- The HITMAN383 Rant for WCW Beach Blast 1992 (Turner-Home
Video version). This was during the infamous Bill Watts era, when everything
was weird. Jumping off the top rope? HELL NO! Pads on the floor? GOOD-BYE!
Sounds like fun, eh? (This was originally written in 2000)
- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent, **** - Great,
*** - Good, **- Okay, * - Decent, DUD - Awful.
- Live from Mobile,
Alabama.
- Your Hosts are Tony Shavonie and Eric Bischoff. Oh this is
gonna be a fun night. (Would take Tony Schiavone any day over the
WWE commentary teams today)
- Tony and Eric bring out Bill Watts who makes an ass of
himself, telling everyone that we have a lot of rules. (Yeah, that was weird. He came
out and basically outright said ‘we have more rules than any of our
competitors,’ and everyone was somehow confused when that didn’t get over)
- Luckily, Jim Ross and Jesse Ventura are doing commentary.
- Opening WCW Light-heavyweight Title Match: Brian
Pillman vs. Scotty Flamingo: Scotty is Raven, when he openly acted fruity. (Yeah,
at the time the big rumor online was that Raven was gay. Pretty sure that one
was false. Not that there’s anything wrong with that) Also, the LH belt
was like an early version of the Cruiserweight title. What? You don’t remember
the Cruiserweight title when it meant something? I don’t blame you. They
wrestle around to start, and that goes on for a long time. For those that don’t
know, I hate Bill Watt’s mat wrestling/old-style based booking, so these arm
bars get no love from me. Pillman gets a quick roll up for two, and Flamingo
cowers in the corner. Brian takes him down again, and into a short-arm
scissors, which Scotty rolls through with for some two counts. Pillman keeps
working the arm. Criss cross leads to a Pillman hip toss, as we see how really
dark this building is. Was ANYONE there? More arm bars. Brian finally lies a
bit, and hits a dropkick to knock him to the floor, and dives out with a double
ax handle. See, the crowd pops for these high-spots, but Watts
style booking has them on the mat all the time. Brian heads up (a DQ then), but
Scotty slams him off for two. Flamingo dives over the top with a bodyblock, in
a half-decent bump. Dumb-ass Bill Watts also took away the floor mats, so NO
ONE wants to bump out there on the solid floor. Scotty hits a fist off the 2nd
rope for two, and a lariat gets Pillman for another two. Scotty goes to the
chinlock, but redeems himself by using the ropes. Flamingo misses a Stinger
Splash, but keeps control, and goes back to the chinlock. Brian gets one of his
own, but Scotty rams him in the corner to break it. They knock eachother out
with a punch, and Scotty goes for a move off the 2nd rope, but Pillman catches
him with a sweet dropkick. Pillman takes it too him with a spin heel kick, and
does the ten punch count in the corner. He charges, but Scotty hits a powerslam
for a dramatic two. He poses on the ropes too long, however, and Brian suplexes
him off for two. Criss cross leads to a Pillman face slam, and he clotheslines
him onto the rampway. (I loved those elevated rampways) Brian
dives out after him, but Scotty moves, and Pillman crashes down face first, in
a great bump. Flamingo rolls him back in, and hits a knee off the 2nd rope for
the win (and the title) at 17:28. WAY too long for the story being told, but
still decent. **.
- Johnny B. Badd hosts the first part of the “Miss WCW
Bikini Competition” between Missy Hyatt and Madusa, as Jesse questions whether
or not Johnny even LIKES girls. The first portion is evening wear, and Missy
looks pretty good. Call her at ***. Madusa is next, in a wedding dress, and
doesn’t look too good. * ¾. End of this stupid segment. (Star ratings? For titties?
Really?)
- Falls Count Anywhere Match: Cactus Jack vs. Sting:
Sting was WCW champion at this point, but this is non-title. Weird that it’s
taking place so early. (Well, they cut two matches out, but yeah,
still pretty low on the card, regardless) Second match for the popular
World Champion and Foley? Anyway, Mick gets no heat and Sting gets lots. Cactus
doesn’t even go to the ring, but instead meets him in the isle for a brawl.
Sting hits a backdrop on the ramp, and catches him with a big bulldog for two.
