nice one, too), and a good piledriver for two. DDT, and he tries the wire again, and they fight over that, but no one takes it. Sabu rana’s him for two, and gets shoved off into the wire. Terry rakes his face on it, drawing blood. He goes back first into it, and then gets crotched on it. Well, at least he can rob any place in New York City at night now, since he’s so used to that feeling. Again, back first to the wire. Terry channels Mike Tyson for some jabs, as they call spots. Chops now, and he tries to throw him in again, but Terry gets reversed. He wraps Funk’s arm in it, and grabs a chair, which he bashes the back with some. Terry’s head gets raked viciously in the wire, and Sabu gets a spike from his boot. Use your imagination as to what he does to Funk’s head with it. Dropkick tangles Terry in the wire for two, as the sickos chant “ECW.” He misses a springboard dive in the corner, and eats wire. That cuts up his arm pretty badly, and earns Terry a two count. Terry sets up chairs to allow Sabu time to try to tape up the arm, but stops him mid-way, and neckbreakers him on two chairs, WHILE HE KEEPS TAPING HIS ARM. No, that doesn’t look bush league AT ALL. Slugfest won by the champ, and Sabu bails. Obviously to attend to his arm, which looks pretty nasty. Sabu gets hurt a lot, doesn’t he? Funk follows out, and rakes his face on the wire, and rolls him in. Spinning toehold, and Fonzie gets involved, so Funk drags him on the wire, too. He drops Sabu sternum first on the wire, and beats the hell out of Bill some more, raking wire across his back. Poor guy. He bails out, and Funk cuts some wire down, and whips Sabu with it. He goes out to attack Alfonso, for some unexplained reason, probably to let Sabu heal himself. Inside, Sabu cuts some wire, and stabs Funk with it. Rob Van Dam runs in at this point, and abuses the old man a bit. He wraps Terry Funk in wire, as the challenger continues to cut stuff down. Rob lays Funk out on a table, all wrapped up in barbwire, and Sabu leaps out on him with a legdrop, smashing the table. Tommy Dreamer (Funk’s protégé) runs out to take Van Dam out, as Sabu rolls him in for a two count. He lays him out on a table again, gets a ton of wire, wraps HIMSELF in it, and dives onto the wire covered Funk, smashing the table. Now THAT’S crazy. They’re wrapped together now, and can’t even climb back in, so Fonzie and the ref have to PUSH them in. Man, that’s just wrong. They can’t even disconnect. Sabu covers that way for two, and then does it again for three at 20:40, giving him the title. Long, brutal, and disgusting. Not a good combo. Afterwards, they work overtime to try to cut them loose, since they’re still WRAPPED TOGETHER. This is just sick. The match really wasn’t much, as it was mostly just shots with the wire. ¾*.

- ECW Television Title Match: Taz vs. Bam Bam Bigelow: This is from March, 1998 at Living Dangerously, which was held in Asbury Park New Jersey. The fans actually back Bigelow, since this IS his hometown. Bam Bam throws a punch to start, and Taz catches his hand, and turns it into an armbar submission. He makes the ropes, so Taz clotheslines him over the top to the floor. Taz dives out after him, but gets caught, and Bam Bam posts him. Into the rail, and back inside. Powerbomb hits hard for two, and he avalanches him in the corner. He tries again, but Taz lariats his head off. He tries a belly to belly suplex, but Bam Bam topples him for two. He charges, but Taz backdrops him onto the entrance ramp. He then Taz-plexes him out, into the crowd (and the chairs), and Taz smashes into the rail with the back of his head. That was brutal, ladies and gentlemen. Taz follows into the crowd, but Bigelow chairs him. Cactus clothesline over the rail, and Bam Bam knocks his head on the way down. Inside, a DDT gets Bam Bam two. Moonsault (WrestleMania XI style, however) gets two, and Bam Bam throws a table (already half broken) in the ring. And they said they don’t pre-cut them! He sets up what’s left of the table, and tries to powerbomb Taz through it, but gets stun gunned through it himself, allowing Taz a two count. Well that’s an accomplishment. The crowd chants “choke him out” to Taz, but instead, they brawl on the floor. Bam Bam gets hit with a flimsy piece of plywood, but grabs a chair, and smashes Taz’s back. Into the crowd again, Taz chairs Bigelow. Over the rail, Bam Bam hits him with a street sign. And that was there, why? Taz challenges him to keep hitting him, so Bigelow does, but gets hit down low. He returns the favor, and inside we go. Greetings from Asbury Park, but Taz turns in into the Tazmission, so Bam Bam leaps backwards to get him off, smashing through the ring. It looked REALLY cool when it was unexpected, and still holds up today. Bam Bam crawls out first, and then drags Taz out with him for the pin (and the title) at 13:35. Fun match, with a memorable ending, and the only major complaint was the LONG out of ring portions. ** ½. (My thoughts haven’t changed much on this one, though I did downgrade it a bit to ** when I did a BUExperience)

- Second Section: Hardcore Matches.

