WWF Superstars (May 23, 1992)

Original Airdate: May 23, 1992 (taped April 29)

From Syracuse, New York; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Mr. Perfect

Undertaker v Bill Pierce: Vince is still on about the whole attempted murder thing by Berzerker a few weeks ago. Though, I love how he describes it as Berzerker trying to 'skewer' Undertaker, like he's a kebab chef. I get that they needed to keep it super PG, but if you need to be super PG maybe, I dunno, don't book attempted murder angles? Just a thought. That would be like Disney trying to book an attempted murder. I mean, can you imagine what something like, say, The Lion King or Bambi or Aladdin would be like with attempted murder? That would never fly! And Disney figured that out a long time ago. If you want to keep it safe for kids, the murder actually has to be successful. I guess it's a learning experience for them, I don't know. I don't have kids. Anyway, speaking of which, Tombstone finishes at 2:23. DUD

Gene Okerlund (in super half-assed mode if we're being honest - shilling the WWF Merchandise Catalog by promising "t-shirts, jackets, that kinda stuff") takes us back to Papa Shango's orgasm during vomit fest '92 last week

Virgil v Duane Gill: Even Virgil doesn't seem to buy his hype anymore. That's a bad sign. He will be at the WBF Championship, however! That's basically a stepping stone to headlining WrestleMania! Virgil's pretty energetic in the ring this week (as he often was during this period), but man, his gear just sucks. It's so hard to get behind a guy with shitty gear. Cobra clutch finishes Gill at 1:47. They didn't mention a name for the move here, but did they ever give him his own name for it, or was he just using it as the 'Million Dollar Dream' this whole time? ¼*

Money Inc v Jim Powers and Mark Kay: Speaking of the Million Dollar Man! Money Inc are the reigning WWF Tag Team Champions here. I'm not sure I get IRS' shtick this week. Like, he's calling people out for filing for an extension on their taxes, reminding them that cheating on taxes is illegal. Well yeah, but doesn't the fact that they're filing for an extension kind of indicate that they intend to pay them? I mean, they could just not pay them if they weren't going to pay them. Why would you file for an extension to not pay? Anyway, IRS with the Write Off at 1:52. Shit, I was kind of hoping DiBiase would finish with the Million Dollar Dream just to tie in with the last match. But they didn't because back then the agents actually gave a shit. ¼*

High Energy is still high. 'Natural high,' clarifies Koko. Yeah, I don't know about that one. I mean, maybe if I didn't have eyes, or ears, or any other sense other than, say, taste... maybe I could buy it? But, I feel like my sense of taste would be so heightened at that point that's I could probably feel it seeping out of their pores

Rick Martel is not high. Actually, he doesn't really say one way or the other, but let's just assume. I mean, drugs in an early 90s pro-wrestling locker room? Unlikely

Davey Boy Smith v Barry Hardy: Nothing about Smith's push at this point would indicate that he'd be headlining the next pay per view, and winning the secondary title in front of 80,000 people. That dude really caught a break when they moved that show to England. And then he STILL almost blew it by spending the whole summer getting high, apparently. Unnatural high, to be clear. Running Powerslam finishes Hardy at 1:38. DUD

Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect are having a very 1992 picnic, and Flair is kvetching to Perfect about how horrible it is to have Miss Elizabeth constantly hounding him for sex. Yeah, poor bastard. This was actually a pretty fun segment, with Flair and Perfect leaning right into the goofiness, but still hitting the right notes of malice

Crush is hi. Like, he just wants to say hello. Nothing to do with drugs. He's just hi, and he wants to climb a mountain, and he'll crush anyone who gets in his way. And you don't want to be around when Crush comes crashing down. Well I'm definitely not going mountain climbing with that guy

The Beverly Brothers are apparently still undefeated. Really?

Mountie v Bobby Knight: Vince is really excited about Mountie's shock stick. Sgt. Slaughter less so. Mountie with a dropkick at 1:18. A dropkick? DUD

Gene Okerlund brings Ultimate Warrior out to discus vomit-gate, but Warrior ain't afraid of no ghosts. Until black blood starts oozing out of his head. Yeah, that’s bad chicken. Mess you up

The Bushwhackers v Vince Sola and Dublin Destroyer: Oh man, Sola looks HORRIBLE here. Like, I'm surprised Vince would allow him on TV at all, even as a jobber. He looks like Bastion Booger, but without the charisma. Destroyer, meanwhile, appears to be wearing a diaper. Where did they find these goofs. I mean, upstate New York, I suppose. Battering Ram finishes Sola at 1:17. "The Bushwhackers having some fun out there," notes Vince. Well, glad someone is. DUD

Kamala v Kerry Davis: Kimchee's got some weird red variation of his mask today. I hate covering Kamala matches because between Kimchee and Harvey Wippleman I have to spend half the match remembering how to spell their stupid names. Kamala with a splash at 1:21. DUD

WBF apparently had a magazine? And they had an article on steroids? Poor Sean Mooney can't even get through that one with a straight face

Shawn Michaels has the energy of a young boy inside of him. Meanwhile, Sherri appears to have the energy of a Boonton hooker inside of her

The Natural Disasters are curious about Jimmy Hart's sleeping habits. Maybe just call him up if you're so concerned? What a weird way to go about things

BUExperience: Without a feature match or any major angles this was a very skippable episode, but it was still a breeze to watch.