- As promised, the HITMAN383 Rant for WCW Slamboree 1993.
This one should be subtitled “I hate am a masochist” because no one in their
right mind should ever watch this. (As this rant should have been titled ‘I
hate proofreading’) Except us tape reviewers, of course. This is the
Turner Home Video version, BTW, and some matches are cut. DAMN! I wanted to see
that Sid vs. Van Hammer match so bad! (This was originally written in late 2000)
- I hope you all voted in the new poll, which is now in each
federation section!
- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent, **** - Great,
*** - Good, **- Okay, * - Decent, DUD - Awful.
- Live from Atlanta,
Georgia. Not at
the Georgia Dome, or anything, rather in the Omni, which is a much smaller
building.
- Your hosts Tony Shavonie and Larry Zbyszko.
- All the Legends are in the ring, as this whole show was
based upon honoring the legends of wrestling. (Much like RAW today!)
- Opening Six Man Tag Team Match: Dick Murdoch, Don
Muraco and Jimmy Snuka vs. Wahoo McDaniel, Blackjack Mulligan and Jim Brunzell:
This is the first “Legends match” of the night. The problem here is that
everyone is REALLY old here. Snuka starts with Brunzell, and they wrestle
around. Blackjack tags in to abuse Snuka a little, and everyone is working the
armbars. Murdoch cheats to win, then pounds Mulligan, and a weak looking criss
cross leads to a Mulligan hip toss. Dick takes him down with a snapmare, and
drops an elbow. Wahoo and Muraco tag in, and McDaniel slams him around. Boy did
Muraco get fat over the years! The heels work McDaniel over in the corner, but
he comes back by chopping Murdoch down. Brunzell tags in to do his famous
dropkick in Dick, but takes a hip toss. Murdoch then impresses me, and hits a
head scissors! Whoa. Let’s see HOGAN do that today! (Just send him to Japan)
The heels again cheat to take Jim down, and Muraco hits a powerslam, then a
series of leg drops. A heel miscommunication ends up with Don hitting Snuka, so
Murdoch takes over on Brunzell, and nearly kills him by driving him to the mat
from the top rope. It gets two, but so far Murdoch is the only one to impress
me here! Muraco takes a crossbody from Brunzell, but the ref. is out of
position, and it only gets two. Snuka slams him, but misses a headbutt, and
Brunzell rolls him up for two. Another miscommunication, and now Snuka hits
Muraco! They start to fight, and a big brawl breaks out with everyone getting
involved! The end result is a double DQ at 9:01. Decent, considering the age of
the participants. ¾*.
- Ivan Koloff and Baron Von Raschke vs. Thunderbolt
Patterson and Brad Armstrong: This is another legends match, and Brad is
replacing his dad, Bob. They have pre-match verbal jabs on the mic., but the
sound system is crap (ECW level) and we can’t here a damn thing they’re saying.
Big brawl to start, and the faces kick some Nazi/Communist ass! Koloff DOES
know that communism has fallen in the U.S.S.R. by 1993, right? Patterson (who
looks to be playing it sorta gay) scares the old Baron, who looks like Charlie
Brown by this point. Raschke, without even locking up, tags Koloff, who
wrestles Armstrong down. The Baron tags back in to pound poor Brad, and hooks
the Claw Hold. Thunderbolt breaks it quickly, however, and runs in to clean
house on the heels. Both faces go to work, and Patterson gets the pin on
Raschke with a throat thrust at 4:40. Crap match, obviously. DUD.
- Dory Funk jr. vs. Nick Bockwinkle: Oh great. AWA
boy. That’s what I need. He even has Verne with him! They do a bunch of false
tie-ups to open up, and no one is doing ANYTHING at this point. Finally, a
slugfest develops, but it’s VERY slow because they’re each about 100 years old.
Nick hooks a hammerlock, but Funk breaks with some forearms, and Dory hooks a
neck hold. Johnny V is on commentary here, BTW. He’s really aged. Bockwinkle
puts on a crappy mat-based head scissors, and this match is starting to drag. A
lot. Even Larry makes fun of it. Dory bails, and when he gets back in, he hits
some forearms for a two count. Chinlock time! They have a minor slugfest, which
Nick wins, and he tackles him on the mat. This is such a crap-fest. More mat
wrestling, and Nick tries a Boston Crap, but Dory flips out of it and hits a
side suplex for two. Arm bar time, as the crowd dies further. They have a brawl
in the corner, and Bockwinkle snapmares him for two, and goes into the
chinlock. Dory knocks Nick to the ramp, and suplexes him back in for two.
