WWE No Mercy (October 2003)

From Baltimore, Maryland; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz

Opening WWE Cruiserweight Title Match: Tajiri v Rey Mysterio: Really distracting, WCW-ish ring apron tonight. Lockup battle ends with them spilling out of the ring, and back in, Tajiri tries going after him with kicks, but Rey responds in kind. Another lockup goes Tajiri's way, but he charges into an armdrag, and Rey takes him down for a grapevine. Tajiri manages to counter into a wristlock, then up into a waistlock, but Rey counters a side suplex into a belly-to-back armdrag, and he dropkicks the knee to take the champ down. Tajiri tries the handspring elbow, but Rey has it scouted, and dropkicks him to block. That puts Tajiri on the outside, and Mysterio is right after him with a plancha, but a trip to the top rope on the way back in ends with Rey getting shoved down into the rail. Tajiri capitalizes by ramming him shoulder-first into the post, and he stays after the part as they re-enter. Rey manages to kick him off in the corner, and hits a flying tornado DDT for two, then hits a springboard bodypress for two. Pinfall reversal sequence ends in Tajiri trying to send him over the top with a slingshot, but Rey taking him out with him, via a headscissors. Rey leaps off the apron with a rana, and the 619 follows as they re-enter. West Coast Pop, but Tajiri counters with a powerbomb for two, only for Rey to dive back at him with a flying moonsault for two. Great sequence there - Mysterio's timing is unbelievable. Tajiri kicks at the shoulder to slow him down, and slaps on the Tarantula to setup the Buzzsaw, but Rey counters it into a seated dropkick. 619 sets up the West Coast Pop, but the count is broken when two 'fans' (Sakoda and Akio) run in, and Tajiri Buzzsaws Rey in the confusion to retain at 11:40. This was a lot more mat oriented then the crowd expected for a cruiserweight match, and while not bad, I think the people were expecting them to fly around more, and it felt like a letdown. **

A-Train v Chris Benoit: A-Train tries shoving him around to start, but Chris slugs back - only to get blasted with a shoulderblock, then tossed out of the ring while attempting a lockup. A-Train tries it again, but Benoit chops him, and tries for the crossface, but A-Train blocks with a kneelift. Chris keeps fighting, but loses a slugfest, and gets bodyslammed. A-Train adds a splash for two, then blasts Chris with a big boot for two. Into the corner, A-Train does his best Vader impersonation, then snaps Chris' throat across the rope with a slingshot. Double-underhook forward-falling suplex gets two, and Benoit is bleeding from the mouth. A-Train headbutts him, but Chris just keeps coming, and makes A-Train work to keep him down with a bow-and-arrow. Criss cross goes Chris' way with a DDT, but A-Train reverses a German suplex, and he tosses Benoit to the outside for some abuse. Back in, A-Train grabs a chair to press-slams Benoit onto - botching the move quite badly, and dropping Chris head first onto the chair. OUCH... that was quite a scary botch. A-Train goes after him with the chair again, but Benoit counters into the Crippler Crossface, but A-Train actually powers up. Benoit cuts off the escape with a three-alarm rolling German suplex, and he goes for the kill with the Flying Headbutt, but A-Train slams him down to avoid it. Derailer gets two, but an attempt at a chair-assisted big boot misses, and Benoit legwhips him into a sharpshooter for the submission at 12:19. It overstayed its welcome quite a bit, and it was certainly no classic, but it was a good demonstration of in-ring storytelling - with Benoit's never-say-die fight against the bigger man making both look good in the process. * ½

Matt Hardy v Zach Gowen: Just to refresh, for those who don't remember this period, Gowen is a one-legged wrestler. He goes right at Matt with a dropkick and a spinheel kick, then hits a 2^nd rope bulldog for two. He tries a springboard next, but Shannon Moore shakes the ropes to cut it off, and Matt delivers a snake-eyes. Clothesline gets two, and a legdrop is worth two. Vertical suplex sets up a bow-and-arrow, and Matt slams him when Zach tries to escape, but misses a flying moonsault. Gowen quickly capitalizes by knocking him out of the ring with another dropkick, and he follows with a somersault plancha. Gowen with a flying bodypress on the way back in for two, but he walks into the Side Effect for two. Hardy tries a side superplex, but Gowen elbows him off to block, and hits a flying moonsault for the pin at 5:32. Look, Gowen was never going to be the next Hulk Hogan, and I know most fans don't look back on him fondly, but frankly, as a novelty act, I've seen a lot worse. * ¼