- Terry Funk & The Sandman vs. Cactus Jack & Shane Douglas: This is from March 1995, in Philly, and is the famous flaming branding iron incident. Everyone brawls to start, with Shane taking on Sandman, and Cactus fighting Funk. Shane canes all his enemies, and accidentally even nails Cactus. The DeNucci students argue, but Funk breaks it up by throwing a chair in the ring. Cactus grabs it, and hammers Funk and Sandman, but the two gang up and dominate Mick. Shane is no where to be found, but pops back in with the cane to do some more damage. Cactus clothesline puts Sandman on the floor, and another puts Funk on the floor. ANOTHER for Sandman, as Shane goes to work on Terry. He sits him in a chair, and clotheslines him out of it, and Cactus dives off the 2nd rope to the floor on Terry! They throw Sandman into the crowd, and then Shane whips Cactus over the rail, crushing Sandman. Great visual. Funk goes ballistic, grabbing weapons from the crowd and wildly swinging, but gets dropped inside for a beating. Sandman saves, and everyone brawls inside now. Terry DDT’s Shane, and throws Cactus to the floor. He and Sandman follow out, and chair him. Terry and Sandman take apart a piece of the rail, and throw it inside, dropping it on Shane a couple times. Ouch. Cactus responds by throwing chairs in, so Terry throws one back at his head! Inside, Funk and Sandman keep abusing Shane on the railing. Sandman misses a spear on Mick, toppling to the floor, so Terry chairs Mick, then puts Shane in the spinning toehold. Foley saves. On the outside, Cactus and Funk brawl into the crowd. Meanwhile, Shane and Sandman’s fight spills out, too, and they brawl up the aisle. Funk DDT’s Cactus on the floor, and grabs a toolbox, and spills all the tools out. Everyone brawls to the entrance area, and Sandman weakly side suplexes Cactus on the floor. They fight back inside, and Mick legdrops a chair on his head. He tries to smash him with it, but gets nailed down low. DDT on the chair by Sandman, and a top rope legdrop on Cactus’s chair covered head. That gets two, when Douglas saves. He knocks Sandman to the outside, and slingshots out after him. Meanwhile, Terry re-appears with a flaming branding iron, which he uses on Cactus. Shane saves, back Sandman stops him, so Terry piledrives him on the iron for the pin at 12:53. Non-stop brawl, which is good for keeping the “boring” factor low, but not much else to see here. **.

- Masato Tanaka & Jerry Lynn vs. Mike Awesome & Justin Credible: From July 1998, at the bingo hall of wrestling. Mike and Masato start, and chop it out. Flair/Steamboat level, too. Mike takes him down with a shoulderblock, but Tanaka pops up, and clotheslines him down. Springboard clothesline puts Mike on the floor, and Tanaka follows. He lays him against the post, and charges with a chair, bashing his skull. Inside, Lynn gets tagged in. 2nd rope axehandle, and a dropkick hits. A series of them has no effect, so Tanaka does one to take him down. Lynn charge, but gets alley-ooped to the mat. Justin gets tagged in, and chops away. Jerry returns the favor, and nicely dropkicks him into the corner. Criss cross allows Jerry a flying back elbow for two, but he misses a flying broncobuster type move. Justin tries a suplex, but gets caught into an armbar submission. He makes the ropes quickly, and Tanaka tags back in. Justin dives into his corner with fear, and tags the big man. He clobbers Masato, and hits a release German suplex! Slingshot shoulderblock gets two, and a slingshot German suplex hits. Clothesline, as the ring makes garbage can sounds. Mike sets up a table on the outside, and tries to powerbomb Tanaka from the inside onto it, but Masato escapes. He tries his own, but gets backdropped, and covered for two. Clothesline to the floor, and Lynn hits a flying headscissors on Justin. Baseball slide knocks him into the crowd, and a springboard bodyblock follows, all the way into the crowd. Mike knocks Tanaka into the crowd, and follows with his own version. Okay, now THAT was cool! Inside, Mike slams Tanaka and hits a frogsplash for two, when Jerry saves. Chair shots by Mike, and Tanaka starts no selling. A big shot kills him, and Justin tags in for a two count, and Masato starts no selling again! Powerslam, and the tag to Lynn. Side suplex, and he goes upstairs. Flying legdrop gets two, so he tries a German suplex, but Credible does the Ric Flair mule kick to break. Awesome tags in, and splashes Lynn for two. Huge belly to belly gets two, and Justin tags back in. Chinlock applied, which is the first slowdown I’ve seen yet. Lynn escapes, and sunset flips, but gets cradled for two. Pinfall reversal sequence gives both some two counts, and Justin powers up with a Bossman slam. Tag to Mikey, who avalanches him in the corner for two. Alley-oop, but he gets rana’d, and tags Justin. He chops away, but gets kicked in the balls. Tanaka in, and he’s a house of fire. Big clothesline gets two on Justin, and a superplex gets two. Chair gets involved, and Masato hits a tornado DDT on it for two, saved by Awesome. Lynn hits a missile dropkick to counter Awesome, but he comes back and powerbombs Masato to the outside, through the table Great bump there. Meanwhile, Justin tires his tombstone, but Lynn reverses, and gets the pin at 15:05, while Awesome was too busy hitting Masato to save. Quite the match there, definitely helping this tapes overall value a lot. Other than that one chinlock spot, this was non-stop great action. **** ¼.