Crappy, crappy piledriver gets two for Funk, and he tries a tiger suplex, but
Nick backslides for two. Funk hooks the spinning toehold, but Nick gets a small
package for two, and then hooks a figure four. Dory makes the ropes, and then
slug it out, and Bockwinkle slams him for two. Dory rolls him up for another
two, and the time limit expires at 15:00. 4/5 of this sucked, but the last 3
minutes were pretty good, actually. Even the sucky parts that were boring, were
too psychologically sound to fully hate, so we’ll call this *. This was the
last legends bout, thankfully. Notice that out of the 3 matches, only ONE had a
decisive ending? (Well, duh. Also, not sure what’s with the Bockwinkel hate at this
point, but I’ve come to appreciate him a lot more since then)
- Rick Rude and Paul Orndorff vs. Dustin Rhodes and
Kensuki Sasaki: Rude was the U.S. champ at this point, and Paul
the TV champ, but they’re teaming up here. (Sounds like a CRAZY CARTOON CROSSOVER)
Rude starts with Sasaki, and shoves him around to start, but Kensuki shoves him
back. Rude pounds on him, but Sasaki works the arm, and Rick manages to tag
Paul. He suffers the same fate as Rick, and then Rhodes
works his arm, too. Kensuki keeps the hurt on Paul’s arm, and this one is
dragging already. Rude tags in to face Dustin, and they slug it out, with
little Dust winning and backdroping him to the moon. He eats knee off a corner
charge, and then Rude makes the same mistake! Dustin charges him, but Rick
moves, and Rhodes flies over the top to the
floor. The heels work him over out there, and Rude hits a swinging neckbreaker
for two. Orndorff tags in to work Dustin a little, and brings Rick back in.
Rude tries a tombstone, but Dustin reverses, and hits his own for two. Dustin
and Paul have a go, and knock heads with eachother and Dustin makes the tag.
Not a HOT tag, or anything, however. Sasaki hits an atomic drop, and a series
of clotheslines on Rick, and a brawl breaks out. Kensuki heads up top, but Paul
shoves him off, and into a Rude Awaking to end this at 9:14. Dustin should have
pinned Rude here to further build their feud. Bad match, ¾*.
- It’s time to induct the legends into the Hall of Fame, and
accordingly Gordon Solie does the intros. First he reads some names of those
legends that have passed on, and then he inducts the living legends. First off
the legendary Lou Thesz, who is also in the WWF Hall of Fame. Verne Gagne is
next, and even though I don’t care for him that much, he is deserving. Next,
the masked Mr. Wrestling II, who was invited to Jimmy Carter’s inauguration,
but had to decline because the Secret Service wouldn’t allow him to wear his
mask. Interesting. (How much you want to bet he was there anyway, sans mask?)
Eddie Graham is last, but has passed on, so his son Mike accepts for him. This
was all very classy, and well done.
