WWE WrestleMania XXVIII (April 2012)

 

Original Airdate: April 1, 2012

From Miami, Florida; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler

Opening World Heavyweight Title Match: Daniel Bryan v Sheamus: The ‘YES’ chant thing is starting to takeoff here. Bryan wastes time getting a good luck kiss from AJ Lee at the bell, allowing Sheamus to sneak up with the Brogue kick to win the title at 0:18. I guess they wanted to go for the big shock moment over actually delivering a match. DUD

Randy Orton v Kane: The announcers keep reminding us that people are still filing in, because there are so many empty seats. Yeah… that’s very accurate for Miami, actually. Orton slugs him into the corner at the bell, but a corner whip gets reversed, and Kane follows in with a corner clothesline. Backdrop, but Orton blocks, so Kane tries a chokeslam, but Randy blocks that as well. Randy stomps him down, but Kane drops him into the ropes, and hammers him in the corner. Kane with a snapmare to set up a seated dropkick for two, and he goes to a chinlock. That was a weird sequence to see from Kane. Orton fights free, leading to a slugfest, won by Kane for two. Kane with a corner whip and a sidewalk slam for two, and he grounds Randy again, this time in a headvice. Backdrop, but Orton counters with a swinging neckbreaker for two, but Kane reverses a turnbuckle smash. Kane with a hanging vertical suplex for two, and he goes back to the chinlock from there. Another sidewalk slam, but Orton counters with an inverted headlock backbreaker, and he makes a comeback. RKO, but Kane blocks, and throws a big boot for two. Kane dives with a flying clothesline, but Orton throws a dropkick to block. He goes for a punt from there, but Kane counters with a chokeslam for two. Kane blocks the RKO again, so Randy tries a superplex, but Kane chokeslams him off the middle rope for the pin at 10:55. They didn’t mesh here. Not with each other, and not with the crowd. ½*

WWE Intercontinental Title Match: Cody Rhodes v Big Show: Dusty’s son versus And… nevermind. Rhodes makes him run around, and tries a baseball slide after stealing the high ground, but a Show catches him, and presses the champion into the ring. Show with a biel, and he takes Cody into the corner to abuse. Show with a bodyslam, and he gives Rhodes a stinkface in the corner. Show with a cross corner whip to set up an avalanche, but Rhodes dodges, and throws a pair of dropkicks to take Show down. Rhodes works the leg, but an attempt at a dive ends in Cody taking a spill to the outside. Show hurts his shoulder in the process, however, allowing Rhodes to return with a springboard kick. Again, but Show topples him, and pops Rhodes with a knockout punch for three at 5:17. This wasn’t good, but thankfully they kept it short. And then Show cries because he won the title, since that’s what the business is these days. ¼*

Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres v Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos: Eve and Kelly start, and Kelly schools her a bit. Kelly with a rana into a cradle for two, so Eve corner whips her, but misses a charge. That allows Kelly a few turnbuckle smashes to set up a handspring backelbow, but Eve blocks. Torres goes upstairs, but Kelly knocks her off, and passes to Maria for stereo stinkfaces. Eve pounds Maria down from there, however, and she uses a ropechoke, with Beth taking a cheap shot. Eve gets a bodyscissors on, and she passes to Beth, as the heels cut the ring in half on Maria. Kelly catches a hot tag, and she runs wild, but gets clobbered with a double team. That allows Beth to try the Glam Slam, but Kelly counters with a bulldog. That allows the tag back to Maria, and battered Maria gets to the top rope, but Beth clobbers her before she can dive. Beth sets up a press-slam, but Kelly saves, and Maria hooks a schoolboy at 6:43. Maria was probably having the time of her life out there, but she looked lost, and Kelly isn’t exactly the kind of high level worker that can carry the team. ¼*