The Acolytes v The Basham Brothers: Yeah, because Bradshaw's the kind of guy you want to put in there to mold new talent. And, indeed, he molds Doug Basham right away - into the shape of a mudhole in the corner. Faarooq tags in and does some molding of his own, but a cheapshot puts the Basham's in control, and they cut the ring in half on Faarooq. Danny Basham ends up getting cocky, and walks into a spinebuster to allow the tag to Bradshaw, and he comes in hot. Four-way brawl breaks out, and the Acolytes look to finish, when suddenly Shaniqua runs in to hit Bradshaw with a pipe, and the Bashams get the pin at 8:54. Paint by numbers stuff. ¼*

I Quit Match: Vince McMahon v Stephanie McMahon: If Vince wins, Stephanie is no longer Smackdown GM. If Stephanie wins, Vince is no longer CEO of the WWE. Oh, and Stephanie can also win by pinfall, since why not? Linda McMahon comes out to try and talk them out of it, but Vince responds by attacking Stephanie from behind. Girl McMahon tries a sleeper, but Vince snapmares her off, and shoulderblocks her down. Vince slams her around for a bit, then railroads her into the corner for Sable to swipe at with a cheapshot. Vince keeps pounding away, and slaps on a half-crab, but even Linda's efforts to help her daughter make the ropes fail. Vince tries a bow-and-arrow next, but lets off when Linda gets into a scuffle with Sable on the floor, and that allows Stephanie to blow her father low. Schoolboy (Or is it schoolgirl? Is the move named for the person giving or receiving?) gets two, and Stephanie grabs a pipe. Was there a sale on pipes at the local Home Depot that weekend? Vince tries begging off, but Stephanie won't hear of it, and swings away like Joaquin Phoenix in Signs. Vince tries a bodyslam, but Stephanie counters into a bulldog for two. More phallic pipe action, but Vince blocks a swing with a choke, and beats her with the pipe. The phallicness then soars to new heights for the match's crescendo, as Vince forces his daughter to her knees, and chokes her with his pipe until mom Linda throws in the towel to stop it at 9:24, thus writing Stephanie off TV for a couple of years, so she could marry Triple H and start a family - though, why any woman would want to risk bruising a week before her wedding is beyond me. This was actually Stephanie's last match until just last year, when she returned at SummerSlam to wrestle Brie Bella. As for the match, it certainly wasn't great (or even 'good') wrestling, but it worked in a sports entertainment kind of way. ¾*

Kurt Angle v John Cena: Kurt takes him down in a side-headlock to start, and a criss cross goes his way with a well executed fireman’s carry into an armdrag - leaving Cena at a loss for what to do. John surprises him with a punch, and quickly grabs a headlock of his own, but loses another criss cross when Angle hiptosses him, then armdrags him into an armbar. Slugfest goes Kurt's way to setup a backelbow for two, but Cena fires back with a nice clothesline for two. Kurt with a backdrop for two, but a cross corner charge misses, and Kurt flies out to the floor after hitting post shoulder-first. Solid bump from Angle there. Back in, John hits a lariat to put him down, and starts going after the shoulder. Neckbreaker gets two, and now Kurt is bleeding from the mouth. Wow, if you owned a Home Depot or a dental office in Baltimore, this was your night. John keeps after the shoulder on the mat, but Kurt fights up, so Cena punishes him with a modified side suplex for two. Front-facelock, but Kurt powers up, so Cena puts him down again with a spinebuster for two. Flying tomahawk chop, but Kurt displays brilliant timing as he dropkicks his knee to knock him out of the air. That was phenomenal timing. Kurt follows up with a series of clotheslines, and hits a Russian legsweep for two. Anklelock, but Cena dives for the ropes before Kurt can fully realize the hold. John bails to the outside to regroup, but Angle is on him with a baseball slide - only to have a German suplex off of the apron countered into a DDT onto it. Another nice sequence. John with a guillotine legdrop for two on the way back in, but Kurt blocks a follow-up with the rolling Germans - only for Cena to block the second alarm, and dropkick Kurt's knee to setup the Throwback for two. He should start using that move again today. You know, as a throwback. Cena misses a cross corner charge to allow Angle a schoolboy (no confusion here!) for two, and the three-alarm rolling Germans follow for two. John tries a powerbomb, but Angle drops his weight down to block, forcing John to hammer the shit out of him to daze him enough, then drop him right into the turnbuckles with the move for two. Awesome! FU gets two (man, even back then, no one laid down for that, huh?), but a second try is countered into the Olympic Slam for two. Frustrated, John grabs Kurt's Olympic medals, and loads his fist for a shot, for two. FU, but Kurt counters into a backslide for two, then goes for the Olympic Slam, but John counters back to the FU, so Angle victory cradles him into an Anklelock for the submission at 18:28. Excellent match! While the stuff with Angle's shoulder ended up leading nowhere, this was a really well worked match, filled with interesting counter sequences. Watching this, you could really see that Cena was absolutely on the path to superstardom here, too. ****