He tries a Stinger Splash from the ramp to the ring, but it misses, and Sting
is down on the outside. Cactus hits his elbow off the apron (on to the non-padded
floor) for a two count. He follows up with a neckbreaker for two, proving that
only these two are that crazy on that floor. Mick hits a sunset flip from the
apron to the floor for two, but Sting rams him to the rail to comeback. They go
into the crowd, and Sting hits a big suplex on the concrete for two. Jack bumps
back to ringside, and they go back in. Well, not really BACK in, more like ‘in
for the first time.’ Cactus catches him with a clothesline to take control, and
hooks a body scissors. He smacks Sting around while in it, but the Stinger
fights his way out. Cactus quickly catches him with a Cactus clothesline, and
tosses him to the rail. He goes to work with a chair, and lays in some good
shots on the Stinger. He rakes Sting’s eyes a bit, but Sting comes through with
a side suplex on the floor. Cactus is just bumping like a madman here. They do
WRESTLING moves on the floor, and Sting Stinger Splashes him into the rail, in
a vicious bump for both. Jack gets up first, and piledrives Sting on the floor.
Crappy one though. Jack climbs to the 2nd rope, and leaps onto Sting on the
outside, but Sting moves, and Mick crashes. They fight to the rampway, where
Sting slams him, and goes to work with the chair, smashing Mick’s bad knee. He
tries the Deathlock, but Cactus escapes and hits a Double Arm DDT for two.
Sting clotheslines him ramp (hard), and then climbs to the top rope and leaps
into mid-isle onto Jack for the pin at 11:23. I don’t see why this couldn’t be
for the title. I’ve heard this called at 4 ½ stars, and while I do agree that
both guys bumped like crazy, I can’t see where 4 ½ stars is coming from! (It
was more ‘really great for the time’ than ‘really great’) Still, a
solid *** ½. Crowd was dead silent for Cactus, and only popped for Sting’s
moves.
- 30 Minute Iron Man Match: Rick Rude vs. Ricky Steamboat:
Rude was US champion at this point, but it’s also not on the line. Was Bill
Watt’s truly a nut? Two title holders in a row, in major matches, and it’s not
for the gold. On top of that, it’s so early in the show, with a freakin’ Terry
Gordy, Steve Williams/Steiners match being saved for the Main Event. What a
dumb ass Watts is. The Dragon comes out with
his family, which is odd, considering Watt’s rules about bringing your family
to a show. Rude heads towards the kid, so the Steamer attacks and catches Rude
with a hard gut buster. He slams Rick, and kicks the crap out of Rude’s ribs.
He keeps working the ribs, with good stiffness, and hooks a bearhug. Just as a
note, Steamboat is such a good and intense wrestler that even a bearhug isn't
boring. He catches Rude with a slam, and keeps working the bad ribs. A quick
criss cross leads to a Steamboat Boston Crab, which he pulls back enough to be
like the Walls of Jericho. He makes the ropes after a couple minutes, so
Steamboat releases, and drops him on his face. Ouch. He knees the hell out of
Rude’s ribs, and then kicks at them. Gotta dig Ricky’s psychology. He gets Rick
up for a hanging vertical suplex, but instead of going back, he drops him
forward (drawing “ooohs” from the fans) for a two count. Rude then suddenly
gets a boot to the face, and pins the Steamer at 7:24! Rude 1, Steamboat 0.
- Rick keeps the hurt on the Dragon, and hits the Rude
Awakening for a quick pin at 8:38. Rude 2, Steamboat 0.
- Rude hits a backbreaker, and heads to the top (a DQ move,
remember), and hits a big flying knee on Ricky. It earns him a DQ at 9:39, but
is good psychology because he rather take a DQ loss, and get more falls with
the pain inflicted, than try to beat Ricky with normal means. Rude 2, Steamboat
1.
- Rude then proves my point, getting a quick inside cradle
for a pin at 10:09. Rude 3, Steamboat 1.
- He strolls over to the Dragon for more ass whippin’, but
Ricky’s a house of fire, and hammers Rude. He tosses him to the ropes, but
ducks down too soon, and Rude drops him on his face. Rick hooks Steamboat in a
camel clutch, and he almost makes the ropes, but Rude lets off and tackles the
back. He tries to do the hip swivel, but shows selling ability, by not being
able to do it (remember, Steamboat worked the ribs earlier). Back to the camel
clutch, and this time Steamboat stands up out of it (!), and drops Rick on his
head. The Dragon goes for a splash, but Rude lifts the knees, and Steamboat
crashes. Rude hits a reverse neckbreaker for a few two counts, and goes to the
chinlock. Rude lets off, and introduces Ricky to the turnbuckle a couple times.