Hell in a Cell Match: Undertaker v Triple H: Shawn Michaels acts as the special guest referee for this one, and Jim Ross joins us for commentary. Undertaker is announced at 299 pounds, and really, could they not just round? Or was there some kind of fee, like with checked airline baggage? A slugfest to start, won by Undertaker. A charge hits HHH’s boot, however, and another slugfest is won by the Game. They spill to the outside, where Undertaker takes control, and he hammers away. Lots of punching thus far, and not much else. Undertaker feeds him the cage a few times, and Ross is annoying me on commentary, talking over Cole all the time, like Michael’s some rookie. Inside, Undertaker tries a backdrop, so HHH uses a kneeling facebuster, but Undertaker no-sells. That allows Undertaker a clothesline, and a short-clothesline also finds the mark. Undertaker with a short-shoulderblock, and the ropewalk forearm connects. Undertaker nails him with the ring steps to draw blood hardway, and he delivers a guillotine legdrop. Why does HHH look so filthy tonight? Was he rolling around in dirt before the match? HHH with a DDT, and he tries a Pedigree on the steps, but Undertaker backdrops him to block. That allows Undertaker some mounted punches, but a charge goes badly when HHH delivers a rotating spinebuster onto the steps. He looks to follow up, but Undertaker is ready with Hell’s Gate! HHH powers into a slam to escape, and he covers for two. HHH grabs a chair and blasts Undertaker with it, unloading shot after shot. Shawn tells him to cover and end it, but HHH wants to break Undertaker’s spirit. Undertaker refuses to quit, so HHH nails him one more time, and covers, but only gets two. Triple H responds by getting a sledgehammer, and he demands Shawn stop the match, or he’ll end it on his terms. Michaels pleads with Undertaker, but Undertaker refuses to quit, so Hunter brains him with the hammer for two. He goes for another blow, but Michaels pulls the weapon away, and looks on the verge of tears. Ah right, I forgot, this is the match where Shawn played an old Italian grandmother. HHH tells him to end it if he wants to show mercy, and Michaels appears to be on the verge of doing so, so Undertaker traps him in the Hell’s Gate to prevent it. Hunter uses the hammer to save him, but Undertaker blocks the follow up shot, and gets Hunter in the Gate! Hunter fades, but Shawn is still down, so there’s no one to call it. Undertaker with a chokeslam, as another official runs in to count two. Undertaker responds by chokeslamming the replacement referee, and he tries for the tombstone, but Helmsley blocks. Shawn pops up with a superkick at the same time, knocking Undertaker into a Pedigree, but it only gets two. HHH grabs the hammer, so Shawn protests, but Hunter tosses him out of the ring. Undertaker has recovered in the meantime, however, and he gives HHH a snake-eyes into a big boot. Undertaker adds a legdrop, and the tombstone gets him a dramatic two count. They both stagger up for a slugfest, and Undertaker tries another tombstone, but gets countered with a Pedigree for two! Both guys stagger up with weapons, but Undertaker blocks HHH’s hammer blow, and blasts him with a chair. Undertaker goes to town with it a bit, and poor Michaels is openly weeping now. The extended series of chair shots get him two, and both guys’ backs are all bruised up from those nasty chair blows. They’re not holding back here, that much is for sure. HHH desperately grabs the sledgehammer, but Undertaker casually takes it away from him. HHH defiantly crotch chops at him, so Undertaker blasts him with the hammer, and Shawn can’t even watch anymore. Pretty sure that’s literally the only thing an official is required to do! You had one job! Undertaker with a tombstone to end it at 30:50. I didn’t dig the early part of the match where they were just punching each other a lot, but it got a lot better once the storyline kicked into high gear. It would have been a lot better with the fat trimmed off, but still an entertaining sports entertainment match, though with lots of legitimately hard hitting action as well. *** ¼ (Original rating: ***)

The Hall of Fame Class of 2012 (Edge, The Four Horsemen (Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Barry Windham, Tully Blanchard, and JJ Dillon), Yokozuna (represented by his family), Ron Simmons, Mil Mascaras, and Mike Tyson) come out to take a bow, and Edge looks legitimately overcome by it all. It’s hard to believe he’s still active today. A very worthy, all-star class

Twelve-Man Tag Team Match: Miz, Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, David Otunga, and Drew McIntyre v Booker T, Great Khali, Kofi Kingston, Zack Ryder, R-Truth, and Santino Marella: The winners determine who will be the General Manager of RAW and Smackdown, with one team representing John Laurinaitis, and the other representing Teddy Long. Dolph and Kofi start, and Kingston dominates him. Tag to Truth for a double team, and Truth adds a legdrop for two, but Dolph tags out to Drew. Everyone just kind of tags in for a quick spot or two before passing on to the next person, until the heels take control of Booker, and work him over. Things finally break down, and we get a dog pile spot on the outside, complete with the bevy of managers and valets brawling as well. Ryder gets the ring with Miz, and looks to have it won, but wastes time posing with Eve Torres, and Miz drops him with a full-nelson facebuster at 10:34. Did he learn nothing from the opener? This marked Booker’s last televised WWE match until his cameo in the 2023 Royal Rumble match. ½*

