WWF Superstars (December 17, 1994)

 

Original Airdate: December 17, 1994 (taped November 29)

From Poughkeepsie, New York; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler

WWF Tag Team Title Tournament Quarterfinal Match: Men on a Mission v Bam Bam Bigelow and Tatanka: The heels attack before the bell, and manage to isolate Mabel. Why would that be your strategy? And, indeed, their attempt at a heat segment immediately falls apart, as Mabel starts shrugging off Tatanka’s offense. Tag to Mo for a flying axehandle on Bigelow, as Vince puts MOM over as former tag champions “...for several days.” Really selling it there, dude. Mo hits Tatanka with a powerslam for two, and he grabs a weak looking armbar. It looks more like he’s trying to help Tatanka up than trying to hurt him. Mabel comes in with a better looking armbar, and man, when Mabel is casually outworking you, it’s time to reevaluate your career. And the guy kind of did, basically becoming a manager shortly after this. MOM continue working Tatanka over in the dullest, most armbary fashion possible, until Tatanka finally reverses one on Mo, and tags. Bam Bam comes in with a wristlock, but stupidly goes after Mabel, and gets clobbered. That allows Mo to go to a wristlock for a bit, but Bam Bam throws a headbutt to escape, and Tatanka tags in with a bodyslam. An elbowdrop misses, however, and Mo… applies another armbar. Tags all around, and Bigelow tries a suplex, but Mabel reverses. Bam Bam responds with a suplex of his own, and a snapmare gets him two. Both guys are so fat that the lateral press looked ridiculous. Both guys tag, and poor Vince is working overtime trying to make this into a passable match. Mo with a hiptoss for two, but he telegraphs a backdrop, and gets clobbered. That allows Tatanka the Samoan drop, and Mabel is so slow that Tatanka is able to score a one-finger arrogant pin at 9:41. Oh man, this was bad. Like, bordering-negative-stars bad. DUD

Live Event News is a look at Doink the Clown bringing holiday cheer at a Toys for Tots event. Why is he wearing Nicholson’s suit from Batman?

Irwin R Schyster v Phil Apollo: Ah, the druid era. Schyster was looking puffy here, but still good enough to hit the jumping clothesline at 1:57. DUD

Todd Pettengill is in the studio for the Royal Rumble Report, and right away they announce that Diesel will defend the WWF Title against Bret Hart. Just blowing right past Bob Backlund as a viable contender, I see. But Bob is the first name announced for the actual Rumble match, so there’s that, I guess

Adam Bomb v Tony DeVito: A fan does the ring announcing for this one. Vince is all over the place with his out of touch bullshit here, first declaring that this should be an ‘outstanding match,’ and then calling Pamela Anderson ‘a Baywatch lady.’ Bomb with pumphandle-slam at 1:52. Bomb had improved a ton by late 1994, and I still don’t get why they didn’t do more with a guy who looked like that during a period like this. DUD

Henry Godwinn v Nick Barberri: This is Godwinn's debut, and it’s not clear if he’s supposed to be a heel or babyface during his entrance, but he immediately works super aggressively to give the crowd some direction. Godwinn with an inverted DDT at 1:41. Not an especially impressive debut, but I dug all the ‘pig like’ mannerisms and maneuvers, though they pretty quickly phased that out. DUD

We get still images of Captain Lou Albano taking the New Headshrinkers to a barber shop in his continued efforts to ‘civilize’ them. Civilized them right out of the promotion

Shawn Michaels hosts the Heartbreak Hotel, and the crowd is all over him with ‘Diesel’ chants before he can even introduce guest Jeff Jarrett. Jeff officially introduces us to his Roadie, and promises to take the WWF Intercontinental title from Razor Ramon, but unfortunately time runs out before he can make his singing debut

Royal Rumble ad

Davey Boy Smith v Charlie Hunter: Was Davey just trying to copy Bret’s hairstyle during this period? Bulldog with the running powerslam at 2:31. DUD

Live Event News is a look at Bob Holly racing cars. And, of course, even in his custom car, they spell it ‘Holley.’ Did he jump to WCW on his way to the racetrack? 

BUExperience: The feature match was atrocious, and there wasn’t really anything else going on in the ring, but I dunno, this was okay. Vince, especially, was working hard to get everything over. When the chips are down, you can’t accuse him of giving it anything but his all.