Ride hits a nice piledriver, which gets a two count. He tries a tombstone, but
Steamboat reverses and nails Rude with it for three at 17:33. Rude 3, Steamboat
2.
- He tries to lay in onto Rude with some chops, but Rick is
too smart, and drops Steamboat to the turnbuckle. Rick heads up, but the Dragon
catches him, and superplexes him off, in a nice spot. It gets a dramatic two,
BTW. Double clothesline, and both guys are out on the mat! Rude goes for a
cover off of it, but they do a reversal sequence from it, and Steamboat pins
him with a backslide in 20:17. Rude 3, Steamboat 3.
- Ricky small packages him for a quick two, and then cross
body’s him for two. Rude gets a quick stunner to comeback, and rams Steamboat
to the mat, face first. He does it once again, and gets two. Slam for two.
Ricky comes back with some MANLY chops, but Rude rakes the eyes and hammers.
Rude poses, still selling the rib injury, which I appreciate. Rude chokes the
Dragon out, and goes for the Rude Awakening again, but Steamboat fights his way
out, and chops! Steamboat hits his OWN Rude Awakening, and gets two. Suplex for
two, and then a side suplex for two. Irish whip leads to a Rude sleeper (with
Rude RIDING on Steamboat, in a great bit), and the Steamer inches to the ropes.
However, everytime Ricky reaches for the ropes, Rude kicks his arm down in some
awesome psychology. One minute left, and Steamboat’s still in the hold, but
won’t die! Ricky breaks out (in Bret Hart style, off the ropes) and gets three
at 29:23! Rude 3, Steamboat 4.
- Rude pulls out everything he knows to pin Ricky in the
last 30 seconds, but Steamboat refuses to be pinned! Time finally expires, and
Steamboat barely walks away win the win at 30:00, 4 to 3. Great old-school
match. ****.
- Badd comes out (of the closet) for part two of the Miss
WCW Contest, this time swimsuits. BTW, Badd is wearing the MOST fruity outfit
I’ve ever seen. Madusa’s is nothing special, ½*. Missy’s is GREAT! **** ½.
- Six Man Tag Team Match: Barry Windham, Nikita Koloff
and Dustin Rhodes vs. Arn Anderson, Steve Austin and Bobby Eaton: Barry
takes it to Austin to start, but Austin comes back with
some right hands. Steve looks so … weird … back then. Dustin gets tagged in,
but has no luck with Steve-o, but catches Austin
with a dropkick, and then another. Dustin (the dumb ass), actually hooks an arm
bar in the heel corner, and pays as Austin
tags Eaton. Criss cross leads to an Eaton knee, and he rolls Dustin up for two.
Arn tagged in, and he wants a piece of Koloff (letting him know by slapping
him), and gets his wish. Arn takes him down with a snapmare, and instinctively
heads to the top, but no, it’s WATTS RULES and that’s not aloud. Let me repeat,
Watt’s is a DUMB ASS! Nikita clotheslines him to the floor, and tags Windham, who gets caught with a gut shot by Anderson, but they bump
heads and both are down! Arn heads up again, but thinks better of it, and goes
to the 2nd rope with an axe handle. Barry knees his way back into control, and
the crowd is GONE here. He tags Rhodes, and a
big brawl breaks out, which is won by the heels. Austin stun guns Dustin, but he tags Barry,
and it’s another brawl! Barry hip tosses everything that moves, and superplexes
Austin. He
covers, but Arn dives off the top onto him, causing a DQ at 7:53. STUPID,
STUPID, STUPID! Match was a real piece of crap. DUD.
- It’s time for the finals of the Miss WCW Contest, and
Jesse joins Badd for this, wanting in on the action. I wonder what Terry,
Tyrell and Jane though about this? (One of the benefits of working for a
promotion that no one watches, I guess) Johnny tops himself, however,
wearing an even fruitier outfit than before. Madusa’s bikini is pretty good,
actually. *** ½. Hyatt has a problem though, because Madusa stole her Bikini, and now she has nothing to wear. Awww, too bad.
