WWF Superstars (May 16, 1992)

Original Airdate: May 16, 1992 (taped April 29)

From Syracuse, New York; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Mr. Perfect

Shawn Michaels v Sonny Blaze: After watching a bunch of 1996 WWF recently, it's so weird hearing Vince on commentary NOT falling over trying to blow Michaels at every turn. "You're lookin' at the wrestler of the 90s, McMahon!" "Who, Sonny Blaze?" Who is this guy, and why isn't he screaming at the top of his lungs about how charismatic and flamboyant Shawn Michaels is? He also sounds half asleep on commentary today, which is a weird look for him. They're still pushing Michaels chasing Bret Hart really hard here, towards what was supposed to be the SummerSlam match. Shawn with a superkick and the Teardrop Suplex to finish at 2:31. I get why he eventually dumped that suplex as his finisher, but it's weird that he never used it again past, like, 1994. It would have been a nice callback in some big match somewhere down the line, but it's like he completely forgot about it. DUD

We take a look back at the finish of the Ric Flair/Sgt. Slaughter match from last week, and all the shenanigans with Mountie. And by 'the finish' I mean 'half the damn match,' since apparently seeing them botch that catapult spot once wasn't enough. This leads to Gene Okerlund in the studio revealing that Jimmy Hart orchestrated the whole thing as if it's some major bombshell, or something. I mean, Hart is Mountie's manager, it's not exactly, ahem, shocking

Tatanka v Barry Hardy: Vince sounds like he's having trouble getting his own bullshit over this week, which is really driving me nuts. I'm actually one of the people who doesn't dislike Vince as a commentator, but his strong suit is unquestionably his ability to enthusiastically get his angles over, and it's weird without that. End of the Trail finishes at 1:50. "Tatanka still remains undefeated," notes Vince. Again... shocking. ¼*

WBF Championship coming to pay per view June 13. Vince quite literally calls them hunks of beef here, which is a weird way to market this shit

Berzerker v Scott Taylor: Vince is finally amped up about something this week, specifically the WBF. Good thing that shit folded, or else he may never have latched onto Shawn Michaels, and HBK never would have made it to the main events. See, everything happens for a reason. Berzerker dumps Taylor over the top for the countout win at 1:47. I get that these are squashes, but man, they're just flying through these things. DUD

Tito Santana has seen it all, and knows what it takes to get to the top. Not sure it works that way, Tit. Like, I've seen Michael Jordan dunk a basketball a million times, but I'm no closer to doing it myself as a result

The Nasty Boys apparently think beating High Energy is their ticket back to the tag team title. I love Jimmy Hart enthusiastically nodding along... despite managing the current tag champions (Money Inc) already

Crush is hanging out in a junkyard, crushing things. You know, as one does. That's quite an outfit he's chosen. Put on pants, you fuckin' weirdo!

Repo Man v Jay Sledge: Sledge's hairstyle makes him look like he's trying out for the Legion of Doom. Or, maybe he just fell asleep in the vicinity of Mr. Perfect. One or the other. Vince, meanwhile, is STILL on about the WBF. Man, the world before internet porn must have been really challenging for some people. Repo with a half crab at 1:16. DUD

Skinner is unconcerned with fitness, apparently. I still don't get how this character got a Hasbro action figure back in the day. Especially in that era, when it was usually reserved for the stars

WWF Intercontinental Champion Bret Hart is still celebrating his title win from WrestleMania. Dude, it's been over a month. Time to move on. You wouldn't want people to think Bret Hart is a mark for himself, would you?

Big Boss Man v Glen Ruth: Like the who's who of jobbers out here this week. Now Boss Man made sense as a Hasbro figure. In fact, I think he was one of the very first ones I ever had. Boss Man, Jake Roberts, Hulk Hogan (bear hug one), and Ultimate Warrior (press slam) were the first few, I think. That Hogan one was terrible to actually play with, though. Really hard to pin due to the positioning of the arms. So, just like real life, he rarely did any jobs. Boss Man Slam at 1:20. Afterwards, Boss Man wants to get funky with the nightstick, but Nailz comes on over the loudspeaker, making threats. Honestly, he just stopped what would have been some pretty blatant and totally uncalled for police brutality. He's a hero, and we should treat him as such! DUD

Ultimate Warrior v Brian Knobbs: The Nasty Boys have kept secret which of them would be working the match until bell time, which is hilarious. As if Warrior is sitting back there training for the subtle differences between Knobbs and Sags, or something. He works the same match against Andre the Giant as against Rick Rude! But you think THAT'S going to through him off of his game?! And then Warrior just runs out and kills them both anyway. The Boys manage to double team to slow him down, and Knobbs works him over as Papa Shango shows up, stealing a bit of Warrior's gear that's fallen off, and taking it with him to the back. Warrior starts making a comeback, so Jerry Sags whacks him with a chair to put a stop to it, and Brian covers for two. Warrior starts making another comeback, however, and the jumping shoulderblock sets up a splash at 3:50. Which is practically a broadway compared to the other matches today. Afterwards, Shango shows up again to shout curses at the Warrior, and he's actually super creepy and effective while going into his trance. Warrior ignores him, but he can't ignore the sudden stabbing pain in his abdomen, which leaves him down in a heap on the floor, as Shango's curse catches up to him. He's taken to the back, where he's in tremendous pain, and suddenly starts vomiting all over the place (and all over everyone). I get that he's been cursed, but did he have to aim right in the guy's face? Use your bucket! This segment is pretty legendary for a reason. DUD

The Beverly Brothers v Jim Brunzell and Bobby Knight: Wait, Jim Brunzell? Weird. Not that he should have been getting a push at this point, but just weird to see him demoted to lowly jobber. Knight looks like he raided Scotty Flamingo's wardrobe before the match, which may or may not have been the shot that actually started the Monday Night Wars. Not sure. Will have to research. He gets killed by the Bevs at 1:44 anyway. ¼*

Virgil notes that people 'all over the world are behind him 100%!' So I guess being delusional about his place in the business is not a new thing with him, then

Repo Man is less delusional than Virgil, but still definitely needs to brush up on the law, since apparently he thinks he's allowed to repossess actual people. Now if that were true, I'm pretty sure a large man with a butterfly net would have taken Ric Flair away years ago

BUExperience: Nothing resembling a good match or angle this week, but boy did it all fly by! Especially after watching so much modern WWE.