- Sting vs. The Prisoner: The Prisoner is the WWF’s
Nailz, with another name. What a rip off gimmick. I hate WCW. He even wears the
same prison uniform as his WWF time, and carries a nightstick. The crowd
doesn’t buy this crap, however, and chants “bullshit” as he enters. Good for
them. The rip-off chokes away to start, and keeps that trend for a while. A
long while. His whole offensive piece so far has been a chokehold. He widens
the variety and hits an elbow, then goes back to the chokes. He hits a
backbreaker for two, but misses a charge, and Sting pounds. He rakes the eyes
to comeback, and dumps Sting to the floor. He then impresses me by not only
choking, but using a TV cable to choke. What a dumb fuck this guy is. (Now
there’s an understatement) A criss cross leads to a Sting clothesline,
which the dumb ass doesn’t even sell right, and then a backdrop. He hits the
Stinger Splash for two, and slams him, but misses an elbow drop. More lumbering
by Nailz, and Sting hits a top rope clothesline to get the win at 5:16. What a
piece of crap this whole thing was! - *. (This was SUCH a shit match)
- WCW Tag Team Title Cage Match: The Hollywood
Blondes vs. Ricky Steamboat and “Shane Douglas”: Why the quotes? Short
story: Steamboat and Shane are the tag titleholders, and job the belts to the
Blondes. They then pull an Edge/Christian and dress up as masked Mexican
wrestlers to beat the Blondes in a non-title match, and this match is the
blowoff to the angle. The problem was, Shane wasn’t with WCW anymore, but this
IS WCW, so the announcers still say it’s Steamboat and Douglas
under the masks. It’s Tom Zenk, BTW. When you’re through laughing, keep reading
the rant. I was never a big Hollywood Blondes fan, either, so forgive me if I
don’t mark out for them. Brian wears the WCW tag belt out, and Austin wears the NWA version. The reason for
that is that the titles were unified at that point, and it didn’t matter. (‘Didn’t
matter’ is right) Either way,
they’re over as a team. Austin
starts with Steamboat, and gets chopped down. He tags in Pillman, and they
trade chops, and Brian goes to ram him to the mesh, but the Steamer stops the
effort. Pillman with a shoulderblock, but Steamboat arm drags him. Austin tags, and Ricky
does a deep arm drag on him too! “Shane” tags in, and works Steve-o’s arm. Austin gets pinballed
into the mesh a couple times, and Steamboat drops a chop from the top. More arm
working. Criss cross leads to a BIG Steamboat backdrop into the cage, a spot
that REALLY looked cool. He atomic drops him to the cage now, and then
absolutely THROWS Steve into it. Wow. Pillman and Zenk go now, and Tom nails
him in the gut, but gets suckered into the corner. Austin is dead in the corner, BTW, from the
beating the Steamer gave him. Ricky works Brian’s arm now, and a criss cross
leads to Steamboat press slamming him into the cage. Geez, the Blonde’s are
terrific bumpers. Austin
tags in, and takes a chop. They then get REALLY creative, as Steamboat hangs Austin in the tree of woe
(with his legs caught on the top of the cage) and cross bodes him. Zenk then
tries, but Steve falls off, and lands RIGHT ON HIS HEAD. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
Steve works Tom with a back elbow, and Larry calls Steve the “Wolverine.”
Where’s Benoit? (Hell) He drops an elbow from the top rope for two (this isn’t
an escape match), and then Pillman goes to work. Back to Austin for some abuse and he gets a one count
off a choke. Brian misses a 2nd rope splash, and eats boot. He manages a tag to
Austin,
however, before Zenk can make the tag. A criss cross leads to a big dropkick by
Tom, and both guys are down. The faces play pinball with Steve for a bit, but
he hits a spinebuster on Zenk. Slam, and he tags Pillman for a Rocket Launcher,
but it hits the knees! Both guys tag, and Steamboat chops away on Austin, and
then Pillman. Both guys fly into the mesh, and Austin tries to climb out, but Steamboat
drops him down. Brian tries the same, and Ricky crotches him. Both faces are in
now, and they work the heels in the corner with stereo ten-punch counts.
Steamboat goes to the very top of the cage (and it’s REALLY unstable up there),
unmasks, and drops a CRAZY flying bodypress on Austin and Pillman for only TWO!
He DDT’s Steve, for a delayed two count, and then gives Pillman one for two.
The faces hit duel dropkicks for two, but Steve hits Zenk with a stun gun to
pin him at 16:15! This is one of those matches you can’t appreciate it until
you review it. *** ¼.
- NWA World Title Match: Barry Windham vs. Arn Anderson:
This is when the “Big Gold Belt” was still being used as the NWA title, and is
before the NWA pulled out and it became the “International World Title.” An
early criss cross leads to an Anderson
shoulderblock for two, and Double A taunts him a bit. Another criss cross for
an Anderson belly to belly for two, and then Windham goes to work with
some right hands. Arn with a backdrop for two, and Barry smacks him right
across the cheek. Whoa. He misses another, and Anderson catches him with a DDT for two, and
Barry bails. They fight on the ramp now, and the champ leaves him laying, and
then viciously knees him in the side of the head when he tries to get in. Barry
with a jumping DDT and an elbow drop for two, and he dumps Anderson. Arn slingshots him to the floor,
and shoots him into the rail a couple times. Back in, and Windham is busted open pretty badly. Arn with
a small package for two, and he works the gash. He hooks a chinlock, then drops
a knee to the throat. He heads to the top, but Windham dropkicks him off ALL THE WAY to the
floor. Ouch. Go Arn Hardy. Barry suplexes him out there, and hits a top rope
clotheslines inside. He drops a big knee for two, but Arn decks him to
comeback. Arn tries a suplex, but Barry reverses into his own for two. Anderson hits the
spinebuster slam, which he was using as a finisher at the time, and the fans
wake up. Windham
intelligently bails out, grabs the title belt, and walks! Arn follows, and they
fight on the ramp. Anderson
tosses him back in, over the top, and pounds away. He makes the mistake of pushing
the ref., however, and while he cries over it, Barry nails him with the belt to
pin him at 10:56. Other than the screw job ending, this was good. *** ¼.