GET OUT THERE NOW! Jesse, the gentlemen, gives her his doo-rag and scarf, and
she “makes a bikini” out of it, getting ** ¾ from me. Missy is declared the
winner. Okay, lets move on.
- Main Event, WCW World Tag Team Titles: The Steiner
Brothers vs. Terry Gordy and Steve Williams: This is reason #134 why I hate
Bill Watts. You have a hot Cactus Jack/Sting match, and a hotter Ricky
Steamboat/Rick Rude match (all which could have been for major titles), and
THIS is your main event. Gordy opens with Scott, and they trade right hands.
Scott wins that, but it gets broken up quickly afterwards. Dr. Death tagged in,
and JR starts pimping off football stats. (I’m not sure what that entails, exactly,
but I’d totally pay for some pimped off football stats) He and Scotty
do amateur wrestling (another Watts favorite),
which doesn’t really go anywhere. Crowd is gone. Williams uses an elbow off a
suplex attempt, but Scott gets a roll up for two. Steiner goes to the headlock,
which again, doesn’t go anywhere. Rick gets tagged, and hits an overhead belly
to belly, which gets Steve to bail. He comes back with some football clips, but
gets clotheslined on the third attempt (big one too) for a two count. Gordy
gets tagged, and takes Rick’s head off with a German suplex for two. Rick
follows suit, and rips his head off with a side suplex, but Gordy tags.
Williams dumps Rick to the ramp quickly, and then spears him through the ropes.
Rick gets a sunset flip for two, and Steve tags. Gordy goes right to a
half-crab, and I have to say, this match has absolutely zero flow. Rick rolls
out for some two counts, but Terry gets a spinning toe-hold on. Yawn. Steiner
with another belly to belly (which almost wakes up the crowd), and Scott tags
in with a gutwrench for two, and hooks an STF, killing any and all crowd heat.
Gordy rolls through and tags, which allows Williams to kick some ass. Nothing
of note, however. Gordy tags, and a criss cross leads to a Steiner cross body
for two. The heels double team Scott, and hurt the knee, so Gordy goes right to
work on it, with more boring submission moves. He clotheslines Scott’s head off
for two, and tags Dr. Death, who works the knee too. Crowd is STILL gone. Terry
and Steve trade up putting half-crabs on Scott, which doesn’t exactly help the
crowd heat much. It also lasts for like 5 minutes, and bores the hell out of
me. Tag gets made, and Rick is a house of fire, powerslamming Williams for two.
2nd rope bulldog hits, and the Steiners go for the finisher, but a big brawl
breaks out. The heels get Rick on the 2nd rope, and powerslam him off
(impressively) for two. Now they work on Rick, and hit a double shoulderblock
for two. Triple backbreaker for two. Terry with a side suplex for a series of
two’s. Williams gets in a slugfest with Rick, and Steve wins with a European
uppercut. Chinlock time! Williams hits a gutwrench powerbomb for two, and hooks
a front facelock. This has yet to heat up, some 21:00 minutes in. Dr. Death
rams Steiner to the corner, but Rick hits a Steiner line to leave both dead.
Steve tags, and Rick clotheslines Gordy, then tags. Scott cleans house, and
hits a tiger-bomb on Gordy, and then a rana, but time expires at “25:00” which
was more like 23:31. For time reasons they lied. Steiners retain, in a SUPER
long, SUPER boring “main event.” * for psychology, but it was terrible. (Most
of my ratings didn’t change much between this rant and the BUExperience in
2013, but I definitely liked this one better. ***)
- Bottom Line: As I’ve stated: I HATE Bill Watts.
With all his crappy ass rules, and mat based booking, a lot of matches that
could have been better, sucked. And talk about “missing the boat.” You have two
perfectly marketable main events in Cactus/Sting, and Rude/Steamboat for major
titles (which he chose to make non-title), but those get stuck early on, and we
get a boring tag title draw for a main event. What the hell was that? Bill
Watts should be fired, and then blacklisted from wrestling booking committees
forever!
- As a wrestling show, this has some good stuff like
Sting/Cactus and Rude/Steamboat, but the stupid Main Event, the dead crowd, and
the Watt’s booking kills this show for me. (I’ve come to appreciate Bill Watts more,
and I respect his contributions to the sport, but even by 1992 booking time
limit draws on pay per view main events just screamed how behind the times he
was)
- Mild Recommendation to Avoid.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.