WWE United States Title Match: Eddie Guerrero v Big Show: Cute bit, as Eddie tosses the title belt at him, then dropkicks the knee when Show goes to catch it. Nice. He hammers him into the corner, and snaps Show's throat across the top rope, but hits a clothesline as he bounces off the ropes. Well, that was bound to happen, given how big Big Show's hands are, after all. Show hammers him, but Eddie stops short during an Irish whip, and suckers Show into throwing himself over the top. Eddie follows, and wallops him with a random trashcan lid, but Show no-sells, and chases him - tossing the champ into the ring post, in a visually impressive spot. Press-slam back in, and Show grounds him with a double-chickenwing, as the match grinds to a halt with Show on offense. He pulls the top turnbuckle pad off and whips Eddie into it, but a superplex attempt is countered into a flying bodypress for two. Looked weird, because Show sold the impact before Eddie hit him. Eddie grabs a set of knux and blasts his challenger with them for two, then whacks him with the title belt to setup the Frogsplash for two. The size difference really makes that spot look ineffective here. And, in fact, Show pops up moments later, and hits him with a spinebuster for two, then adds the Chokeslam for two when Eddie gets a foot on the rope. Show punishes him with another Chokeslam, but Guerrero blocks with a low blow into a DDT for two - only to walk into another Chokeslam anyway to end it at 11:26. Well that ending was kinda out of nowhere. David and Goliath matches are usually fun, and there's no one like Eddie Guerrero or Rey Mysterio to make one work. * ¾

Main Event: WWE Title Biker Chain Match: Brock Lesnar v The Undertaker: The chain is suspended on a pole in the corner, and can be used once retrieved - though, considering everyone and their mothers were using weapons at will all night, I'm not sure what the draw is. Brock muscles him into the corner for some shoulder sledding, and they do a really slow scuffle sequence in the corner. Not off to a hot start, that's for sure. Brock misses a cross corner charge to allow Undertaker to go after the arm/shoulder, but Brock blocks the ropewalk forearm before Undertaker can even climb. Undertaker responds with a big boot to setup a legdrop for two, and NOW that's enough to allow the ropewalk. Undertaker with a fucking magistral cradle for two, and it spills to the outside for a brawl. Back in, Brock drives knees at him, as we get the dreaded 'LIVE' wide camera shot, reserved for slow, boring stretches of matches. Back out to the floor for another aimless brawl, and back in, Undertaker hits the jumping clothesline for two. This match is going nowhere, and unfortunately taking its sweet time to get there. Undertaker with a stungun, and he climbs for the chain, when suddenly the lights die. No one attacks, but it slows 'Taker down (because Undertaker going SLOWER is what this match needs?), and Brock is able to pull him down. Powerslam gets two, and Brock tosses the steps in to drop-toehold Undertaker onto. Undertaker slugs back, and clotheslines the champion over the top - following him out for a piledriver onto the steps. He goes for the chain, so Brock tries electric chairing him down from the apron, which Undertaker counters with a triangle choke. Brock escapes, and hits him with the steps for two, but Undertaker stops him from getting the chain with the Last Ride - only for Lesnar to counter into clothesline. Slugfest goes Undertaker's way with a pair of corner clotheslines, and the snake-eyes into a big boot. Chokeslam, but Brock counters into a spinebuster - only for Undertaker to grab him in another triangle choke as he goes for the cover. Brock powerbombs his way out, but gets caught in a dragon sleeper as he tries a bodyslam. Lesnar manages to counter into the F5 for two, and he goes for the chain, but Undertaker chokeslams him down. That draws the FBI out, and Brock tries for another F5 in the chaos, but Undertaker counters into the Last Ride. He takes the Italians out, and grabs the chain, but before he can use it, Vince McMahon is back, and crotches Undertaker on the top rope. Brock gets the chain out of the deal, and we're finally done at 24:16. This was really dull and boring stuff, which unfortunately cast a dark shadow over what was a solid undercard. ½*

BUExperience: While not a significant show historically, it’s a strong card, with one standout great match in Angle/Cena, and nothing bad. But, the main event is a real snoozer, and definitely leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth at the end.

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