- Main Event, WCW World Title: Vader vs. Davey Boy Smith:
See, this is 1993 WCW, and they bought Davey Boy and gave him a main event push
JUST because of SummerSlam 1992. They figured “Hey, he headlined THEIR second
biggest card of the year, why can’t he be a title contender?” Did you ever
figure that that was an IC title match, and was in LONDON? See, he’s BRITISH! He can headline in
LONDON, but
he’s not a huge draw over here. And WCW is a U.S. company, NOT a British one! No
wonder they lost so much money that year! This is also very shortly after Vader
dropped Cactus Jack on his head, and put him out for a long time. Davey is here
to get revenge, and when Cactus does comeback, what does WCW do? Pretend he has
amnesia, and totally kill the whole angle. Again, no wonder they lost so much
money in 1993.Vader opens up with a big clothesline, but Davey no sells, and
Vader gets scared. I mean, it’s freakin’ VADER! When he nails you, you go down.
He rams him with his gut, and again Bulldog won’t fall. Vader nearly kills him
with shots in the corner, as I shiver from the amount of stiffness Vader uses.
He chokes Bulldog down, and Davey bails out for Harley Race to hit. Vader
misses a charge to the rail, and falls over the rail into the crowd! Bulldog
slams him on the concrete, as the fans go nuts. Back in, Davey hits his hanging
vertical suplex to impress EVERYONE. Nice. He eats boot off a corner charge,
however, but still manages a powerslam. He clotheslines Vader to the floor, and
tries a crucifix, but Vader hits a Samoan drop. Elbow drop by Vader, and then
another one down low. He goes for the Vader Bomb, and connects, but it only
gets two! More stiff forearms by the monster, and he slams him. He goes to the
2nd rope, and hits Davey with his gut, and Smith is bleeding from the nose.
Damn, Vader really IS stiff. He puts the Bulldog up on the top rope, and tries
a superplex, but Davey lifts HIM up instead, and drops him on his face! He
dives on Vader, but is still too hurt to capitalize. Side suplex for two, and
Vader clotheslines him down. Davey tries a sunset flip off a criss cross, which
Vader counters with a butt splash, but Bulldog moves. That gets him two. Vader
goes all the way up now, and kills Davey with a big splash, but hurts himself
too. He tosses Davey to the floor to buy time, where Race kicks him. Back in,
Vader beats him in the corner like a dog. Vader hits an ass splash, as Larry
takes a cheep shot: “If Stu Hart had a heart, he’d come out and throw in the
towel!” Tony say’s he wouldn’t, so Larry goes, “You’re right, it’s his
son-in-law!” Does Larry dislike the Hart clan, or something? (Don’t
know what I’m getting worked up about there. That was a very clean, tame jab,
and totally in-line with Zbyszko’s character) Vader hooks a camel
clutch, but Davey stands up out of it and drops him. He clotheslines the big
man down for two, and then hits the Running Powerslam for two, when Race pulls
him out. Davey beats up Harley, and Vader attacks with a chair to get DQed at
16:17. Way too long. This should have been around 11:00 minutes, or so.
Afterwards, Vader tries to powerbomb Davey, so Sting runs out and makes the
save, getting the crowd hot. This was a solid outing, but it wasn’t special, or
anything. ***.
- Bottom Line: Though call. The first part of this
show REALLY sucked. Bad. But after the old folks left, we got three good
matches to end. Does the good beat out the bad here? Sort of. The crowd kills
this one for me, and even three matches at *** can’t save it for me, but it
isn’t a total loss.
- Neutral Feelings.
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