- At this point, the video tape version ends, and I would say I’d give it a very mild recommendation, overall. The DVD, however, has two more matches (not including the Beulah/Fonzie match from the “special features” section).

- Third Section: Classic Matches (DVD exclusive).

- Tajiri vs. Psychosis: From August 2000, in the ECW Arena. Psychosis just looks odd without a mask. (The word you’re looking for is ‘ugly’) Psychosis dominates with mat wrestling to start, but Tajiri counters, showing his abilities in that forum. Countered again, as he hooks a surfboard. Tajiri escapes, and covers for two. They fight over an armbar, with a bunch of reversals, earning a standing ovation from the crowd. Psychosis makes the mistake of trying to trade kicks with Tajiri, and pays the price. LONG, LONG criss cross allows them both to armdrag eachother, and do a bunch of spots for one counts, earning a huge “ECW” chant. Psychosis controls with chops, but eats a kick. Tajiri tries a tornado DDT, but ends up taking a version of it himself! Sunset flip by Psychosis for two, and Tajiri hooks a pretzel like submission hold, then kicks his block off. Ouch. Again, and he chops away. Kick to the back of the head, as the Buzzsaw gets relentless. Psychosis chips him to comeback, but misses a super corner charge, FLYING to the floor. Now THAT’S a holy shit bump. Tajiri hurdles out onto him, impressing me some more. Psychosis reverses a whip to the rail, and then drops Tajiri sternum first on the rail. He lays him out that way, and launches himself over the top into the crowd, but overshoots, and crashes down. Ouch, ouch, ouch. Chair shot by Psychosis, as some little kid in the crowd looks on in shock. Odd seeing a little kid at an ECW show. Inside, he tries a flying rana, but gets sit-down powerbombed. Tajiri hits his handspring elbow (even MUTA never did it that well) for two, and tries a powerbomb, but Psychosis escapes, and German suplexes him for two! Flying broncobuster misses, and he gets hung in the tree of woe. Tajiri kicks his crotch, and then baseball slides into his face. He’ll NEED that mask to cover up the damage after that one! It gets two, and more chops follow. Flair would be proud. Rana attempt reversed for two, and Psychosis hits a standing victory roll for two! Double clothesline kills them both, and when they recover, Psychosis tries a brainbuster, but gets stunnered, and kicked right in the mush. THAT only gets two, so he puts him up top. He tries a suplex, but gets dropped face first instead! Top rope legdrop only gets two (!), and he tries a flying body scissors, but it’s stopped with a kick to the crotch. Smart counter. Buzzsaw-like kicks, and a seated dropkick end it at 14:49. Quite the match there, and probably the last great ECW match. *** ½.

- Francine vs. Beulah: From August of 1995, in the ECW Arena. Beulah was Raven’s at this point, and Francine was Stevie Richards. And Richard’s was Raven’s. Don’t even ask. Anyway, Stevie gets to ref, just because. He checks both for foreign objects before hand, of course. Usual catfight fare, complete with rolling around and hair pulling. Anyway, Beulah takes off Francine’s top, leaving her in a sport’s bra. The jean shorts go next. Sports bra’s gone, but she has a skimpier one under. Gym shorts are gone, too. Beulah gets a frying pan, but Francine goes low. She grabs the pan, and whacks Beulah in the head with it for two, when Raven stops the count. She strips Beulah, too, BTW. She covers after that (since it … did … damage??), but Raven stops that, and orders Stevie to chose between him and Francine. He picks Raven, and superkicks Francine. Beulah then gets the easy pin at 7:57. DUD, of course. Afterwards, Beulah gives Francine a wedgie, and a piledriver.

- Bottom Line: The DVD only adds one other worthwhile match, but that definitely makes a difference, no question. The tag match is great, and the Psychosis/Tajiri match is very good, but the rest leaves a lot to the imagination. One thing is for sure, even the matches that aren’t that good, definitely aren’t BORING, and interesting for other reasons, such as historical value.

- Mildly Recommended.

(Sorry I didn’t have much to add with this… don’t remember enough about it, and will save thoughts for when I do BUExperience’s on these)