WWE Title Match: CM Punk v Chris Jericho: If Punk is disqualified, he loses the title. Punk dominates early on, so Jericho makes a crass remark about his sister, and Punk grabs a chair. Jericho openly encourages him since a DQ will cost him the title, but Punk manages to show restraint. That immediately backfires on him when Jericho nails him, and Chris adds a backelbow to knock Punk to the apron. Chris tries a springboard dropkick, but misses, and Punk tries a GTS on the apron, but Jericho clotheslines him back into the ring to block. Jericho follows with a suplex over the top to the floor, and he rolls Punk in with an elbowdrop for two. Chris with a butterfly backbreaker for two, and he grounds the champion in a chinlock. Punk escapes, so Chris uses a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two, and a senton splash gets him two. A charge in the corner misses, allowing Punk a comeback, and a roundhouse kick gets him two. Punk with a bodyslam to set up a flying elbowdrop, but Jericho blocks, and delivers a codebreaker. Punk falls out of the ring, so no cover, and Chris has to muscle him back in. By the time he does, Punk is able to recover, and the champion delivers a GTS for two on the way into the ring. Punk with a series of kicks and a snap powerslam for two, but Chris blocks a suplex. That triggers a reversal sequence that ends in Jericho dumping him across the top rope, and the challenger adds the Lionsault for two. “How often do you see someone kick out of the Lionsault?!” wonders Cole. I dunno, how often does Chris Jericho wrestle? Jericho goes upstairs, but Punk looks for a rana off the top to block him. Jericho counters to the Walls on the way down, however, and the champ is trapped! He manages to fight for the ropes to save himself, so Chris charges, but Punk backdrops him over the top to buy more time. Punk dives after him with a tope, and he adds a knee strike against the post before rolling him back in. Punk follows with a springboard flying clothesline, but Chris uses a codebreaker to block, getting him two. Punk tries finding a GTS, but Jericho blocks two attempts, and Chris heads to the top. Punk throws a kick to stop the dive, and he pulls Jericho off the ropes for the GTS, but Chris counters to a Liontamer! Punk fights to a cradle for two, reversed by Jericho for two. Punk uses the momentum of the kick out to get the anaconda vice on, but Jericho counters to a cradle for two. Punk goes back to the hold, but Jericho counters to the Walls - countered back to the vice by the champion! Chris fights, but the ropes are far, and he ultimately taps at 22:20. Like the Cell match, this one took a long time to find its footing, but unlike that one, it didn’t hit the same high once it did. **

Main Event: John Cena v Rock: The crowd is alive for this one, and this is very much a case where a particular match was the draw. Posturing to start, and the crowd is firmly behind Rock. A big criss cross ends in Cena taking him to the mat in a side-headlock, but Rock escapes, and Cena ends up on the outside. John dusts himself off, but Rock smacks him back down on the way into the ring. John manages to shoot Rock into the corner for some abuse, and a stiff clothesline gets him two. He wasn’t shy with that one. Cena goes to a mat-based bearhug, but Rock escapes, so Cena dumps him over the top. John follows to drop him across the barricade, and he does the same across the announce table for good measure. Inside, that all gets a two count, and a belly-to-belly suplex gets him another two. Rock throws right hands, but Cena grabs a bearhug to cut off the potential comeback. Rock slugs free, and drops him with a DDT for two, and a jumping clothesline connects. Rock uses a spinebuster to set up the people’s elbow, but Cena blocks. John with a pair of jumping shoulderblocks and a side suplex-slam to set up the Five Knuckle Shuffle, and the crowd is not happy. Attitude Adjustment, but Rock slips away, and they each throw clotheslines for a double knockout spot. They stagger up for a slugfest, dominated by Rock, but won by Cena with the AA for two. Rock fires back with a Rock Bottom for two, and he takes Cena into the corner for some shots, but John comes powering back out with a sidewalk slam for two. Cena goes up with a flying rocker dropper for two, but Rock blocks another AA, and he gets Cena in a sharpshooter. John makes the ropes, so Rock dives on him with mounted punches, and he drags him off the ropes for another sharpshooter. Cena makes the ropes again, so Rock takes him to the outside, and feeds him the steps a couple of times. Back in, but Cena slaps on the STF as they cross the border! Rock fades, but comes back to life on the third arm drop, and he makes the ropes. Both guys stagger up, and Rock manages a Samoan drop, but both guys are left looking up at the lights following that one. Both guys get to a vertical base for another slugfest, and Rock goes for the Bottom, but Cena blocks. AA, but Rock blocks, and he manages another spinebuster to set up the people’s elbow for two! Rock scoops him up, so Cena tries a flash pin with a small package, but he only gets two. Cena manages a catapult into the corner to set up a schoolboy for two, and he tries a superplex, but Rock blocks. That allows Rock to dive with a flying bodypress, but Cena rolls through, and powers to a vertical base for the AA! Amazing power display, though it only gets two. Cena decides to taunt him with a people’s elbow of his own, but Rock pops up with the Bottom at 30:33. This wasn’t bad, but very long, and quite plodding at points. It worked for what it needed to be, but not from a workrate perspective. * ¾ 

BUExperience: The main event is what this was all about, and so the success or failure of the show kind of rides or dies on that. That one didn’t really work for me from a workrate perspective, but it definitely worked as an entertaining stadium style live match. 

Other than that, this show has very, very little going for it, with only the Cell match being good (and that one is very divisive, to say the least). 

While also considering that this one was really light on the pageantry that usually goes hand-in-hand with the big stadium WrestleMania’s, I can’t in good conscience recommend this one - though if you were watching live, you’d probably feel like it delivered in the moment because of the feel-good main event.

This may be the box office king of WrestleMania’s, but from a critical perspective, this is the lowest rated one since X8 for me. 

DUD